Part 2

Accordingly he Equips himself with a Sturdy Young Country Fellow, a _Ralpho_ to our _Hudibras_, and takes a Knight-Errantry one day to a Fair at _Brayls_ in _Warwickshire_, his Habit between a Grazier and a plain Country Gentleman; where Santering about with his Man _Tom_ (for so his Squire was titled) at last spying a Knot of good likely Kine (near a Score of them). _Ah Master_, says Tom, _what a parcel of brave Cattle are these_. _Ay_ Tom, replies the Master, _I am sorry I saw them no sooner; these would do my Business to a T; but as the Devil and ill Luck would have it, I have laid out my whole Stock already, and so I'll e'en set my Heart at Rest_. The Country Fellow, the Owner of the Cattle, seeing a Gentleman of his honest Appearance surveying his Beasts, and hearing every word that pass'd between the Man and Master (for they took care to talk loud enough to be heard) thought he had got a good Chapman, and desired the Gentleman to draw nearer and handle the Cattle. _Handle_, answers _Tom, what for?_ _You know, Sir, you have laid out all your Money already, and what should we handle Cattle unless we had Cole to buy 'em. I confess they are for your Turn above any I have zeen in the whole Vair, but that's nothing, the Money Master the Money._ _The Money_, replies the Country-man, _Troth that shall make no Difference, nor break Squares between us; if you and I can agree, the Cattle are at your Service: I suppose you are some honest Gentleman hereabouts, and the Money will do my work next Market-day. Pray what may I call your Name? My Name is_ Walters, replies our Cattle-Merchant, _Walters, Master_, answers our Country-man, _What any Relation to his Worship the Noble Sir_ William Walters? _Ay, Friend, a small Relation, a Brother of his. A Brother of Sir_ William_'s_! Off goes the Country-man's Bonnet at the next word, and a long Scrape made; for no Respect was too great for a Brother to a Person of such eminent Quality. _My Cattle, Noble Squire, Ay with all my Heart._ In short after much ado to make the Country-man be covered before him, he fell to treat about the Price of the Cattle, in which he bargained so warily, that they had almost parted for a single Shilling in a Dispute between them. But at last the Bargain and Sale concluded, _Tom_ is commanded to drive home the Cattle, the Money to be paid next Market-day, and the Country-man has the Honor to drink a Pot at parting with his Worshipful Chapman our Sir _William_'s Brother: This Feat performed, he takes a walk round the Fair, and picks up a pretty Country Girl, a Mason's Daughter, at a small Town about four Miles off, and gives her the common Country Civility of a Fair, _viz._ a Glass of White-wine and Sugar. During this Entertainment of our young Damsel, he is most desperately smitten with her Beauty, insomuch that our _Inamorato_ must wait upon her home to her Father's House, nothing but Death and Despair attending if he cannot have that extraordinary Happiness. The Girl who by this time had learnt his Name and Quality, was not a little confounded at the pressing Importunities of a Person of his Worth to a poor Girl of her little Capacity, and notwithstanding her modest Refusals, felt a secret Pride from so kind an offer, and at last accepted of his Service home. No sooner was she got safe handed home, and Mother and Daddy, were privately whispered what Honor they received from such a Visitant; the best the House could afford was not good enough for him: after the courser Compliments of [_Lord, Sir, such a Person of Quality under our poor Roof_] and the like; the best welcome that could be made him was not wanting: Nay, for what was deficient at home, the whole Neighborhood was Ransakt to lend help toward the Accommodation. Our new Lover not to baulk a good Cause, openly Professes no less than honourable Matrimonial Affection to his dear Conqueror. Estate he wants none; and Portion or Quality are below his Consideration, the Satisfaction of Love is the only thing in the World he resolves to gratifie.

