Chapter 3

Dr. Mrs. Jones,--I take Pin in hand to Scratch you a few Remarks in return for your kind Pestle: it however gav me a sevear Blow to hear of my deer frends Roofall Sitawayshun: keep up your Spirits, do my deer Frend, I dout not in your next I shall hear you have taken to your Old Rum again down stairs and find the Windy-Pains in a Hole condishun--Yet what can you Relie on when the Country Gernals is filled with sheets of Flams of Steaks and Bairns burnt to their foundhayshones. But let you and me Mrs. J. hop that these evil Doors may be sicured. I have a bit of Noose for you--Swing is taken and Lockt up--let us hop then that Steps may be taken for capshining his Canfeedrats--You enquier what our King and Manystirs think of Stuck Puggys I beleeve they think your Magasstearall Funkshunareas mite have shone more Hacktivity and Incision again armed Poplars and Incieders--but its all owing to the March of Intellx--instid of mindin there work they are always runnin to heer some Seedishus Ourang or other on the Harrastocrazy--they now call themselves the Industerious Classis, formally they was called The Lore Ordurs. My Servint gal atends Love Feasts and Missinarea Meetins and has the impidence to tell me she has a Soal as valleyable as my own and actally askt if her minnyster mite be aloud to come and prepair me for Heavn; but I told the uzzy to prepair herself for another place and gav her a munths warnin to soot herself--but about the parleymeant--Hurl Grey the Primer has a load on his sholders wich I hop he will be able to discharg an all go off quiet: He has pledgd himself for to the caws for Riform an says hell Redrench evry Place where he has Grounds: and they all talk about Pooling Mesurs; but the Wetterun Bishop Sincurers and Cloaths borrowers show pourfull Oppisishun and perplix and embrace all his Plans--Pettyshuns come in from all Parts for Necromancypassion, wich I take to be some new plan for washin the Blackamer wite--also for the vote by Ballad which Mr. Hum supports and likewis Mr. Oconl the Hireish mimber wich wants the Onion to be repeeled and caws all Hireland Watery eyes; but I hop sich Cryses will niver arrive----I supose youve herd Hunt is returnd for Prestun wherby Im sorry to heer of a incindery sittin in the ows, for he not only first burnt the Corn but sold it after to the pure Peeple--but is Blackin his good--Our new lord Canceller Brewem gives us Hops that he will put a end to all the Old Suits without making any New Breeches wich wrong incisions wold show Shear hignoranc--but hes no Goos!--Mr. Grant wants to Mancypate the Jews-- Porkreetchers! my next Nabor Levy says they are a Pursycutish Race thogh they hav Numbers of Genesis among them fit for Trusts on Securitys; but let who will be in or out somethin must be done. Winters com and the ole Country wants instand Releafing thoug I hop no Treesunable acts will be manny fisted be the Peeple--Nobody now cant sell nothing Goods hangs on hand and Malefactors are dropping in every line--Soverins is scars and Peeples ready to tear each other to peeces for um--We want some change----In the Naborhood of Manshister thirty thousn Wafers are in a state of Risibility which is no laughin matter, havin struck for more Wags tho' they get therty shillins a Weak and are always in Labor!--this abolition of feelin shold be checkt, for if it is to go on it will most likly continew----As you observe, the Rag for Chang is grate--as they say The Scullmasters Abroad and the Scull all in confushon--Old Head devices done away with and Hairy Cassles supplyin the place--Aspics on the Continence seem very embracing--tho the Trials in France is over the People are in Truble--I hope the Rising in the Low Kantrys is over--The Poles seem to be makin head again the Rushons in great Armd Bodis--bent on Deth or imprisonment to get Liberty--In short all Eurups in Harms; but nothins so Barberus as Civil comoshins Hopin all is over with You, and restin asshurd Stuck Puggys is not likely to rise again, I conclude remaining Your sincer Frend and well wisher A HUMPHRIES.

[1] From the _Literary Gazette_. See Notice of the _Comic Annual_--_Mirror_, No. 467.

