Part 3

Respectable and remunerative as his line of business had become, it was not long until a wider field was opened to his increased powers, and the experience he had accumulated. The representative of an old and considerable family was threatened with an ejectment by some of his relatives, who possessed a clearer claim to the property than he did; while, in addition to the doubtfulness of his cause, he had to bemoan that the improvident manner in which he lived had deprived him of the means necessary to defend it. Nor were his troubles confined to one law-suit. Other parties, conceiving their rights were as feasible as those of his original adversary, determined on a similar assertion of them, and on one day the luckless wight was served with, I believe, no less than four ejectments. I suppose every body is aware of the indiscretions, irregularities, and extravagances which in that facetious process are alleged against the person whom it seeks to disturb. I need not, therefore, say with what amazement the poor man perused the weighty charges of assault and battery so circumstantially laid against him, or how deeply he puzzled his memory in ransacking it to discover when he could, by any possibility, have committed all these outrages. And who the deuce was John Thrustout, that seemed mixed up so much in the transaction?--he was a civil fellow, anyhow, for he warned him fairly of his danger, and advised him to make the best fight he could. “And, by the powers, so I will,” he ejaculated; “since they say we wallopped them, I may as well have the gains as the name--let them do their best. If Mike Connell helps me, I’ll take the hint, and maybe they won’t have truth on their side the next time they complain of me.”

It usually happens that where a great many people are endeavouring each to get a blow at one unfortunate, he against whom this united ill will is directed comes off pretty safe in the scramble. In Ireland, at all events, the luxury of thrashing one’s neighbour is so highly prized, that one can bear no interference when enjoying it, and thus a well-meaning auxiliary in the grateful occupation is likely to fall in for worse treatment than was originally intended for the first victim. So it was in the present instance. The discordant interests of the different claimants bred such confusion and disturbance in the several suits instituted, that for a long time the poor wretch whom all sought to disinherit was left in comparative quiet, and leisure was afforded him to overcome the scruples which Connell raised when it was first proposed to him to undertake the piece of unheard-of atrocity required of him, no less, in fact, than to place himself in direct and open outlawry, by seizing possession of the property in dispute, and holding it by force of arms against all comers. But the bribe was too large, and the adventure altogether too tempting, notwithstanding its concomitant perils, for Connell’s virtue or prudence to persist in refusing; so, casting aside all minor matters as unworthy of the bright prospects now opening before him, he gathered his troop of brigands, strengthened it with some new hands, cleared it of all doubtful characters, and, to use a transatlantic term, squatted in full force on the disputed territory, dividing its richest farms between himself and his followers, as the price of his and their services.

Weary on these law-suits!--terminate as they may, they invariably end by sucking away the very life-blood of the fools who rush into them. In the case to which I allude, the unfortunate defendant had not the poor satisfaction of living to see the discomfiture which he had prepared for his assailants. The daily watch for ruin, still deferred, was to him as sickening as ever was the watch for hope under like circumstances; and he died ere it came, leaving his curse among his adversaries on an average, and his strong injunction to Connell to hold out against them all--an injunction he was by no means inclined to disobey; for, now that he had undertaken the job, he was as eager to see out the fun as if he had himself originally concocted it, not to speak of the snug homesteads which he and his gang possessed on the sole tenure of their resistance to all intruders. Accordingly, no sooner had he disposed of the mortal remains of his defunct employer, than he betook himself with almost religious zeal to obey his behests, by strengthening himself against the storm which he foresaw would soon burst upon him. The mansion-house was a strong substantial building, and there, with a judgment that would have been creditable to the most eminent general who ever conquered on a field of battle, he removed his head-quarters, and proceeded to lay in such stores of food, arms, and ammunition as would enable him to meet the danger in a manner worthy of the stake he was playing for. It is needless to paint the dismay which these bold arrangements scattered through the camps of the various claimants, who thus, at the very moment when each congratulated himself upon the immediate prospect of snatching the prize which the operation of nature, anticipating that of law, had thrown into his hands, found this unexpected and formidable opponent start up in their path, with his audacious pretensions, so audaciously, but at the same time so seriously supported. Had there been anything like confidence among them, their co-operation might probably have effected his expulsion; but it was not without reason that the cunning freebooter reckoned upon their mutual distrust precluding the possibility of such a coalition. Each of course sought to make terms with him; and with each, of course, he coquetted as naturally as if he had been bred, born, and reared in the best society, but in vain each importuned him to give up the possession--to all such demands he returned the same modest answer, “Truly it would not become an ignorant simple man like him to pretend to settle a question which puzzled the judges themselves. As soon as the rightful owner was declared, he would be ready to quit in his favour; but until then, it was his duty to keep all out with perfect impartiality.”

