Part 18

Then it was that there came on the scene the four carriages, making straight for the Duke's gunners. And in the chariots were none but men and women dancing and drinking and playing most joyously on fifes and drums and bagpipes and shawms. And wondrous was the din that came from all those instruments.

When the procession had been brought to a halt, the Duke himself came up, attracted by the noise, and he saw the newly married bride where she stood in one of the four chariots; and beside her was Ulenspiegel, the bridegroom, covered with flowers; and all the other peasants, both men and women, who had by now got down from the chariots and were dancing all round them and offering drink to the soldiers.

The Duke and his friends were much astonished at the simplicity of these peasants who sang and made merry when all around them was an army ready to do battle.

And now they that remained in the chariots were giving all the wine to the soldiers, and they in their turn were fêted by them and made much of; till at last, when the wine began to run out, the peasants continued on their way again. The drums and fifes and bagpipes struck up once more and the cavalcade moved off without any let or hindrance. And the soldiers, in high good humour, let off a volley from their guns in honour of the festal occasion.

And thus they came to Maestricht, where Ulenspiegel took counsel with the agents of the Reformers as to the best way of sending ships loaded with arms and munitions to the assistance of the Prince's fleet.

And from there they went to Landen and to other places, disguised as working men.

The Duke was not long in learning the trick that had been played on him, and there came into his hands a lampoon which was in circulation at the time, with this refrain:

Bloody Duke, Silly Duke, Hast thou seen the Bride?

And every time that the Duke made a mistake in his general-ship the soldiers would sing:

The Duke he can't see clearly; He has seen the Bride!

XXII

Now in those days the Duke divided his army into two parts, one of which he ordered to march towards the Duchy of Luxemburg and the other to the Marquisate of Namur.

"These tactics of the military are all one to me," said Ulenspiegel to Lamme, "let us go on our way with confidence."

They were walking along the banks of the Meuse, near the town of Maestricht, and Lamme saw that Ulenspiegel gazed attentively at all the boats that were sailing on the river. Suddenly he came to a stand before one of these boats upon whose prow was carved the figure of a mermaid. And the mermaid carried a shield and on it in gold upon a black ground were blazoned the letters J.H.S., being the monogram of Our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. Ulenspiegel signed to Lamme that he should stand still, and then he began to sing like a lark most joyously.

A man appeared on the boat and began to crow like a cock. At this Ulenspiegel set up a noise like a donkey's bray, which the man immediately echoed with interest. And the two donkeys of Lamme and Ulenspiegel lay back their ears and joined in the chorus with their own natural voices. Sundry women and men were passing along that way, the latter riding on the backs of the horses which were tugging the barges along the tow-path. And Ulenspiegel said to Lamme:

"This boatman is making mock of us and our good steeds. What do you say to going and attacking him on his boat?"

"Let us rather entice him over to the bank," replied Lamme.

But a woman who happened to be passing at the moment said:

"If you don't want to come back with your arms cut off, your backs broken, and your noses in pieces, let me advise you to let this Stercke Pier bray at his ease."

"Ee--aw! Ee--aw! Ee--aw!" went the boatman.

"Let him sing," continued the woman. "Only the other day he showed us how he could lift on his shoulders a truck of heavy barrels of beer, and hold back yet another truck that was being dragged forwards by a strong horse. And at the inn there"--and as she spoke she pointed to the tavern of the Blauwe Torre--"it was there one day that he threw his knife at a plank of oak-wood twelve inches thick and pierced it at a distance of twenty paces!"

"Ee--aw! Ee--aw! Ee--aw!" went the boatman, and now he was joined by a youngster of twelve or so, who climbed on to the bridge of the boat, and began to bray in like manner.

But Ulenspiegel answered the woman:

"He's nothing to us, your Peter the Strong! For however strong he is, we are stronger! See my friend Lamme here. He could eat up two men like that without so much as a hiccup!"

"What's this you're saying, my son?" demanded Lamme.

"The truth," answered Ulenspiegel. "And do not let your modesty contradict me. For of a truth, good people, women and working men of Maestricht, I tell you that before long you shall see my friend here belabouring and beating to nothing this famous Stercke Pier of yours!"

