Chapter 4

Thus it plainly appears that church-wardens had a feast jointly with the minister at the parish expense, at least whenever a stranger preached.

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THE GATHERER

"A snapper-up of unconsidered trifles."

SHAKSPEAKE.

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STATIONERY LETTER.

( _For the Mirror_.)

TO MR. ----, STATIONER, HOLBORN.

SIR,--Sometime ago I wrote to you to send me a _ream_ of _foolscap_, which I begged might be sent without delay, as it was for the purpose of writing out my Christmas bills. I think you must have forgotten me; and if I do not have the _paper_ soon, I may wear a _fool's-cap_ on account of not having my bills out in time. Mr. ----, who, in your absence, must sustain the greatest weight of business, and is, as I may say, the _Atlas_ of your house, was the person I chiefly depended on. As for Mr. ----, one of your household, he dresses in _royal purple_, and being but in a _medium_ way between sickness and health, was drinking _imperial_ when I saw him, and therefore did not in-_quire_ about the business; nor did I choose to come _cap_ in _hand_ to a gentleman that seemed as stately as an _elephant_, though to my thinking he is a _bundle_ of conceit, all _outside_ show; in short, a piece of _lumberhand_, on whom I would not _waste paper_ to write him a _note_.

My journeyman, who is but a _demy_ sort of a chap, will make but a _small hand_ of the bills, and I shall go to _pott_. You also will be a sufferer, if you _post_-pone sending my _paper_, for you shall have neither _plate paper_,[1] nor a _single crown_, no, nor a _cartridge_ of halfpence from me this half year, unless you play your _cards_ better. I have more bills to write out than a _bag cap_, made of the largest _grand eagle_ you have in your warehouse, could contain; so that I shall look as _blue_ as your _sugar_-paper, and bestow on you to boot some very ugly prayers, not in _single hand_, but by _thick_ and _thin couples_, that will be a _fine copy_ for my young man to take example by, if you disappoint.

Your humble servant, J. J.

[1] Bank notes.

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RUSTIC SIMPLICITY.

A village pastor was examining his parishioners in their Catechism. The first question in the Heidelberg Catechism is this: "What is thy only consolation in life and in death?" A young girl, to whom the pastor put this question, laughed, and would not answer. The priest insisted. "Well, then," said she, at length, "if I must tell you, it is the young shoemaker, who lives in the Rue Agneaux."

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TALL PEOPLE.

The king of France, being at Calais, sent over an embassador, a verie tall person, upon no other errand but a complement to the king of England. At his audience he appeared in such a light garb, that afterwards the king ask'd Lord-keeper Bacon "what he thought of the French embassador?" He answer'd, "That he was a verie proper man."--"I," his majestie replied, "but what think you of his head-piece? is he a proper man for the office, of an embassador?"--"Sir," returned he, "it appears too often, _that tall men are like high houses of four or five stories, wherein commonlie the upper-most room is worst-furnished_."

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The following anecdote is perfectly indicative of that dry humour which forms what Oxonians call a _cool hand_:--When Mr. Gurney, afterwards rector of Edgefield, in Norfolk, held a fellowship of Bene't, the master had a desire to get possession of the fellows' garden for himself. The rest of the fellows, resigned their keys, but Gurney resisted both his threats and entreaties, and refused to part with his key. "The other fellows," said the master, "have delivered up their keys."--"Then, master," said Gurney, "pray keep them, and you and I will keep all the other fellows out."--"Sir," continued the master, "am not I your master?"--"Granted," said Gurney, "but am I not your fellow?"

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Louis XIV. was such a gourmand, that he would eat at a sitting four platesful of different soups, a whole pheasant, a partridge, a plateful of salad, mutton hashed with garlick, two good sized slices of ham, a dish of pastry, and, afterwards, fruit and sweetmeats. The descendant Bourbons are slandered for having appetites of considerable action; but this appears to have been one of a four or five man power.

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A FLASH CARD.

C. HAMMOND, Slap Kiksis Builder. Long Sleeve Kicksis got up right, and kept by an artful dodge from visiting the knees, when worn without straps. Trotter Cases, Mud Pipes, and Boot Kiv'ers, carved to fit any Pins, and turned out slap.--(_Verbatim et literatim copy_.)

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_Printed and Published by J. LIMBIRD. 143 Strand, London; by ERNEST FLEISCHER, 626, New Market, Leipsic, and by all Newsmen and Booksellers._