Part 10

I found my servant and muleteer at the inn, where they had engaged a very commodious apartment for me, in which I supped alone. The landlord, who was one of those inveterate jesters who abound with witticisms and puns, joined me soon after, thinking I should be vastly entertained with his company. He began the conversation by telling me all that was going on in the town, the privileges of which he much extolled, not forgetting to praise the spirit with which the inhabitants maintained those privileges. I was not averse to listening to him, for in the midst of a thousand impertinences, a most excellent stroke of wit would occasionally escape him, as is often the case with babblers like him. When I had finished my supper, however, he ceased worrying me any longer with his nonsense, made his bow, and was about to retire. Stop friend, said I, be kind enough to desire a tailor to call upon me to-morrow morning; I have some work to give him. The entrusting mine host with this commission, furnished him with a new topic for conversation, and he took occasion to enlarge upon the knavery of tailors in general, abusing them as other people usually do. Nevertheless, after having railed at them most vehemently as a body, he finished by assuring me, that he knew one who knew how to behave himself to his customers, without cabbaging an inch of their cloth, and who, he doubted not, would please me.

He was as good as his word; for as soon as I was up the next morning, he introduced a tailor, who appeared to be by no means extravagant, and who understood his business well. I gave orders for a Spanish habit, in the fashion I wished it to be made, and he promised he would send it home in three days, made in so fashionable a style as could not fail to attract the admiration of every one. In the mean time, I wore the Italian suit I had purchased at Florence, in which I cut a tolerable good figure on the Corso, which is the place of resort for all the fashionables at Saragossa, and where I was at least not ashamed to appear as one of Donna Lucia’s suitors; but as soon as I made my appearance amongst them in my new dress, I completely eclipsed them all, not only from its elegance, but from the fine jewels with which I thought proper to deck myself out. I was soon looked upon as the favoured lover of the lady, whose attention I certainly attracted; for, whether I accompanied her in her walks, or chanced to pass under her balcony, she evidently distinguished me in preference to all my rivals. The haughty Don Lucio could not conceal his envy of my happiness, and darted the most furious looks at me. With the others I lived on tolerable good terms, especially with Miras, who scarcely ever left me, and procured me all the pleasure he could, by introducing me into the most distinguished families in the city.

Thus I found myself esteemed and honoured at Saragossa, where I was as much in Lucia’s favour as I had been in that of my Florence widow, when one morning, my servant announced to me, that there was a gentleman at my chamber-door who wanted to speak to me. Being still in bed, and thinking that it must be one of Don Antonio’s friends, I desired that he might be admitted, and was not a little surprised at sight of the person who had thus announced himself, who was a huge ugly looking fellow whom I had never seen before. He wore mustachios turned up, a high crowned hat which nearly reached the ceiling, and a very long sword, the hilt of which he was very careful in holding up, that it might not dangle on the floor; thus, shrugging up his shoulders, he walked with so heavy a foot, that the chamber shook at every step he took.

You will naturally expect that after so grand an entrance, he would address himself to me in a corresponding style; but no such thing; he was content to strut up and down my chamber, eyeing me from time to time in a most threatening manner. I soon grew tired of this dumb scene, so that jumping up on a sudden, I seized my pistols, and demanded what business he had there. This action seemed to bring him to his senses. “Do you know,” said he, with an agitated voice, “the brave Don Lucio de Ribera, the flower and boast of Arragon?” I replied, “that I knew him merely by sight, and that it was but of little consequence whether I knew him or not.” “I am come,” continued he, presenting me a letter, “to find you on his behalf. This letter will explain the rest.” I took the note very calmly, for I perceived plainly that the bearer was more frightened than myself, and having opened it, read these words:

“Be you an Italian or a Spaniard, your presumption is unpardonable in coming into this country to dispute our ladies’ hearts with us: but as you appear to be a foreigner, we are willing to excuse your extreme rashness, on condition that you leave Saragossa within four and twenty hours. Should your evil genius induce you to despise our resentment, be prepared to encounter Don Lucio de Ribera, whom no one has hitherto been able to vanquish, but whom you must overcome before you can offer any pretensions to Donna Lucia.”

