Chapter 46

_A small clock strikes ten. The door to the right is thrown open and the members of the Tobacco-Conference come in, led by_ GRUMBKOW _and_ SECKENDORF. _There are about ten of them besides the principal actors. They come in solemnly, wearing their hats, carrying pipes in their mouths. Passing the_ KING _they touch their hats and remove their pipes for a moment._ HOTHAM _and the_ PRINCE of BAIREUTH _come last of all. The_ KING _stands to the left and lets the procession move past him toward the right of the room._

GRUMBKOW (_with the prescribed greeting_).

Good evening, Your Majesty.

KING.

Good evening, Grumbkow.

SECKENDORF.

Good evening, Your Majesty.

KING.

Good evening, Seckendorf.

COUNT SCHWERIN.

Good evening, Your Majesty.

KING.

Good evening, Schwerin. Does it taste good?

SCHWERIN.

Fine! Thanks, Your Majesty.

COUNT WARTENSLEBEN.

Good evening, Your Majesty.

KING.

Good evening, Wartensleben. Pipe draw well?

WARTENSLEBEN.

Yes. Thanks, Your Majesty. [_He moves past the_ KING _. The others pass one after the other, or sometimes several at once, with similar greetings_.]

KING.

Take your seats, gentlemen--no formalities--free choice--the smoke of war levels all rank.

GRUMBKOW.

But the subject, Your Majesty, the subject promised for this evening?

KING.

Ha, ha! The target? There it comes.

[HOTHAM _and the_ PRINCE OF BAIREUTH _come in_.]

ALL.

The Prince of Baireuth?

PRINCE.

Good evening.

KING.

Right, oh! Prince, that you are come. Now, at least, you will have something good about my family to tell them in Rheinsberg. [_Aside_.] Spy! [_Aloud_.] But your pipe is cold.

PRINCE (_with suppressed anger_).

I am hoping that I may find fire enough here.

[_The company sit down, the_ KING _and_ GRUMBKOW _at one end of the table,_ HOTHAM _and the_ PRINCE _at the other_.]

KING.

Lay on, gentlemen--there stand the care-chasers.

SECKENDORF.

To His Majesty's health!

KING.

No, let us rather drink, after such a day of annoyance and sorrow--let us rather drink to cheer, jollity, and a happy turn of wit!

[_They touch glasses with one another._ EVERMANN _moves about, serving the guests, passing coal for the pipes, and so forth_.]

KING (_aside_).

Grumbkow, I wager it will be right jolly tonight.

GRUMBKOW (_aside_).

We'll soon begin to tap the Prince.

KING (_aside_).

Be merciful. His brow is already bedewed with the sweat of anxiety. [_Aloud_.] Tell me. Prince, since you have windbagged yourself about so much of the world--do they smoke tobacco in Versailles also?

PRINCE.

No. Your Majesty, but I've seen sailors in London who chew it.

KING.

Brr! Grumbkow, we'll not introduce that fashion here. It's not because of the taste, but such meals would be right costly.

HOTHAM.

Our sailors use tobacco as a remedy for scurvy.

SECKENDORF.

What is scurvy?

PRINCE.

The scurvy, Count, is a disease which begins with an evil tongue.

KING (_aside_).

Take notice, Grumbkow, he's pricked. On with the attack.

GRUMBKOW.

Eversmann, have the newest Dutch journals arrived?

EVERSMANN.

Yes, Your Excellency; full of lies, as usual.

KING.

Lies? Then, according to the proverb, that explains why our beer is so sour.

GRUMBKOW.

Tell me, Eversmann, is there no news from Ansbach in the journals?

HOTHAM (_aside to_ PRINCE).

Arm yourself.

EVERSMANN (_impertinently_).

Why should there be news from such a little country?

KING.

Be quiet! Prussia also was once a little country. Tell me rather, what do the Dutch write about Prussia?

EVERSMANN.

Outrageous things. They say that many deserters have again fled from Potsdam.

KING.

That's not a lie, unfortunately.

PRINCE.

But they express themselves with more politeness in Holland.

KING.

How then, Prince?

PRINCE.

They say that Your Majesty's Guards consist mostly of men who suffer from an abnormal growth. These giants, so they say, have periods where they shoot up to such an extent that they grow and grow beyond the tree-tops and disappear altogether from human ken.

KING.

Ha, ha! Wittily expressed. But drink, Prince, drink.

GRUMBKOW.

I imagined that Your Highness read only French journals.

PRINCE.

I would rather read Prussian newspapers. But, thanks to General von Grumbkow's policies, no newspaper dare appear in Prussia.

KING.

Ha, ha! There you have it! [_Aside_.] See, see, he's not afraid to speak his mind. 'Twill be a merry night.

HOTHAM (_aside to_ PRINCE).

Not too sharp--be milder at first.

GRUMBKOW (_aside_).

Seckendorf, it's time to exercise your wit.

SECKENDORF (_aside_).

Hush--I'm getting something ready. I will choose my own time.

KING.

But you're not drinking, Prince. You're expected to drink here. [_Aside_.] Eversmann, keep his glass well filled--

HOTHAM (_aside_).

