Chapter 11

[Enter HELEN and FATHOM.]

_Fath_. The long and short of it is this--if she marries this lord, she'll break her heart! I wish you could see her, madam. Poor lady!

_Helen_. How looks she, prithee?

_Fath_. Marry, for all the world like a dripping-wet cambric handkerchief! She has no colour nor strength in her; and does nothing but weep--poor lady!

_Helen_. Tell me again what said she to thee?

_Fath_. She offered me all she was mistress of to take the letter to Master Clifford. She drew her purse from her pocket--the ring from her finger--she took her very earrings out of her ears--but I was forbidden, and refused. And now I'm sorry for it! Poor lady!

_Helen_. Thou shouldst be sorry. Thou hast a hard heart, Fathom.

_Fath_. I, madam! My heart is as soft as a woman's. You should have seen me when I came out of her chamber--poor lady!

_Helen_. Did you cry?

_Fath_. No; but I was as near it as possible. I a hard heart! I would do anything to serve her, poor sweet lady!

_Helen_. Will you take her letter, asks she you again?

_Fath_. No--I am forbid.

_Helen_. Will you help Master Clifford to an interview with her?

_Fath_. No--Master Walter would find it out.

_Helen_. Will you contrive to get me into her chamber?

_Fath_. No--you would be sure to bring me into mischief.

_Helen_. Go to! You would do nothing to serve her. You a soft heart! You have no heart at all! You feel not for her!

_Fath_. But I tell you I do--and good right I have to feel for her. I have been in love myself.

_Helen_. With your dinner!

_Fath_. I would it had been! My pain would soon have been over, and at little cost. A fortune I squandered upon her!--trinkets--trimmings--treatings--what swallowed up the revenue of a whole year! Wasn't I in love? Six months I courted her, and a dozen crowns all but one did I disburse for her in that time! Wasn't I in love? An hostler--a tapster--and a constable, courted her at the same time, and I offered to cudgel the whole three of them for her! Wasn't I in love?

_Helen_. You are a valiant man, Fathom.

_Fath_. Am not I? Walks not the earth the man I am afraid of.

_Helen_. Fear you not Master Walter?

_Fath_. No.

_Helen_. You do!

_Fath_. I don't!

_Helen_. I'll prove it to you. You see him breaking your young mistress's heart, and have not the manhood to stand by her.

_Fath_. What could I do for her?

_Helen_. Let her out of prison. It were the act of a man.

_Fath_. That man am I!

_Helen_. Well said, brave Fathom!

_Fath_. But my place!

_Helen_. I'll provide thee with a better one.

_Fath_. 'Tis a capital place! So little to do, and so much to get for't. Six pounds in the year; two suits of livery; shoes and stockings, and a famous larder. He'd be a bold man that would put such a place in jeopardy. My place, madam, my place!

_Helen_. I tell thee I'll provide thee with a better place. Thou shalt have less to do, and more to get. Now, Fathom, hast thou courage to stand by thy mistress?

_Fath_. I have!

_Helen_. That's right.

_Fath_. I'll let my lady out.

[Enter MASTER WALTER unperceived.]

_Helen_. That's right. When, Fathom?

_Fath_. To-night.

_Helen_. She is to be married to-night.

_Fath_. This evening, then. Master Walter is now in the library, the key is on the outside, and I'll lock him in.

_Helen_. Excellent! You'll do it?

_Fath_. Rely upon it. How he'll stare when he finds himself a prisoner, and my young lady at liberty!

_Helen_. Most excellent! You'll be sure to do it?

_Fath_. Depend upon me! When Fathom undertakes a thing, he defies fire and water--

_Wal_. [Coming forward.] Fathom!

_Fath_. Sir!

_Wal_. Assemble straight the servants.

_Fath_. Yes, sir!

_Wal_. Mind, And have them in the hall when I come down.

_Fath_. Yes, sir!

_Wal_. And see you do not stir a step, But where I order you.

_Fath_. Not an inch, sir!

_Wal_. See that you don't--away! So, my fair mistress,

[FATHOM goes out.]

What's this you have been plotting? An escape For mistress Julia?

_Helen_. I avow it.

_Wal_. Do you?

_Helen_. Yes; and moreover to your face I tell you, Most hardly do you use her!

_Wal_. Verily!

_Helen_. I wonder where's her spirit! Had she mine She would not take 't so easily. Do you mean To force this marriage on her?

_Wal_. With your leave.

_Helen_. You laugh.

_Wal_. Without it, then. I don't laugh now.

_Helen_. If I were she, I'd find a way to escape.

_Wal_. What would you do?

_Helen_. I'd leap out of the window!

_Wal_. Your window should be barred.

_Helen_. I'd cheat you still!-- I'd hang myself ere I'd be forced to marry!

_Wal_. Well said! You shall be married, then, to-night.

_Helen_. Married to-night!

_Wal_. As sure as I have said it.

_Helen_. Two words to that. Pray who's to be my bridegroom?

_Wal_. A daughter's husband is her father's choice.

_Helen_. My father's daughter ne'er shall wed such husband!

_Wal_. Indeed!

_Helen_. I'll pick a husband for myself.

_Wal_. Indeed!

_Helen_. Indeed, sir; and indeed again!

