Chapter 29

This discovery so terrified me that for the moment I lost breath, and I came to a halt in the very act of ascending. Then I saw the Figure in front of me turn round with a threatening movement, and I felt that with one second more of hesitation I should lose my footing altogether and slip away into some vast abysmal depth of unimaginable doom. Making a strong effort, I caught back my escaping self-control, and forced my shuddering limbs to obey my will and resume their work-and so, slowly, inch by inch, I resumed my climb, sick with giddiness and fear and chilled to the very heart. Presently I heard a rumbling roar like the sound of great billows rushing into hollow caverns which echoed their breaking in thuds of booming thunder. Looking up, I saw the Figure I had followed standing still; and I fancied that the sombre draperies in which it was enveloped showed an outline of glimmering light. Fired by a sudden hope, I set myself to tread the difficult path anew, and presently I too stood still, beside my mysterious Leader. Above me was a heaven of stars;--below an unfathomable deep of darkness where nothing was visible;--but from this nothingness arose a mighty turbulence as of an angry sea. I remained where I found myself, afraid to move;--one false step might, I felt, hurl me into a destruction which though it would not be actual death would certainly be something like chaos. Almost I felt inclined to catch at the cloudy garments of the solemn Figure at my side for safety and protection, and while this desire was yet upon me it turned its veiled head towards me and spoke in a low, deep tone that was infinitely gentle.

"So far!--and yet not far enough!" it said--"To what end wilt thou adventure for the sake of Love?"

"To no End whatsoever,"--I answered with sudden boldness--"But to everlasting Continuance!"

Again I thought I saw a faint glowing light within its sombre draperies.

"What wouldst thou do for Love?" its voice again enquired--"Wouldst thou bear all things and believe all things? Canst thou listen to falsehood bearing witness against truth, and yet love on? Wilt thou endure all suffering, all misunderstanding, all coldness and cruelty, and yet keep thy soul bright as a burning lamp with the flame of faith and endeavour? Wouldst thou scale the heavens and plunge to the uttermost hell for the sake of him thou lovest, knowing that thy love must make him one with thee at the God-appointed hour?"

I looked up at the Figure, vainly striving to see its face.

"All these things I would do!" I answered--"All that is in the power of my soul to endure mortally or immortally, I will bear for Love's sake!"

Again the light flashed through its black garments. When it next spoke, its voice rang out harshly in ominous warning.

"Thy lover is dead!" it proclaimed--"He has passed from this sphere to another, and ye shall not meet again for many cycles of time! DOST THOU BELIEVE IT?"

A cold agony gripped my breast, but I would not yield to it, and answered resolutely--

"No! I do not believe it! He could not die without my knowing and feeling the parting of his soul from mine!"

There was a pause, in which only the thunder of that invisible sea far down below us was audible. Then the voice went on,

"Thy lover is false!" it said--"His love for thee was a passing mood--already he regrets--already he wearies in thought of thee and loves thee no more! DOST THOU BELIEVE IT?"

I took no time for thought, but answered at once without hesitation--

"No! For if he does not love me his Spirit lies!--and no Spirit CAN lie!"

Another pause. Then the voice put this question--

"Dost thou truly believe in God, thy Creator, the Maker of heaven and earth?"

Lifting my eyes half in hope, half in appeal to the starry deep sky above me, I replied fervently--

"I do believe in Him with all my soul!"

A silence followed which seemed long and weighted with suspense. Then the voice spoke once more--

"Dost thou believe in Love, the generator of Life and the moving Cause and Mind of all created things?"

And again I replied--

"With all my soul!"

The Figure now bent slightly towards me, and the light within its darkness became more denned and brilliant. Presently an arm and hand, white and radiant--a shape as of living flame--was slowly outstretched from the enfolding black draperies. It pointed steadily to the abyss below me.

"If thy love is so great"--said the voice--"If thy faith is so strong--if thy trust in God is sure and perfect--descend thither!"

