CHAPTER CL.

THE COLONEL AND THE CAPTAIN.

The captain related to Frank all the numerous and varied incidents which had occurred during the forenoon of that eventful day; and the listener not unfrequently burst into shouts of laughter, as the gallant gentleman described the most ludicrous part of his adventures--we mean the little episode of the escape from the sheriff’s-officers in Mrs. Rudd’s garments.

Frank, in his turn, gave his gallant friend a hurried but significant intimation that Mr. Bubbleton Styles had “come down” with ten sovereigns--a figure of speech implying that the City gentleman had advanced that amount for the special behoof of Captain O’Blunderbuss and Mr. Curtis.

The first use the Irishman made of this subsidy, was then and there--fairly and cheerfully--to refund to Mr. Scales the monies advanced by the worthy Brother in the morning; and this little arrangement increased the good feelings of that gentleman towards his new friends, and enhanced the harmony of the evening.

By degrees, as the good liquor produced its exhilarating effect, the captain began to talk magniloquently of his Irish estates, “which were unfor-rtunately locked up in Chancery,”--Mr. Curtis told a great many wonderful stories of his intimacy with Princesses and Duchesses, “when he was in France,”--and Mr. Scales related a number of interesting anecdotes connected with the Charter House, and which had a signal advantage over the narratives of his companions, inasmuch as the former were all true, and the latter all false.

In the midst of the conviviality a knock at the door was heard; and on Mr. Scales exclaiming “Come in,” the invitation was obeyed by a gentleman who was immediately introduced to the captain and Frank Curtis as Colonel Tickner.

The new-comer, who was an inmate of the Charter House, was a man of middle height, and was much older than he thought fit to appear to be; for by the aid of false teeth, a handsome wig, and whiskers well dyed, he was enabled to pass himself off as “just over fifty”--whereas his years had certainly numbered a good fifteen in addition to the amount specified. He was well dressed, and had rather an imposing exterior: but there was an unpleasant expression about the eyes, and in the lines around the mouth, which gave his countenance a sinister aspect, and denoted low canning, duplicity, and artfulness.

“Sit down, colonel,” said Mr. Scales, when the ceremony of introduction had taken place; “and mix a glass for yourself. I told the captain you were sure to come--and he was most anxious to see you; for I know that military men are particularly fond of meeting each other.”

This remark was made with a sly touch of satire, Mr. Scales glancing the while at the captain, as much as to say, “Now the ice is broken, and you can unmask him;”--for as sincerely as the worthy Brother did _not_ believe Tickner to be a military man at all, so in proportion was he convinced that O’Blunderbuss _was_.

The colonel looked uneasy for a moment, while the captain, whose natural impudence was increased by his potations, put a bold face upon the matter, and eyed Tickner with lurking ferocity.

“And pray, sir, in what rig’ment had you the honour-r-r to ser-r-rve?” demanded the Irishman at length, with a menacing reverberation of the ominous r’s.

“Oh! in several,” returned the colonel, mixing his toddy without raising his eyes. “Might I ask the same question of you, captain?”

“Be Jasus! and ye may ask, sure enough, my frind,” exclaimed O’Blunderbuss: “but it would be more polite on your par-r-t if you was afther answering my quaries first;--and thin it’s meself that’ll give ye my whole pidigree from the beginning to the ind of that same.”

“I should beg to observe, sir,” said the colonel, stirring up his liquor, on which he still kept his eyes fixed, “that it would be more in accordance with the rules of military etiquette if you were to give the first explanations--seeing that I have the honour to hold a higher rank than yourself in her Majesty’s service.”

“And, be the holy poker-r!” ejaculated Captain O’Blunderbuss, flying into a passion: “that remains to be proved! There’s many a discharged cor-r-poral that dubs himself colonel, to my knowledge.”

“And there’s many a discharged cad to an omnibus that calls himself----”

But Colonel Tickner suddenly stopped short: for Captain O’Blunderbuss started from his seat, and, grasping the poker, exclaimed, “Be this holy insthrument, I shall be afther daling ye a gintle tap on the head, my frind, if ye dar-r to utther a wor-r-rd derogatory to my honour-r-r!”

Colonel Tickner stared in ghastly silence at the ferocious Irishman; and to add to the dismay of the former, Frank Curtis, who relished the proceeding hugely, whispered hastily in his ear, “For God’s sake, don’t provoke him! He’s the most terrible duellist in all London; he shot the Duke of Boulogne last year in Paris!”

“I really----did not----in fact, it was very far from my intentions----” stammered the discomfited colonel, casting a glance toward the door, to ascertain if there were any possibility of escape: but, alas! _that_ was out of the question.

“Nothing but a mating, or the most abjict apology will suffice!” vociferated Captain O’Blunderbuss, perceiving that he had completely over-awed his antagonist. “Frank, my frind, run over to our lodgings and fetch my pisthols--in the box covered with green baize, you know--and, be the power-rs! we’ll fight it out across the table, each houlding the ind of a handkerchief:--that is to say, with Mr. Scales’ lave and, per-r-mission.”

“Oh! I shan’t interfere,” said the red-faced Brother enjoying the scene as much as Mr. Frank Curtis, who rose from his chair as if to depart for the purpose of executing the little commission respecting the pistols.

“Really, gentlemen,” stammered Colonel Tickner, glancing in bewilderment and dismay from one to the other: “I--I am sure--I did not----”

“Did ye mane to insult me?” demanded the captain, brandishing the poker, while his aspect seemed to acquire increased ferocity every moment.