The Father and Mother are much astonish'd at such an Addressor to their Daughter, nor is the Daughter her self a little surprized at it, though of the two her Wonder is the least; for her Sexes natural Frailty was so apt to make her think it the pure Effect of her own sweet Face, that the power of her Charms, and the Quality of her Captive was not altogether (she fancied) so extraordinary an Adventure. In fine, Our passionate Admirer pushes on his suit with all the Vigour and Application imaginable, and truly you may well conceive so weak a Resistance could not well hold out long against so Puissant an Assailer: The Siege is press'd home, and in three short days the white Flag is hung out, a Parly beat, Articles concluded, and the Fort surrendered. Our Damsel, in short, commits Matrimony; and the whole Family is not a little Transported at such a Noble Alliance. Thus Wedded and Bedded, Our new Couple are all Honey and Sweetness, and though Sir _William Walter_'s House was not above a dozen Miles from thence, his Adopted Brother all safe and secure, sleeps in the soft Arms of his young Bride with all the Rapture of Pleasure and Delight. After three Revelling days were spent in Feasting and Joy, the Father-in-Law and himself enter in a close Cabinet Consult about providing for Family and Settlement. He tells the Old Man, that truly his Brother the Knight will undoubtedly take no little Dudgeon at this Match, not that he cares a Farthing for't. He has Married the only Creature of the World he can Love, and he is resolved to Cherish her accordingly. But however, to manage Affairs with Discretion, he thinks it his best Prudence and Policy, to get his Trunks and the Writings of his Estate safe out of his Brother's Hands, before he publishes the Marriage. And for that purpose he has no better way than for his Father-in-Law to help him to a small Cart and a couple of able Horses, and to drive to his Brothers, and take up his Trunks, _&c._ And considering he had laid out all his ready Money in Cattle at _Brayle_ Fair, he desired the favour of him to furnish him with Ten Pounds, that he might not be unprovided with a little of the Ready about him, in case of any Rupture between his Brother and himself, till he could furnish himself better amongst his Tenants.

The Old Man very readily embraced this reasonable proposition, and though truly the Summ of Ten Pounds was above his Stock, nevertheless living in Repute amongst his Neighbors, through great Solicitation, some forty and some thirty Shillings, and such like Summs, with much ado he raises the Ten Pounds desired; and more and above he procures two very Able Horses and a Cart to bring away the Treasure aforesaid, _&c._

By this time his Man _Tom_ having Sold the Cattle, is come to wish his Noble Master Joy of his fair Bride, and so the Master and _Tom_ attended by a Brother of his Bride, an Honest Country Swain, who though so highly honoured with this new Affinity, is at present planted in no higher a Post than to be a Mate with his Man _Tom_ to drive the Cart, set forwards, _&c._

The Brother-in-Law, Cheek by Jowl, with the fore-Horse of his small Team, drives on very merrily for about Nine of the Twelve Miles to Sir _William_'s, entertaining his Worshipful Relation with the very best Tune he could Whistle all the way they travell'd.

But now within Three Miles of home, our politick Bridegroom thinks it advisable, that one of his Carters, the Brother, should make a Halt at an Alehouse where they stopp'd, and the whole Manage of the Cart and Horses be intrusted with _Tom_, for fear the sight of a Stranger to come to take up Goods at his Brother's might give occasion of Curiosity and Inquiry, whereas _Tom_, an old Servant in the Family, with less Suspision and Inspection might do it.

These strong Reasons (or indeed weaker would have served turn) were satisfactory enough, and so the Gentleman Equipping his Brother _Clodpate_ with a _George_ to stay and Drink till they returned, the Master and Man fairly drive on, for the remaining three Miles to bring off the Bag and Baggage, _&c._

The Potent Summ of a whole Half Crown to be laid out in Ale, set in our Country Youth to a hearty Carouse with the kind Hostess of the House, where the Esquires Health was over and over remembred, not forgetting the Great Man at the Great House about Three Miles off; where, as simple a Country Fellow as he was, he expected one day to be better acquainted.

