Part 22

Danton was not executed until he had cut his own throat.

To be sure Marat was murdered, but he died first of a disease so virulent as to rob him of life.

Maximilian I. had hopes of seeing the throne upon his head.

After the battle of Leipsic there were a large number of horses that had lost three or four or more legs running about without a master.

Gustavus Adolphus, King of Sweden, lived until shortly before his death.

Stanislaus was not yet in existence when his father was born.

Suwarow marched at so rapid a pace with his army that neither the infantry, nor cavalry, nor artillery could keep up with him.

The Polish army was beaten by Suwarow because it ran away and fled.

A bitter war ensued on page 94.

The earth like all bodies has parallel circles, which intersect, and this is mathematical geography.

He drew his sword and shot him.

Gotha is not much farther from Erfurt than Erfurt is from Gotha.

I am unable to give you the titles of books about Africa just now. I have them in my head, but not on paper.

Among the most excellent products of Egypt the climate must be counted.

The sources of the Nile are much farther south than where Bruce discovered them.

The eye-sight of the Hottentots is so well developed that they can hear the tramp of a horse at an incredible distance.

The walls of Babylon were so broad that four waggons could go on top of each other.

North America consists of a great number of large and small islands, very few of which are surrounded by water.

When Humboldt ascended Mount Chimborazo he found the air so thin that he could not read without glasses.

There is so much coal-smoke in London that even when the sun does not shine you cannot see the sky.

There would be far less leather produced by the English if they tanned only their own hides.

There are many propositions in mathematics that can only be proved by beginning over again.

The theory of parallel lines explains itself, for it tends toward infinity.

_Professor_: “That impertinent fellow, Sustorf, must be reported.” _Pupil_: “Herr Professor, his name is not Sustorf; it is Thomas.” Professor: “Well, then, we will not report him.”

It must strike four soon, for it struck a quarter-to half-an-hour ago.

I see a great many pupils who are absent.

If any of you would like to read up this subject, you will find something to the point in a book the title of which I have forgotten. It is in the forty-second chapter.

_THE INCARCERATION OF THE HERR PROFESSOR._

WHEN he got to the hall before the door of the schoolroom, the Herr Director heard a tremendous uproar. Forty boyish voices were shouting “Encore,” and “Da capo!”

Professor Samuel Heinzerling began to frown.

Now there was a lull in the wild chorus, and a clear, penetrating voice was heard in a tone of absurd magniloquence--

“That will do faw to-day, Heppenheimer. It ith vewy evident you’ve come to clath unprepared. I’m vewy much put out by thuch conduct. Thit down!”

Thundering applause.

The professor seemed turned to a stone.

By all the gods of Greece, that was his voice, his manner, and no mistake. To be sure, there was an exaggeration of caricature, but the likeness was so evident that none but a connoisseur would be able to distinguish the slight shade of difference. It was little short of sacrilege. To think that one of his pupils should have the audacity to ridicule him, the sovereign authority over all school matters; him, the author of “A Latin Grammar for use in schools, specially adapted to the higher classes;” him, the renowned follower of Kant, from the hallowed heights of his own platform! _Proh pudor! Honos sit auribus!_ This was a prank such as none but the soul of the arch-rogue Wilhelm Rumpf could bring forth.

“Will you take a pathage, Möwicke,” the voice of the godless pupil continued. “What, you are indithpothed? Deaw me, when I heaw young men of your age thay they are indithpothed that lookth ill, it lookth vewy ill indeed. Knebel, put down in the clath-book: Möwicke, being called upon to tranthlate, wath indithpothed.”

The professor was unable to control his temper longer.

With a sudden movement he opened the door, and stepped in among the startled boys.

His intuition had been correct.

It was indeed Wilhelm Rumpf, the greatest good-for-nothing the class could boast of, who had committed the unpardonable offence against the majesty of his person. For four weeks only this lad had been one of Samuel Heinzerling’s pupils, and already there was no scamp in class from first to last who did not own his superiority. His collar drawn up high in front, an immense pair of paper spectacles upon his nose, in his left hand a book, in his right the traditional tiny lead-pencil, there he stood upon the platform, just about to commit himself further when the indignant professor crossed the threshold.

“Wumpf!” said Samuel with dignity, “Wumpf! you will go to the _cawcer_[11] faw two dayth. Knebel, put down in the clath-book: Wumpf, condemned to two dayth in the _cawcer_ faw childith and unworthy conduct. Heppenheimer, call the _pedell_!”

