SCENE III. _A room in FORD’S house.

_Enter MISTRESS FORD and MISTRESS PAGE._

_Mrs Ford._ What, John! What, Robert!

_Mrs Page._ Quickly, quickly!--is the buck-basket--

_Mrs Ford._ I warrant. What, Robin, I say!

_Enter _Servants_ with a basket._

_Mrs Page._ Come, come, come.

_Mrs Ford._ Here, set it down. 5

_Mrs Page._ Give your men the charge; we must be brief.

_Mrs Ford._ Marry, as I told you before, John and Robert, be ready here hard by in the brew-house; and when I suddenly call you, come forth, and, without any pause or staggering, take this basket on your shoulders: 10 that done, trudge with it in all haste, and carry it among the whitsters in Datchet-mead, and there empty it in the muddy ditch close by the Thames side.

_Mrs Page._ You will do it?

_Mrs Ford._ I ha’ told them over and over; they lack 15 no direction. Be gone, and come when you are called.

[_Exeunt Servants._

_Mrs Page._ Here comes little Robin.

_Enter ROBIN._

_Mrs Ford._ How now, my eyas-musket! what news with you?

_Rob._ My master, Sir John, is come in at your back-door, 20 Mistress Ford, and requests your company.

_Mrs Page._ You little Jack-a-Lent, have you been true to us?

_Rob._ Ay, I’ll be sworn. My master knows not of your being here, and hath threatened to put me into everlasting 25 liberty, if I tell you of it; for he swears he’ll turn me away.

_Mrs Page._ Thou’rt a good boy: this secrecy of thine shall be a tailor to thee, and shall make thee a new doublet and hose. I ’ll go hide me.

_Mrs Ford._ Do so. Go tell thy master I am alone. 30 [_Exit Robin._] Mistress Page, remember you your cue.

_Mrs Page._ I warrant thee; if I do not act it, hiss me. [_Exit._

_Mrs Ford._ Go to, then: we’ll use this unwholesome humidity, this gross watery pumpion; we’ll teach him to know turtles from jays. 35

_Enter FALSTAFF._

_Fal._ ‘Have I caught’ thee, ‘my heavenly jewel?’ Why, now let me die, for I have lived long enough: this is the period of my ambition: O this blessed hour!

_Mrs Ford._ O sweet Sir John!

_Fal._ Mistress Ford, I cannot cog, I cannot prate, 40 Mistress Ford. Now shall I sin in my wish: I would thy husband were dead: I’ll speak it before the best lord; I would make thee my lady.

_Mrs Ford._ I your lady, Sir John! alas, I should be a pitiful lady! 45

_Fal._ Let the court of France show me such another. I see how thine eye would emulate the diamond: thou hast the right arched beauty of the brow that becomes the ship-tire, the tire-valiant, or any tire of Venetian admittance.

_Mrs Ford._ A plain kerchief, Sir John: my brows become 50 nothing else; nor that well neither.

_Fal._ By the Lord, thou art a traitor to say so: thou wouldst make an absolute courtier; and the firm fixture of thy foot would give an excellent motion to thy gait in a semi-circled farthingale. I see what thou wert, if Fortune thy foe 55 were not, Nature thy friend. Come, thou canst not hide it.

_Mrs Ford._ Believe me, there’s no such thing in me.

_Fal._ What made me love thee? let that persuade thee there’s something extraordinary in thee. Come, I cannot cog, and say thou art this and that, like a many of these 60 lisping hawthorn-buds, that come like women in men’s apparel, and smell like Bucklersbury in simple time; I cannot: but I love thee; none but thee; and thou deservest it.

_Mrs Ford._ Do not betray me, sir. I fear you love Mistress Page. 65

_Fal._ Thou mightst as well say I love to walk by the Counter-gate, which is as hateful to me as the reek of a lime-kiln.

_Mrs Ford._ Well, heaven knows how I love you; and you shall one day find it. 70

_Fal._ Keep in that mind; I’ll deserve it.

_Mrs Ford._ Nay, I must tell you, so you do; or else I could not be in that mind.

_Rob._ [_Within_] Mistress Ford, Mistress Ford! here’s Mistress Page at the door, sweating, and blowing, and 75 looking wildly, and would needs speak with you presently.

_Fal._ She shall not see me: I will ensconce me behind the arras.

_Mrs Ford._ Pray you, do so: she’s a very tattling woman. [_Falstaff hides himself._ 80

_Re-enter MISTRESS PAGE and ROBIN._

What’s the matter? how now!

_Mrs Page._ O Mistress Ford, what have you done? You’re shamed, you’re overthrown, you’re undone for ever!

_Mrs Ford._ What’s the matter, good Mistress Page?

_Mrs Page._ O well-a-day, Mistress Ford! having an 85 honest man to your husband, to give him such cause of suspicion!

_Mrs Ford._ What cause of suspicion?

_Mrs Page._ What cause of suspicion! Out upon you! how am I mistook in you! 90

_Mrs Ford._ Why, alas, what’s the matter?

_Mrs Page._ Your husband’s coming hither, woman, with all the officers in Windsor, to search for a gentleman that he says is here now in the house, by your consent, to take an ill advantage of his absence: you are undone. 95

_Mrs Ford._ ’Tis not so, I hope.

_Mrs Page._ Pray heaven it be not so, that you have such a man here! but ’tis most certain your husband’s coming, with half Windsor at his heels, to search for such a one. I come before to tell you. If you know yourself clear, 100 why, I am glad of it; but if you have a friend here, convey, convey him out. Be not amazed; call all your senses to you; defend your reputation, or bid farewell to your good life for ever.

_Mrs Ford._ What shall I do? There is a gentleman 105 my dear friend; and I fear not mine own shame so much as his peril: I had rather than a thousand pound he were out of the house.