"Be quiet," said Lamme.

"Your strength is famous far and wide," answered Ulenspiegel. "You cannot conceal it."

"Ee--aw!" went the boatman. "Ee--aw!" went the boy.

Suddenly Ulenspiegel began again to sing like a lark very melodiously, and the men and women and workmen standing by were enchanted, and began to ask him where he had learnt the art of whistling so divinely.

"In Paradise," answered Ulenspiegel, "whence I come." Then he addressed himself to the boatman, who was still continuing his braying and mocking:

"Why do you stay there on your boat, you good-for-nothing? Haven't you the courage to come and jeer at us and our steeds from the dry land?"

"Haven't you the courage for that?" said Lamme.

"Ee--aw! Ee--aw!" went the boatman. "Come, my good bray-masters, come up rather into my boat."

Then Ulenspiegel whispered to Lamme to do exactly as he did. But to the boatman he said aloud:

"If you are Stercke Pier, I am Tyl Ulenspiegel. And these two here are our donkeys, Jef and Jan, and they know how to bray better than you do, for that is their natural way of talking. As for coming on to your leaky decks, it is the last thing we wish to do. Your boat is like a tub, and each time that a wave comes along it shivers, and it knows no other way of walking save sideways-on like a crab."

"Yes, like a crab!" said Lamme.

To which the boatman made answer:

"What are you croaking there between your teeth, great block of fat?

At this Lamme fell into a rage, crying:

"You are no Christian to make mock of my infirmity. My fat is my own, let me tell you, and is the result of the good food I eat, whereas you, old bag of bones that you are, you have never lived upon aught better than smoked herrings and old candle-wicks if one may judge anything from the lean flesh that shows through the tears in your measly hose."

"Ee--aw! Ee--aw!" cried the boatman, and Lamme would have got down from his donkey to collect stones to throw at him had not Ulenspiegel said him nay.

The boatman now began to whisper something into the ear of the lad who was still "ee--awing" at his side, and a moment later the lad unfastened a little boat which lay by the side of the big one, and with the end of the boat-hook shoved himself cleverly off towards the river-bank. When the boy was quite close to the bank he drew himself up proudly and threw down this challenge:

"My master wants to know if you will have the courage to come on to his boat and join with him in a battle of fist and feet. And these good men and women shall be the arbiters."

"Certainly," said Ulenspiegel in a dignified tone of voice.

"We accept the challenge," said Lamme haughtily.

It was midday. The workmen who laboured on the dike and the road-menders and the builders of ships were about to take their repast of beans and boiled beef which had been brought them by their women-folk or their children. All these, then, who stood around began to laugh and to clap their hands at the prospect of a fight, looking forward with joy to the chance of seeing the head of one of the combatants broken, or his body thrown in pieces into the river.

"My son," said Lamme under his breath, "the boatman will assuredly throw us into the water."

"Let him throw you in if he wants to," said Ulenspiegel.

"The big one is afraid," said the crowd of workmen.

Lamme, who was still sitting his donkey, turned round and gave them a look of anger, but they jeered at him the more.

"Come on," said Lamme. "Let us to the boat, and then they shall see if I am afraid."

At these words the jeers broke out again, and Ulenspiegel said:

"Come, let us to the boat!"

When, therefore, they had dismounted from their donkeys they threw the bridles to the boatman's lad, who caressed the animals in friendly wise and led them to a place where he saw some thistles growing. At the same time Ulenspiegel seized hold of the boat-hook, made Lamme get into the skiff, and then steered straight for the big boat. There he mounted on to the deck by the help of a rope, and Lamme climbed up in front of him, puffing and blowing.

Arrived on the bridge of the boat, Ulenspiegel leant down as if to lace up his boots, and at the same time he spoke a word into the boatman's ear, who straightway laughed and gave Lamme a curious look. Then he began to roar out at him every kind of insult, calling him worthless rogue, a man bloated with vicious fat, prison-bred, pap-eter, and at the same time inquiring of him how many tons of oil they gave him when he was bled.