“Why, Herr Professor,--I did not--I only----” stammered Rumpf, putting the paper spectacles in his pocket, and walking back to his seat.

“Not another word!”

“I thought----”

“Be thtill, I tell you!”

“But won’t you permit me----”

“Knebel, put down: Wumpf hath one day added to the owiginal penalty faw obthtinathy. I am tiwed of fighting it out with you. You ought to be athamed to the vewy depth of your thoul!”

“_Andiatur et altera pars_, Herr Professor. This is a precept to which you have always called our attention!”

“Vewy good! You thall not thay that I am untrue to my printhipleth. What have you to thay faw yourthelf?”

“I can only assure you, sir, that it was not my intention to do anything disrespectful. I was only exercising myself in the art of mimicry.”

“It would have been better to exerthithe yourthelf in Latin thtyle and in Greek compothition.”

“I do that also, Herr Professor. But aside from those branches of knowledge, art also has her privileges.”

“Thertainly, I have never denied that. Do you pretend to call your nonthenthe, art? It ith an art that you will never be able to live on.”

“There’s no knowing, Herr Professor!”

“Be thtill, I tell you! If you go on at this wate you will be shipwecked soonaw or lataw in life. Knipke, go and see why Heppenheimer doeth not come back with the _pedell_.”

“Oh, just this once, Herr Professor,” whispered Rumpf coaxingly. “You might let me off just this once.”

“No indeed! You go to _cawcer_. But we will not let thith dithagreeable affair intewupt our work. Hutzler, begin the wepetition.”

“Herr Professor, I was ill when we translated this. Here is my certificate.”

“Indeed! So you were ill, ath uthual. Do you know, Hutzler, it stwikes me that you are oftener ill than well.”

“Unfortunately, Herr Professor, my delicate constitution----”

“Delicate? Eh, delicate? You don’t thay tho, Hutzler! I with every man under the sun were ath delicate ath you are. Lathy, that’s what you are, but not delicate----”

“Lazy? When I have a high fever you don’t expect me to----”

“I know all that! Dare thay you dwank too much beer. You twanthlate, Gildemeister.”

“Absent!” cried a number of voices at once.

Samuel shook his head sadly.

“Doeth nobody know what ith the matter with Gildemeister?”

“He has a cold!” replied one of the lads.

“Cold! When I wath hith age I never had a cold. But why don’t Knipke and Heppenheimer come back? Schwarz, you go and thee if you can’t find them, but mind you come wight back!”

Schwarz went, and returned after ten minutes with the _pedell_ and the others.

“Herr Inaddler was occupied with papering his wall,” said Heppenheimer in a respectful tone; “he had to change his coat.”

“Ah, indeed! And doeth it take you half-an-hour to do that? Inaddlaw, theemth to me you are beginning to neglect your offith!”

“I beg your pardon, Herr Professor; the young gentleman came to my door just two minutes ago.”

“Oh!” cried three indignant voices.

“Well, it theemth witheth to let thith matter wetht! Here, take Wumpf to the _cawcer_. Wumpf, you will behave yourself and not be continually calling the _pedell_ ath you did the latht time you were there. Inaddlaw, don’t let anything induthe you to let him come out into the hall.”

“Very good, Herr Professor.”

Wilhelm Rumpf bit his lip, turned to go, and disappeared with Inaddler in the dim twilight of the hall.

“What is it you did, Herr Rumpf?” asked the _pedell_ sympathetically, as they were passing upstairs.

“Nothing.”

“Oh, but, begging your pardon, you must have done _something_?”

“I only did what the professor does all the time.”

“You don’t say so! How is that?”

“Well, you just listen to me. Don’t you thee, dear Inaddlaw, this fellow Wumpf is a pawfect scapegwace, and there ith no penalty severe enough faw him.”

“Good gracious!” stammered the _pedell_, clasping his hands above his head. “To think that such things are possible! It’s positively uncanny, Herr Rumpf, that it is! Heaven knows if I didn’t see you right here before me with my own eyes I’d swear that it’s the Herr Professor in person whose voice I hear this minute. You’ll make your fortune with such a gift as that some day, sir. Why, once when I was drinking my beer over at Lotze’s there was a magician who’d imitate anything you wanted him to, twittering birds and neighing horses, barking dogs and ranting priests. But it didn’t come up to your performance!”

“Yeth, yeth, dear Inaddlaw! I dare thay you’re wight!” replied Rumpf, still continuing in the voice and tone of the professor.

“You don’t mean to say you kept this thing up in his presence? Well, I must say, Herr Rumpf, there’s a time for everything. No wonder the Herr Professor was very much put out.”

