The Merry Wives of Windsor

Chapter 1

Chapter 14,437 wordsPublic domain

Executive Director's Notes:

In addition to the notes below, and so you will *NOT* think all the spelling errors introduced by the printers of the time have been corrected, here are the first few lines of Hamlet, as they are presented herein:

Barnardo. Who's there? Fran. Nay answer me: Stand & vnfold your selfe

Bar. Long liue the King

* * * * *

As I understand it, the printers often ran out of certain words or letters they had often packed into a "cliche". . .this is the original meaning of the term cliche. . .and thus, being unwilling to unpack the cliches, and thus you will see some substitutions that look very odd. . .such as the exchanges of u for v, v for u, above. . .and you may wonder why they did it this way, presuming Shakespeare did not actually write the play in this manner. . . .

The answer is that they MAY have packed "liue" into a cliche at a time when they were out of "v"'s. . .possibly having used "vv" in place of some "w"'s, etc. This was a common practice of the day, as print was still quite expensive, and they didn't want to spend more on a wider selection of characters than they had to.

You will find a lot of these kinds of "errors" in this text, as I have mentioned in other times and places, many "scholars" have an extreme attachment to these errors, and many have accorded them a very high place in the "canon" of Shakespeare. My father read an assortment of these made available to him by Cambridge University in England for several months in a glass room constructed for the purpose. To the best of my knowledge he read ALL those available . . .in great detail. . .and determined from the various changes, that Shakespeare most likely did not write in nearly as many of a variety of errors we credit him for, even though he was in/famous for signing his name with several different spellings.

So, please take this into account when reading the comments below made by our volunteer who prepared this file: you may see errors that are "not" errors. . . .

So. . .with this caveat. . .we have NOT changed the canon errors, here is the Project Gutenberg Etext of Shakespeare's The first Part of Henry the Sixt.

Michael S. Hart Project Gutenberg Executive Director

* * * * *

Scanner's Notes:

What this is and isn't. This was taken from a copy of Shakespeare's first folio and it is as close as I can come in ASCII to the printed text.

The elongated S's have been changed to small s's and the conjoined ae have been changed to ae. I have left the spelling, punctuation, capitalization as close as possible to the printed text. I have corrected some spelling mistakes (I have put together a spelling dictionary devised from the spellings of the Geneva Bible and Shakespeare's First Folio and have unified spellings according to this template), typo's and expanded abbreviations as I have come across them. Everything within brackets [] is what I have added. So if you don't like that you can delete everything within the brackets if you want a purer Shakespeare.

Another thing that you should be aware of is that there are textual differences between various copies of the first folio. So there may be differences (other than what I have mentioned above) between this and other first folio editions. This is due to the printer's habit of setting the type and running off a number of copies and then proofing the printed copy and correcting the type and then continuing the printing run. The proof run wasn't thrown away but incorporated into the printed copies. This is just the way it is. The text I have used was a composite of more than 30 different First Folio editions' best pages.

David Reed

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The Merry Wiues of Windsor

Actus primus, Scena prima.

Enter Iustice Shallow, Slender, Sir Hugh Euans, Master Page, Falstoffe, Bardolph, Nym, Pistoll, Anne Page, Mistresse Ford, Mistresse Page, Simple.

Shallow. Sir Hugh, perswade me not: I will make a StarChamber matter of it, if hee were twenty Sir Iohn Falstoffs, he shall not abuse Robert Shallow Esquire

Slen. In the County of Glocester, Iustice of Peace and Coram

Shal. I (Cosen Slender) and Custalorum

Slen. I, and Ratolorum too; and a Gentleman borne (Master Parson) who writes himselfe Armigero, in any Bill, Warrant, Quittance, or Obligation, Armigero

Shal. I that I doe, and haue done any time these three hundred yeeres

Slen. All his successors (gone before him) hath don't: and all his Ancestors (that come after him) may: they may giue the dozen white Luces in their Coate

Shal. It is an olde Coate

Euans. The dozen white Lowses doe become an old Coat well: it agrees well passant: It is a familiar beast to man, and signifies Loue

