Part 21

Vun wannen hāt er plutzlim vun der heller Haut aher sich genummen? Wās känn asölcher bedarfen? Eppes asō glatt känn es nit sein, glatt asō denn nemmt män un' män kummt? Mistome liegt doch dā eppes, wās män mus es dergēhn.... Derbei will Itlicher arausweisen sein Chochme, sein Genitschaft, un' Bauchswores fallen wie Mist. Alte Leut' derzaehlen Maisses un' brengen Mescholim vun Orchim, wās senen in dem un' dem Jāhr gekummen aher zufāhren, Balamzojes sāgen mikōach dem Wörtlich, a Bissel eppes nischt kein schoene; Mannsbill' halten sich bei die Bärdlich un' schmēichlen; alte Weiber siedlen āb die Balamzojes auf Katowes, mit a Boeser i mit a Lachen in ēinem; junge Weiblich derlangen vun die arābgelāsene Äugen a gebōgenem Kuck vun unten arauf, halten die Händ' auf'n Maul un' sticken sich lachendig in Kulak. Der Schmues mikōach dem dāsigen Injen kaukelt sich vun Stub' zu Stub' wie a Kaul vun Schnee un' werd kauklendig sich all's grösser, grösser, bis er kaukelt sich arein in Bessmedresch ssame unter'n Ōwen, in dem Ort, wās ahin varkauklen sich alle Schmuessen vun allerlēi Injonim, hen Sōdes vun Stubsachen, hen Politike mikōach Stambul, mikōach dem Tōger u-mikōach Kiren, hen Geldgeschäften mikōach Rothschild's Varmögen in Vargleich mit die grōsse Prizim un' die andere gewisse Negidim, we-hen Potschten mikōach die Gseeres u-mikōach die rōthe Jüdlich uchdōme, un' wās dort rasbirajet see kesseeder a besunder Komität vun schoene betāgte Jüden, wās sitzen ständig a ganzen Tāg bis spät in der Nacht, senen mafker Weib i Kinder un' giben sich mit die alle Geschäften take emes getreu āb, thuen sejer Sach' bischleemes, glatt asō le-Schemschomajim, nischt zu nehmen far sejer Müh', far sejer Praze, afile a zubrochenem Heller.

such a one want here? There is something wrong, for without good reason no one would come to this place! There is some secret in it which I must find out.... And each one wants to show his wisdom, his skill, and all kinds of speculations come as fast as hail. All tell stories and make allusions to strangers who had visited them in such and such a year; jesters relate anecdotes about it, and they are not always within the bounds of propriety; men twirl their beards and smile; old women jokingly scold the jesters, angered and laughing at the same time; young married women stealthily look upwards with their drooping eyes, hold their hands before their mouths and choke with laughter. The conversation in regard to that matter rolls on from house to house like a snowball and rolling grows larger, larger, until it rolls into the synagogue near the stove, the very place where find their final abode gossips of all kinds, whether domestic secrets, or politics in regard to Stamboul, in regard to the Mogul and Cyrus, or money matters regarding the wealth of Rothschild as compared with that of great lords and the other well-known millionaires, or reports of persecutions and the tribe of the Red Jews, and so forth. And there these matters are discussed one after the other by a special committee of pious Jews advanced in years, who sit there whole days until late into the night, who abandon their wives and children and earnestly devote themselves to those affairs, doing their business in peace, just for the glory of God, without receiving a broken penny for their labor and their work.

Vun dem dāsigen Komität gēhen oft die Injonim aweg in Bād auf der öberster Bank, un' in a polner Ssobranje vun Stādt-balebatim wer'en see dort utwerdet, "wehakol schorir wekajom," as dernāch sollen afile kummen kol Malchej Misrach un' Majrew, sich stellen mit dem Kopp arāb un' mit die Füss' arauf, wellen see gār nischt pōeln. Der Tōger is' schier ein Māl nischt umglücklich gewor'en in asa Ssobranje auf der ōberster Bank, wenn etliche juste Balebatim sollen nischt gewe'n halten mit ihm Blatt, wer wēisst, wu er wollt' itzt āngesparrt. Rothschild nebech hāt schier nit varlōren dort eppes a zehn, fufzehn Milljon; derfar hāt ihm Gott geholfen in a Pāar Wochen arum: der Ōlem is' gewe'n, wie män sāgt, begelufin; auf der ōberster Bank is' grād' gewe'n a Bissel leblich; die Besemlich hāben sich gehōben,--un' män hat ihm mit a Māl zugelāst rēin Vardienst akegen a kan Milljon Kärblich!

