Chapter 5

scene, leading to a chamber._

_Enter_ Christopher, _hastily, through the stage door._

_Chris._ Not here either!--no where to be met with! Bless my soul? now I am in the house, I might as well be out of it; for I can't find aunt or cousin; and the fine company here seem all out of their senses. One pushes me, and t'other pushes me, and till I'm sure I'm fine company myself, it wont do for me to push again. Countess?--where are you, aunt countess? Do come, and make me fine company! Oh lord! I'll try this door (_door in the back scene_) and I should be half afraid she kept out of the way because she was asham'd of me, only I know aunt has no pride--not a bit of the gentlewoman about her.

[_Exit affectedly into the chamber._

_Enter countess_ Roland, _leading in_ Ulrica _through the stage door._

_Coun._ There! and now, whilst I return, and consult with the baron, I'll take care nobody consults with you. [_Taking the key out of the stage door._

_Ul._ Heavens! what have I done, aunt?

_Coun._ What have you not done? And till you're wife to Ravensburg this and the adjoining chamber shall be your prison--it shall! for even if the great young count Roland were to offer marriage, who knows but you might write to him about "humble sphere," and "early education." Write! nonsense! Why here I am who never wrote a letter in my life.

_Ul._ This my prison! Aunt, my dear aunt, if I have long sickened at this scene of splendid misery, and sighed for your sister's calm cottage in Franconia, what must I now, when poor Agnes, and this frightful tribunal----

_Coun._ My sister's cottage!

_Ul._ And my cousin Christopher----

_Coun._ How's again! again insult me with this low relationship! I'm gone, madam (_Christopher re-enters behind, smiles, rubs his hands, and stops at the door, and listens_)--gone to prepare for your marriage with a man of my own rank, madam. And once more take notice, I disclaim, I disown the whole Franconia family; and if any poor cousin, niece, or nephew attempt to hang on me, depend on't they shall hang on something more substantial. Oh! by way of example, only let me catch one of them--just that this frightful tribunal may catch, rack, and torture him into confession of his own and your presumption. [_Exit at the stage door, banging and locking it after her._

_Chris._ (_groaning loudly_) Oh! h! h!

_Ul._ (_half turning round._) A man! a strange--help!

_Chris._ (_advancing and trying to stop her mouth_) Don't!

_Ul._ (_breaking from him without seeing his face_) Aunt! come back, aunt!

_Coun._ (_without_) Not I, I promise you.

_Chris._ Thank ye, thank ye kindly, aunt! (_fanning himself with his hat_)--and if this be your style of providing for your family, thank you also for disowning the relationship; but you, cousin, though you are going to be married to a man of rank, won't you take pity on your old play-fellow, Christopher, who having heard of aunt's promotion, came, in hopes of getting into high life; and who certainly will get into high life (_pulling up his collar_) if you don't keep him from being caught, racked, and tortured by----Oh! Lord!

_Ul._ Christopher! cousin, Christopher! and come to see his aunt, the countess! Very well, sir; you didn't come to see Ulrica, then!

_Chris._ Eh!

_Ul._ You didn't come to see her who is already caught, locked up, because she don't choose an unequal marriage; and who, notwithstanding her dress and appearance, is the same simple-hearted creature you left her, sir; but since you're altered, sir, since you forgot your former humble----

_Chris._ (_half crying_) I don't--I'm as simple as ever. And if I thought you were not joking--but you are--(_looking close in her face_)--yes--no--(_Ulrica smiles_)--she's the same kind-hearted--

_Ul._ I am; and were we but in our native village, Christopher----

_Chris._ We'd send for a priest, buy a little land, make money, make love, and have such a happy fire-side!

DUET--_Christopher_, _Ulrica._

_Chris._ When a little farm we keep, And have little girls and boys, With little pigs and sheep, To make a little noise---- Oh! what happy, merry days we'll see!

_Ul._ Then we'll keep a little maid, And a little man beside; And a little horse and pad, To take a little ride, With the children sitting on our knee.

_Chris._ The boys I'll conduct,

_Ul._ The girls I'll instruct;

_Chris._ In reading I'll engage, Each son is not deficient;

_Ul._ In music I presage, Each girl is a proficient.

_Chris._ Now, boy, your A, B, C!

_Ul._ Now, girl, your solfa!

[_Ulrica is supposed to teach a girl to sing, and Christopher to teach a boy to read._]

_Both._ When a little farm we keep, &c.

_Chris._ Charming! delightful!

_Ul._ Very! only you forget one thing: you forget we are both locked up; and if aunt finds us together, it will make bad so much worse. Mercy on me! how could you get in here?

_Chris._ Mercy on me! how am I to get out here? and my time's up with the count!

_Ul._ What count?