But to draw this Adventure towards a Conclusion, our waiting Carter long expecting the return of the Brother, the Palfries and the Cargo, notwithstanding the Strength of powerful Ale, and his Sweet Land-Ladies diverting Company, began at last to be Impatient; sometimes he fancied the Loading was too heavy for the Poor Beasts, and he thought it his best way to walk out and see if he could meet them: But all Inquiry was in vain, Night at last drew on, and the best part of his Half-crown melted down; at last, though very Uneasie and Restless, he is perswaded by his kind Hostess to take a hard Nap till Morning. The Cock was not so soon awake as he, for to tell Truth, he ne're slept at all, though indeed he dreamt all Night, for he could not think less, than that some Retainers of the Family had undoubtedly followed the Cart, and Murder'd the Squire to run away with the Treasure, and what his poor Sister would suffer to be a Widow so early, was little less than a mortal Apprehension. Thereupon very betimes in the morning he pads to Sir _William_'s, and very earnestly enquires, what was become of the Squire, the Knights Brother. Sir _William_'s Brother, _reply'd the Servants_, we know none he has; 'tis true, he had one some years beyond Sea, but whether dead or alive, is more than any Man upon _English_ Ground (_God wott_) can tell. How! no Brother-in-law Squire! No Sir _William_'s Family! No Sister like to be a Lady, nor Brother a Gentleman! nor no Horses nor Cart neither! This staggering Account, put him into so doleful a Dumps, that he stood almost Thunderstruck. And truly the twelve Miles home agen, was so tedious a Journey, and the lamentable Narrative he must make 'em at home, so killing a Fancy, that it was a great Mercy he did not make a stay upon some convenient Twig in some Hedge in the Road, rather than live to be the Messenger of such a woful, sad Tale--But ill News at last must out. The Bird and the Beasts were all flown; the poor Bride sweetly brought to Bed, a Cart and two Horses to pay for, a Son-in-law to find when the Devil was blind, the Daughters sweet play thing lost, the Father and Mother dipt ten whole pounds in Chalk, and the whole Family under the suffering of a whole Chamberpot full of waylings and Tears for their Calamities and Misfortunes.

But to return to our Rover: By the sale of Cart and Team, ten pound in Cole the last lump, and the price of his Kine the other, his Pockets were pretty well lined; and considering this spot might soon grow too hot for him, he thinks it wisest to shift the Scene, and thereupon dismissing, for some time, his Man _Tom_, who had pretty well lick'd his Fingers in so profitable a Service, our Grasier now transmogrifies into a Spark, and very sprucely rigg'd, takes a ramble Westward, where meeting with no Adventure worth recital, in some small time he gets to _Ludlow_. There taking up the first Night at an Inn, his Garb (though unattended by Servants) soon made him good Reception; his first enquiry was to learn out the Eminentest People in the Town, of which being readily inform'd by the Drawers; he learnt, amongst other Relations, that there was a Substantial Wealthy Tradesman, had two pretty Marriageable Daughters: Being directed to the House, he addresses to the Father, telling him he was a _Barkshire_ Gentleman, and intending to make some small abode in _Ludlow_, he did not think fit to continue in a Publick House, but would gladly gain admission to some private Family. The Tradesman (whose name we will not mention) being a Widower, and taken with the manner of his Discourse, kindly invited him to his own House, which our Travelling Gallant as kindly embracing, Accommodation was made, and he was lodged that very Night at this private Landlords.