Die Einwōhner allēin in Tunejadewke senen nebech kimat alle, lō-aleechem, grōsse Ewjōnim, starke Dalfonim. Nor dem Emes mus män sāgen, see senen froehliche Ewjōnim, lustige Kabzonim, wilde Bal-bitochens. As män soll, a Stēiger, plutzlim a Fräg geben a Tunejadewker Jüden, vun wannen un' wie asō er is sich mefarnes, bleibt er tchilas stēhn wie zumischt, wēisst nebech nischt, wās zu entwern, nor später a Bissel āber kummt er zu sich un' entwert bitmimes: Ich, wie arum ich leb', ich? Et, 's is' dā a Gott, sāg' ich euch, ot-o, wās varlāst nischt alle seine Beschäffenisch, Er schickt zu un' wet mistome weiter zuschicken, sāg' ich euch, ot-o!--Fort, wās thut ihr asōns? Hā't ihr chotsch eppes wās 's is' far a Meloche oder a Parnosse in der Hand?--Gelōbt is' ha-Schem-jisborach! Ich hāb', borchaschem, asō wie ihr kuckt mich ān, ot-o, a Matone vun sein lieben Nāmen, a Keele, a Kol-negine,

From this committee the affairs are frequently transferred to the upper bench in the bathhouse, and in a plenary assembly of householders they are confirmed, "resolved and decreed." If after that even all the kings of the East and the West were to come and walk with their heads downwards and their feet in the air, they could not move them to change their decrees. The Mogul came once very near falling into misfortune in such an assembly of the higher bench; if some of the householders had not taken his part, who knows where he would now be resting his head. Rothschild very nearly lost there ten or fifteen millions; but God came to his rescue a few weeks later: the people felt, as they say, in high spirits; all was alive upon the highest bench; the bathing brooms were dancing over their backs, and they all at once gave him a clean gain of one hundred and fifty million roubles.

Nearly all the inhabitants of Parasiteville are, may it be no evil omen to you, nothing but poor people and quite destitute. But the truth must be told, they are merry beggars, joyful mendicants, possessed of unbounded hope. If one, for example, suddenly asks a Parasiteville Jew where and how he manages to make a living, he stops at first bewildered, and does not know what to answer, but after a while he collects himself and answers in good spirits: I, how I make a living, I? Well, there is a God, I tell you, you see, who does not abandon His creatures; He sends us a living and will no doubt continue to send us, I tell you!--After all, what is your occupation? Have you some kind of trade that you ply, or have you some kind of income?--Praised be the Lord! I have, thanks to the Lord, as you see me, a gift from Him, a good voice, and I lead the prayers of the Mussafim on the great holidays

un' dawen' Mussofim Jomim-nōrojim in der Swiwe; ich bin a Mohel un' a Maze-rädler, Ēiner in der Welt; ich führ' a Māl aus a Schidech, führ' ich aus. Ich hāb' a Stāat, wie ihr kuckt mich ān, ot-o, in der Schul'; heunt halt' ich äuch, zwischen uns soll es bleiben, a Schēnkel, wās melkt sich zu bisslich; ich hāb' a Zieg', wās melkt sich ohn' Anore sēhr gut, un' hāb' nischt weit vun danneu a reichen Korew, ot-o, wās lāst sich unter a schlechter Zeit äuch a Bissel melken. Heunt, chuz die alle Sachen, sāg' ich euch ot-o, is' Gott a Tate un' die Jisroejel senen Rachmonim-bnee-rachmonim, sāg' ich euch ot-o, nischt zu varsündigen!...

Äuch mus män die Tunejadewker Einwōhner dem Schwach nāchsāgen, as see seneu zufrieden mit wās Gott gi't un' klauben cholile in der Halbosche un' in dem Essen stark nischt über. As die schabesdige Kapote, a Stēiger, is' zuhackt, zufallen, zurissen, a Bissel varschlumpert un' eppes nischt asō rēin, macht äuch nit aus, abi sie is' fort vun Atlas un' glanzt. Ai örterweis kuckt wie vun a Reschete araus dās hōhle Leib, meele wās art es wemen? Wer wet sich dā asō stellen zukucken? Lemai Pjates, mit wās is' dās ärger vun ausgerissene Pjates? Pjates is' denn nischt kēin Leib, kēin Menschenflēisch?...

