Chapter 6

_Enter_ Sir Giles Overreach _and_ Marall.

_Sir G._ He's gone, I warrant thee; this commission crush'd him.

_Mar._ Your worship has the way on't, and ne'er miss To squeeze these unthrifts into air; and yet The chap-fallen justice did his part, returning For your advantage the certificate, Against his conscience and his knowledge too; (With your good favour) to the utter ruin Of the poor farmer.

_Sir G._ 'Twas for these good ends I made him a justice. He, that bribes his belly, Is certain to command his soul.

_Mar._ I wonder. Why, your worship having The power to put this thin-gut in commission, You are not in't yourself.

_Sir G._ Thou art a fool: In being out of office, I am out of danger; Where, if I were a justice, besides the trouble, I might, or out of wilfulness, or error, Run myself finely into a praemunire: And so become a prey to the informer. No, I'll have none of't: 'tis enough I keep Greedy at my devotion: so he serve My purposes, let him hang, or damn, I care not; Friendship is but a word.

_Mar._ You are all wisdom.

_Sir G._ I would be worldly wise; for the other wisdom, That does prescribe us a well-govern'd life, And to do right to others, as ourselves, I value not an atom.

_Mar._ What course take you, (With your good patience) to hedge in the manor Of your neighbour, Mr. Frugal? As 'tis said, He will not sell, nor borrow, nor exchange; And his land lying in the midst of your many lordships, Is a foul blemish.

_Sir. G._ I have thought on't, Marall; And it shall take. I must have all men sellers, And I the only purchaser.

_Mar._ 'Tis most fit, sir.

_Sir G._ I'll, therefore, buy some cottage near his manor; Which done, I'll make my men break ope' his fences, Ride o'er his standing corn, and in the night Set fire to his barns, or break his cattle's legs. These trespasses draw on suits, and suits, expenses; Which I can spare, but will soon beggar him. When I have hurried him thus, two or three years, Though he was sue forma pauperis, in spite Of all his thrift and care, he'll grow behind hand.

_Mar._ The best I ever heard! I could adore you!

_Sir G._ Then, with the favour of my man of law, I will pretend some title; want will force him To put it to arbitrement; then, if he sell For half the value, he shall have ready money, And I possess the land.

_Mar._ Wellborn was apt to sell, and needed not These fine arts, sir, to hook him in.

_Sir G._ Well thought on. This varlet, Wellborn, lives too long, to upbraid me With my close cheat put upon him. Will nor cold Nor hunger kill him?

_Mar._ I know not what to think on't. I have us'd all means; and the last night I caus'd His host, the tapster, to turn him out of doors; And have been since with all your friends and tenants, And on the forfeit of your favour, charg'd them, Tho' a crust of mouldy bread would keep him from starving, Yet they should not relieve him.

_Sir G._ That was something, Marall, but thou must go farther; And suddenly, Marall.

_Mar._ Where, and when you please, sir.

_Sir G._ I would have thee seek him out; and, if thou canst, Persuade him, that 'tis better steal, than beg; Then, if I prove he has but robb'd a henroost, Not all the world shall save him from the gallows. Do anything to work him to despair, And 'tis thy masterpiece.

_Mar._ I will do my best, sir.

_Sir G._ I am now on my main work, with the Lord Lovell; The gallant-minded, popular Lord Lovell, The minion of the people's love. I hear He's come into the country; and my aims are To insinuate myself into his knowledge, And then invite him to my house.

_Mar._ I have you. This points at my young mistress.

_Sir G._ She must part with That humble title, and write honourable; Right honourable, Marall; my right honourable daughter; If all I have, or e'er shall get, will do it. I will have her well attended; there are ladies Of errant knights decay'd, and brought so low, That, for cast clothes, and meat, will gladly serve her. And 'tis my glory, though I come from the city, To have their issue, whom I have undone, To kneel to mine, as bond slaves.

_Mar._ 'Tis fit state, sir.

_Sir G._ And, therefore, I'll not have a chambermaid That ties her shoes, or any meaner office, But such, whose fathers were right worshipful. 'Tis a rich man's pride! there having ever been More than a feud, a strange antipathy, Between us, and true gentry.

_Enter_ Wellborn.

_Mar._ See! who's here, sir?

_Sir G._ Hence, monster! prodigy!

_Wellb._ Call me what you will, I am your nephew, sir.

_Sir G._ Avoid my sight! thy breath's infectious, rogue! I shun thee as a leprosy, or the plague. Come hither, Marall, this is the time to work him.

_Mar._ I warrant you, sir.

[_Exit_ Sir Giles Overreach.

_Wellb._ By this light, I think he's mad.

_Mar._ Mad! had you took compassion on yourself, You long since had been mad.

_Wellb._ You have took a course, Between you and my venerable uncle, To make me so.

_Mar._ The more pale-spirited you, That would not be instructed. I swear deeply.

_Wellb._ By what?

_Mar._ By my religion.

_Wellb._ Thy religion! The devil's creed: but what would you have done?

_Mar._ Before, like you, I had outliv'd my fortunes, A withe had serv'd my turn to hang myself. I am zealous in your cause: 'pray you, hang yourself; And presently, as you love your credit.

_Wellb._ I thank you.

_Mar._ Will you stay till you die in a ditch? Or, if you dare not do the fate yourself, But that you'll put the state to charge and trouble, Is there no purse to be cut? house to be broken? Or market-woman, with eggs, that you may murder, And so despatch the business?

_Wellb._ Here's variety, I must confess; but I'll accept of none Of all your gentle offers, I assure you.

_Mar._ If you like not hanging, drown yourself; take some course For your reputation.

_Wellb._ 'Twill not do, dear tempter, With all the rhetoric the fiend hath taught you. I am as far as thou art from despair. Nay, I have confidence, which is more than hope, To live, and suddenly, better than ever.

_Mar._ Ha! ha! these castles you build in the air Will not persuade me, or to give, or lend A token to you.

_Wellb._ I'll be more kind to thee. Come, thou shalt dine with me.

_Mar._ With you?

_Wellb._ Nay, more, dine gratis.

_Mar._ Under what hedge, I pray you? or, at whose cost? Are they padders, or gipsies, that are your consorts?

_Wellb._ Thou art incredulous; but thou shalt dine, Not alone at her house, but with a gallant lady; With me, and with a lady.

_Mar._ Lady! what lady? With the lady of the lake, or queen of fairies? For I know it must be an enchanted dinner.

_Wellb._ With the Lady Allworth, knave.

_Mar._ Nay, now there's hope Thy brain is crack'd.

_Wellb._ Mark there, with what respect I am entertain'd.

_Mar._ With choice, no doubt, of dog-whips. Why, dost thou ever hope to pass her porter?

_Wellb._ 'Tis not far off, go with me: trust thine own eyes.

_Mar._ Troth, in my hope, or my assurance, rather, To see thee curvet, and mount like a dog in a blanket, If ever thou presume to pass her threshold, I will endure thy company.

_Wellb._ Come along. [_Exeunt._