“Now weally! Do you think tho?”

“I shall have to ask you to stop this now. You see, it’s not compatible with the dignity of my office. Will you please walk into this room?”

“Thertainly----”

“Herr Rumpf, I shall tell the Herr Professor that your punishment is altogether too lenient.”

“What bithiness ith that of yours, you abthurd old fellow? I can do what I pleathe.”

“That you cannot do.”

“You will thee that I can. I can talk ath it thuits me, and whoever doeth not like it can thtop up hith ears.”

“You wait and see.”

“Wait for what?”

“I shall inform the Herr Professor.”

“Give him my compliments.”

Inaddler turned the key and slowly walked away.

* * * * *

Inaddler, having done what was incumbent upon him, devoted himself lustily to his interrupted occupation. He dipped his brush into the tremendous pot of paste and supplied strip after strip of wall paper with the faintly fragrant liquid.

Wilhelm Rumpf sat yawning upon the seat of his prison, and assured himself in a soliloquy that he was heartily sick of the gymnasium and of the uncalled-for restrictions of school life.

Herr Samuel Heinzerling scratched his head, pushed his large round-eyed spectacles up high on his nose and shook his pedagogical head three or four times.

“A mithewable boy, thith fellow Wumpf,” he murmured, “but I half believe I could win him by gentler methodth more weadily than I can by severity. I will make one more attempt to appeal to hith conscienthe. It ith a pity to let him go on like thith. He ith one of my motht gifted pupilth!”

He touched the bell.

After two minutes Annie appeared, Inaddler’s daughter. She was evidently about to go out, for a tiny hat surmounted by feathers was perched jauntily upon her curly head.

“What can I do for you, Herr Professor?” she asked with a dainty curtsey.

“Where is your father?” whispered Samuel, with a remarkably pure pronunciation for him.

“He is papering. Is there anything you wish him to do, Herr Professor?”

“Ah, he ith papawing. Well, then, I will not dithturb him. It ith of no consequenth, Annie; I dare thay the key is on the _cawcer_?”

“I will run and ask, Herr Professor.”

She ran down the stairs like a deer, and was back in a few seconds.

“Yes, sir; the keys are on the hall door as well as on the cell. Is there anything else?”

“No; I thank you.”

Annie turned to go, while Samuel looked after her with a smile. He passed his hand once or twice over his closely-shaved chin, then he took his hat from the table and ascended the stairs to the _carcer_.

Wilhelm Rumpf was greatly surprised when after so short a time of imprisonment the door turned on its hinges. His astonishment reached its climax when he recognised Professor Samuel Heinzerling.

“Well, Wumpf?” said that philosopher with dignity.

“What do you wish, Herr Professor?” responded the pupil in a tone of resolute obstinacy.

“I have come to athk if you are not beginning to thee that thuch puerilenetheth are out of plathe altogether in a gymnathium, and that----”

“I am not at all aware of having done----”

“What, Wumpf? I did not expect to find you tho thtubborn! I wish you would put yourthelf in my plathe. I am sure you would be much more thevere with thith unmanageable Wilhelm Wumpf than I have been, eh?”

“Herr Professor----”

“Surely thuch childish conduct ith not what one would expect of a young man of good family. You’d betht be on your guard, for the next time I catch you in a thcwape I shall expel you!”

“Expel me?”

“Yes, Wumpf, expel you. So you would do well to turn over a new leaf, and let your dithgratheful nonthenthe go. I wepeat it, put yourself in my place!”

Wilhelm Rumpf lowered his head. He felt that his expulsion was only a matter of time. Suddenly a diabolical thought took possession of his brain.

“If I must get expelled,” he said to himself, “it shall be with flying colours.”

He smiled like the villainous hero of a sensational novel after some dark deed, and said in a tone of simulated humility--

“You say, sir, I should put myself in your place?”

“Yes, Wumpf, that ith what I thay.”

“Well then, seeing you will have it so,--I wish you much pleasure!”

And with a single bound he was outside the door, turned the key, and left the poor professor to his deplorable fate.

“Wumpf! what ith thith you are up to? I’ll exthpel you thith vewy day! Open the door at onthe! At onthe, I thay!”

“I give you two hours’ _cawcer_,” replied Rumpf with dignity. “You told me to put mythelf in your plathe!”

“Wumpf! you will thee what will happen! Open the door; I inthitht upon it!”

“You have no wight to talk to me in that tone. Jutht at pwethent _I_ am the Herr Profeththor! You are merely the pupil Wilhelm Wumpf. Be thtill! I will not bwook oppothition!”