Shal. The Luse is the fresh-fish, the salt-fish, is an old Coate

Slen. I may quarter (Coz)

Shal. You may, by marrying

Euans. It is marring indeed, if he quarter it

Shal. Not a whit

Euan. Yes per-lady: if he ha's a quarter of your coat, there is but three Skirts for your selfe, in my simple coniectures; but that is all one: if Sir Iohn Falstaffe haue committed disparagements vnto you, I am of the Church and will be glad to do my beneuolence, to make attonements and compremises betweene you

Shal. The Councell shall heare it, it is a Riot

Euan. It is not meet the Councell heare a Riot: there is no feare of Got in a Riot: The Councell (looke you) shall desire to heare the feare of Got, and not to heare a Riot: take your vizaments in that

Shal. Ha; o'my life, if I were yong againe, the sword should end it

Euans. It is petter that friends is the sword, and end it: and there is also another deuice in my praine, which peraduenture prings goot discretions with it. There is Anne Page, which is daughter to Master Thomas Page, which is pretty virginity

Slen. Mistris Anne Page? she has browne haire, and speakes small like a woman

Euans. It is that ferry person for all the orld, as iust as you will desire, and seuen hundred pounds of Moneyes, and Gold, and Siluer, is her Grand-sire vpon his deathsbed, (Got deliuer to a ioyfull resurrections) giue, when she is able to ouertake seuenteene yeeres old. It were a goot motion, if we leaue our pribbles and prabbles, and desire a marriage betweene Master Abraham, and Mistris Anne Page

Slen. Did her Grand-sire leaue her seauen hundred pound? Euan. I, and her father is make her a petter penny

Slen. I know the young Gentlewoman, she has good gifts

Euan. Seuen hundred pounds, and possibilities, is goot gifts

Shal. Wel, let vs see honest Mr Page: is Falstaffe there? Euan. Shall I tell you a lye? I doe despise a lyer, as I doe despise one that is false, or as I despise one that is not true: the Knight Sir Iohn is there, and I beseech you be ruled by your well-willers: I will peat the doore for Mr. Page. What hoa? Got-plesse your house heere

Mr.Page. Who's there? Euan. Here is go't's plessing and your friend, and Iustice Shallow, and heere yong Master Slender: that peraduentures shall tell you another tale, if matters grow to your likings

Mr.Page. I am glad to see your Worships well: I thanke you for my Venison Master Shallow

Shal. Master Page, I am glad to see you: much good doe it your good heart: I wish'd your Venison better, it was ill killd: how doth good Mistresse Page? and I thank you alwaies with my heart, la: with my heart

M.Page. Sir, I thanke you

Shal. Sir, I thanke you: by yea, and no I doe

M.Pa. I am glad to see you, good Master Slender

Slen. How do's your fallow Greyhound, Sir, I heard say he was out-run on Cotsall

M.Pa. It could not be iudg'd, Sir

Slen. You'll not confesse: you'll not confesse

Shal. That he will not, 'tis your fault, 'tis your fault: 'tis a good dogge

M.Pa. A Cur, Sir

Shal. Sir: hee's a good dog, and a faire dog, can there be more said? he is good, and faire. Is Sir Iohn Falstaffe heere? M.Pa. Sir, hee is within: and I would I could doe a good office betweene you

Euan. It is spoke as a Christians ought to speake

Shal. He hath wrong'd me (Master Page.) M.Pa. Sir, he doth in some sort confesse it

Shal. If it be confessed, it is not redressed; is not that so (M[aster]. Page?) he hath wrong'd me, indeed he hath, at a word he hath: beleeue me, Robert Shallow Esquire, saith he is wronged

Ma.Pa. Here comes Sir Iohn

Fal. Now, Master Shallow, you'll complaine of me to the King? Shal. Knight, you haue beaten my men, kill'd my deere, and broke open my Lodge

Fal. But not kiss'd your Keepers daughter? Shal. Tut, a pin: this shall be answer'd

