Chapter 10

the collar._

_Char._ This way, sirrah, this way, and now out with your confession, if you expect mercy at my hands.

_Pon._ I will, sir, I will: but I expect no mercy at your hands, for you've already handled me most unmercifully--(_Charles shakes him_) what would you please to have me confess, sir?

_Char._ I have seen old Abel Grouse--he has told me the story of his daughter's marriage with this amiable cousin of mine: now, sirrah, confess the truth--were you present, or were you not? out with it (_shakes him_).

_Pon._ Now pray recollect yourself--do, sir--think a little.

_Char._ Recollect myself?

_Pon._ Ay, sir, if you will but take time to reflect, you'll give _me_ time to collect my scattered thoughts, which you have completely shaken out of my pericranium.

_Char._ No equivocation, answer directly, or though you're no longer my servant, by heavens I'll--

_Pon._ Sir--for heaven's sake!--you'll shake nothing more out of me, depend on't--if you'll be pleased to pause a moment, I'll think of an answer.

_Charles._ It requires no recollection to say whether you were a witness--

_Pon._ No indeed, sir, ask my master if I was; besides if I had been, my conscience wouldn't let me disclose it.

_Charles._ Your conscience! good, and you're articled to an attorney!

_Pon._ True, sir, but there's a deal of conscience in our office; if my master knew I betrayed his secrets even to you, I believe (in conscience,) he'd hang me if he could.

_Charles._ If my old friend O'Dedimus proves a rogue at last, I shan't wonder that you have followed his example.

_Pon._ No, sir, for I always follow my master's example, even though it should be in the path of roguery; compliment apart sir, I always followed yours.

_Charles._ Puppy, you trifle with my patience.

_Pon._ No indeed, sir, I never play with edg'd tools.

_Charles._ You wont acknowledge it then.

_Pon._ Yes, sir, I'll acknowledge the truth, but I scorn a lie.

_Charles._ 'Tis true I always thought you honest. I have ever trusted you, Ponder, even as a friend: I do not believe you capable of deceiving me.

_Pon._ Sir, (_gulping_) I can't swallow that! it choaks me (_falling on his knees_); forgive me, dear master that _was_; your threats I could withstand, your violence I could bear, but your kindness and good opinion there is no resisting; promise you wont betray me.

_Charles._ So; now it comes. I do.

_Pon._ Then, sir, the whole truth shall out, they _are_ married, sir, and they are _not_ married, sir.

_Charles._ Enigma too!

_Pon._ Yes, sir, they are married, but the priest was ordained by my master, and the license was of his own granting, and so they are not married, and now the enigma's explained.

_Charles._ Your master then is a villain!

_Pon._ I don't know, sir, that puzzles me: but he's such an honest follow I can hardly think him a rogue--though I fancy, sir, between ourselves, he's like the rest of the world, half and half, or like punch, sir, a mixture of opposites.

_Charles._ So! villany has been thriving in my absence. If you feel the attachment you profess why did you not confide this to me before?

_Pon._ Sir, truth to speak, I did not tell you, because, knowing the natural gentleness of your disposition, which I have so often admired, I was alarmed, lest the sudden shock should cause one of those irascible fits, which I have so often witnessed, and produce some of those shakes and buffets, which to my unspeakable astonishment, I have so often experienced.

_Charles._ And which, I can tell you, you have now so narrowly escaped.

_Pon._ True sir, I have escaped as narrowly as a felon who gets his reprieve five minutes _after_ execution.

_Charles._ Something must be done. I am involved in a quarrel with Helen too! curse on my irritable temper.

_Pon._ So I say, sir--try and mend it; pray do.

_Charles._ I am resolved to have another interview with her;--to throw myself at her feet, and sue for pardon! Though fate should oppose our union, I may still preserve her from the arms of a villain, who is capable of deceiving the innocent he could not seduce: and of planting a dagger in the female heart, where nature has bestowed her softest attributes, and has only left it _weak_, that man might cherish, shelter, and protect it. [_Exit._

_Pon._ So! now I'm a rogue both ways--If I escape punishment one way, I shall certainly meet it the other. But if my good luck saves me both ways I shall never more credit a fortune-teller: for one once predicted, that I was born to be hanged. [_Exit._