Part 4

Subtle his senses were—yea, like a child, Sudden his spirit was to cry or laugh; Strange modern blending of the tame and wild; As sensitive to life as seismograph. His sympathies were keen and sweet and quick, He could play music subtly in your mood; Raw life, to him, was often strange and rude— Slight accidents could make him white and sick. Unreasoning, but lovable was he;— Men liked him, he was brave; and yet withal When brute truth stunned him, he could cringe and crawl; When most he loved the world, he least could see. Now let him speak himself, as he well can, In his queer modern style of poesy.— Then judge him, you, as poet and as man.

* * * * *

There was a woman lived by Bloomsbury Square,— She was not all that womankind can be,— Yet she was good to me, I thought her fair,— I loved her, she was all the world to me; O, I was adoration, she divine, And star or moon could not so sweetly shine.

I will say little—it was neither’s fault— Yet to a bitter time my loving came, A time of doubt, of faltering, of halt, A time of passionate begging and of shame, When I threw all life’s purpose at her feet, And she stood strange to me, and cold and sweet—

Child that I was! for when it came, that hour, It was in no wise as my heart had thought— For comic devils had me in their power, She laughed at me, we wrangled, and I fought, And there was hot breath gasped in murderous words.... It was at dusk, when sweetly sang the birds....

Then there was silence—oh, how still and cold! Without good-bye I went; for she had said— “Young fool!”—that was a rapier-turn that told; I could have killed her, for she knew I bled— And smiled a little, as I turned away; We have not known each other since that day.

I had expected, if my love went wrong, The world in sympathy; I suffered pain That evening when I heard the birds in song, And stars swam out, and there was no hope for rain, And the air was dense with lilac-sweet.... I walked In sullen way; fierce with my soul I talked—;

And knew what knave I was; yet I devised, Being still too angry for sincerer grief, Some pain,—appropriate for a soul despised,— In simulated venom crushed a leaf,— And glared at strangers, thinking I would kill Any that dared to thwart my casual will.

So, passing through dark streets, with heedless eyes, I came upon a beggar, who had drawn Pictures, upon the stones, of ships, and skies; The moonlight lay upon them, grey and wan— And they seemed beautiful, alive they seemed; Beside them, cap in hand, their maker dreamed.

Above him there a long, long while I stood, Striving to go, like dream-stuff, to his heart; Striving to pierce his infinite solitude, To be of him, and of his world, a part; I stood beside his seas, beneath his skies, I felt his ships beneath me dip and rise;

I heard his winds go roaring through tall trees, Thunder his sails, and drive the lifted spray; I heard the sullen beating of his seas; In a deep valley, at the end of day, I walked through darkness green along with him, And saw the little stars, by moon made dim,

Peer softly through the dusk, the clouds between, And dance their dance inviolable and bright; Aloft on barren mountains I have seen With him the slow recession of the night, The morning dusk, the broad and swimming sun, And all the tree-tops burn, and valleys run

With wine of daybreak; he and I had kept Vigil with stars on bitter frosty nights: The stars and frost so burned, we never slept, But cursed the cold, and talked, and watched the lights Down in the valleys, passing to and fro, Like large and luminous stars that wandered slow....

Rising at dawn, those times, we had no fire,— And we were cold,—O bitter times were those,— And we were rained on, and we walked through mire, Or found a haystack, there to lie and doze; Until at evening, with a let of rain, We shivered awake, and limped, with crying pain,

To farms, and begged a meal.... if they were kind We warmed ourselves, and maybe were allowed The barn to sleep in.... I was nearly blind, Sometimes, with need to sleep—sometimes so cowed By pain and hunger that for weeks on end I’d work in the fields,—and maybe lose my friend:

Live steady for a while and flesh my bones, And reap or plough, or drive the cattle home, And weed the kitchen patch, and pile up stones; But always it must end, and I must roam; One night, as still as stars, I rose, was gone, They had no trace of me at come of dawn,

And I was out once more in wind and weather, Brother of larks and leaves and dewy ferns, Friends of the road I had, we begged together, And slept together, and tended fire by turns: O, they were rare times, bitter times were they, Winding the open road day after day!

And then I came to London.... Sick, half dead, Crossing a street I shocked with dizzy pain, With fury of sound, and darkness ... then in bed I woke; there was a long white counterpane; I heard, impassively, the doctors talk. From that day, without crutch, I could not walk.

O, the sick-hearted times that took me then! The days, like vultures, sat to watch me dying. It seemed as if they lived to feed on men. I found no work, it seemed so useless trying. And I got sick of hearing doorbells ring: Begging in London was a hopeless thing.