_Mrs Page._ For shame! never stand ‘you had rather’ and ‘you had rather:’ your husband’s here at hand; bethink 110 you of some conveyance: in the house you cannot hide him. O, how have you deceived me! Look, here is a basket: if he be of any reasonable stature, he may creep in here; and throw foul linen upon him, as if it were going to bucking: or,--it is whiting-time,--send him by your two 115 men to Datchet-mead.

_Mrs Ford._ He’s too big to go in there. What shall I do?

_Fal._ [_Coming forward_] Let me see’t, let me see’t, O, let me see’t!--I’ll in, I’ll in. --Follow your friend’s 120 counsel. --I’ll in.

_Mrs Page._ What, Sir John Falstaff! Are these your letters, knight?

_Fal._ I love thee. --Help me away. --Let me creep in here. --I’ll never-- 125

[_Gets into the basket; they cover him with foul linen._

_Mrs Page._ Help to cover your master, boy. --Call your men, Mistress Ford. --You dissembling knight!

_Mrs Ford._ What, John! Robert! John! [_Exit Robin._

_Re-enter _Servants_._

Go take up these clothes here quickly. --Where’s the cowl-staff? look, how you drumble!--Carry them to the laundress 130 in Datchet-mead; quickly, come.

_Enter FORD, PAGE, CAIUS, and SIR HUGH EVANS._

_Ford._ Pray you, come near: if I suspect without cause, why then make sport at me; then let me be your jest; I deserve it. --How now! whither bear you this?

_Serv._ To the laundress, forsooth. 135

_Mrs Ford._ Why, what have you to do whither they bear it? You were best meddle with buck-washing.

_Ford._ Buck!--I would I could wash myself of the buck!--Buck, buck, buck! Ay, buck; I warrant you, buck; and of the season too, it shall appear.

[_Exeunt Servants with the basket._] 140

Gentlemen, I have dreamed to-night; I’ll tell you my dream. Here, here, here be my keys: ascend my chambers; search, seek, find out: I’ll warrant we’ll unkennel the fox. Let me stop this way first. [_Locking the door._] So, now uncape. 145

_Page._ Good Master Ford, be contented: you wrong yourself too much.

_Ford._ True, Master Page. Up, gentlemen; you shall see sport anon: follow me, gentlemen. [_Exit._

_Evans._ This is fery fantastical humours and jealousies. 150

_Caius._ By gar, ’tis no the fashion of France; it is not jealous in France.

_Page._ Nay, follow him, gentlemen; see the issue of his search. [_Exeunt Page, Caius, and Evans._

_Mrs Page._ Is there not a double excellency in this? 155

_Mrs Ford._ I know not which pleases me better, that my husband is deceived, or Sir John.

_Mrs Page._ What a taking was he in when your husband asked who was in the basket!

_Mrs Ford._ I am half afraid he will have need of washing; 160 so throwing him into the water will do him a benefit.

_Mrs Page._ Hang him, dishonest rascal! I would all of the same strain were in the same distress.

_Mrs Ford._ I think my husband hath some special suspicion of Falstaff’s being here; for I never saw him so gross 165 in his jealousy till now.

_Mrs Page._ I will lay a plot to try that; and we will yet have more tricks with Falstaff: his dissolute disease will scarce obey this medicine.

_Mrs Ford._ Shall we send that foolish carrion, Mistress 170 Quickly, to him, and excuse his throwing into the water; and give him another hope, to betray him to another punishment?

_Mrs Page._ We will do it: let him be sent for to-morrow, eight o’clock, to have amends. 175

_Re-enter FORD, PAGE, CAIUS, and SIR HUGH EVANS._

_Ford._ I cannot find him: may be the knave bragged of that he could not compass.

_Mrs Page._ [_Aside to Mrs Ford_] Heard you that?

_Mrs Ford._ You use me well, Master Ford, do you?

_Ford._ Ay, I do so. 180

_Mrs Ford._ Heaven make you better than your thoughts!

_Ford._ Amen!

_Mrs Page._ You do yourself mighty wrong, Master Ford.

_Ford._ Ay, ay; I must bear it. 185

_Evans._ If there be any pody in the house, and in the chambers, and in the coffers, and in the presses, heaven forgive my sins at the day of judgement!

_Caius._ By gar, nor I too: there is no bodies.

_Page._ Fie, fie, Master Ford! are you not ashamed? 190 What spirit, what devil suggests this imagination? I would not ha’ your distemper in this kind for the wealth of Windsor Castle.

_Ford._ ’Tis my fault, Master Page: I suffer for it.

_Evans._ You suffer for a pad conscience: your wife is 195 as honest a ’omans as I will desires among five thousand, and five hundred too.

_Caius._ By gar, I see ’tis an honest woman.

_Ford._ Well, I promised you a dinner. --Come, come, walk in the Park: I pray you, pardon me; I will hereafter 200 make known to you why I have done this. --Come, wife; come, Mistress Page. --I pray you, pardon me; pray heartily pardon me.

_Page._ Let’s go in, gentlemen; but, trust me, we’ll mock him. I do invite you to-morrow morning to my 205 house to breakfast: after, we’ll a-birding together; I have a fine hawk for the bush. Shall it be so?

_Ford._ Any thing.

_Evans._ If there is one, I shall make two in the company. 210

_Caius._ If dere be one or two, I shall make-a the turd.

_Ford._ Pray you, go, Master Page.

_Evans._ I pray you now, remembrance to-morrow on the lousy knave, mine host.

_Caius._ Dat is good; by gar, with all my heart! 215

_Evans._ A lousy knave, to have his gibes and his mockeries! [_Exeunt._

NOTES: III, 3