_Chris._ Why, mother, who formerly got this ungrateful aunt made housekeeper to old count Roland, you know, has lately got me into the young count's retinue; and he is killing game in the neighbouring woods, and I'm (_noise of unlocking the door_) killed myself! Oh, Lord! there's only one chance: aunt cant know me--she has'nt seen me since I became a man; but then, _you_, cousin! if I _am_ a man! shall I, like a base selfish--No--it mounts!--the Roland blood mounts high within me. [_Noise._

_Ul._ Hush! I rely on him they select to be my husband. His heart's elsewhere; and by securing your own escape now, you may hereafter effect mine. [_Stage door opens._] The baron! our enraged host! Now! what's to be done now? [_Christopher retires up the stage._

_Enter_ Baron Ravensburg _and_ Oliver.

_Oliver._ I tell you, my lord, I'm sure Agnes will be found innocent--but I'm silent.

_Baron._ Be silent, then. And for you, madam, I came to tell you that the priest is sent for, and my son is sent for; and I shan't stir out of this room till I witness the glorious union of the Rolands and the Ravensburgs.

_Ul._ (_archly._) Your son! your son is absent, then!

_Bar._ He is: but the countess has undertaken to see him brought home; and I don't know who she alludes to, but it seems she talks of catching more troublesome people. [_Here Ulrica makes signs to Christopher to be gone, and he steals towards the stage door, behind the baron and Oliver_] And so, Oliver, bring me a chair, old Oliver; [Oliver _gives him one_] for here I'll sit.--[_Christopher opens the door, and is going, when the baron hears him._]--Why, what's that? [_In his agitation Christopher turns sharply round, and faces the baron, holding the door wide open in his hand._] Zounds! where do you come from?

_Chris._ Come! I come from---- [_Amazed._

_Bar._ Ay, what brings you, sir? And don't--don't stand staring there with the door open. Either (_beating his cane violently against the floor_) either come in or go out.

_Chris._ Out, if you please, sir. [_Exit._

_Bar._ (_pulling him back_) Stop; this won't do. How came you in my house?

_Chris._ (_confused_) Came! why I came from young count Roland, sir.

_Bar._ Oh! you want to see the countess, then.

_Chris._ Thank ye, I have seen her; and as her answer isn't at all satisfactory, I hope shortly to return, and take something much more satisfactory. _Looking significantly at_ Ulrica, _and going_, Ulrica _nods in return._

_Ol._ (_coming between him and the door._) I dare say you do; but--he! he! he! the little old butler will prevent you. My lord, just now, instead of a message from count Roland, this fellow talk'd of your keeping low company.--(_Christopher shakes his head to stop him._) You did! you actually hinted, that one of our fine ladies was no better than old Winifred Winbuttle, a housekeeper--

_Bar._ Dolt! blockhead! (_to Christopher_) when, except this untitled girl, there is not one plain lady, no, nor one real gentlewoman in the whole party; and she, as heiress and sole relation of the high-born countess Roland----

_Chris._ The sole relation of who?

_Bar._ The high-born countess Roland!

_Chris._ (_eagerly._) What! you havn't heard--the heiress dare not even hint--Oh ho! (_looking at Ulrica, who beckons him to go._) But I won't stay, else I could tell you, that if you and your son had purses as long as the dead pedigree of the Ravensburgs, they wouldn't be half long enough for the live pedigree of the _high-born_ countess Roland! and as her relations will shortly be yours, I'll send express for some few dozens from Franconia who'll now have two strings to their bow; for if cousin Winifred Winbuttle don't keep open house for them, ecod! cousin baron Ravensburg must. And so, yours my lord, yours madam: and there--(_whispering Oliver_)--there's a Roland for your Oliver, my little twaddling old butler. [_Exit._

_Bar._ Send express for a few dozens! Without there! Stop that scoundrel! Ulrica, what is all this? Speak, I insist on an explanation.

_Ul._ So do I, Sir--I insist upon an explanation, and I will have one, if I follow that impudent fellow to the world's end.

_Bar._ Stay where you are. In, in, if you please.

_Ul._ (_trying to pass him._) Out, out, if you please. (_mimicking Christopher._)

_Bar._ Oliver, be you her guard, whilst I pursue this false, this infamous----

_Ul._ (_getting between him and the door._) Stay.

SONG--_Ulrica._

I.

Sure woman's to be pitied Whenever she's committed, For being fond and gay; And those who cry out "shame!" Are very much to blame-- That's all I say.

II.

I never could discover Why list'ning to a lover Throughout the live-long day, Should be miscall'd offence. It is not common sense-- That's all I say.

III.

But though the old and haughty Pretend 'tis very naughty, They think a different way; For this, I know, is true, They do as others do-- That's all I say.

[_Exeunt._