Chapter 4

It is said that every thing is simplified and brought down to the reach of the most moderate fortunes. That is true in one sense; that is to say, our confectioner has muslin curtains and gilt rods at his windows, and his wife has a silk cloak as well as ourselves, because it is become so thin that it is indeed accessible to every one, but it keeps no one warm. It is the same with all the other stuffs. We must not deceive ourselves; we have gained nothing by all these changes. Do not say, "So much the better, this is equality." By no means; equality is not to be found here, any more than it is in England, or America, or anywhere, since it cannot exist. The consequence of attempting it is, that you will have bad silks, bad satins, bad velvets, and that is all.

The throne of fashion has encountered during the Revolution another throne, and it has been shattered in consequence. The French people, amidst their dreams of equality, have lost their own hands. The large and soft arm-chairs, the full and ample draperies, the cushions of eider down, all the other delicacies which we alone understood of all the European family, led only to the imprisonment of their possessors; and if you had the misfortune to inhabit a spacious hotel, within a court, to avoid the odious noise and smells of the street, you had your throat cut. That mode of treating elegant manners put them out of fashion; they were speedily abandoned, and the barbarity of their successors still so lingers amongst us, that every day you see put into the lumber-room an elegant Grecian chair which has broken your arm, and canopies which smell of the stable, because they are stuffed with hay.

At that time, (1801,) the habits of good company were not yet extinct in Paris; of the _old_ company of France, and not of what is _now_ termed good company, and which prevailed 30 years ago only among postilions and stable-boys. At that period, men of good birth _did not smoke in the apartments of their wives_, because they felt it to be a dirty and disgusting practice; they _generally washed their hands_; when they went out to dine, or to pass the evening in a house of their acquaintance, they _bowed to the lady at its head in entering and retiring_, and did not appear so abstracted in their thoughts as to behave as they would have done in an hotel. They were then careful _not to turn their back on those with whom they conversed_, so as to show only an ear or the point of a nose to those whom they addressed. They spoke of something else, besides those eternal politics on which no two can ever agree, and which give occasion only to the interchange of bitter expressions. There has sprung from these endless disputes, disunion in families, the dissolution of the oldest friendships, and the growth of hatred which will continue till the grave. Experience proves that in these contests no one is ever convinced, and that each goes away more than ever persuaded of the truth of his own opinions.

The customs of the world now give me nothing but pain. From the bosom of the retirement where I have been secluded for these 15 years, I can judge, without prepossession, of the extraordinary revolution in manners which has lately taken place. Old impressions are replaced, it is said, by new ones; that is all. Are, then, the new ones superior? I cannot believe it. Morality itself is rapidly undergoing dissolution--every character is contaminated, and no one knows from whence the poison is inhaled. Young men now lounge away their evenings in the box of a theatre, or the Boulevards, or carry on elegant conversation with a fair seller of gloves and perfumery, make compliments on her lily and vermilion cheeks, and present her with a _cheap_ ring, accompanied with a gross and indelicate compliment. Society is so disunited, that it is daily becoming more vulgar, in the literal sense of the word. Whence any improvement is to arise, God only knows.

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THE GATHERER.

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CURRAN AND THE MASTIFF.

Curran told me, with infinite humour of an adventure between him and a mastiff when he was a boy. He had heard somebody say that any person throwing the skirts of his coat over his head, stooping low, holding out his arms and creeping along backward, might frighten the fiercest dog and put him to flight. He accordingly made the attempt on a miller's animal in the neighbourhood, who _would never let_ the boys _rob the orchard_; but found to his sorrow that he had a dog to deal with who did not care which end of a boy went foremost, so as he could get a good bite out of it. "I pursued the instructions," said Curran; "and, as I had no eyes save those in front, fancied the mastiff was in full retreat: but I was confoundedly mistaken; for at the very moment I thought myself victorious, the enemy attacked my rear, and having got a reasonably good mouthful out of it, was fully prepared to take another before I was rescued. Egad, I thought for a time the beast had devoured my entire _centre of gravity_, and that I never should go on a steady perpendicular again." "Upon my word, Curran," said I, "the mastiff may have left you your _centre_, but he could not have left much _gravity_ behind him, among the bystanders."--_Sir Jonah Barrington._

_Bishop Ken._--This English prelate died as he was on a journey to Bath, in March, 1710, in the seventy-fourth year of his age. He had been in the habit of travelling many years with his shroud in his portmanteau, which he always put on when attacked by illness; of this he gave notice the day before his death, in order to prevent his body from being stripped. P.T.W.

_Warning to Cowards._--There was a soldier that vaunted before Julius Caesar, of the hurts he had received in his face. Caesar knowing him to be but a coward, told him, "You had best heed next time you run away, how you look back."--_Lord Bacon._

_Love and Murder._--"Hipparchus, going to marry, consulted Philander upon the occasion; Philander represented his mistress in such strong colours, that the next morning he received a challenge, and before twelve he was run through the body."--_Spectator._

_Portugal._--Its ancient name was Lusitaenia. Its present name is derived from that of an ancient town called "Calle," on or near the site of the present Oporto, which was called "Portus Cale," or the Port of Cale; and in process of time the name of this port was extended to the whole country, whence "_Portucal_," or _Portugal_. Portus Cale was afterwards called "O Porto" (the harbour,) which name the town of Oporto ultimately received. P.T.W.

_Perfection of Steam Navigation._--During the last four months, the _Firebrand_, steam-vessel from Falmouth, has traversed two voyages to Corfu, and one to Lisbon, a distance of 11,500 miles, which gives for the number of days, 66; she steamed, an average of 174 miles per day.

_Sore Eyes and Wine._--It was a right answer of the physician to his patient that had sore eyes. "If you have more pleasure in the taste of wine than in the use of your sight, wine is good for you; but if the pleasure of seeing be greater to you than that of drinking, wine is naught."--_Locke._

_Chinese and Russian Cookery._--In China, if the cook employed in preparing the Imperial repasts, introduces any prohibited ingredients, even by inadvertence, he is punished with a hundred blows; if any of the dishes of food be not clean, he is liable to eighty blows; and if the cook omits to ascertain the quality of the dishes by tasting, he incurs fifty blows.

There cannot be a grand dinner in Russia without sterlet. In summer, when brought alive from Archangel, &c., these cost from five hundred to one thousand rubles each; a fish soup, made with champagne and other expensive wines, has been known to cost three thousand rubles; no water is allowed to enter into the composition of these expensive soups; and the whole company get very merry and talkative after partaking of them.

_Honest Tar._--John Barth, the Dunkirk fisherman, rose by his courage and naval skill, to the rank of commodore of a squadron in the navy of France. When he was ennobled by Louis XIV. the king said to him, "John Barth, I have made you a commodore." John replied, "you have done right."

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