Knowing the letter before I opened it to be from Don Lucio, I guessed that it must be a challenge, or something approaching it; so that I was not in the least astonished at its contents. “Sir,” said I to the messenger, “tell your employer on this occasion, that whether Italian or Spaniard, I have two daggers very much at his service, and that I am ready to fight him in my shirt, to prevent the possibility of foul play. No coats of mail for me; the really brave never make use of them in single combat. Let Don Lucio agree to these articles, and he shall find that I am ready to brave any danger to deserve the heart of Lucia. This is my answer.” “Give it me in writing,” replied the bearer of the letter, “that the regular Don Lucio may be convinced of my having delivered his message like a man of honour.” To satisfy this valiant messenger, I took the trouble of committing to paper the same words that I had just told him aloud, and he left me, promising to return in the afternoon, to fix the hour and the spot on which we should fight. After this rascal had left the room, I congratulated myself exceedingly that I had acquitted myself so manfully on this occasion, for though I had not the slightest inclination to fight, it was not the less necessary to assume the bravo, which has got many a man out of a scrape in similar cases, and which indeed was the only way in which I could receive so boisterous a gentleman. Let the worst come to the worst, however, thought I, my mules being always ready, I can at any time make a retreat. It is true that the idea of leaving Lucia would have caused me some pain, but I was not yet so much in love with her, as to hesitate between the possession of her and the preservation of my own sweet person.

Still this affair caused no inconsiderable anxiety, and I was most intently musing upon it, when mine host entered the room without my perceiving him, to ask whether I was ready for dinner, and seeing me look into my pocket handkerchief after having made use of it, roared out most lustily: “Take care of yourself, Sir, or you are undone!” I shuddered at these words, for my head was so full of the last scene, that I thought nothing less than that Don Lucio was on his way up stairs with the intention of assassinating me; but seeing my landlord laugh at my alarm, I recovered myself a little, and gave him to understand that I did not much admire such jokes; this only caused him to laugh the more at my expence. “How came you then,” said he, “to look into your handkerchief after having blown your nose? Know you not that you have thereby incurred a penalty for having broken the laws established against such ridiculous customs?” Knowing the fellow to be an original who meant no offence, I joined him in the laugh, and asked what the forfeit was. “No stipulated sum,” replied he, “but I dare say I can let you off for a real.” This I paid most willingly, though I would rather have paid twenty times the sum to have dispensed with the fright he had caused me. “In return for this,” continued he, “I receive you from this moment as one of our fraternity, and promise to give you a licence, by virtue of which you may in future commit the like fooleries at your pleasure; and since your real has produced you the honour of a place amongst us, it is but fair that I should amuse you after dinner by the perusal of the list of such habits as will entitle any one to a place in our brotherhood.”

No sooner had I dined, than he entered the room again, with a long tablet carefully sealed with yellow wax, containing the names of the elders and governors of the fraternity. The following pages contained all the fooleries that would entitle a person to be admitted into Fool’s College. I shall quote five or six of these instances, which will suffice to give you an idea of the rest. Preamble: “We declare quite worthy to be admitted into our College, all those who may be addicted to the following habits:”

_1st. He who talks to himself either in his room or in the street._

_2d. He who in playing at bowls, runs after his own bowl with divers contortions, hoping to make it roll to the exact spot he wishes._

_3d. All those who take up their cards one by one, thinking by that means to ensure themselves all the court cards in the pack._

_4th. Those who inquire the hour of the day while the clock is striking exactly before them._

_5th. Those who, having sent a servant on an errand, plant themselves at the window, thinking thereby to hasten his return._

_6th. All those who after having blown their noses, examine their handkerchiefs most attentively, as though they expected to find pearls in them, &c. &c. &c._

I amused myself a great part of the afternoon in reading this budget of extravagances, expecting every moment to hear again from Don Lucio, and was just growing weary of staying so long within doors, when Don Antonio and some friends of his called upon me. They began, by telling me that they were come to offer me their services in the affair of honour that I had on hand, adding that the whole town knew that Don Lucio had sent me a challenge, and that duelling being prohibited, that Cavalier was already arrested. From this circumstance it was pretty clear to me that Don Antonio and his friends were of that description of persons, who are ever most eager to proffer their assistance, when they know that all danger is over. I accordingly related as much to my own advantage as possible, the full particulars of what had passed that morning between me and Don Lucio’s messenger; upon which Don Antonio represented to me that I might also be arrested, and invited me to retire to his house. This I did not fail to accede to, for I dreaded any thing like imprisonment for more reasons than one. I passed the remainder of the day at that gentleman’s house, but not intending to sleep there, I left him about ten o’clock at night to return to my inn.

On my way home I met two ladies, attended by a footman who carried a large lantern, by the light of which, I soon distinguished that they were extremely handsome. I therefore accosted them in the most polite manner, and they answered my civilities with considerable vivacity; and, judging from my appearance and dress that I should be an easy prey, they ogled me in such a manner that I could not resist accompanying them farther than I intended; but having come to the corner of a street, they stopped all of a sudden, and one of them said: “Come no farther, I beg. Sir; we are only going to visit a sick lady who resides a few doors up this street. If you have time to wait, we shall be walking home again in about a quarter of an hour, and you may not repent of having met us. You shall hear a song, and the lute played to admiration.” Thus saying, they escaped from me, leaving me so fully persuaded they would keep their promise, that I was fool enough to wait in the street until near midnight. By that time, however, I was but too well convinced that I had been duped, sharp and cunning as I thought myself; and must further confess, to my confusion, that I had not even saved my purse from the dexterity of these accomplished damsels.

Being obliged, on my way to my lodging, to pass the house of my fair widow, I could not refuse myself the pleasure of gazing on it for some time, and I fancied that I perceived a man at the door. I imagined at first that this must be Don Lucio, knowing that he was in the habit of stationing himself near that spot every night, and this thought was accompanied by an emotion mingled with fear and jealousy. Recollecting, however, that he was in prison, I reflected that it could not be him; I grew confident, and, incited by jealousy, advanced towards the object that created it, and who, apparently, more afraid than myself, disappeared at my approach. Having reached the door, I heard the deafened creakings of a bolt, whence I concluded that some one was opening it as quietly as possible. I was not mistaken in my conjecture, for in a moment after, the door was half opened, so as to admit a man. Curiosity to know the bottom of this affair, in which I believed myself to be more interested than I really was, prompted me to slip in as quietly as possible. I immediately felt a hand held out to conduct me, for there was not a glimpse of light in the passage. I thought from the first, that the person mistook me, and could no longer doubt it, when being led into a back parlour, I was rather roughly regaled with a most fervent embrace, seasoned with the fragrant and delightful smell of pepper, garlic and saffron, which convinced me that this transported lover, who was so profuse of her favours, could be no other than the cook. In the midst of her transports, however, she began to suspect, from touching my clothes and face, that I could not be the favoured swain whom she expected; and at length being convinced of her mistake, she suddenly let go her hold of me, and thought to escape; but I held her fast by the petticoat. She exerted all her strength to disengage herself, and I was as determined to detain her, until at length we both fell down with a tremendous crash. This noise awoke two footmen, who lay in an adjoining closet. They jumped instantly out of bed, thinking they heard thieves, and each arming himself with a sword, crept softly with a lamp into the parlour, where they found us stretched at our length on the floor.

They recognised me immediately, and surprised to see a gentleman who aspired to the hand of their mistress contending with so much violence for the good graces of a kitchen wench, who had never even tempted themselves, they burst into an immoderate fit of laughter, to my utter confusion. The insolence of the creature herself was surprising: she accused me of a deliberate design to violate her honour, and asserted that I had secreted myself in the house with that view. Without waiting to justify myself, I picked up my hat, which had been knocked off my head by a violent box on the ears, and addressing myself to the servant who carried the lamp, desired him to light me to the street door, which he did, grinning all the way in such a manner, that I was almost tempted to knock him down. I soon reached my inn, cruelly mortified at so disgraceful and pitiful an adventure, not doubting that the story would be all over the town the next day, and that I should be the common talk of all the inhabitants. This idea, which afflicted me more than you can possibly imagine, made me resolve to stay no longer in Saragossa than was absolutely necessary to make preparations for my departure. My equipage was ready, therefore, at break of day, and my mules as though they partook of their master’s impatience to leave a place where he could not again make his appearance without shame, commenced their journey with a speed and seeming anxiety which pleased me exceedingly.

CHAP. XLVII.

_Guzman departs for Madrid, where he engages in a new gallantry, the_ CONCLUSION _of which does not prove so agreeable as the_ COMMENCEMENT.

I took the road to Madrid, and six days after my departure from Saragossa, I arrived at Alcala de Henares, a town, the situation of which is delightful, and which the beauty of its buildings renders comparable with the most flourishing capitols in the world. In addition to this, the _belles lettres_ were cultivated there to perfection. I should certainly have taken up my abode there, had I not been foolishly desirous to visit St. James’s once more, where I had formerly acted so miserable a part.

I stopped but eight days at Alcala, and then proceeded towards Madrid. That celebrated city saw arrive, with three mules in his train, two of which were laden with valuable property, that same Guzman who had formerly carried a basket in its market-place. I hesitated for some time as to where I should take up my lodging; but recollecting that in my time the best inn was in Toledo-street, I determined to alight there. I found it strangely changed. The landlord was dead, and his widow, though a shrewd active woman, who had more than one string to her bow, could not support its reputation on the same footing. It was certainly much fallen off; but the extreme civility with which they treated me, whom they looked upon as a rich young nobleman, prevented me from leaving them.

My next care was, to make special inquiries about my old friend the three-bagged apothecary; and though I did not much fear that I could be recognised, I must confess that I felt a secret joy when I learnt that he had taken his departure for that country whither his drugs had despatched so many of his patients before him. Ten years, however, had now elapsed since I left Madrid, and, besides that, I was much altered in person; who the devil could have recognized poor Guzman in the finery with which he was now disguised? I took great pleasure in shewing myself off in my best suits, particularly in the one I had purchased at Saragossa. I exhibited myself in them by turns, in the morning at the different churches, and in the evening at the prado.

One night having returned home rather late to bed, as I crossed a corridor which led to my chamber, I heard the voice of a young lady accompanying a harp. I stopped to listen to this little concert, for it was very near my own room, and felt an extreme curiosity to know who were the fair performers. My landlady, who was going to send some sweetmeats and biscuits to refresh the singer, happened to pass by just at this moment, and told me that they were two ladies of Guadalaxara, who were but just arrived at her house, to solicit a law-suit at Madrid for a large sum of money. I gave her to understand that I had an extreme desire to hear them nearer, and that she would confer an obligation on me which I should remember all my life, if she could procure me admittance into their company. She replied that she would do all she could in my favour, but that she dared not promise me, for the mother was a very reserved sort of woman, who led a very retired life with her daughter, who was very pretty, and whom she never trusted out of her sight. This only made me the more anxious to see her. My landlady assured me that she would do all in her power. With this assurance, I allowed her to enter the apartment where the ladies were, and I walked up and down the corridor, expecting their answer; which was, that the ladies hoped I would excuse their declining at so late an hour to receive a visit from a gentleman with whom they were not acquainted.

I pretended to be very much afflicted at this refusal, which upon the whole vexed me indeed; so that my good landlady, who appeared on her side as much concerned as I was, went into the ladies’ apartment to try again what could be done, and at last she returned to let me know that the ladies consented to grant me an interview, on condition that I would only stay a quarter of an hour with them. I desired no more; sure that once admitted, the condition as to time would not be strictly observed. I presented myself then with the air of a man of quality, first to the mother, whom I saluted with great respect, then to the daughter, and they both received me as it became persons who knew the world. They were both so neatly dressed, considering they were just come off a journey, that I was quite astonished. The mother appeared to me very handsome, though there was in her looks something bold and shy. As for the daughter, she had a soft and expressive countenance, and appeared to me a young lady about seventeen or eighteen years old. I remarked in their room two large silver candlesticks on a table, and two toilets elegantly set out. I saw also three large travelling trunks, and a lackey in a very rich livery attended them with the most profound respect. I had not the least doubt, therefore, that they must be of one of the first families of Guadalaxara, so that I began my compliments by apologizing for the liberty I had taken: and the better to justify my impatience, added that I had been so enchanted with their concert, that I could not resist the desire of expressing my satisfaction. The mother replied to my compliment with much wit and modesty. Our conversation naturally ran upon music, and I soon let them see clearly enough that I understood that science; then entreating them to renew their concert, I even offered to sing with them.

The ladies, curious to hear me, agreed to it; so the mother took up the harp, and the young lady began to sing an air I knew. I endeavoured to display the full power of my voice, and it produced the same effect here as at Florence, or at the Abbey near Saragossa, and the ladies seemed transported with pleasure; they forgot the condition of a quarter of an hour, for it had already struck twelve, and none of us thought of retiring. The mother, however, as decency required she should give me notice of it, at length did it in the most obliging manner, adding how happy they should be to pass some more agreeable moments with me, during their stay at Madrid. I then took my leave, and let the young lady see by my looks that I was not insensible to her charms; and indeed it was more true than I thought, for during all the night sleep did not close my eyelids.