His entrance here gave him the opportunity of daily conversing with no mean wit and charms in the two sweet Daughters of the Family; and our Gallant, very apt to take fire at but a small matter of Beauty, especially with a Portion at the Tail of it, felt no little wamblings at the extraordinary accomplishments of the elder, somewhat the sweeter Creature. But this new Adventure was not an enterprise so easie as the last; this Sire of some fashion, was so far above the Education and Extract of his former Father-in-Law, a Man of Mortar and Trowel; and his Daughters of a reach and understanding so much beyond the others humbler capacity; that measures must be quite alter'd here from those that he took before. Accordingly now his discourse was always upon Foreign subjects, himself and his own affairs the least part of his talk; and if any inquisitive question, either by Father or Daughters were made relating to his Family or Concerns, he answered with that Modesty, and almost silence to all demands of that kind, that he left their curiosity still in the dark; and which indeed was so much a heightning to the favourable imaginations they had conceived of him; that they doubted not in the least, but he was of eminent Quality; and what any boasting Vanity would have made 'em rather suspect, his Modesty on the contrary confirm'd. 'Twas some few days before they inquired his name, for which he had ready at his Tongue's end, the name of a very great Family in _Barkshire_; but not descending to particulars, the remoteness of the place did not gain 'em much intelligence of his Quality from only the bare name. All this while, at some little distance, he dropt a great many complaisant words to the elder Sister, which look'd very much like Love, and which he indeed desired should be so interpreted. In this Conversation, now of a Fortnights continuance, he had rendred himself so acceptable to the whole Family, that a great many favourable thoughts on all sides inclined towards him. The Address to the Daughter, at last looked a little more plain and barefac'd, and at that time a Fair happening at _Ludlow_, where he had been diverting himself with seeing of Fashions, he came home in much Concern, and some kind of Passion, much greater than hitherto they had at any time seen from him. "Certainly there is no place in the world (_says he passionately_) so retir'd, but some Devil or other will still find out and haunt me." The odness of this expression invited the elder Sister to ask him what he meant. "Why truly, Madam, (_he replied_) I have been hunted from three or four Towns already, for in spight of all my resolutions of living _incognito_, some unlucky Person or other comes full in my mouth, and will betray me in spight of my Soul." This answer did but heighten her Curiosity, and having, as she thought, some little Interest in him as a profest Servant of hers, she was a little the bolder in pressing the Question; and therefore plainly ask'd him why he liv'd _incognito_, and what accident had now discovered him: To this at last, with a little more frankness than he had hitherto used, he replied, the reason of his Ramble from his Family, with his Living three or four Months past unknown to the whole World, was only to prevent the ruine of a Sister, who like a foolish Girl, was in much danger to be undone by a Beggerly Match she was too fond of; and her Portion being in his hands, he had absented himself from his home, left the softness of her tears, the importunities of several Advocate's in behalf of this indigent Lover, together with the weakness of his own tender heart, might at last be prevail'd upon to grant his consent to what he knew would be his shame and her undoing. And as ill luck would have it, he had unfortunately tumbled upon a Countryman of his, now at the Fair, who would infallibly run open mouth'd to his Sister and his Family, and tell 'em all where he was. This discovery gave a good occasion to the fair Examiner to be not only a Pleader for her own Sex in the Person and cause of his unknown Sister, but likewise to be a Champion for Love. For now she plainly told him, that a great many grains of allowance were to be made, where hearts were inseparable. If this Lover of his Sisters was a man of Sense and Quality (as neither of those he could deny him) it was a little barbarous in him to oppose the whole Repose and Contentment of so near a Relation as a Sister, for so sordid a consideration as a little Worldly Interest. Besides, there was a Providence always attended Faith and Truth in Love, and undoubtedly sooner or later would provide for their well-being, or else enable 'em to bear a meaner portion of Riches, which others perhaps might, less contentedly, possess. This argument was almost the daily discourse, in which she seem'd to gain some little ground, but not enough to perswade him to the unreasonable Grant of his Sisters desires.

About five days after comes a Letter directed to him at _Ludlow_, with the Post Mark upon it very authentically, which in a very legible Woman's hand contained these words.

Dear Brother,

_What unhappy Star am I born under, to suffer all this miserable Persecution? Certainly, when my Father left me to your disposal, and tied my Portion to your liking of the man that must marry me, surely he could never have died reconciled to Heaven, could he have foreseen the Slavery he tied his poor Child to, in putting me into the power of so cruel a Brother. To run so many Months from your House, your Family, nay, your Honour too, (for what must the censuring world talk of you) and all to break a poor Sister's Heart. Oh shameful! to hide your self from the World, and run from Mankind, only to shut your Ears against Justice, and to be deaf to all Goodness and Humanity! Alas, what Capital Crime have I committed, who only loved a Gentleman, in Birth and Blood no ways my Inferiour; and what if an unfortunate Younger Brother's slender Patrimony of a Hundred a Year, is not answerable to a Portion of Two thousand Pounds. A wonderful Cause to make me the most unhappy Creature living, in refusing me the only Blessing the World has to give. How many fair steps to Preferment and Honour lye in the way of so accomplish'd and so well Related a Gentleman, notwithstanding his Elder Brother run away with the Estate; and what good Fortune have I not to hope for, if your Barbarous Aversion did not interpose between my Felicity and me. In short, resolve to return home, and be kind to your languishing, and almost despairing Sister, or else expect very speedily to be visited by her at your Bedside in her Winding-sheet. For if Ghosts can walk, and your Barbarity has sworn my Death, expect to be eternally haunted, as you shall deserve from----_