Fal. I will answere it strait, I haue done all this: That is now answer'd

Shal. The Councell shall know this

Fal. 'Twere better for you if it were known in councell: you'll be laugh'd at

Eu. Pauca verba; (Sir Iohn) good worts

Fal. Good worts? good Cabidge; Slender, I broke your head: what matter haue you against me? Slen. Marry sir, I haue matter in my head against you, and against your cony-catching Rascalls, Bardolf, Nym, and Pistoll

Bar. You Banbery Cheese

Slen. I, it is no matter

Pist. How now, Mephostophilus? Slen. I, it is no matter

Nym. Slice, I say; pauca, pauca: Slice, that's my humor

Slen. Where's Simple my man? can you tell, Cosen? Eua. Peace, I pray you: now let vs vnderstand: there is three Vmpires in this matter, as I vnderstand; that is, Master Page (fidelicet Master Page,) & there is my selfe, (fidelicet my selfe) and the three party is (lastly, and finally) mine Host of the Garter

Ma.Pa. We three to hear it, & end it between them

Euan. Ferry goo't, I will make a priefe of it in my note-booke, and we wil afterwards orke vpon the cause, with as great discreetly as we can

Fal. Pistoll

Pist. He heares with eares

Euan. The Teuill and his Tam: what phrase is this? he heares with eare? why, it is affectations

Fal. Pistoll, did you picke M[aster]. Slenders purse? Slen. I, by these gloues did hee, or I would I might neuer come in mine owne great chamber againe else, of seauen groates in mill-sixpences, and two Edward Shouelboords, that cost me two shilling and two pence a peece of Yead Miller: by these gloues

Fal. Is this true, Pistoll? Euan. No, it is false, if it is a picke-purse

Pist. Ha, thou mountaine Forreyner: Sir Iohn, and Master mine, I combat challenge of this Latine Bilboe: word of deniall in thy labras here; word of denial; froth, and scum thou liest

Slen. By these gloues, then 'twas he

Nym. Be auis'd sir, and passe good humours: I will say marry trap with you, if you runne the nut-hooks humor on me, that is the very note of it

Slen. By this hat, then he in the red face had it: for though I cannot remember what I did when you made me drunke, yet I am not altogether an asse

Fal. What say you Scarlet, and Iohn? Bar. Why sir, (for my part) I say the Gentleman had drunke himselfe out of his fiue sentences

Eu. It is his fiue sences: fie, what the ignorance is

Bar. And being fap, sir, was (as they say) casheerd: and so conclusions past the Careires

Slen. I, you spake in Latten then to: but 'tis no matter; Ile nere be drunk whilst I liue againe, but in honest, ciuill, godly company for this tricke: if I be drunke, Ile be drunke with those that haue the feare of God, and not with drunken knaues

Euan. So got-udge me, that is a vertuous minde

Fal. You heare all these matters deni'd, Gentlemen; you heare it

Mr.Page. Nay daughter, carry the wine in, wee'll drinke within

Slen. Oh heauen: This is Mistresse Anne Page

Mr.Page. How now Mistris Ford? Fal. Mistris Ford, by my troth you are very wel met: by your leaue good Mistris

Mr.Page. Wife, bid these gentlemen welcome: come, we haue a hot Venison pasty to dinner; Come gentlemen, I hope we shall drinke downe all vnkindnesse

Slen. I had rather then forty shillings I had my booke of Songs and Sonnets heere: How now Simple, where haue you beene? I must wait on my selfe, must I? you haue not the booke of Riddles about you, haue you? Sim. Booke of Riddles? why did you not lend it to Alice Short-cake vpon Alhallowmas last, a fortnight afore Michaelmas

Shal. Come Coz, come Coz, we stay for you: a word with you Coz: marry this, Coz: there is as 'twere a tender, a kinde of tender, made a farre-off by Sir Hugh here: doe you vnderstand me? Slen. I Sir, you shall finde me reasonable; if it be so, I shall doe that that is reason

Shal. Nay, but vnderstand me

Slen. So I doe Sir

Euan. Giue eare to his motions; (Mr. Slender) I will description the matter to you, if you be capacity of it