“Dear Wumpf! I will fawgive you thith onthe. Pleathe open the door like a good fellow. Your penalty shall be a vewy slight one. I give you my word faw it, you shall not be exthpelled. Do you hear what I thay?”

Dear Rumpf did not hear. He had crept stealthily along the hall and was now hastening downstairs to complete his escape.

As he was passing the _pedell’s_ door a tempting idea took possession of him.

He put his eye to the keyhole. Inaddler was standing upon a ladder, his back to the door, and was just attempting to put a heavily-pasted strip of paper in place. Wilhelm Rumpf just lifted the latch, and called out with the purest Heinzerling accent of which he was capable--

“I am going now, Inaddlaw. Keep an eye on that fellow Wumpf. The lad is cawying on at a gweat wate. He ith thtill keeping up hith impertinent nonthenthe. You keep wight on with your work. All I want to thay ith that you are not to open the door faw him on any conthideration. The fellow ith quite capable of knocking you down and wunning away. Do you hear what I thay, Inaddlaw?”

“Very good, Herr Professor. Excuse me for not getting down----”

“Thtay wight where you are, I thay, and finish your papawing. Good mawning.”

“Your servant, Herr Professor.”

Wilhelm Rumpf went upstairs again, and once more entered the hallowed precincts of the _carcer_. Samuel Heinzerling was raging terribly. Now he seemed to have discovered the bell, for just as Rumpf sought refuge behind an enormous linen chest belonging to the Inaddler family, it resounded shrilly through the hall like the yell of indignant demons.

“Help!” moaned the professor. “Help! Inaddlaw; you will lothe your plathe thith very day, if you don’t come up thith minute! Help! Fire! fire! Murder! Wobbers! Help!”

The _pedell_, recalled to his duty by the uninterrupted sound of the bell, left his private occupation and put in an appearance before the door of the prison. Deceitful Wilhelm Rumpf crept deeper into his hiding-place. Samuel Heinzerling, utterly exhausted from calling and crying, threw himself down upon his seat. His bosom was palpitating; his nostrils worked like a pair of good bellows.

“Herr Rumpf,” said Inaddler, giving a warning knock on the door, “look out, I’m making a note of all your doings!”

“The Lord be praithed that you are here, Inaddlaw! Open the door, I thay! Thith mithewable thcoundwel hath locked me in. Thuch conduct ith unheard of!”

“Let me tell you, Herr Rumpf, you’d better stop your joking. You may be quite sure I’ll tell the Herr Professor how you called him a miserable scoundrel!”

“Have you lotht your wits, Inaddlaw?” shouted Samuel in a tone of supreme indignation. “The devil! don’t you hear me thay how Wumpf, the knave, hath locked me in here when I came to thee him, and talk like a father to him! I thay, don’t keep me waiting! Open the door at onthe!”

“You must take me to be very stupid, Herr Rumpf. The professor was at my door this moment, and has my word for it that I won’t let you out. And now I advise you to behave yourself, and stop ringing that bell, else I’ll take it down, sure as fate!”

“Inaddlaw, I’ll thee to it that you are thent to gaol for depriving me of my freedom!”

“Now just you listen to me, will you? It’s positively childish this everlasting imitating of the Herr Professor. There is no denying that the professor lisps a bit, and pronounces his r’s in a funny way, but never so long as I knew him was he guilty of such a silly twaddle as you are indulging in. And now then, for the last time, all I can say is, be quiet, and conduct yourself like a gentleman----”

“But I wepeat to you, upon my honour, that confounded scoundwel turned the key behind me, before I knew what he wath about! Inaddlaw! Knave, ass! You must know me! Have the goodneth to considaw!”

“What? You call me an ass? You call me a knave? I’d have you to know it’s a question who is the greatest ass or the greatest knave, you or I! Well I never in all my born days! The impudence! A green boy like you calling an honest old man an ass! You are an ass yourself! Do you understand! But you’ll get your deserts!”

“You are an ass and a fool!” moaned Heinzerling in despair. “So you wefuse to open the door?”

“I’d never think of doing such a thing.”

“Good, vewy good!” groaned the philosopher with a dying voice. “Vewy good! I’ll stay wight here in the _cawcer_ then! Do you hear, Inaddlaw? Wight here in the _cawcer_!”

“I am glad to hear you are beginning to come around to common sense. And now I hope you’ll let me alone. I’ve no more time to listen to your farce!”