A Stückel Brōt mit a Kolisch, abi 's is' nor dā, is' sēhr a guter Mittāg. Wer schmuest a Bulke mit a Rosselflēisch Freitāg, wer es hāt nor,--dās is' take a Maichel-Mecholim, kēin Besseres dervun is' schōn, dacht sich, auf der Welt nischt dā. Lās män see derzaehlen, a Stēiger, vun andere Minee Potrawes chuz Fischjauch, Gebrāten's un' a Mähren-oder Posternakzimmes, kummt see dās aus eppes meschune wild un' sāgen darauf āb varschiedene Wörtlich mit dem grössten Gelächter, gleich wie der, wās sāgt es, is' narrisch,

in the towns hereabout; I am a Mohel and a roller of matzoth, an expert in my work; I sometimes make a match and get people married. I have a pew in the synagogue, although you may not think it of me; besides I have a grog-shop, between us be it said, that brings me in a little income; I have a goat that gives a great deal of milk, and not far from here I have a rich relative who in bad times lets himself be milked a little too. Besides all these things, I tell you, God is a father and the Jews are the recipients of His mercy, I tell you, and may we not sin against Him!...

* * * * *

We must give the inhabitants of Parasiteville their due,--they are contented with anything God may give them, and they are not by any means dainty in their garments and their food. If, for example, the Sabbath coat is all crushed, threadbare, and torn, a little bedraggled and of questionable cleanliness, that does not trouble them much, provided it is of satin and has a sheen. You will say that in places the bare body looks out of it as from a sieve! What of that? Whose concern is it? Who will stop to look at it inquisitively? Is that at all worse than bare heels? Are heels no body, no human flesh?...

A piece of bread with a buckwheat cake, if only it can be procured, is a very good dinner indeed. And just think of a white roll with some braized meat on a Friday! Whoever can get that, regards it as the finest dainty, better than which, it seems, nothing can be found in the world. Let anybody tell of any other kinds of choice dishes than fish juice, roast meat, and carrot or parsnip scallop, he will be looked upon as a madman, and they will make all kinds of jests about him and burst out in loud laughter, as if he who had

meschuge un' will see äuch machen meschuge, einrēden see a Kind in Bauch, a Kuh is' geflōgen über'n Dach un' gelēgt an Ēi. A Stückel Bockser in Chamischo-ossor dās is' asa Peere, wās is' mechaje Nefosches; kuckendig derauf dermāhnt män sich in Erzesrojel, nischt ēin Māl varglotzt män derbei die Äugen mit a Krächz: Ach, "wessōlicheenu kōmmius," sollst uns, harzediger Vāter, führen kōmmius, take was kōmmius hēisst, "learzeenu"--zu unser Land, wās Ziegen essen dort Bocksern!... Al-pi Mikre hāt Ēiner a Māl in dem Städtel gebracht a Tēitel, hā't ihr bedarft sehn, wie asō män is' dās geläufen ānkucken auf Chidesch! Män hāt aufgemischt a Chumesch un' gewiesen, as "Tomer" der Tēitel stēht in Chumesch! Steutsch, der Tēitel, ot der Tēitel wachst doch vun Erzesrojel!... Kuckendig auf'n Tēitel, hāt sich ausgedacht, Erzesrojel is var die Äugen, ot gēht män über dem Jarden, ot is' die Meoras-hamachpeelo, der Mutter Rochel's Keewer, dās Kōssel-maarowi, ot bādt män sich in Chamee-te-warjo, män kriecht arauf auf'n Har-haseessim, män esst sich ān mit Bocksern, mit Tēitlen, un' män lēgt ān fulle Keschenjes mit Erzesrojel-erd'. Ach, hāt män gekrächzt, un' in die Äugen hāben Itlichen sich gestellt Trähren. "Jene Zeit," asō sāgt Binjāmin, "is' ganz Tunejadewke, wie grōss sie is', gewe'n in Erzesrojel. Män hāt geschmack geredt vun Moschiach'n, ot, ot, is' schōn Gott's Freitāg noch halben Tāg.... Der neuer Pristaw, wās is' nischt lang āngekummen, hāt grād be-jod-romo denstmāl geführt dās Städtel. Bei a Pāar Jüden hāt er arābgerissen die Jarmelkes, Ēinem ābgeschnitten a Peje, Etliche nebech gechappt spät bei der Nacht in a Gässel ohn' Pasporten, bei noch Ēinem varnummen a Zieg', wās hāt aufgegessen a neuem