* * * * *

SOME PASSAGES FROM THE DIARY OF THE LATE MR. ST. JOHN LONG.

"Aye--there's the _rub_."--HAMLET.

"'Tis all one!" said I, laying down the newspaper on the breakfast table, after reading an erroneous representation of myself and the Marquess of Sligo:--"I am resolved to remove this stain from my character, and, if _hard-rubbing_ can do it, I may hope to succeed." I had scarcely pronounced these words, when my servant entered the room to inform me that a person had arrived in breathless haste, imploring my assistance for a gentleman in a dying condition. Heedful, as I ever am to attend to the sufferings of others--a pursuit in which I have found ample fee-licity--I drew on my boots and followed the applicant to the house of the suffering gentleman. This was situated in a picturesque part of the metropolis, and, on knocking, the door was opened to me by a man who might be six and forty years of age--there, or thereabout. Guessing the purport of my visit, he said nothing, but led me up to his master's room, when a spectacle of the most appalling character met my eyes. A gentleman in the prime of life, lay extended on a bed--his hair dishevelled, his dress disordered, and his complexion a midway hue between the tints of chalk and Cheshire cheese. His tongue hung out of his mouth, loaded with evidence of internal strife. I naturally believed that the present was a confirmed case of _phthisis pulmonalis_, and I accordingly had recourse to my well known, and, with-few-exceptions-always-successful remedy of inhaling. In this instance, however, it did not answer my expectations. Instead of benefitting the _trachea_, it produced a sympathetic affection of the stomach and diaphragm, and the _oesophagus_ formed the medium of communication between the patient and myself. Having taken a pinch of snuff, I was about to give my other infallible remedy a fair trial, when the patient opened his eyes. But, gracious heaven! what eyes! The visual orb was swoln, blood-shot, troubled and intolerably dull. At the same moment, some incoherent expressions fell from the unfortunate gentleman. After a reference to the kidneys, he seemed to wish for something to be found in the _coal-hole_, or the _cider-cellar_; but the search of the servant below stairs was unavailing. I now began to apprehend delirium. To be sure of the state of his mind, I inquired if there were any clergyman whom he would wish to see: He exclaimed, "O venerable old Offley!" But when I expressed to the servants a wish that this reverend gentleman might be sent for, they assured me that they had never heard of him! The patient then muttered some inarticulate sounds, and turned on his side. This position being favourable for my original operation of rubbing, I slit up the back of his coat, waistcoat, and all other vestmental impediments, and smartly applied a solution of _tartarised antimony_ along the course of the spine. The effect was instantaneous on the alimentary canal, and a griping in the transverse arch of the _colon_ well nigh put a full stop to the patient's sufferings. The _ductus communis choledochus_ again deluged the stomach, and with the customary consequences. The scene now, became almost insupportable. An aged nurse, who had, from the infancy of the patient, been his domestic, declared that she could hold out no longer. Poor creature! the tear of affection glistened in her eye; while her convulsed features betrayed uncontrollable sensations. It was a struggle between the heart and the stomach: the heart, remained true, but the stomach turned. At this the patient commenced cursing, swearing, and blaspheming, in a way which will be found fully detailed with all due dashes --! --! --! &c. &c. in the last number of a Northern magazine. "Zounds!" cried he, starting up on his _séant_--"Who are you? who sent for you? May the fiends catch you and cleave to you for ever! Give us the hips! a small glass of brandy! ha! ha! ha! O my back! D--n all doctors! Here am I stung and tortured with _gastritis, hepatitis, splenitis, nephritis, epistaxis, odontalgia, cardialgia, diarhoea,_ and a whole legion of devils with Latin names! D--n all doctors again, say I!" And with this exclamation, he hurled a curious crown of crockery at my head, which fitted on so tightly, that only by breaking it, could I disengage myself from the delfic diadem. I hastily ran down stairs, and, meeting the man of six and forty in the passage, I inquired of him very minutely concerning the state of his master. He answered all my questions with perfect candour, and not without a certain archness of look and manner rather unusual among men of six and forty in his rank of life. From all I elicited, and also from certain corroborative proofs, which I do not think it necessary now to specify, I have no hesitation in declaring, for the information of the profession to which I do not belong, and of the public generally, that in this case my abstruse remedies had not a fair trial, inasmuch as the patient's state was vulgarly simple. He had been _drunk_ the night before!