_Wal_. Go dress you for the marriage ceremony.

_Helen_. But, Master Walter, what is it you mean?

[Enter MODUS.]

_Wal_. Here comes your cousin;--he shall be your bridesman! The thought's a sudden one,--that will excuse Defect in your appointments. A plain dress,-- So 'tis of white,--will do.

_Helen_. I'll dress in black. I'll quit the castle.

_Wal_. That you shall not do. Its doors are guarded by my lord's domestics, Its avenues--its grounds. What you must do, Do with a good grace! In an hour, or less, Your father will be here. Make up your mind To take with thankfulness the man he gives you. Now, [Aside] if they find not out how beat their hearts, I have no skill, not I, in feeling pulses.

[Goes out.]

_Helen_. Why, cousin Modus! What! will you stand by And see me forced to marry? Cousin Modus! Have you not got a tongue? Have you not eyes? Do you not see I'm very--very ill, And not a chair in all the corridor?

_Mod_. I'll find one in the study.

_Helen_. Hang the study!

_Mod_. My room's at hand. I'll fetch one thence.

_Helen_. You shan't I'd faint ere you came back!

_Mod_. What shall I do?

_Helen_. Why don't you offer to support me? Well? Give me your arm--be quick! [MODUS offers his arm.] Is that the way To help a lady when she's like to faint? I'll drop unless you catch me! [MODUS supports her.] That will do. I'm better now--[MODUS offers to leave her] don't leave me! Is one well Because one's better? Hold my hand. Keep so. I'll soon recover so you move not. Loves he--

[Aside.]

Which I'll be sworn he does, he'll own it now. Well, cousin Modus?

_Mod_. Well, sweet cousin!

_Helen_. Well? You heard what Master Walter said?

_Mod_. I did.

_Helen_. And would you have me marry? Can't you speak? Say yes or no.

_Mod_. No, cousin!

_Helen_. Bravely said! And why, my gallant cousin?

_Mod_. Why?

_Helen_. Ay, why?-- Women, you know, are fond of reasons--why Would you not have me marry? How you blush! Is it because you do not know the reason? You mind me of a story of a cousin Who once her cousin such a question asked. He had not been to college, though--for books, Had passed his time in reading ladies' eyes. Which he could construe marvellously well, Though writ in language all symbolical. Thus stood they once together, on a day-- As we stand now--discoursed as we discourse,-- But with this difference,--fifty gentle words He spoke to her, for one she spoke to him!-- What a dear cousin! Well, as I did say, As now I questioned thee, she questioned him. And what was his reply? To think of it Sets my heart beating--'twas so kind a one! So like a cousin's answer--a dear cousin! A gentle, honest, gallant, loving cousin! What did he say?--A man might find it out, Though never read he Ovid's Art of Love-- What did he say? He'd marry her himself! How stupid are you, cousin! Let me go!

_Mod_. You are not well yet?

_Helen_. Yes.

_Mod_. I'm sure you're not.

_Helen_. I'm sure I am.

_Mod_. Nay, let me hold you, cousin! I like it.

_Helen_. Do you? I would wager you You could not tell me why you like it. Well? You see how true I know you! How you stare! What see you in my face to wonder at?

_Mod_. A pair of eyes!

_Helen_. At last he'll find his tongue--[Aside.] And saw you ne'er a pair of eyes before?

_Mod_. Not such a pair.

_Helen_. And why?

_Mod_. They are so bright! You have a Grecian nose.

_Helen_. Indeed.

_Mod_. Indeed!

_Helen_. What kind of mouth have I?

_Mod_. A handsome one. I never saw so sweet a pair of lips! I ne'er saw lips at all till now, dear cousin!

_Helen_. Cousin, I'm well,--you need not hold me now. Do you not hear? I tell you I am well! I need your arm no longer--take 't away! So tight it locks me, 'tis with pain I breathe! Let me go, cousin! Wherefore do you hold Your face so close to mine? What do you mean?

_Mod_. You've questioned me, and now I'll question you.

_Helen_. What would you learn?

_Mod_. The use of lips.

_Helen_. To speak.

_Mod_. Naught else?

_Helen_. How bold my modest cousin grows! Why, other use know you?

_Mod_. I do!

_Helen_. Indeed! You're wondrous wise? And pray what is it?

_Mod_. This! [Attempts to kiss her.]

_Helen_. Soft! my hand thanks you, cousin--for my lips I keep them for a husband!--Nay, stand off! I'll not be held in manacles again! Why do you follow me?

_Mod_. I love you, cousin!

_Helen_. O cousin, say you so! That's passing strange! Falls out most crossly--is a dire mishap-- A thing to sigh for, weep for, languish for, And die for!

_Mod_. Die for!

_Helen_, Yes, with laughter, cousin, For, cousin, I love you!

_Mod_. And you'll be mine?

_Helen_. I will.

_Mod_. Your hand upon it.

_Helen_. Hand and heart. Hie to thy dressing-room, and I'll to mine-- Attire thee for the altar--so will I. Whoe'er may claim me, thou'rt the man shall have me. Away! Despatch! But hark you, ere you go, Ne'er brag of reading Ovid's Art of Love!

_Mod_. And cousin! stop--one little word with you!

[She returns, he snatches a kiss--They go out severally.]