All of a sudden, without waiting to reply, Lamme threw himself like a mad bull upon the boatman, knocked him down, and began to beat him with all his might. The boatman, however, did not receive much injury, forasmuch as Lamme's arms were but weak on account of their fatness. And the boatman suffered himself to be thus dealt with despite the fact that he was making a great pretence at resistance all the time. And the men and women who were watching the battle from the bank were astonished, and exclaimed to each other: "Who would have thought that this fat man could be so fiery!"

And they clapped their hands while Lamme continued to belabour the boatman most unmercifully. But the latter took care only to protect his face. Suddenly Lamme was seen to be kneeling upon the breast of Stercke Pier, with one hand on his adversary's throat, and the other raised to strike.

"Cry for mercy," he said furiously, "or else I shall make you pass through the planks of your tub."

At this the boatman began to cough, thereby signifying that he could not speak, and demanded mercy with a sign of his hand.

Then Lamme was seen to pick up his adversary in a most generous manner, who thereupon, standing upright and turning his back towards the onlookers, put out his tongue at Ulenspiegel. Now the latter was rocking with laughter to see Lamme shaking the feather on his cap so proudly and walking about in triumph upon the deck of the boat.

And the men and women, boys and girls, who were watching from the bank applauded their loudest and cried out: "Long live the conqueror of Stercke Pier! He is a man of iron! Did you see how he cuffed him with his fist, and how he threw him down on his back with a blow of his hand? But see, they are now about to drink together to make the peace! Stercke Pier is coming up from the hold with wine and sausages!" And in very truth, Stercke Pier might now have been seen coming on deck with two tankards and a quart of white Meuse wine. And Lamme and the boatman made their peace. After which Lamme asked his new friend what sort of fricassees they were that were being cooked in the hold of the ship; for at one end of the deck was a chimney whence rose a column of thick black smoke. And the boatman made answer:

"Since you are men of valiant heart, knowing well the song of the lark, the bird of freedom, and the warlike clarion of the cock, and the bray of the ass withal, come you with me and I will show you my kitchen."

And so saying he led the way into the hold, where, removing certain planks from the floor, he disclosed some mighty piles of gun-barrels, together with a quantity of iron lances, halberds, sword-blades, and a great heap of powder and shot.

"Where shall I take them?" he asked.

"To Emden, through the North Sea," said Ulenspiegel, "good Beggarman that you are!"

"The sea is big," said the boatman.

"Big for battle," said Ulenspiegel.

"God is with us," said the boatman.

"Who then can be against us?" cried Ulenspiegel.

And when they had thus spoken, the boatman conducted Lamme and Ulenspiegel on deck, with many words of cheer and good counsel. Then they rowed to the bank, where they mounted again upon their donkeys and set off towards Liége.

"My son," said Lamme whilst they were ambling gently along, "pray tell me why did that man, strong as he was, allow himself to be beaten by me so cruelly?"

"To the end," answered Ulenspiegel, "that wherever we go, the fear of your prowess may go before us. That indeed will prove a more powerful escort than twenty landsknechts. For who would dare to measure his strength with Lamme the mighty, Lamme the conqueror? Lamme the matchless bull among men, that overcame in the sight of all beholders the famous Stercke Pier--Peter the Strong--and threw him to the ground like a feather?"

"You say well, my son," said Lamme, drawing himself up in the saddle.

"And I say what is true," answered Ulenspiegel, "for did you not notice the faces that looked out so curiously from the houses on the outskirts of this village? They were pointing at the terrible figure of Lamme the Conqueror! And do you see these men who are gazing on you even now with such envy, and these sorry cowards who uncover as you pass? Answer to their salute, O Lamme, my sweet one, nor be disdainful of the populace. Behold, the very children know your name and whisper it with terror."

And Lamme passed along proudly, saluting right and left like a king. And the fame of his valour followed him from village to village and from town to town, as far as Liége, Chocquier, La Neuville, Vesin, and Namur, to which place, however, our travellers gave a wide berth because of the three evangelists. And so they wended along by the banks of river and canal, and everywhere the song of the lark answered the song of the cock. And wherever they went they found that in the sacred cause of Liberty weapons were being forged and armour furbished for the ships that stood by along the coast to carry away.