J. ST. J.L.

_Fraser's Magazine_.

* * * * *

RETROSPECTIVE GLEANINGS.

HISTORY OF THE PENNY.

(_For the Mirror_.)

"She sighs and shakes her empty shoes in vain, No _silver-penny_ to reward her pain."

_Dryden_.

According to Camden and Spelman, the ancient English penny[2] was the first silver coin struck in England, and the only one current among our Saxon ancestors.

In the time of Ethelred, it was equal in weight to our threepence. Till the time of King Edward I. the penny was struck with a cross, so deeply indented in it, that it might be easily broken, and parted on occasion into two parts, thence called _half-pennies_; or into four, thence called _fourthings_, or _farthings_; but that prince coined it without indenture, in lieu of which he struck round halfpence and farthings. He also reduced the weight of the penny to a standard, ordering that it should weigh thirty-two grains of wheat taken out of the middle of the ear. This penny was called the penny sterling. Twenty of these pence were to weigh an ounce; whence the penny became a weight, as well as a coin. By subsequent acts it has been further reduced. In ancient statutes, the penny was used for all silver money; hence the _ward-penny_, the _avert-penny_, the _rete-penny_, &c.

The _ward-penny_ was formerly a customary due paid to the sheriff, or other officer, for maintaining _watch_ and _ward_. It was payable at the feast of St. Martin; and is still paid within the manor of Sutton Colfield, in Warwickshire, and that with some very singular ceremonies.

The _aver-penny_, or _average-penny_, was contributed towards the king's averages, or money given to be freed thereof.

The _rete-penny_ was an ancient customary due of one penny for every person to the parish priest.

The _schar-penny_ was a compensation paid by tenants who neglected to pen up their cattle at night in the pounds or yard of their lord, for the benefit of their dung, or _scearn_, as the Saxons called it.

_Peter-pence_ were an ancient tax of a penny on each house throughout England, paid to the Pope. It was called _Peter-pence_ because collected on the day of _St. Peter ad vincula_. By the Saxons it was called _Rome-feoh_--i.e. the fee of Rome; and also _Rome-scot_, and _Rome-pennying_, because collected and sent to Rome. And lastly, it was called _hearth-money_, because every dwelling-house was liable to it, provided there were thirty pence _vivae pecuniae_ belonging to it--nay, every religious house, the Abbey of St. Alban's alone excepted. It was finally prohibited under Queen Elizabeth.

"The money of England (says Chamberlayne) was abused and falsified for a long time; till Queen Elizabeth, in the year 1560, to her great praise, called in all such money; since which time, no base money hath been coined in the Mint of England, but only of pure gold and silver, called _sterling money_; only of latter time, in relation to the necessity of the poor, and exchange of great money, a small piece of copper, called a farthing, or fourth part of a penny, hath been permitted to be coined; and so likewise an halfpenny of two farthings."

Penny pieces of copper were first issued in England June 26, 1797.

N.B. This is a _penny article_, but it is hoped the reader will not object to pay _twopence_ for it.

P.T.W.

[2] Derived from _pecunia_.

* * * * *

ORIGIN OF BAIL.

(_For the Mirror_.)

"Worry'd with debts, and past all hopes of _bail_, The unpity'd wretch lies rotting in a jail."

_Roscommon_.

The system of _giving securities_, or _bail_, to answer an accusation, is a custom (says Brewer) which appears to have been coeval with the Saxon nation. This system was, indeed, subsequently carried by the Saxons to a burthensome and degrading height--not being confined to those who were accused of crime, but extending to the whole community, who thus gave surety to answer anticipated criminality. This object was effected by the division of England into counties, hundreds, and tithings, and by the direction that every man should belong to some tithing or hundred; which divisions were pledged to the preservation of the public peace, and were answerable for the conduct of their inhabitants.