Once I had driven: I tried to get a job At driving ’busses, but there wasn’t any; Sometimes, by washing wheels, I earned a bob; Sometimes held horses for a stingy penny; And it was hard to choose between the bed That penny paid for, and a bite of bread.

Often I hid in parks, and slept on benches, After the criers had wailed and passed me by; And it was cold, but better than the stenches Of ten men packed in one room like a sty. Twice, I was caught and jailed. It wasn’t bad, Come to think of the cot and bread I had.

But O the weariness, day in, day out, Watching the people walking on so cold, So full of purpose, deaf to even a shout,— It was their utter heedlessness that told; It made me white at heart and sick with hate. Some guiltily looked away; some walked so straight

They never knew I lived, but trod my shadow, Brushed at the laces that I tried to sell.... O God, could I but then have seen a meadow, Or walked erect in woods, it had been well, These wretched things I might have then forgiven, Nor spread my shadow betwixt them and heaven....

I failed at hawking.... somehow, I never sold.... I wasn’t shaped for it by Him that makes. I tried with matches, toys, sham studs of gold,— I failed; it needs a fakir to sell fakes. The bitter pennies that I saved for buying Were going to hell, and my whole soul was dying.

I tried to steal a sleep, without my penny, One night at John’s. I hadn’t fed all day. It was a shrewish winter night, and rainy. John found me out and swore. I said I’d pay Next afternoon, or die—he said I’d die.... O, I was longing for a place to lie!...

He pushed me to the door and opened it, His stinking arm was smothered round my face, And then I raged and swung my crutch and hit, He only laughed and knocked me into space. When I came to, Joe Cluer bathed my head, And he had paid my penny, so he said.

Joe Cluer was a man—God help him now, Pneumonia got him down last year and took him. But he had colored chalks, and taught me how To draw on stones; sometimes the d.t.’s shook him So hard he couldn’t draw, himself, but show The way it’s done.... That’s how I made a go.

And we’d steal out together, he and I, And draw before the crowds began to come. At first he helped me. But as time went by Drink made him worse, and I would help him some: I drew him six on paper, in the end, And he would take them out, and just pretend

To draw a little on the dewy stones.... But it was useless, for the stones were wet, And he just wasted chalk, and chilled his bones, His hand shook ... O, I can see him yet ... Cramping his fingers down with hellish pain To write out “My Own Talent,” large and plain.

Sometimes, to go out early, it was fun, When it was not too cold, on autumn days When leaves were rustling downward, and the sun Came rising red and paley through the haze.... The streets were fairly quiet, the people few, There was a smell of dead leaves damp with dew....

And I’d draw, singing, places I had seen, The places that I walked when I was free, And of my colors best I loved the green,— O, it would break my heart to draw a tree Growing in fields, and shaking off the sun, With cattle standing under, one and one....

And roads I loved to draw,—the white roads winding Away up, beautifully, through blue hills; Queer, when I drew them I was always minding The happy things, forgetting all the ills, And I’d think I was young again, and strong, Rising at smell of dawn to walk along....

To walk along in the cool breath of dawn, Through dusk mysterious with faint song of birds.... Out of the valleys, mist was not yet gone,— Like sleeping rivers; it were hard for words To say that quiet wonder, and that sleep, And I alone, walking along the steep,

To see and love it, like the God who made!... And I would draw the sea—when I was young I lived by sea. Its long slow cannonade Sullen against the cliffs, as the waves swung, I heard now, and the hollow guttural roar Of desolate shingle muttering down the shore....

And the long swift waves unfurled in smother of white, Snow, streaked with green, and sea-gulls shining high,— And their keen wings,—I minded how, in flight, They made a whimpering sound; and the clean sky, Swept blue by winds—O what would I have given To change this London pall for that sweet heaven!

And I kept thinking of a Devon village That snuggled in a sea-side deep ravine, With the tall trees above, and the red tillage, And little houses smothered soft in green, And the fishers talking, biding for the tides, And mackerel boats all beached upon their sides.

And it was pleasure edged with lightning pain To draw these things again in colored chalk, And I would sometimes think they lived again, And I would think “O God, if I could walk, It’s little while I’d linger in this street Giving my heart to bitterly wounding feet....”

And shame would gnaw me that I had to do it. O there were moments when I could have cried To draw the thing I loved—and yet, I drew it; But how I longed to say I hadn’t lied, That I had been and seen it, that I wanted To go again, that through my dreams it haunted,

That it was lovely here, but lovelier far Under its own sky, sweet as God had made. It hurt me keenly that I had to mar With gritty chalk, and smutchy light and shade, On grimy pavings, in a public square, What shone so purely yonder in soft air!