One of the parties whose demands were thus evaded, happened to be a wrongheaded, positive sort of customer of the old school, who viewed the power and decisions of the wigged brotherhood with almost as much contempt as Connell himself could regard them, and being too impatient to await the slow and sinuous progress of the law, undertook the desperate resolution of forcing that redoubted personage to evacuate, even by force of arms. It never was a hard matter in Tipperary, when a rookawn was on foot, to gather auxiliaries; and at the time of which I write, the facilities were perhaps more numerous than ever; not even the formidable character of the garrison and its commander could deter numbers of the adventurous spirits of that famed region from the enterprize. They entered into the spirit of the thing with heart and soul; and, accordingly, one fine morning, with a goodly band at his heels, and prepared with all the needful appliances, this old-fashioned vindicator of his rights set out to storm the stronghold. It is unnecessary to say that an awful riot ensued--barricades were broken down, outposts driven in, houses wrecked, and numbers of his then majesty’s subjects wofully maltreated; until at length, in spite of all opposition, they reached the house, than which even valour’s self could no further go. Scaling-ladders and battering-rams were in requisition; the fun began to thicken, and the result to grow doubtful. Saragossa was not more nobly defended, nor Badajos more gallantly assailed. It is possible, however, to push a joke too far, even on the best tempered people; and Connell, feeling that this was the case, determined to give a gentle intimation of it to his assailants. A large window had been burst in and ladders placed against the breach--a rush was made to ascend them in defiance of the threats which he denounced against whoever should attempt it, and which he executed by pouring a discharge of fire-arms into the very thickest of the mass. But it was too late to intimidate; the enraged mob rushed over the bodies of the fallen--a simultaneous attack was made upon all points--and, alas for the brave, the post was won. In the melée that ensued, all escaped but the leader; and before the relatives of the slain, or the general mass of the victorious party, were aware of his capture, he was judiciously hurried out of their reach, and handed over to the civil power on a charge of murder. There is no part of the world, however, in which the distinction between killing and murder was so well understood as in Ireland in those days; and in point of fact, I believe the man was free from the _legal_ charge--at least so it appeared to the jury who tried him, for he was acquitted. Short-lived, indeed, was the triumph of his adversaries, and immediately on his liberation they began to tremble for the security of their tenure. He had sworn that though it should cost him his life, he would endeavour to recover the premises of which he had been dispossessed, and they knew him too well to doubt him: a council of war was held, and the question proposed, should the place be defended or evacuated? The latter alternative was adopted, not without good reason; but it was likewise determined that it should never again afford such protection to Connell as it had, or present an obstacle to the entry of the legitimate claimant, when fortune should so far favour him; and in pursuance of this policy the stately mansion was levelled to the ground--house and offices, even to the walled enclosures, every spot that could again harbour a freebooter.

But it was not so easy to baffle that indefatigable customer: half of his resources were not yet expended; his followers, reanimated by his escape, gathered round him again; and before his dismayed antagonists recovered from their disappointment, he was strongly and securely entrenched in an earthen fort of his own construction, in which he displayed as much science and foresight as would have done credit to Carnôt. This was the period of his highest triumph: his insolence became unbounded; and he used, I am informed, to stalk through the streets of Thurles, on the most public occasions, armed to the teeth, and defying the best man in the town “to lay a wet finger on him.” It is not to be supposed that these extraordinary proceedings could fail of reaching the ears of the high functionaries who were called upon to decide upon the rights of the rival claimants, and who, not regarding Connell as the very fittest person to undertake the care of the litigated property, ordered him to be instantaneously dispossessed, and forwarded writs to that purport to the sheriff. That officer, no way astray as to the dangers and difficulties he should encounter in any attempt to dislodge such a desperado, collected as much of the civil and military force of the district as was available, and proceeded to execute his perilous behest. Of course he was resisted, and it was soon found that the most violent measures should be resorted to. An order was given to storm the fort, and the attempt was answered by a volley from within, that tumbled a couple of the assailants, and drove back the remainder. The conflict became deadly, but so securely were the banditti posted, that all the efforts of the besiegers made scarce any impression upon them: cannon alone could be effectual, and a dispatch was sent for it. In the meantime a general assault was given, with partial success, which seemed to dishearten Connell so far us that he attempted a sortie for the purpose of escaping. Two of his sons fell in the melée, but all the rest of the party succeeded in getting off, leaving some half dozen of the assailants half dead or dying. He was now, undoubtedly, within the reach of the law, and warrants were issued for his apprehension; but for a long time no one dared to attempt executing them, notwithstanding that very large rewards were offered. At length, a bailiff who had some private pique against him, to act as an additional stimulant, undertook the dangerous enterprize--succeeded in dogging him to his retreat, and on his attempting to snatch a pistol to defend himself, shot him through the head, and put an end to the career of a real Irish Dare-Devil.