told that had actually become crazy and wanted to drive them crazy too by making them believe of a child in the stomach,[119] of a cow that has flown over the roof and has laid an egg. A piece of buck's-horn on the fifteenth day in the month of Shebat is regarded as a fruit that delights the heart. Looking at it they are reminded of Palestine, and they frequently raise their eyes in ecstasy and say with a sigh: "Oh, wessolicheenu kōmmius," lead us, O merciful Father, upwards, yes, upwards indeed, "learzeenu," into our land where goats feed on buck's-horn.... By chance some one brought a date to town. You ought to have seen how people rushed up to see the wonder! They opened the Pentateuch and pointed out that "Tomer," the date, was mentioned in the Bible! Just think of it! The date, that very date grows in Palestine!... Looking at the date it appeared to them that Palestine was before their very eyes, that, behold, they were crossing the Jordan; right there was the cave of Machpelah, Rachel's grave, the western wall; that now they were bathing in the Pool of Tiberias, they were climbing the Olive Mount, they were eating their fill of bucks'-horn and dates, and swelling their pockets with earth of Palestine. Ah, they sighed, and tears filled the eyes of all. "In those days," says Benjamin, "all of Parasiteville, as large as it is, was in Palestine. They talked with zest of Moses; and behold, it is already past noon on God's Friday.... The new police captain who had only lately arrived in town ruled it with a firm hand. He had torn off the skullcaps from the heads of a few Jews, he had lopped off an earlock, had bagged a few men late at night in a side street without passports, had confiscated another man's goat that had eaten up a

strōhenem Dach; un' er is' dermit äuch gewe'n die Ssibe dervun, wās der Komität unter'n Ōwen hāt sich stark geduret mit'n Tōger, ad-mossaj wet der Scharschel-jischmoel asō schōlet sein? Män hāt aufgemischt dem gewoehntlichen Schmues mikōach die Ascheres-haschwotim, wie glücklich see leben dort in jene weite Mekōmes, in Gdule-ōscher un' Kowed; män hāt avürgenummen die rōthe Jüdlech, die Bneemōsche, mit Gusmes Maisses vun sejere Gwures uchdōme; Eldād ha-Dāni, es varstēht sich, hāt äuch getanzt in dermit. Jene Zeit, zum Mēisten, hāb' ich zu vardanken die Nessie meine, wās ich hāb' dernāch gemacht."

XI. A HARTER BISSEN

(_Hausfreund_, Vol. II. pp. 22-25)

Beim Breg vun dem Wasser, vun Jāffō bis Tarschisch, Dort hört sich a Žummen un' Brummen-- Beim Breg vun dem Wasser, vun Jāffō bis Tarschisch, Is' finster die Nacht āngekummen.

Un' tief aus dem Wasser dort hört sich dās Brummen, A Kol vun a Wallfisch gār, dacht sich: "Rabōssai! Heunt hāt mich der Teuwel genummen, Ich starb' heunt, ich spür' schōn, es macht sich!

"Ich eck' bald! Mein Bauch, oi, mein Bauch mus mir platzen-- Heunt hāb' ich a Nowi verschlungen! Dā helft mehr kēin Glätten, kēin Reiben, kēin Kratzen-- Bald is' schōn der Bauch mir zusprungen!

"A Nowi, dās is' gār a zu harter Bissen, Es känn ihm gār Kēiner vertrāgen; Zu fett is' sein Frummkeit--es soll schōn nit wissen Vun ihm kēin schum ehrlicher Māgen!

newly laid strawthatch. And it was he that was the cause of the committee's preoccupation with the Mogul, and their discussion of how much longer the Prince of the Ishmaelites would be reigning. They returned to the usual conversation of the Ten Tribes, how happy they lived in those distant lands, enjoying wealth and honor; they recalled the Red Jews, the Sons of Moses, and told a mass of stories of their bravery, etc.; Eldad the Danite was naturally also dished up. I owe it mainly to those times that I later undertook my journey."