And yet I drew—year after year I drew; Until the pictures, that I once so loved, Though better drawn, seemed not of things I knew, But dreamed perhaps; my heart no longer moved; And it no longer mattered if the rain Wiped out what I had drawn with so much pain.

I only care to find the best-paid places, To get there first and get my pictures done, And then sit back and hate the pallid faces, And shut my eyes to warm them, if there’s sun, And get the pennies saved for harder times,— Winter in London is no joke, by crimes.

It’s hellish cold. Your hands turn blue at drawing. You’re cramped; and frost goes cutting to your bones. O you would pray to God for sun and thawing If you had sat and dithered on these stones, And wanted shoes and not known how to get them, With these few clothes and winter rains to wet them.

You come and try it, you just come and try! O for one day if you would take my place! If we could only change once, you and I, You, with your soft white wrists and delicate face! One day of it, my man, and like Joe Cluer, Pneumonia’d get you and you’d die, that’s sure.

O God, if on dark days you yet remember So small and base a thing as I, who pray, Though of myself I am but now the ember— For my great sorrows grant me this, that they Who look upon me may be shaken deep By sufferings; O let me curse their sleep,

A devil’s dance, a demon’s wicked laughter,— To haunt them for a space; so they may know How sleek and fat their spirits are; and after, When they have prospered of me, I will go; Grant me but this, and I am well content. Then strike me quickly, God, for I am spent.

Yet,—lift me from these streets before I die. For the old hunger takes me, and I yearn To go where swelling hills are, and blue sky, And slowly walk in woods, and sleep in fern; To wake in fern, and see the larks go winging, Vanish in sunlight, and still hear them singing!

So die; and leave behind me no more trace Than stays of chalkings after night of rain; Even myself, I hardly know their place When I go back next day to draw again; Only the withered leaves, which the rain beat, And the grey gentle stones, with rain still sweet.

* * * * *

So for nine days I suffered this man’s curse, And lived with him, and lived his life, and ached; And this vicarious suffering was far worse Than my own pain had been.... But when I waked, His pain, my sorrow, were together flown; My grief had lived and died; and the sun shone.

There was a woman lived by Bloomsbury Square— She is no more to me; I could not sorrow To think, I loved this woman, she was fair; All grief I had was grief that I could borrow— A beggar’s grief. With him, all these long years, I lived his life of wretchedness and tears.

Personality

GEORGE BURMAN FOSTER

A powerful appeal to peoples, especially to the German peoples, it was with this that the nineteenth century began. Still in the eighteenth century there were no peoples, only dynasties, courts. All life revolved around these courts. On the crumbs that fell from royal tables, peoples lived. For the sake of these crumbs, peoples crawled and crouched and cringed. Then came the Corsican! He trod under foot all these gracious sovereigns. The greater selfishness of the giant swallowed up the selfishness of the pygmies. Germany was still but an historical memory. Europe seemed to have but one will: the will of Napoleon. In the collapse of dynasties, peoples began to consider themselves. Preachers of repentance arose who interpreted the sufferings of the people in a way that could be understood. The Napoleonic thunder awoke them from the sleep of centuries. There came the prophet Fichte with his ever-memorable _Reden an die deutsche Nation_. A living divine breath blew over the dead bones of the Fatherland until they became alive again. And as the people considered and reflected upon themselves, and showed the astonished world that they were still there, the judgment that was executed against the royal courts was turned against their executor. The German phoenix arose from its ashes, the people revealed their unwithering power, their eternal life. A rebirth of the people’s life, this was the program of the major prophet Fichte. Folk culture, folk education, this was to create a new self within the folk, a free self, dependent upon a life of its own, instead of a self that was unfree, dismembered, unsettled. And all the best, freest, noblest spirits went about the work with a will to renew the folk life in head and heart and hand.

Did this work succeed? Was even an auspicious beginning made? Or, was a false path taken from the very start? Confessedly opinions deviate most widely as to all this. But among those who consider this work as abortive and bungling, no one has aired his displeasure—if not, indeed, his disgust and distemper—so energetically as _Friedrich Nietzsche_. The Germans grew proud of their folk schools, where every one could learn to read and write, if nothing more. But Nietzsche raged: “Everybody can learn to read and write today, which in the long run ruins not only the writing, but the thinking as well!” The Germans founded libraries, built reading halls, and art institutes, that the spiritual treasures of humanity might be as widely available as possible. But Nietzsche scoffed: “Once there was the Spirit of God, now—through its introduction into the masses it has become _Pöbel_, the vulgar plebeian mob!” He even called the whole German culture _pöbelhaft_, vulgar, coarse, plebeian; German manners, unlike French, inelegant and unrefined; ochlocracy or mobocracy, the democratic instinct of modern civilization—to Nietzsche, the grave of all genuine human life.