The system of placing all the people under _borh_, or bail, the origin of which was attributed to Alfred, is first clearly enforced in the laws of Edgar.

P.T.W.

* * * * *

ANCIENT DIVISIONS OF THE DAY.

(_For the Mirror_.)

"See the minutes how they run: How many makes the hour full compleat, How many hours bring about the day, How many days will finish up the year, How many years a mortal man may live."

_Shakspeare_.

The Chaldaeans, Syrians, Persians, and Indians began the day at sun-rise, and divided both the day and night into four parts. This division of the day into quarters was in use long before the invention of hours.

The Chinese, who begin their day at midnight, and reckon to the midnight following, divide this interval into twelve hours, each equal to two of ours, and distinguished by a name and particular figure.

In Egypt the day was divided into unequal hours. The clock invented by Ctesibius, of Alexandria, 136 years B.C. was so contrived as to lengthen or shorten the hours.

The Greeks divided the natural day into twelve hours--a practice derived from the Babylonians.

The Romans called the time between the rising and setting sun, the natural day; and the time in the twenty-four hours, the civil day. They began and ended their civil day at midnight, and derived this practice from their ancient jurisprudence and rites of religion, established long before they had any idea of the division into hours. The first sun-dial seen at Rome was brought from Catania, in Sicily, in the first punic war, as part of the spoils of that city; and after this period, they divided the day into twenty-four hours. An officer, called _accendus_, used to proclaim the hours; and at the bench of justice (says Kennett) gave notice every three hours what it was o'clock.

Throughout the Turkish empire, time is reckoned by certain portions of the natural day, resembling the vigils of the ancient Jews and Romans. Public clocks not being in use, these divisions of time are proclaimed from the minarets.

P.T.W.

* * * * *

THE TOPOGRAPHER.

TRAVELLING NOTES IN SOUTH WALES.

_Voyage up the Bristol Channel_.--Two steam-packets ply twice every week throughout the year between Bristol and Swansea. The opposition has been so great this season, that the cabin fare is only 5_s_. and the steerage 2_s_. 6_d_. for a distance of seventy-five miles. The voyage down is performed in fine weather in about six hours; while, in consequence of the tide being adverse, it requires from nine to ten hours to make the voyage up the Channel. We hardly know any voyage so pleasant of the same length, for the scenery along the shores of the Severn sea, as it is well known, is singularly romantic and beautiful. We will give a rapid description of the voyage to Bristol:--Let us suppose ourselves darting between Swansea pier-heads, in the well-known _Palmerston_ steamer, with her opponent, the _Bristol_, in her wake. After crossing Swansea Bay, you pass Porthcawl, about fifteen miles from Swansea, where a harbour has been formed, at a great expense, by an extensive new coal company, whose works lie fourteen miles distant. This coast is exposed to all the fury of the Atlantic, the surf against the cliffs appearing very distinct at Swansea; and the task of forming the Breakwater must have been a difficult one. The steamers now keep close along shore, in a channel inside the Nass Sands--an extensive and dangerous bank to seaward. The contrast between the immense and tumultuous masses of breakers over these sands, particularly if the wind is fresh, and the calmness of the narrow channel you are securely traversing, is very impressive. These sands, and another large shoal called the Skerweathers, nearer Swansea, have been fatal to many vessels. In rough weather, however, the steamers go outside, which lengthens the passage considerably. A large West Indiaman, with a cargo of rum, &c., was lost a few years ago on a rock near Porthcawl, called the Tusca, which disappears at high-water; and a dreadful scene of riot occurred amongst the peasantry along shore in consequence. The coast near Porthcawl appears at Swansea to be the eastern extremity of the bay; but the bluff point called the Nass, about eight miles farther, is so in reality. The coast onwards past the Nass point is almost perpendicular, the limestone lying in horizontal strata, so as to closely resemble a very lofty wall. There are several breaks or openings of extreme natural beauty as you proceed, which have a double effect on the mind when contrasted with the stern scenery of this wild coast. St. Donat's Castle, the residence of Mr. T.D.T. Drake, an extensive and antique structure in fine preservation, with its venerable towers partly embosomed in wood, is extremely beautiful. The park, studded with deer, shelves gradually down to the shore; a lofty watch-tower on the heights, and the hanging terraces, must command a splendid view. St. Donat's Castle is said to have been built nearly a thousand years ago, and was very strongly fortified: as many Roman coins have been found here, there has probably been a Roman station near. An extensive cave, accessible only at low water, near here, is said to have been the retreat of St. Donat.--The steamers still keep close along shore, and pass Aberthaw, celebrated for its limestone, till you near the Flat and Steep Holmes, two conspicuous islands in the middle of the Channel, about three miles distant from each other. From a lofty light-house on the Flat Holme, a magnificent view may be obtained on a clear day of the Channel, with Lundy Island rearing its head above the distant ocean:--