I heard--but could not credit my own hearing. I gazed at the shrouded and veiled speaker--at the commanding arm that signed my mortal body to destruction. For a moment I was lost in wild terror and wilder doubt. Was this fearful suggestion a temptation or a test? Should it be obeyed? I strove to find the centre-poise of my own self--to gather all my forces together,--to make myself sure of my own will and responsible for my own deeds,--and then--then I paused. All that was purely mortal in me shuddered on the brink of the Unknown. One look upward to the soft gloom of the purple sky and its myriad stars--one horrified glance downward at the dark depth where I heard the roaring of the sea! I clasped my hands in a kind of prayerful desperation, and looked once more at the solemn Shadow beside me.

"If thy love is so great!" it repeated, in slow and impressive tones--"If thy faith is so strong! If thy trust in God is so sure and perfect!"

There came a moment of tense stillness--a moment in which my life seemed detached from myself so that I held it like a palpitating separate creature in my hands, Suddenly the recollection of the last vision of all those I had seen among the dark mountains of Coruisk came back to me vividly--that of the woman who had knelt outside a barred gate in Heaven, waiting to enter in--"O leave her not always exiled and alone!" I had prayed then--"Dear God, have pity! Unbar the gate and let her in! She has waited so long!"

A sob broke unconsciously from my lips--my eyes filled with burning tears that blinded me. Imploringly I turned towards the relentless Figure beside me once more--its hand still pointed downwards--and again I seemed to hear the words--

"If thy love is so great! If thy faith is so strong! If thy trust in God is so sure and perfect!"

And then I suddenly found my own Soul's centre,--the very basis of my own actual being--and standing firmly upon that plane of imperishable force, I came to a quick resolve.

"Nothing can destroy me!" I said within myself--"Nothing can slay the immortal part of me, and nothing can separate my soul from the soul of my beloved! In all earth, in all heaven, there is no cause for fear!"

Hesitating no longer, I closed my eyes,--then extending my clasped hands I threw myself forward and plunged into the darkness!--down, down, interminably down! A light followed me like a meteoric shaft of luminance piercing the blackness--I retained sufficient consciousness to wonder at its brilliancy, and for a time I was borne along in my descent as though on wings. Down, still down!--and I saw ocean at my feet!--a heaving mass of angry waters flecked with a wool-like fleece of foam!

"The Change that is called Death, but which is Life!"

This was the only clear thought that flashed like lightning through my brain as I sank swiftly towards the engulfing desert of the sea!--then everything swirled into darkness and silence!

* * * * * *

A delicate warm glow like the filtering of sunbeams through shaded silk and crystal--a fragrance of roses--a delicious sound of harp-like music--to these things I was gradually awakened by a gentle pressure on my brows. I looked up--and my whole heart relieved itself in a long deep sigh of ecstasy!--it was Aselzion himself who bent over me,--Aselzion whose grave blue eyes watched me with earnest and anxious solicitude. I smiled up at him in response to his wordless questioning as to how I felt, and would have risen but that he imperatively signed to me to lie still.

"Rest!" he said,--and his voice was very low and tender. "Rest, poor child! You have done more than well!"

Another sigh of pure happiness escaped me,--I stretched out my arms lazily like one aroused from a long and refreshing slumber. My sensations were now perfectly exquisite; a fresh and radiant life seemed pouring itself through my veins, and I was content to remain a perfectly passive recipient of such an inflow of health and joy. The room I found myself in was new to me--it seemed made up of lovely colourings and a profusion of sweet flowers--I lay enshrined as it were in the centre of a little temple of beauty. I had no desire to move or to speak,--every trouble, every difficulty had passed from my mind, and I watched Aselzion dreamily as he brought a chair to the side of my couch and sat down--then, taking my hand in his, felt my pulse with an air of close attention.

I smiled again.

"Does it still beat?" I asked, finding my voice suddenly--"Surely the great sea has drowned it!"

