Chapter 4

He preached a sermon at Lincoln for the benefit of a charity school. In the course of this sermon he related, in familiar but sufficiently dignified language, a story of a man who, giving evidence on a trial respecting some prescriptive right claimed by the trustees of the charity, was browbeaten by the questioning counsel:--"I suppose the fact to which you swear happened when you were a charity boy, and used to go to school there?" The witness calmly replied, "I _was_ a charity boy; and all the good that has befallen me in life has arisen from the education I received at that school." Paley drew hence an argument in favour of the institution for which he pleaded. The whole discourse pleased his auditors, and a deputation waited on him to request he would print it. "Gentlemen, I thank you for the compliment; but I must give the same answer that I have given on other like occasions; and that answer is--The tap is out." "The Archbishop of York," said he, speaking of a late primate, "preached one day at Carlisle; I was present, and felt muzzy and half asleep; when on a sudden I was roused, and began to prick up my ears; and what should I hear but a whole page of one of my own books quoted word for word; and this without the least acknowledgment, though it was a _white bear_; a passage that is often quoted and well known." "Now," said Dr. Milner, Dean of Carlisle, who related the anecdote, "guess what inference Paley drew from this plagiarism. No; if that court were full of people, not one of them would be able to guess: it was this--I suppose the archbishop's wife makes his grace's sermons for him."

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The city has always been the province for satire; and the wits of King Charles's time jested upon nothing else during his whole reign.--_Addison_.

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THE GATHERER.

A snapper up of unconsidered trifles. SHAKSPEARE.

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ERRORS OF THE PRESS.

_By a Reporter._

I once had occasion to report, that a certain "noble lord was confined to his house with a _violent cold_"--next morning, I found his lordship represented to be "confined with a _violent scold_!" In the same way, on the occasion of a recent entertainment, I had said "that the first point of attraction and admiration were her _ladyship's looks_;" this compliment was transferred by the printer to her "_ladyship's cooks_!" My praises of the "_Infant Lyra_" were converted to a panegyric on the "_infant lyar_." In an account of General Saldanha's conduct at Oporto, I observed that he "_behaved like a hero_," while the printer made it appear that he "_behaved like a hare_."--"We," says the _John Bull_, "often suffer in this way--about two years since, we represented Mr. Peel as having joined a party of _fiends_ in Hampshire for the purpose of shooting _peasants_; and only last week, in a Scotch paper, we saw it gravely stated that a _surgeon_ was taken alive in the river and sold to the inhabitants at 6d. and 10d. per pound."

_Atlas._

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TESTAMENT OF A USURER.

"I order that my body be returned to the earth from whence it came, and I give my soul to the devil. I give likewise to the devil the souls of my wife and children, who encouraged me in usury for the sake of good cheer and fine clothes. _Item_. I give to the devil the soul of my confessor, who connived at my crimes by his silence."

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On the day when the news of the decease of Napoleon reached the Tuileries, Louis XVIII. was surrounded by a brilliant court, all of whom, with the exception of one man, received the intelligence with the most unequivocal signs of delight. This man was General Rapp, who burst into tears. The king perceived and noticed it. "Yes, Sire," answered the general, "I do weep for Napoleon; and you will excuse it, for to him I owe every thing in the world, even the honour of now serving your majesty, since it was he that made me what I am!" The king, in an elevated tone of voice, replied, "General, I do but esteem you the more. Fidelity which thus survives misfortune, proves to me how securely I may depend on you myself."

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THE HINT TAKEN.

Voltaire after being on terms of friendship with the King of Prussia, owing to his wit, gave some offence; when the King said to some of his courtiers--"When we squeeze the orange and have sucked the juice, we throw the rest away." Then said Voltaire _I must take care of the peel_--and quitted his Prussian majesty's dominions.

L. P. S.

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(_To the Editor of the Mirror._)

Sir,--In the distich you have quoted from my Lectures at page 143 of your last MIRROR, it should have been stated that the statue was a Cupid. The original lines (Voltaire's) are--

Qui que tu sois, voici ton maître, Il l'est, le fut, ou le doit être.

B. H. SMART.

_Connaught Terrace, Aug. 31._

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In Paris, when they break a window, the common people cry out, "_quarante-cinq_," so as to produce a sound, in a measure harmonizing with the accident. It is to them a capital joke, because _quarante-cinq_, (45) is written with the two figures that make "_neuf_" (that is, in French, either _nine_ or _new_.) The pun is ingenious.

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The worst of all knaves are those who can mimic their former honesty.--_Lavater_.

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