A. M’C.

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PERVERSE CONDUCT OF MAN.--Among the many properties of human nature which almost exceed comprehension, comes the parsimony of the rich and the extravagance of the poor. Some rich men spare to-day, as if they feared starving tomorrow, and the indigent often consume in an hour what they may feel the want of for a week. These properties are the more unaccountable, because parsimony is chiefly found to predominate in aged people, who may expect death every day, and extravagance chiefly in the young, who may reasonably hope to live many years; as if old people hoard money because they cannot want it, and young ones throw it away because it is necessary to their subsistence.

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FRIENDS AND ENEMIES.--While we value the praise of our friends, we should not despise the censures of our enemies; as from the malice of the latter we frequently learn our faults, which the partiality of the former led them to overlook or conceal.

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GHOSTS EVERYWHERE.--Could anything be more miraculous than an actual authentic ghost? The English Johnson longed, all his life, to see one, but could not, though he went to Cock-lane, and thence to the church-vaults, and tapped on coffins. Foolish doctor! Did he never, with the mind’s eye, as well as with the body’s, look round him into that full tide of human life he so loved? did he never so much as look into himself? The good doctor was a ghost, as actual and authentic as heart could wish; well nigh a million of ghosts were travelling the streets by his side. Sweep away the illusion of time; compress the three-score years into three minutes: what else was he--what else are we? Are we not spirits, shaped into a body, into an appearance, and that fade away again into air and invisibility? This is no metaphor; it is a simple scientific _fact_: we start out of nothingness, take figure, and are apparitions; round us, as round the veriest spectre, is eternity; and to eternity minutes are as years and æons. Where now is Alexander of Macedon?--does the steel host that yelled in fierce battle-shouts at Issus and Arbela remain behind him: or have they all vanished utterly, even as perturbed goblins must? Napoleon too, and his Moscow retreats and Austerlitz campaigns--was it all other than the veriest spectre-hunt, which has now, with its howling tumult that made night hideous, flitted away? Ghosts!--there are nigh a thousand millions walking the earth openly at noontide; some half-hundred have vanished from it, some half-hundred have arisen in it, ere thy watch ticks once. Generation after generation takes to itself the form of a body, and, forth issuing from Cimmerian night on heaven’s mission, APPEARS. What force and fire is in each he expends: one grinding in the mill of industry; one, hunter-like, climbing the giddy Alpine heights of science; one madly dashed in pieces on the rocks of strife, in war with his fellow; and then the heaven-sent is recalled; his earthly vesture falls away, and soon even to sense becomes a vanished shadow. Thus, like some wild-flaming, wild-thundering train of heaven’s artillery, does this mysterious mankind thunder and flame, in long-drawn, quick-succeeding grandeur, through the unknown deep. Thus, like a God-created, fire-breathing spirit-host, we emerge from the Inane, haste stormfully across the astonished earth, then plunge again into the Inane. But whence? Oh, heaven, whither? Sense knows not; faith knows not, only that it is through mystery to mystery, from God and to God.--_Carlyle’s Essays._

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THE METROPOLIS.--London in length is nearly 8 miles, its breadth 3, and its circumference 26. It contains above 8,000 streets, lanes, alleys, and courts, and more than 65 different squares. It has 246 churches and chapels, 207 meeting houses for Dissenters, 43 chapels for foreigners, and 6 synagogues for Jews--making 502 places of public worship. The number of inhabitants during the sitting of Parliament is estimated at 1,250,000. In this vast city there are upwards of 4,000 seminaries for education, 10 institutions for promoting the arts and sciences, 122 asylums for the indigent, 17 for the sick and lame, 13 dispensaries, 704 charitable institutions, 58 courts of justice, 7,040 professional men connected with the various departments of the law. There are 13,300 vessels trading to the river Thames in the course of a year, and 40,000 waggons going and returning to the metropolis in the same period, including their repeated voyages. The amount of exports and imports to and from the Thames is estimated at £66,811,922 sterling annually, and the property floating in this vast city every year is £170,000,000 sterling. These circumstances may be sufficient to convince us of the amazing extent and importance of the capital of the British empire.

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No person can be happy without friends. The heart is formed for love, and cannot be satisfied without the opportunity of giving and receiving affection. If we love others, they will love us; and in order to have friends, we must show ourselves friendly. Hence it is every one’s duty to cultivate a cheerful and obliging disposition. It is impossible to be happy without it.

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He who would do justly to all men, must begin from knowing to be not unjust to himself.

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