Still holding my hand, he looked full into my eyes.

"'Many waters cannot quench love'!" he quoted softly. "Dear child, you have proved that truth. Be satisfied!"

Raising myself on my pillows, I studied his grave face with an earnest scrutiny.

"Tell me,"--I half whispered--"Have I failed?"

He pressed my hand encouragingly.

"No! You have almost conquered!"

Almost! Only 'almost'! I sank back again on the couch, wondering and waiting. He remained beside me quite silent. After a little the tension of suspense became unbearable and I spoke again--

"How did I escape?" I asked--"Who saved me when I fell?"

He smiled gravely.

"There was nothing to escape from"--he answered--"And no one saved you since you were not in danger."

"Not in danger!" I echoed, amazed.

"No! Only from yourself!"

I gazed at him, utterly bewildered. He gave me a kind and reassuring glance.

"Have patience!" he said, gently--"All shall be explained to you in good time! Meanwhile this apartment is yours for the rest of your stay here, which will not now be long--I have had all your things removed from the Probation room in the tower, so that you will no more be troubled by its scenic transformations!" Here he smiled again. "I will leave you now to recover from the terrors through which you have passed so bravely;--rest and refresh yourself thoroughly, for you have nothing more to fear. When you are quite ready touch this"--and he pointed to a bell--"I shall hear its summons and will come to you at once."

Before I could say a word to detain him, he had retired, and I was left alone.

I rose from my couch,--and the first impression I had was that of a singular ease and lightness--a sense of physical strength and well-being that was delightful beyond expression. The loveliness and peace of the room in which I was enchanted me,--everything my eyes rested upon suggested beauty. The windows were shaded with rose silk hangings--and when I drew these aside I looked out on a marble loggia or balcony overhung with climbing roses,--this, in its turn, opened on an exquisite glimpse of garden and blue sea. There was no clock anywhere to tell me the time of day, but the sun was shining, and I imagined it must be afternoon. Adjoining this luxurious apartment was an equally luxurious bathroom, furnished with every conceivable elegance,--the bath itself was of marble, and the water bubbled up from its centre like a natural spring, sparkling as it came. I found all my clothes, books and other belongings arranged with care where I could most easily get at them, and to my joy the book 'The Secret of Life,' which I thought I had lost on my last perilous adventure, lay on a small table by itself like a treasure set apart.

I bathed and dressed quickly, allowing myself no time to think upon any strange or perplexing point in my adventures, but giving myself entirely up to the joy of the new and ecstatic life which thrilled through me. A mirror in the room showed me my own face, happy and radiant,--my own eyes bright and smiling,--no care seemed to have left a trace on my features, and I was fully conscious of a perfect strength and health that made the mere act of breathing a pleasure. In a very short time I was ready to receive Aselzion, and I touched the bell he had indicated as a signal. Then I sat down by the window and looked out on the fair prospect before me. How glorious was the world, I thought!--how full of perfect beauty! That heavenly blue of sky and sea melting into one--the tender hues of the clambering roses against the green of the surrounding foliage--the lovely light that filtered through the air like powdered gold!--were not all these things to be thankful for? and can there be any real unhappiness so long as our Souls are in tune with the complete harmony of Creation?

Hearing a step behind me, I rose--and with a glad smile stretched out my hands to Aselzion, who had just then entered. He took them in his own and pressed them lightly--then drawing a chair opposite to mine, he sat down. His face expressed a certain gravity, and his voice when he began to speak was low and gentle.

"I have much to tell you"--he said--"but I will make it as brief as I can. You came here to pass a certain psychic ordeal--and you have passed it successfully--all but the last phase. Of that we will speak presently. For the moment you are under the impression that you have been through certain episodes of a more or less perplexing and painful nature. So you have--but not in the way you think. Nothing whatever has happened to you, save in your own mind--your adventures have been purely mental--and were the result of several brains working on yours and compelling you to see and to hear what they chose. There!--do not look so startled!"--for I had risen with an involuntary exclamation--"I will explain everything quite clearly, and you will soon understand."