"Look round--behold How proudly the majestic Severn rides On the sea--how gloriously in light It rides!"

The Flat Holme, which is nearly ten miles from Cardiff harbour, forms the boundary of the port of Bristol; and every seven years the mayor and corporation of that city visit it, and go through some ceremonies prescribed by ancient custom. There are some remarkable and interesting rocks on the Flat Holme: its only inhabitants are a man and his wife, the attendants at the light-house. This man is created sole lord of the island by the corporation of Bristol, and has the exclusive right of fishing round its shores. The Steep Holme is a lofty and barren rock, tenanted alone by the cormorant and the sea-mew: it is smaller than the Flat Holme. The following lines are so beautifully descriptive of this lonely and desolate spot, that we cannot resist transcribing them:

"The sea-bird claims that solitary spot, And around, loud screaming, wheels In undisturbed possession: other sounds, Save those of shrieking winds and battling cliffs. Are seldom heard in that deserted isle. The spirit of desolation seems to dwell Within it; and although the sun is high, And Nature is at holy peace, it has An aspect wild and dreary. But in the wint'ry storm, when all that sea-- The terrible Atlantic--breasts its rocks In thund'ring conflict, the unearthly howl Might almost wake the dead."

_N.T. Carrington_.

But to proceed with our voyage:--Almost opposite the Holmes there is an extensive view on your right of Bridgewater Bay, receding inland; and on the left, Pennarth Roads, with the forest of shipping and town of Cardiff elevated in the distance, present themselves. On this side the Channel there is nothing more to mention--the thriving and very extensive port of Newport on the Uske, in Monmouthshire, about twelve miles above Cardiff, not being visible. This town has risen almost entirely within the present century. It owes its prosperity partly to the excellent quality and hardness of its coal, which is almost equal to that of Newcastle, and partly to an unjust and exclusive act of parliament, which enacts that all coals shipped eastward of the Holmes shall be free of duty, to the great injury of Cardiff, Swansea, and other ports to the westward. The annual shipments to the port of Bridgewater alone, in consequence, are 100,000 tons. You now stretch nearer the Somersetshire coast; and after passing that beautiful and much-frequented little watering-place, Weston-supra-mare, clustering on the side of a romantic declivity along shore, the flood-tide reaches you on arriving in the far-famed King-Road at the mouth of the Avon, which, in addition to the natural beauty of the surrounding scenery, generally presents an animating scene of shipping and steamers, lying off till there is sufficient tide up the river. But we have progressed gently amidst a crowd of small craft past Pill, a fishing village at its mouth; and after being entranced for five miles with the magnificent and varied scenery of that lovely river, the classic and palatial buildings of Clifton, cresting the pinnacle of the rocks, come in sight as you near Cumberland Basin, and form a fit termination to such a scene. But we must recur to this subject.

VYVYAN.

* * * * *

THE GATHERER.

"A snapper-up of unconsidered trifles."

SHAKSPEARE.

SIR HUMPHRY DAVY.