And Lamme, preceded everywhere by his glorious reputation, began himself to believe in his own prowess, and growing proud and warlike he let his beard grow too. And Ulenspiegel called him Lamme the Lion. But Lamme did not continue in this purpose longer than the fourth day, because the hairs of his beard began to tickle him. And he passed a razor over the surface of his victorious countenance, so that it appeared thereafter like his own face once more, round and full as the sun, ablaze with the flame of good nourishment. And thus they came at length to Harlebeke.

XXIII

At Harlebeke Lamme renewed his provision of oliekoekjes, eating seven-and-twenty of them on the spot and putting thirty away into his basket. The same evening they came to Courtrai and dismounted from their donkeys at the tavern of the Bee that was kept by one Gilis Van den Ende, who himself came to the inn door as soon as he heard the singing of the lark.

At once the new arrivals found that everything was made like sugar and honey for them; for mine host, as soon as he had seen the letter from the Prince, presented Ulenspiegel with fifty caroluses on the Prince's behalf, nor would he accept any payment at all for the turkey which he served for their dinner, nor yet for the dobbel clauwaert which he gave them to drink. He warned them also that there were many spies in Courtrai, and that it behoved both Ulenspiegel and his companion to keep a close watch on what they said during their stay in the city.

"We shall be careful," said Ulenspiegel and Lamme. And so saying they came out of the tavern.

The gables of the houses were all gilded in the rays of the setting sun. The birds sang in the lime-trees, and Lamme and Ulenspiegel wandered at their ease along the streets of the town. All at once Lamme said:

"I asked Martin Van den Ende if by chance he had seen any one at all resembling my wife in Courtrai, and he told me that there were a number of women that were accustomed to meet together of an evening at the sign of the Rainbow, a house that is kept by a woman called La Stevenyne, just outside the town on the road to Bruges. I shall go there."

"I will meet you anon," said Ulenspiegel. "But now I would see the sights of the town. If I meet your wife I will send her on to you. Meanwhile remember what the innkeeper said, and keep your own counsel if you value your own skin."

"I will be careful," said Lamme.

Ulenspiegel walked about by himself till the sun set and night began to come on quickly. He had come to the Pierpot-Straetje--the Alley of the Pot of Stone--and there he heard the sound of a viola being played most melodiously, and presently he noticed a white figure that beckoned to him from a distance, then retreated, playing the viola all the time. It was a woman, and she sang like a seraphim, a sweet, slow song, stopping now and then to look behind her with a beckoning gesture, then retreating again. But Ulenspiegel ran quickly and overtook her, and was about to speak to her when she sealed his lips with a hand all scented with benjamin.

"Are you a working man or a nobleman?" she asked.

"I am Ulenspiegel."

"Are you rich?"

"Rich enough for you."

"But you have not seen me!" And she opened the lantern she carried so as to let the light shine straight upon her face.

"You are beautiful," said Ulenspiegel.

"Then come with me," she said.

And she brought him to the house of La Stevenyne, on the road to Bruges, at the sign of the Rainbow.

They entered a large room where a great number of girls were assembled, who all looked up jealously at Ulenspiegel's companion as she came in. And suddenly Ulenspiegel saw Lamme, sitting there in a corner by a little table whereon was a candle, a ham, and a pot of beer. By his side were a couple of girls, who were endeavouring to get a share in the ham and the beer; but Lamme was trying to prevent them. As soon as he noticed Ulenspiegel he jumped up, crying:

"Blessed be God who has given back to me my friend! Bring more drink, baesine!"

At this Ulenspiegel drew out his purse, saying:

"Yes, bring us to drink to the value of what is in here!" and he jingled the money that was in the purse.

"No, by heaven!" cried Lamme, seizing the purse. "It's I that shall pay, not you."

Ulenspiegel would have recovered the purse by force, but Lamme kept tight hold. As they were struggling together, the one to keep the purse, the other to get it back again, Lamme whispered by fits and starts into Ulenspiegel's ear:

"Listen. Constables. Here ... four of them ... in the little room with three girls. Two outside waiting for you and for me.... I tried to go out ... prevented.... The girl over there in the brocaded gown is a spy ... Stevenyne a spy!"