In the tendency of the times there is undoubtedly the danger of leveling men, of uniformizing their culture, consequently of externalizing their culture. Nietzsche’s aversion to this tendency is understandable, and is well worth laying to heart. For example, religion ecclesiasticized is disspiritualized; morals conventionalized are degraded; so is art; so is even science, as is seen in the “science made easy” cults and courses. Nietzsche made it the special business of his life to dam back this current in the affairs of our modern world. To him, the preaching of the equality of all men was the most dangerous lie of the last century. Therefore, he preached the inequality of all men; required of men that they should not be ironed out to the same smoothness, that they should not all be hand and glove with each other, but on the contrary, that they should be aware of their manifold inequalities, keep their distances, and that thus great and small might be clear as to their real differences. _Not_ liberty, equality, fraternity, but the _Eigenheit_, the peculiarity, the uniqueness, the _own-ness_ of the human personality, the right of man to his _Eigenheit_, the pleasure in its unfolding and formation—this was to be the watchword of the new culture.

This was what Nietzsche required. He based his requirement upon the fact that every man is an unrepeatable miracle. He never was before, he never will be again, except in his own self. This fact is almost self-evident. It must be kept in mind especially when we place a man into relation with his surroundings. A man cannot possibly be explained merely as a result of his environment. No man can be so explained, least of all a superior individual who has awakened to a self-conscious life, of distinctive personality, and who is inwardly aware of the mystery of his own person. Here scientific inquiry, with its descriptions and explanations, halts. At this point science ceases and we must resort to intuition and interpretation of life’s deepest mysteries.

Nietzsche was right in his requirement. Man is an unrepeatable miracle. But may we not go even further than Nietzsche did? All life is peculiar and singular and unique. Behold the billowy field of grain! Countless stalks bend to the breeze. The whole seems to be but a great homogeneous mass. But take any two of these stalks and consider them more minutely, compare them with each other. Each is something special, something with an individual life of its own. Pluck an ear from the stalk. One grain is side by side with another, one looks for all the world just like another. But, in fact, no one is just like another. And from each grain a special stalk grows, so special that the like of it was never in the world before. Or, you wander along the beach. Innumerable are the grains of sand on the shore of the sea. The multitude of grains form indeed a uniform mass, so uniform that its very uniformity wearies and pains the eye, if it is looked at for long. But look sharply, consider any two of these grains of sand. Each is something for itself. In the whole illimitable mass, you find no second grain just like the first. What is true of the little grains of sand is true of every drop in the wide and deep sea; true of every mote in the air, of every least particle in vast shoreless cosmic spaces. Then, too, there are the stars—one star differs from another star in glory, as Paul saw and said long ago.

All this I call the wealth of nature, the wealth, if you will, of God. In this eternal life, nothing is ever repeated or duplicated. This I call infinite creative power. Never and nowhere does the weaving and waxing world deal with copies. Everywhere and everywhen the world creates an original fontal life of its very own.

Then should not man be awakened to such a life—man in whose eyes and soul all this singular and peculiar life is mirrored? Should it be man’s lot alone to be excluded from all this superabounding fulness of original life? Should he be offended at what is a blessing to all other creatures, fear their fulness, find the true task of his life in the renunciation of this fulness? To be sure, the centripetal, solidaric forces of life do indeed awaken in man. With the breadth of his spirit man spans the greatest and the least, compares the likest and the unlikest, combines the nearest and the farthest. But, for all that, he would sin against life, he would commit spiritual suicide, were he to use this systematic power of thought to overpaint gray in gray the variegated world with its colorful magnificence, to make everything in his own world so similar, so uniform and so unicolored, everything that was divinely destined and created for an existence of its own. From everything that was repeated or duplicated in the world would ascend an accusation to God in whose life all human life was rooted. We who would thus be only a repetition of another would have the feeling that we were so much too much, that we were superfluous in the world! For the proof that we are not superfluous in life is to be found in the fact that no one else can be put into our place, can be confounded with us, that there is a gap in life, in the heart, into which no one else can fit, and that if ever another does occupy our place in life, the gap abides, surviving as the only trace of our existence in the human heart, corresponding to our image and our nature. To be superfluous in the world, to fill therein no place of one’s own, to drift and drag about with this feeling—the feeling of all this is alone the real damnation of life, the worst hell that there is in this or in any other world. But the feeling, even with the minimum capital of life, which yet we may call our own—the feeling that one makes a necessary, organic, irreplaceable contribution to the possessions of humanity, this is life indeed; who has this life, and keeps it alive, knows more joy and bliss than any other heaven can guarantee.