Slen. Nay, I will doe as my Cozen Shallow saies: I pray you pardon me, he's a Iustice of Peace in his Countrie, simple though I stand here

Euan. But that is not the question: the question is concerning your marriage

Shal. I, there's the point Sir

Eu. Marry is it: the very point of it, to Mi[stris]. An Page

Slen. Why if it be so; I will marry her vpon any reasonable demands

Eu. But can you affection the 'oman, let vs command to know that of your mouth, or of your lips: for diuers Philosophers hold, that the lips is parcell of the mouth: therfore precisely, ca[n] you carry your good wil to y maid? Sh. Cosen Abraham Slender, can you loue her? Slen. I hope sir, I will do as it shall become one that would doe reason

Eu. Nay, got's Lords, and his Ladies, you must speake possitable, if you can carry-her your desires towards her

Shal. That you must: Will you, (vpon good dowry) marry her? Slen. I will doe a greater thing then that, vpon your request (Cosen) in any reason

Shal. Nay conceiue me, conceiue mee, (sweet Coz): What I doe is to pleasure you (Coz:) can you loue the maid? Slen. I will marry her (Sir) at your request; but if there bee no great loue in the beginning, yet Heauen may decrease it vpon better acquaintance, when wee are married, and haue more occasion to know one another: I hope vpon familiarity will grow more content: but if you say mary-her, I will mary-her, that I am freely dissolued, and dissolutely

Eu. It is a fery discretion-answere; saue the fall is in the 'ord, dissolutely: the ort is (according to our meaning) resolutely: his meaning is good

Sh. I: I thinke my Cosen meant well

Sl. I, or else I would I might be hang'd (la.) Sh. Here comes faire Mistris Anne; would I were yong for your sake, Mistris Anne

An. The dinner is on the Table, my Father desires your worships company

Sh. I will wait on him, (faire Mistris Anne.) Eu. Od's plessed-wil: I wil not be abse[n]ce at the grace

An. Wil't please your worship to come in, Sir? Sl. No, I thank you forsooth, hartely; I am very well

An. The dinner attends you, Sir

Sl. I am not a-hungry, I thanke you, forsooth: goe, Sirha, for all you are my man, goe wait vpon my Cosen Shallow: a Iustice of peace sometime may be beholding to his friend, for a Man; I keepe but three Men, and a Boy yet, till my Mother be dead: but what though, yet I liue like a poore Gentleman borne

An. I may not goe in without your worship: they will not sit till you come

Sl. I' faith, ile eate nothing: I thanke you as much as though I did

An. I pray you Sir walke in

Sl. I had rather walke here (I thanke you) I bruiz'd my shin th' other day, with playing at Sword and Dagger with a Master of Fence (three veneys for a dish of stew'd Prunes) and by my troth, I cannot abide the smell of hot meate since. Why doe your dogs barke so? be there Beares ith' Towne? An. I thinke there are, Sir, I heard them talk'd of

Sl. I loue the sport well, but I shall as soone quarrell at it, as any man in England: you are afraid if you see the Beare loose, are you not? An. I indeede Sir

Sl. That's meate and drinke to me now: I haue seene Saskerson loose, twenty times, and haue taken him by the Chaine: but (I warrant you) the women haue so cride and shrekt at it, that it past: But women indeede, cannot abide 'em, they are very ill-fauour'd rough things

Ma.Pa. Come, gentle M[aster]. Slender, come; we stay for you

Sl. Ile eate nothing, I thanke you Sir

Ma.Pa. By cocke and pie, you shall not choose, Sir: come, come

Sl. Nay, pray you lead the way

Ma.Pa. Come on, Sir

Sl. Mistris Anne: your selfe shall goe first

An. Not I Sir, pray you keepe on

Sl. Truely I will not goe first: truely-la: I will not doe you that wrong

An. I pray you Sir

Sl. Ile rather be vnmannerly, then troublesome: you doe your selfe wrong indeede-la.

Exeunt.

Scena Secunda.

Enter Euans, and Simple.

Eu. Go your waies, and aske of Doctor Caius house, which is the way; and there dwels one Mistris Quickly; which is in the manner of his Nurse; or his dry-Nurse; or his Cooke; or his Laundry; his Washer, and his Ringer

Si. Well Sir

Eu. Nay, it is petter yet: giue her this letter; for it is a 'oman that altogeathers acquainta[n]ce with Mistris Anne Page; and the Letter is to desire, and require her to solicite your Masters desires, to Mistris Anne Page: I pray you be gon: I will make an end of my dinner; ther's Pippins and Cheese to come.

Exeunt.

Scena Tertia.

Enter Falstaffe, Host, Bardolfe, Nym, Pistoll, Page.

Fal. Mine Host of the Garter? Ho. What saies my Bully Rooke? speake schollerly, and wisely

Fal. Truely mine Host; I must turne away some of my followers

Ho. Discard, (bully Hercules) casheere; let them wag; trot, trot

Fal. I sit at ten pounds a weeke

Ho. Thou'rt an Emperor (Cesar, Keiser and Pheazar) I will entertaine Bardolfe: he shall draw; he shall tap; said I well (bully Hector?) Fa. Doe so (good mine Host.) Ho. I haue spoke; let him follow; let me see thee froth, and liue: I am at a word: follow

Fal. Bardolfe, follow him: a Tapster is a good trade: an old Cloake, makes a new Ierkin: a wither'd Seruingman, a fresh Tapster: goe, adew

Ba. It is a life that I haue desir'd: I will thriue

Pist. O base hungarian wight: wilt y the spigot wield

Ni. He was gotten in drink: is not the humor co[n]ceited? Fal. I am glad I am so acquit of this Tinderbox: his Thefts were too open: his filching was like an vnskilfull Singer, he kept not time

Ni. The good humor is to steale at a minutes rest

Pist. Conuay: the wise it call: Steale? foh: a fico for the phrase

Fal. Well sirs, I am almost out at heeles

Pist. Why then let Kibes ensue

Fal. There is no remedy: I must conicatch, I must shift

Pist. Yong Rauens must haue foode

Fal. Which of you know Ford of this Towne? Pist. I ken the wight: he is of substance good

Fal. My honest Lads, I will tell you what I am about

Pist. Two yards, and more

Fal. No quips now Pistoll: (Indeede I am in the waste two yards about: but I am now about no waste: I am about thrift) briefely: I doe meane to make loue to Fords wife: I spie entertainment in her: shee discourses: shee carues: she giues the leere of inuitation: I can construe the action of her familier stile, & the hardest voice of her behauior (to be english'd rightly) is, I am Sir Iohn Falstafs

Pist. He hath studied her will; and translated her will: out of honesty, into English

Ni. The Anchor is deepe: will that humor passe? Fal. Now, the report goes, she has all the rule of her husbands Purse: he hath a legend of Angels

Pist. As many diuels entertaine: and to her Boy say I

Ni. The humor rises: it is good: humor me the angels

Fal. I haue writ me here a letter to her: & here another to Pages wife, who euen now gaue mee good eyes too; examind my parts with most iudicious illiads: sometimes the beame of her view, guilded my foote: sometimes my portly belly

Pist. Then did the Sun on dung-hill shine

Ni. I thanke thee for that humour

Fal. O she did so course o're my exteriors with such a greedy intention, that the appetite of her eye, did seeme to scorch me vp like a burning-glasse: here's another letter to her: She beares the Purse too: She is a Region in Guiana: all gold, and bountie: I will be Cheaters to them both, and they shall be Exchequers to mee: they shall be my East and West Indies, and I will trade to them both: Goe, beare thou this Letter to Mistris Page; and thou this to Mistris Ford: we will thriue (Lads) we will thriue

Pist. Shall I Sir Pandarus of Troy become, And by my side weare Steele? then Lucifer take all

Ni. I will run no base humor: here take the humor-Letter; I will keepe the hauior of reputation

Fal. Hold Sirha, beare you these Letters tightly, Saile like my Pinnasse to these golden shores. Rogues, hence, auaunt, vanish like haile-stones; goe, Trudge; plod away ith' hoofe: seeke shelter, packe: Falstaffe will learne the honor of the age, French-thrift, you Rogues, my selfe, and skirted Page

Pist. Let Vultures gripe thy guts: for gourd, and Fullam holds: & high and low beguiles the rich & poore, Tester ile haue in pouch when thou shalt lacke, Base Phrygian Turke

Ni. I haue opperations, Which be humors of reuenge

Pist. Wilt thou reuenge? Ni. By Welkin, and her Star

Pist. With wit, or Steele? Ni. With both the humors, I: I will discusse the humour of this Loue to Ford

Pist. And I to Page shall eke vnfold How Falstaffe (varlet vile) His Doue will proue; his gold will hold, And his soft couch defile

Ni. My humour shall not coole: I will incense Ford to deale with poyson: I will possesse him with yallownesse, for the reuolt of mine is dangerous: that is my true humour

Pist. Thou art the Mars of Malecontents: I second thee: troope on.

Exeunt.

Scoena Quarta.

Enter Mistris Quickly, Simple, Iohn Rugby, Doctor, Caius, Fenton.

Qu. What, Iohn Rugby, I pray thee goe to the Casement, and see if you can see my Master, Master Docter Caius comming: if he doe (I' faith) and finde any body in the house; here will be an old abusing of Gods patience, and the Kings English

Ru. Ile goe watch

Qu. Goe, and we'll haue a posset for't soone at night, (in faith) at the latter end of a Sea-cole-fire: An honest, willing, kinde fellow, as euer seruant shall come in house withall: and I warrant you, no tel-tale, nor no breedebate: his worst fault is, that he is giuen to prayer; hee is something peeuish that way: but no body but has his fault: but let that passe. Peter Simple, you say your name is? Si. I: for fault of a better

Qu. And Master Slender's your Master? Si. I forsooth

Qu. Do's he not weare a great round Beard, like a Glouers pairing-knife? Si. No forsooth: he hath but a little wee-face; with a little yellow Beard: a Caine colourd Beard

Qu. A softly-sprighted man, is he not? Si. I forsooth: but he is as tall a man of his hands, as any is betweene this and his head: he hath fought with a Warrener

Qu. How say you: oh, I should remember him: do's he not hold vp his head (as it were?) and strut in his gate? Si. Yes indeede do's he

Qu. Well, heauen send Anne Page, no worse fortune: Tell Master Parson Euans, I will doe what I can for your Master: Anne is a good girle, and I wish - Ru. Out alas: here comes my Master

Qu. We shall all be shent: Run in here, good young man: goe into this Closset: he will not stay long: what Iohn Rugby? Iohn: what Iohn I say? goe Iohn, goe enquire for my Master, I doubt he be not well, that hee comes not home: (and downe, downe, adowne'a. &c

Ca. Vat is you sing? I doe not like des-toyes: pray you goe and vetch me in my Closset, vnboyteere verd; a Box, a greene-a-Box: do intend vat I speake? a greene-a-Box

Qu. I forsooth ile fetch it you: I am glad hee went not in himselfe: if he had found the yong man he would haue bin horne-mad

Ca. Fe, fe, fe, fe, mai foy, il fait for ehando, Ie man voi a le Court la grand affaires

Qu. Is it this Sir? Ca. Ouy mette le au mon pocket, depeech quickly: Vere is dat knaue Rugby? Qu. What Iohn Rugby, Iohn? Ru. Here Sir

Ca. You are Iohn Rugby, and you are Iacke Rugby: Come, take-a-your Rapier, and come after my heele to the Court

Ru. 'Tis ready Sir, here in the Porch

Ca. By my trot: I tarry too long: od's-me: que ay ie oublie: dere is some Simples in my Closset, dat I vill not for the varld I shall leaue behinde

Qu. Ay-me, he'll finde the yong man there, & be mad