scene 3 can be run into one._)

_Enter MERCUTIO, L._

If I had a beau for a soldier would go, Do you think I’d marry him? No, no, no! And so must not Miss Juliet, that is flat, Bestow her hand, her money, and all that, On such a reckless, foolish, soft young man As Romeo, who would join the Klux Klux Kahn Because old Capulet, o’er his gin and water, Has vowed he shall not carry off his daughter. Such carryings-on are very bad, no doubt; And so my little game I’ll carry out. Oh, ch!--this midnight roaming suits not me, This influenza shall not influence me, Ah, ch--would I were safe in bed! There’s cold without and cold within my head. ’Tis time this little maid should be along: I’ll while away the time with a ch--ch--song.

_Song, “Mercutio.” Air, “French Sneezing-Song.”_

I’m really very stiff and cold As you can very plainly see; This mild spring weather here, somehow, Has raised the very deuse with me. My eyes are getting red and weak, My nose appears inclined to freeze; And, when I seek to raise my voice, I only raise a sneeze, sneeze, sneeze. Too ral la, too ral la, &c.

O Juliet Capulet! my love, To keep me waiting ’tis a sin: This May-day weather will, I fear, Put out the flame of love within. My heart with love is burning high, My bones with cold are like to freeze: For you I seek to raise a sigh, But only raise a sneeze, sneeze, sneeze. Too ral la, too ral la, &c.

Mercutio, you’re a silly goose To choose a maid so very cruel: This midnight prowl for you, I fear, Will end in rheumatiz and gruel; And then, should Romeo cross your path, Prepare to face another breeze: He’d cut you down in his great wrath, Nor give you time to sneeze, sneeze, sneeze. Too ral la, too ral la, &c.