And all the time they were fighting Ulenspiegel listened attentively, though he kept on crying aloud:

"Give me back my purse, you rascal!"

And they seized each other by the neck and by the shoulders, and rolled together on the floor, while Lamme went on with his tidings to Ulenspiegel. Suddenly there appeared on the scene mine host of the tavern of the Bee; and he was followed by seven other men, with whom, however, he apparently had no connexion. As he came in he crowed like a cock and Ulenspiegel whistled like a lark. Then, seeing Ulenspiegel and Lamme still struggling on the floor, he inquired of La Stevenyne who they might be. "Two rascals," she told him, "who ought to be parted from each other instead of being allowed to make all this disturbance ere they are brought to the gallows."

"If any one tries to separate us," said Ulenspiegel, "we will make him eat of these paving-stones."

"Yes," said Lamme, "we will make him eat these paving-stones!"

Then Ulenspiegel whispered something in Lamme's ear. "The innkeeper is come to rescue us." And presently the innkeeper, who must have divined some mystery was afoot, joined the mêlée on the floor with his head down, and Lamme attacked him in the ear with these words:

"You have come to rescue us? How will you do it?"

The innkeeper made pretence of pulling Ulenspiegel by the ears, but managed to say to him the while, under his breath:

"These seven men are on your side ... they are strong men ... butchers.... I must be off ... too well known in the town ... but when I have gone.... 'T is van te beven de klinkaert.... Break up everything...."

"I understand," said Ulenspiegel, rising at the same time from the floor and kicking out at the innkeeper. The latter struck Ulenspiegel in his turn and Ulenspiegel said:

"You hit hard, my hearty!"

"As hard as a hail-storm," said the innkeeper. And quickly seizing the purse from Lamme he handed it back to Ulenspiegel.

"You may stand me a drink, you rogue, now you are come into your right mind again."

"I'll stand you one, you scandalous scamp," replied Ulenspiegel.

"See how insolent he is," said La Stevenyne.

"As insolent as you are beautiful," answered Ulenspiegel.

Now La Stevenyne was sixty years old at least, and her face was like the fruit of the medlar, but all yellow with bile, and she had a large port-wine stain on her left cheek.

When the innkeeper had had his drink, he paid the bill and departed. The seven butchers meanwhile made sundry knowing grimaces at the constables and La Stevenyne. One of them indicated by a gesture that he held Ulenspiegel for a simpleton, and that he would be able to do for him very easily. But all the time that he was putting out his tongue in mockery to La Stevenyne, who herself was grinning and laughing, he whispered in Ulenspiegel's ear:

"'T is van te beven de klinkaert--it is time to rattle the glasses." Then, in his ordinary tone of voice, and pointing at the constables:

"Gentle Reformer," he said, "we are all on your side. Stand us some food and drink, won't you?"

And La Stevenyne laughed with pleasure, and put out her tongue at Ulenspiegel when his back was turned. And La Gilline, she of the brocaded gown, she also put out her tongue at Ulenspiegel, and the girls all began to whisper one to another: "Behold the spy that by her beauty draweth men to the torture and bringeth them at last to a death more cruel even than torture. Above seven-and-twenty Protestants hath she betrayed already. Gilline is her name, and now she is in a rapture of joy as she thinks of the reward she will get for her information--the first hundred caroluses, to wit, from the estate of each of her victims. But she will not laugh when she bethinketh her that she must share one-half of the spoil with La Stevenyne!"

And every one there present--the constables, the butchers, and the girls themselves--put out their tongues in mockery of Ulenspiegel. And Lamme sweated great drops of sweat, and became red with anger like the crest of a cock. But he would not let himself say a word.

"Come, stand us food and drink," said the butchers and the constables.

"Very well," said Ulenspiegel, jingling yet again the money in his purse. "Bring us meat and drink, my sweet Stevenyne; bring us drink in glasses that can sing!"

At this the girls began to laugh anew; but La Stevenyne went down to the cellar and brought back with her ham, sausages, black-pudding omelettes, and some of those singing glasses, that are so called because they are mounted on tall stems and can be made to resound like a bell when some one strikes them. Then Ulenspiegel said: