Chapter 312

Bath, Oct. 18, 1766. (page 491)

You have made me laugh, and somebody else makes me stare. How can one wonder at any thing he does, when he knows so little of the world? I suppose the next step will be to propose me for groom of the bedchamber to the new Duke of Cumberland. But why me? Here is that hopeful young fellow, Sir John Rushout, the oldest member of the House, and, as extremes meet, very proper to begin again; why overlook him? However, as the secret is kept from me myself, I am perfectly easy about it. I shall call to-day or to-morrow to ask his commands, but certainly shall not obey those you mention.(972)

The waters certainly are not so beneficial to me as at first: I have almost every morning my pain in my stomach. I do not pretend this to be the cause of my leaving Bath. The truth is, I cannot bear it any longer. You laugh at my regularity; but the contrary habit is so strong in me, that I cannot continue such sobriety. The public rooms, and the loo, where we play in a circle, like the hazard on Twelfth-night, are insupportable. This coming into the world again, when I am so weary of it, is as bad and ridiculous as moving an address would be. I have no affectation; for affectation is a monster at nine-and-forty; but if I cannot live quietly, privately, and comfortably, I am perfectly indifferent about living at all. I would not kill myself, for that is a philosopher's affectation, and I will come hither again, if I must; but I shall always drive very near, before I submit to do any thing I do not like. In short, I must be as foolish as I please, as long as I can keep without the limits of absurdity. What has an old man to do but to preserve himself from parade on one hand, and ridicule on the other?(973) Charming youth may indulge itself in either, may be censured, will be envied, and has time to correct. Adieu

Monday evening.

You are a delightful manager of the House of Commons, to reckon 540, instead of 565! Sandwich was more accurate In lists, and would not have miscounted 25, which are something in a division.

(972) Mr. Conway had intimated to Walpole, that it was the wish of Lord Chatham, that he should move the address on the King's speech at the opening of the session.-E.

(973) On the topic of ridicule, Walpole had, a few days before, thus expressed himself in a letter to Madame du Deffand:--"Il y avoit longtemps avant la date de notre connaissance, que cette crainte de ridicule s'`etoit plant`ee dans mon esprit, et vous devez assur`ement vous ressouvenir a quel point elle me poss`edoit, et combien de fois je vous en ai entretenu. N'allez pas lui chercher une naissance r`ecente. D`es le moment que je cessais d'`etre jeune, j'ai eu une peur horrible de devenir un veillard ridicule." To this the lady replied--"Vos craintes sur le ridicule sont des terreurs paniques, mais on ne gu`erit point de la peur; je n'ai point une semblable foiblesse; je sais qu'`a mon age on est `a l'abri de donner du scandale: si l'on aime, on n'a point `a s'en cacher; l'amiti`e ne sera jamais un sentiment ridicule, quand elle ne fait pas faire des folies; mais gardons-nous d'en prof`erer le nom, puisque vous avez de si bonnes raisons de la vouloir proscrire."-E.