XI. A TOUGH MORSEL

On the shore of the waters, from Jaffa to Tarshish, one may hear a grumbling and growling;--on the shore of the waters, from Jaffa to Tarshish, the night descended in darkness.

And deep out of the water one may hear a growling,--it seems, the voice of a whale. "My lords! To-day the devil has taken me, I am going to die to-day, I feel it, I am sure!

"My end has come! My belly, O my belly will burst;--I have swallowed this day a prophet! No massaging, no rubbing, no scratching will help me;--ere long my belly will certainly burst!

"A prophet is entirely too tough a morsel, and no one can digest him; his piety is too fat,--may no honest stomach ever know the like.

"A Nowi, derzu noch gār ēiner, a klēiner! (Punkt zwölf auf a Tutz gār in Ganzen) Gār hart is' sein Nefesch, gār hart seine Bēiner-- Er löchert mir 's Harz mit sein Tanzen!

"Un' Stēiner, un' Bēiner, un' kolerlēi Sachen, See hāt schōn mein Māgen zurieben; Un' nor mit Newiim känn gār ich nit machen-- A Make, wās stēht nit geschrieben!

"A Nowi is' gār nit varhanden a wēicher-- Nit känn män ihm essen, nit nāgen: Es wollt' sein a Mizwe, nit lāsen kēin Seecher Vun Frumme, wās grablen beim Māgen!

"A Frummer is' gār nit varhanden kēin wēicher-- Mir kennen die dāsige Helden! Es wollt' sein a Mizwe, nit lāsen a Seecher Vun see--mit Respekt dās zu melden!

"Rabōssai! Ich spür' jetzt, er grabelt in Bauch mir-- Gewalt! 's is' die Tewa vun Frumme Rak grablen in Jenems Gedärem--nu, äuch mir A Nowi,--nor, ach, vun die Krumme!

"Rabōssai! Mir dacht sich, er murmelt jetzt eppes Un' krümmt sich, un' bēugt sich gār plutzim-- Du darschenst umsüst gār, du darschenst in Steppes Un' wartst gār umsüst auf Tiruzim!

"Rabōssai! Ich spür' jetzt sein Grablen, sein Zapplen, Es dacht sich, er dawent a Bissel! Un' halt' ich's noch länger jetzt aus, mus ich mapplen-- Gewald! Gi't mir Brechwein a Schüssel!

"A prophet, and one of the smaller kind at that!--Just twelve of them to the dozen. Too tough is his body, too tough are his bones, he pierces my heart with his dancing!

"And stones, and bones, and all other kinds of things my stomach has digested; but I am powerless with prophets,--they are a plague not mentioned in the Scriptures.

"There does not exist a tender prophet,--you can never eat them or gnaw them. It would be meritorious not to leave a trace of pious men who rummage in your stomachs!

"There does not exist a pious man who is tender,--we know that class of heroes! It would be meritorious not to leave a trace of them--with all due respect permit me to say that!

"My lords! I feel he is now rummaging in my stomach, oh, help me! It has ever been the business of pious people to rummage in other people's entrails,--that's the kind of a prophet he is, only, alas, he is crooked!

"My lords! meseems, he is now mumbling something, and he is writhing and bending up all of a sudden,--you preach in vain, you preach in the wilderness, and you are waiting in vain for an answer!

"My lords! I now feel his crawling, his sprawling, it seems, he is praying now a bit! And if I am to endure it much longer, I shall have to abort. Help! Give me a dish full of emetic!

"Ich känn nit derhalten sein Dawnen, sein Singen,-- Dās Tanzen arum, wie die Rinder, Die falsche, verwilderte Tnues, dās Springen.... Gewald! Gi't mir Brechwein geschwinder!