“No--no--certainly not,” responded the colonel, catching at the hope of extricating himself from the deadly perils which appeared to hem him in around.

“And ye acknowledge yourself to be a liar and a scounthrel?” vociferated the terrible Gorman O’Blunderbuss.

“Why, my dear sir--as for that----”

“Don’t ‘_dear sir-r_’ me!” interrupted the Irishman, fiercely, “Acknowledge yourself to be a liar and a scounthrel--and on my part I shall be ready to acknowledge in retur-r-n that ye’ve made such an apology as a gintleman ought under the circumstances.”

“Oh! yes--mutual concessions,” observed Frank with a wink at Mr. Scales, who could scarcely keep, his countenance through a violent inclination to laugh.

“A liar and a scounthrel!” repeated the captain, as he advanced in a threatening manner towards the wretched victim of this egregious bullyism.

“Well, my dear sir--if it will satisfy you--and, as your friend observes, on the principle of mutual concessions--I--I----”

“Out with it, man!” roared the captain: “don’t keep us waiting all day--for the hot wather is getting could----”

“You’d better not provoke him any more,” whispered Frank: “or I shall be compelled to run and fetch the pistols--unless you prefer having your brains dashed out with the poker.”

“Oh! murder! ejaculated the miserable Tickner, turning deadly pale at the awful alternative suggested: “give me time to breathe, Captain O’Blunderbuss----”

“Not a moment!” cried the ferocious gentleman thus appealed to: “I must have complate satisfaction before ye brathe another puff!”

“Well, then--I admit that I--I am--what you said,” returned the colonel.

“Repate the words! A liar and a scounthrel!”

“A liar and--and--a scoundrel,” echoed the humbled and trembling wretch, wishing that the floor would open and swallow him up--or that any other equally improbable casualty might occur, so long as it should remove him from the presence of the ferocious Irishman.

“Ye hear his wor-rds, my frinds?” cried the captain: “he declar-rs himself to be a liar and a scounthrel. And now, as a man of honour-r, I confiss myself completely satisfied. The apology is most handsome--and such as reflicts the highest credit on him as a gintleman. Give me your hand, sir-r!”

The colonel diffidently extended the member thus demanded; and the gallant Irishman shook it with such hearty good will, that its owner winced and writhed with the pain of the iron pressure.

“And now we’ll spake no more on milithary matthers,” said Gorman O’Blunderbuss; “but dhrink potheen at our aise, and converse on all kinds of things.”

By this little arrangement the captain got rid of the necessity of giving any explanation relative to his own military career; and Colonel Tickner, speedily forgetting the deep humiliation to which the bullying character of the Irishman and his own craven spirit had subjected him, paid his respects with so much earnestness to the whiskey, that Frank was soon compelled to sally forth and procure another bottle--Mrs. Pitkin having returned to her own domicile under the plea of being “very ill,” which in plain English meant “very drunk.”

The conviviality was maintained until half-past ten, when Captain O’Blunderbuss and Frank Curtis rose to take their leave of Mr. Scales and the colonel. But before they departed, the Irishman renewed his expressions of gratitude and his protestations of friendship to the worthy Brother who had manifested so much kindness towards him;--and, highly delighted with their evening’s entertainment, the two “inseparables” walked off arm-in-arm together.

Now how gloomy--how truly monastic appeared the Charter House, as they traversed the spacious court, bounded by the low, uniform ranges of buildings. Most of the windows were dark; but here and there a flickering light was gleaming--feeble and faint as the spirit of the old man for whose long lonely hours even that poor candle was a species of companion.

In spite of the natural liveliness of the two friends’ dispositions--in spite of the whiskey they had imbibed--they shuddered as the aspect of the place, in the more than semi-obscurity of the starlight, seemed cold and cheerless to the view,--aye, and struck so to their very hearts.

Their footsteps raised echoes which sounded hollow and gloomy, as if coming from the midst of tombs; and if they paused for a moment, the silence was so deep--so profound, it seemed impossible that the place was in the very midst of the mightiest metropolis in the world.

The feelings of the two friends were such, that they could not have uttered a ribald word nor given vent to a jest or a laugh, as they traversed an enclosure where the stillness was so awful and the cloistral aspect of the scene so coldly, sternly monastic.

Had their way lay through a vast cathedral, at the silent midnight hour, they could not have experienced a sense of more painful oppression; nor would a deeper gloom have fallen upon their spirits.

It was a great relief when the porter closed the wicket of the massive gates behind them;--and as they hastily skirted Charterhouse Square--keeping a good look-out for fear of unpleasant prowlers in that region--the captain whispered to his companion, “Well, Frank--and, be Jasus! I’d sooner be knocked about the wor-r-ld as you and I are at times, me boy, than take up my quar-r-ters altogether in that place. It’s all very pritty, no doubt, while one has his frinds with him; but whin they’re gone, Frank, it strikes me that the loneliness becomes tin thousand times more lonely.”

“I’m just of the same opinion, captain,” returned Mr. Curtis. “And now where shall we put up for the night?”

“Be the power-rs! and we’ve cash in our pockets--aad it’s afther pathronising some tavern we’ll be until the morning, whin we’ll take fresh lodgings,” exclaimed the gallant gentleman, his naturally good spirits reviving, as he found himself safe in Aldersgate Street, and no suspicious-looking characters dodging him in the rear.