He paused--and I sat down again by the window, wondering and waiting.

"In this world," he went on, slowly--"it is not climate, or natural surroundings that affect man so much as the influences brought to bear upon him by his fellow-men. Human beings really live surrounded by the waves of thought flung off by their own brains and the brains of those around them,--and this is the reason why, if they are not strong enough to find a centre-poise, they are influenced by ways and moods of thought which would never be their own by choice and free-will. If a mind, or let us say a Soul, can resist the impressions brought to bear upon it by other forces than itself--if it can stand alone, clear of obstacle, in the light of the Divine Image, then it has gained a mastership over all things. But the attainment of such a position is difficult enough to be generally impossible. Influences work around us everywhere,--men and women with great aims in life are swept away from their intentions by the indifference or discouragement of their friends--brave deeds are hindered from accomplishment by the suggestion of fears which do not really exist--and the daily scattering and waste of psychic force and powerful mentality by disturbing or opposing brain-waves, is sufficient to make the world a perfect paradise were it used to that end."

He waited a moment--then bent his eyes earnestly upon me as he resumed--

"You do not need to be told by me that you have lived on this earth before, and that you have many times been gently yet forcibly drawn into connection with the other predestined half of yourself,--that Soul of love which blindly seeking, you have often rejected when found--not of yourself have you rejected it--but simply because of the influences around you to which you have yielded. Now in this further phase of your existence you have been given another chance--another opportunity. It is quite possible that had you not come to me you would have lost your happiness again, and it was this knowledge which made me receive you, against all the rules of our Order, when I saw that you were fairly resolved. Your ordeal would have been longer had you not made the first bold advance yourself on the occasion of your entrance into our chapel. The light of the Cross and Star drew you, and your Soul obeyed the attraction of its native element. Had you opposed its intention by doubts and fears, I should have had more trouble with you than I should have cared to undertake. But you made the first step yourself with a rare courage--the rest was comparatively easy."

He paused again and again went on.

"I have already said that you are under the impression of having gone through certain adventures or episodes, which have more or less distressed and perplexed you. These things have had NO EXISTENCE except in your mind! When I took you up to your room in the turret, I placed you under my influence and under the influence of four other brains acting in conjunction with myself. We took entire possession of your mentality, and made it as far as possible like a blank slate, on which we wrote what we chose. The test was to see whether your Soul, which is the actual You, could withstand and overcome our suggestions. At first hearing, this sounds as if we had played a trick upon you for our own entertainment--but it is not so,--it is merely an application of the most powerful lesson in life--namely, THE RESISTANCE AND CONQUEST OF THE INFLUENCES OF OTHERS, which are the most disturbing and weakening forces we have to contend with."

I began to see clearly what he meant me to understand, and I hung upon his words with eager attention.

"You have only to look about you in the world," he continued--"to realise the truth of what I say. Every day you may meet some soul whose powers of accomplishment might be superb if it were not for the restricting influences to which it allows itself to succumb. How often do you not come upon a man or woman of brilliant genius, who is nevertheless rendered incompetent by opposing influences, and who therefore lives the life of a bird in a cage! Take the thousands of men wrongly mated, whose very wives and children drag them down and kill every spark of ambition and accomplishment within them! Take the thousands of women persuaded or forced into unions with men whose low estimate of woman's intellect coarsens and degrades her to a level from which it is almost impossible to rise! This is the curse of 'influences'--the magnetic currents of other brains which set our own awry, and make half the trouble and mischief in the world. Not one soul in a hundred thousand has force or courage to resist them! The man accustomed to live with a wife who without doing any other harm, simply kills his genius by the mere fact of her daily contact, moods, and methods, makes no effort to shake himself free from the apathy her influence causes, but simply sinks passively into inaction. The woman, bound to a man who insists on considering her lower than himself, and often pulled this way and that by the selfish desires or aims of her children or other family belongings, becomes a mere domestic drudge or machine, with no higher aims than are contained in the general ordering of household business. Love,--the miraculous touchstone which turns everything to gold,--is driven out of the circle of Life with the result that Life itself grows weary of its present phase, and makes haste to seek another more congenial. Hence proceeds what we call age and death."