"Gewald! Gi't mir Brechwein, gi't Zeitungsmaimorim, Gi't Nechbi-ben-Wofsi's Artiklen; Gi't gich Feuilletonen, gi't jüdische Sforim-- Un' thut mir dās All's zunaufwicklen,

"Un' macht mir a Mittel zum Brechen, zum Brechen! Gi't Sforim vun spätere Dōres! Gi't Schomer's Romanen, see senen, ich rechen' Zum Brechen vorzügliche S-chōres--

"Gi't Sforim vun neunzehnten klugen Jāhrhundert, Gi't kluge 'Kritiken'--vun wemen Ihr willt sich allein nor; gi't gicher--mich wundert, Wie brech' ich schōn nit bei die Nämen!"--

Beim Breg vun dem Wasser, vun Jāffō bis Tarschisch, Dort hört sich a Žummen un' Brummen-- A Mittel zu Brechen, vun Jāffō bis Tarschisch, Hāt dorten a Fisch eingenummen.

Un' still is' un' ruhig; es kraüselt die Nacht sich Un' flecht ihre tunkele Locken; In Himmel die Steren,--see flammen, es dacht sich, Wie gelbliche, goldene Pocken.

Un' still is' un' ruhig, es flecht gār die Nacht sich Un' kraüselt die finstere Locken; Es wandelt gār still die Natur, un' es dacht sich, Sie gēht wie auf seidene Socken.

"I cannot stand his praying, his chanting,--his dancing, like a calf, his false, barbaric doings,--his leaping.... Help! Give me quickly some emetic!

"Help! Give me some emetic, give me newspaper discussions, give me Nechbi-ben-Wofsi's articles. Give me feuilletons, give me Jewish books,--and put them all in a bundle,

"And make me a medicine to vomit, to vomit! Give me books of later generations! Give me the novels of Schaikewitsch,--I think they are excellent stuff for vomiting.

"Give me books of the wise nineteenth century; give me criticisms, whosesoever you wish yourself; only give them quickly,--I am surprised I am not vomiting at mentioning these names!"

On the shore of the waters, from Jaffa to Tarshish, one may hear a grumbling and growling;--an emetic, from Jaffa to Tarshish, a fish has swallowed there.

And all is still and quiet; night is curling and braiding her sable locks; the stars in the sky,--they flame, it seems, like yellow, golden pustules.

And all is still and quiet, and night is braiding and curling her dusky locks; nature wanders in silence, and it seems she walks on silken stockings.

Un' plutzling derhört sich a Kol in der Finster, Gār fürchterlich hāt er geschriegen; Es hāt dort a Wallfisch, vun alle der dünster, A groben Frummak ausgespiegen.

Un' nāch dem Ausspeien, un' g'rād zu Oleenu, Dā thut er noch philosophiren; Er sāgt: "Zu Newiim, überhaupt zu die klēine, Dā tor män sich gār nit zurühren!" D. FRISCHMANN.

XII. STEMPENJU'S FIEDELE

('Stempenju,' pp. 8-10)

Ach, ich fühl', as mein Feder is' schwach zu beschreiben, wie Stempenju hāt besetzt a Kale! Dās is' nit gewe'n glatt gespielt, gerümpelt: dās is' gewe'n a Min Aweede, a Gott's Dienst mit eppes sēhr a hōchen Gefühl, mit eppes sēhr an ēdlen Geist. Stempenju hāt sich gestellt akegen der Kale un' hāt ihr Drosche gehalten auf'n Fiedel,--a schoene, a lange Drosche, a rührende Drosche über dem frei un' glücklich Leben vun der Kale bis aher, vun ihr Maedelstand, un' über dem finsteren, bitteren Leben, wās erwartet sie später, später: Aus Maedel! übergedeckt dem Kopp, varstellt die schoene, lange Hāar auf ēbig ... nit dā dās Froehlichkeit! Sei gesund, Jugend, ot werst du a Jüdene!... Eppes sēhr nischt froehlich, Gott soll nischt strāfen far die Rēd'!...

* * * * *

Ot asölche Wörter hören sich kimat araus vun Stempenju's Fiedele; alle Weiber varstēhen gut dem Pschat vun der dāsiger stummer Drosche, alle Weiber fühlen es; see fühlen dās, un' wēinen derauf mit bittere Trähren.

--Wie lang bin ich asō gesessen,--klährt sich a

And suddenly a voice is heard in the darkness; terribly he did cry; a whale, the thinnest of them all, has there spit out a bigot.

And after his spitting up, just at the last prayer of Oleenu, he still continues to philosophize; he says: "With prophets, particularly the little ones, you must have nothing to do!"

XII. STEMPENJU'S VIOLIN