Your Distracted----

The next Post four or five Letters more came after him; one from his Bayliff, to desire him, for God's sake to come home again; for the Devil a Farthing would his Tenants pay till they saw their Landlord. A second from one of his Tenants, complaining of his bad Crop, and the low price of Corn, and that unless he would bate him Twenty pound a Year Rent, he could never hold his Farm; earnestly desiring his Worship to come home, and take care of his poor Tenants, _&c._ A third condoling his Misfortune in the loss of his Eldest Son, and desiring to see his Sweet Worship's Face, that he might get him to put his Second Boy's Life into his Copy-hold; and others of the like Import.

These Letters our Spark left in his Closet Window, and one whole day going abroad, by a pretended Negligence, he shot the Bolt of his Closet Lock out of the Staple, and so left his Door a-jar, and his Letters expos'd to any body that would please to read 'em. This Stratagem succeeded to his Wish, for the Daughter, whom I may now call his Mistress, knowing him safe abroad, had dropt into his Chamber when the Maid was making the Bed, and finding the Closet Door open, made bold to peep, and spying his Letters there, tips the wink upon the Maid, whom she made of the Council, and read 'em all out. The Contents put her mightily upon the gog; for certainly she concluded he must be a Man of a mighty Estate, so many Tenants, and the Lord knows what; and if a Sister had Two thousand Pounds, what must an Elder Brother possess. After she had conjured the Maid to silence, she could not forbear running to her Father, and telling him all she had discover'd: The Father at first a little reprimanded her Curiosity, but considering he had found out a Love Intrigue between his Daughter and him, he thought it no unwelcome discovery. At last looking very stedfastly upon his Daughter's Face, with a sort of a kind fatherly leer, he cry'd, _Ah Child, would he were a Bed with thee_. How, Father, _reply'd the Girl blushing_. Nay no harm (_quoth the Father_) Chicken, that's all. Thou sayst he makes love to thee, and troth I must own it no small part of my Ambition to have a Person of his Quality and Fortunes for a Son-in-law. In short, The Father gave her very seasonable Admonition; for having sounded her Inclinations, and found 'em to his own wish, with a Fatherly Authority he commanded her, if his Addresses hinted at Marriage, to make him all reasonable Advances that way.

Our Gallant found his Plot had taken; for he had critically observed in what most particular manner and station to a quarter of an inch he had laid his Letters; and finding all of 'em displaced more or less from the exact point he had left 'em, he plainly perceived they had all of 'em been read. Besides, in compliance to her Father's Orders, and indeed a little to her own Inclinations, he discover'd her usual Coldness to him a little diminish'd, and her Aspect more favourable, which plainly told him the Bait had taken. Whereupon one Evening finding her alone in her Garden, with a confidence more than usual, he plainly spoke home, telling her what an inestimable Blessing he should acquire in possessing so much sweetness for a Wife.

A long Courtship ensued, the Particulars too tedious, only the Girl was a little more pliant than ordinary, but much doubting the integrity of his Protestations; alledging it was very unlikely he would debase himself to marry a Creature of her mean Fortune, for all she could at present challenge, except what her Father might do for her after his decease, was only a 100_l._ left her in her Father's hands by an Uncle deceas'd. Our Gallant presently with much disdain seem'd to slight all thoughts of her Fortune, for that, he thank'd Heav'n, he wanted not; and truly her dear Person was the only consideration that had fix'd his Heart intirely her Captive. To bring him to the happy point, 48 hours are not past, before he comes to reap the fair Fruit. The marriage-knot is tied; and the Nuptials consummated, and Joy and Felicity runs high between them.