I was about to interrupt by an eager question--but he silenced me by a gesture.

"Your position," he went on--"from a psychic standard,--which is the only necessary, because the only lasting attitude,--is that of being brought into connection with the other half of your spiritual and immortal Ego,--which means the possession of perfect love, and with it perfect life. And because this is so great a gift, and so entirely Divine, influences are bound to offer opposition in order that the Soul may make its choice VOLUNTARILY. Therefore, when I, and the other brains acting with me, placed you under our power, we impressed you with all that most readily shakes the feminine mind--doubt, jealousy, suspicion, and all the wretched terrors these wretched emotions engender. We suggested the death of Rafel Santoris as well as his treachery,--you heard, as you thought, voices behind a wall--but there were no voices--only the suggestion of voices in your mind. You saw strange phantoms and shadows,--they had no existence except in so far as we made them exist and present themselves to your mental vision. You wandered away into unknown places, so you imagined,--but as a matter of fact you NEVER LEFT YOUR ROOM!"

"Never left my room!" I echoed--"Oh, that cannot be!"

"It can be, because it is!" he answered me, smiling gravely--"The only thing in your experience that was REAL was the finding of the book 'The Secret of Life'--in the purple-draped shrine. Here it is"--and he took it up from the table on which it lay--"and if you had turned it over a little more, you would have found this"--and he read aloud--

"'All action is the material result of Thought. Suffering is the result of THINKING INTO PAIN--disease the result of THINKING INTO WEAKNESS. Every emotion is the result of wrong or right THINKING, with one exception--Love. Love is not an Emotion but a Principle, and as the generator of Life pervades all things, and is all things. Thought, working WITHIN this Principle, creates the things of beauty and lastingness,--Thought, working OUTSIDE this Principle, equally creates the things of terror, doubt, confusion, and destruction. There is no other Secret of Life--no other Elixir of Youth--no other Immortality!'"

He pronounced the last words with gentle and impressive emphasis, and a great sweetness and calm filled my mind as I listened.

"I--or I should say we--for four of my Brethren were deeply interested in you on account of the courage you had shown--we took you up to the utmost height of endurance in the way of mental terror--and, to our great joy, found your Soul strong enough to baffle and conquer the ultimate suggestion of Death itself. You held firmly to the truth that there is NO death, and with that spiritual certainty risked all for Love. Now we have released you from our spells!"--and his eyes were full of kindness as he looked at me--"and I want to know if you thoroughly realise the importance of the lesson we have taught?"

I met his enquiring glance fully and steadily.

"I think I do,"--I said--"You mean that I must stand alone?"

"Alone, yet not alone!"--he answered, and his fine face was transfigured into light with its intense feeling and power--"Alone with Love!--which is to say alone with God, and therefore surrounded by all god-like, lasting and revivifying things. You will go back from this place to the world of conventions,--and you will meet a million influences to turn you from your chosen way. Opinion, criticism, ridicule, calumny and downright misunderstanding--these will come out against you like armed foes, bristling at every point with weapons of offence. If you tell them of your quest of life and youth and love, and of your experience here, they will cover you with their mockery and derision--if you were to breathe a word of the love between you and Rafel Santoris, a thousand efforts would be instantly made to separate you, one from the other, and snatch away the happiness you have won. How will you endure these trials?--what will be your method of action?"

I thought a moment.

"The same that I have tried to practise here"--I answered--"I shall believe nothing of ill report--but only of good."

He bent his eyes upon me searchingly.