“Inaddlaw!” cried Samuel, getting enraged once more. “Hour by hour I’ll thit here, do you understand? Hour by hour. Like a thcamp of a thchoolboy I’ll bear the dithgwace of it! Do you hear me, Inaddlaw?”

“I’m going now. You’d better do your translation.”

“Holy heavens, I’m lothing my weason! Am I cwathy? Man, won’t you look through the keyhole. Then at leatht you might thee----”

“You don’t catch me. I haven’t forgotten how you blew in my eyes the other day!”

“Well, then, go to the devil by all meanths. There’s no wawing with such pawverse thtupidity. Just wait till I come out of thith. You won’t have thith plathe of _pedell_ much longer, I’ll pwomithe you that!”

Inaddler felt his way downstairs in a very ill humour. This lad Rumpf was surely the most impertinent fellow he had ever come across. An ass did he call him? Thunder and lightning! Ever since the decease of Mrs. Inaddler the like had not occurred to him----!

These miserable schoolboys!

Meanwhile Samuel Heinzerling passed up and down his cell with long steps. His whole appearance bore a certain resemblance to an African lion condemned to imprisonment by human sagacity without losing thereby any of the original pride and strength of his noble nature. His hands crossed on his back, his head with its grey mane inclined wofully toward one shoulder, his lips tightly shut--so he walked back and forth, back and forth, the darkest and most misanthropic thoughts in his bosom.

Suddenly a broad smile flitted across his features.

“Most abthurd thith ith!” he muttered to himself. “Weally, though thith ith a very disagweeable affair for me to be in, there ith no denying the humour of the thituation----”

He stood still.

“Ith there weally any dithgwace in being outwitted by a thchoolboy? Go to, Thamuel! Did not a thelebrated king hold the ladder faw a thief to thteal his watch? Wath not even Pwince Bithmarck locked in by wuthless hands? Not to name a hundred other cases. And thtill hithtory treath thith king with rethpect. And thtill Bithmarck hath lotht none of hith reputation ath the betht diplomatitht in Europe. No, no, Thamuel! Your dignity ath thchool-mathter, ath thitizen, ath philothopher, need not thuffer by thith mortifying thituation. Retht assured, Thamuel----”

He continued his walk in a self-satisfied mood; but soon he interrupted himself anew.

“But thothe boyth!” he stammered, turning pale. “When thothe boyth hear how I wath impwithoned at the _cawcer_! Fearful thought! I might ath well give up my authowity ath a teacher at onthe. And they _will_ hear it. There ith no help faw it! Ye godth, ye godth, why do ye thmite me thus?”

“Herr Professor,” whispered a familiar voice at the door of the cell, “you are not yet dishonoured. Your authority is as unassailable as ever----”

“Wumpf!” muttered Samuel; “you godleth fellow you! Open that door, I thay, thith minute! Conthider your earth boxed! Conthider yourthelf expelled!”

“Herr Professor, I’ve come to save you! Do not insult me!”

“To thave me? What impertinenthe! Open the door, or I’ll----”

“Will you hear me speak, Herr Professor? I assure you all will end well.”

Samuel considered.

“Vewy well,” he said at last; “I’ll condethend to hear you. Thpeak----”

“I only wanted to show you that my art is not quite without practical import. Forgive me if in doing so I have seemingly left out of consideration the very high esteem and respect in which I am happily conscious of always having held you!”

“You are a wogue, Wumpf!”

“Herr Professor! suppose you dispense me from the _carcer_ penalty, withdraw your threat regarding expulsion, and permit me to guard the most complete silence over what has passed!”

“It would never do, Wumpf. You mutht hold out your time----”

“Yes? Well, then, good-bye to you, Herr Professor! Don’t ring the bell too often!”

“Wumpf! hear what I thay to you! Wumpf!”

“Well----?”

“You are in many wespects an extwaawdinawy lad, Wumpf; and tho I am quite willing to make an extheption in your favour,--open the door!”

“Will you dispense me from _carcer_?”

“Yeth.”

“Do you intend to expel me?”

“No, in the devil’th name.”

“Give me your word of honour, Herr Professor!”

“Wumpf, how dare you?”

“Your word of honour, Herr Professor!”

“Vewy good, you have it!”

“Jupiter Ultor is witness.”

“What?”

“I call upon the gods for witnesses.”

“Open the door, I thay!”

“Presently, Herr Professor. You are sure you bear me no grudge?”

“No, no, no! _Will_ you open that door?”

“You give me full absolution?”

“Yes, under the condition that you tell nobody a word of your guilty conduct. I have told you that I take you to be an extwaawdinawy lad, Wumpf----”