They want to make you drunk. Push your tankard nearer my place.

KING.

You know the old Dessauer, Prince?

PRINCE (surprised).

Why, Your Majesty--

KING.

But do you know for what great invention mankind is indebted to the old Dessauer?

PRINCE (_aside_).

Do you know that, Hotham?

HOTHAM.

Damn their cross questioning--say it was gaiters.

PRINCE.

Your Majesty wishes to know what--what the old Dessauer invented?

KING.

Yes, what did the old Dessauer invent?

SECKENDORF (_aside_).

Aha, you see, now we have caught him.

PRINCE.

It can't be gunpowder, because Count Seckendorf has already discovered that. [_All laugh_.]

SECKENDORF (_aside_).

Never mind, Grumbkow, I'll wait the fitting moment.

KING.

He invented _iron ramrods_. Now, you see, my son in Rheinsberg, for all his Homers and Voltaires, and whatever their heathen names may be, that he gathers round him, couldn't think of anything like that. [_Aside_.] Is he drinking, Eversmann?

HOTHAM (_to_ PRINCE).

Don't let slip your advantage.

PRINCE.

Who the devil could think of iron ramrods!

GRUMBKOW (_rising_).

We'll drink a pleasant journey to His Highness, the Prince Hereditary of Baireuth. [_They all rise except the_ KING.]

ALL.

A pleasant journey.

HOTHAM (_aside_).

You're done for--you've lost everything.

PRINCE (_aside_).

It was shameful perfidy!

HOTHAM (_aside_).

Make him respect you--be as brutal as he is--pretend to be drunk. [_They all sit down after having touched glasses amid laughter_.]

PRINCE (_rises, his tankard in his hand. Speaks as if slightly intoxicated_).

Gentlemen--

KING (_aside_).

I believe he's hipped.

PRINCE.

And--and--and--I thank you. [_He sits down. They all laugh_.]

KING.

Bravo, Prince, you are a most excellent speaker.

GRUMBKOW.

He's done for, Your Majesty: we must have him make a speech now.

KING.

Yes. Give us a speech, Prince.

ALL.

A speech--speech!

[The PRINCE _rests his head in his hands and does not rise_.]

HOTHAM.

The question is--what shall he talk about?

KING.

About anything--whatever he chooses.

HOTHAM.

I could suggest an interesting subject.

KING.

Out with it.

HOTHAM.

What if he were to discuss some member of this merry company?

KING.

'Tis done! And that we need waste no time in choice--let him discuss--me.

ALL (_startled_).

Your Majesty?

KING.

It's very warm here. [_Opens his coat_.] Let's make ourselves comfortable, Eversmann. Well, Prince--begin. Give us a speech about me.

HOTHAM.

Please--

KING.

No hesitation--let it be as if I had just died--

HOTHAM.

Your Majesty--

KING.

Quiet! Silence all. The Prince of Baireuth will give us a speech about me. [_Aside_.] _In vino veritas_. I am curious to know whether such a French windbag is composed entirely of falsehoods.

HOTHAM (_aside_).

This is the decisive moment.

PRINCE (_steps forward, he staggers slightly then controls himself_).

Merry company!

KING.

Merry? I'm dead.

PRINCE.

No matter, they're merry just the same.

KING.

Gad! is that true?

PRINCE.

Merry company--cheerful mourners--permit me to interrupt your enjoyment by a few painful remarks on the qualities of the deceased.

KING.

Painful remarks? That's a good beginning.

PRINCE.

Friedrich Wilhelm I., King of Prussia, was a great man, in whose character were united the strangest contradictions.

KING.

Contradictions!

PRINCE.

As with all those who owe their education to their own efforts, so his mind, noble in itself, fell under the influence of disturbing emotions, the saddest of which was distrust.

KING.

These are nice things I hear.

PRINCE.

He brought his country to a high degree of prosperity, he simplified administration, he improved judicial procedure. But the enjoyment of all these blessings was spoiled for him by his own fault.

KING.

Well--well--by his own fault!

SECKENDORF (_aside_).

The young man must indeed have been drinking heavily.

PRINCE.

His vivacity of spirit kept him in a continual unrest which was as painful to others as to himself. When fatigued he could not conceal his desire for pleasant recreation, but his tastes were sufficiently simple to let him prefer satisfying this desire in the bosom of his own family.

EVERSMANN.

There'll be a misfortune, surely!

PRINCE.

But even here, where he might have reposed on a couch of roses, this unfortunate sovereign made for himself a bed of thorns. His son's unhappy history is so well known that I can pass over it in silence....

KING.

In silence--?

PRINCE.

Friedrich Wilhelm could not understand the freedom of the human will. He would have grafted stem to stem, son on father, youth on age. In planning to bestow the hand of his charming daughter, now here, now there, it never came to his mind that her heart might have a right to choose--it never occurred to him to ask: "Does my choice make you happy, child?"

KING.

Eversmann, take this pipe.

PRINCE.

Now he is departed. Those minions who during his lifetime came between the heart of the mother and the heart of the husband and father, those minions tremble now. It remains to be seen how the misunderstood son will dispose of them. The father's deeds will remain the foundation of this state. But a milder spirit will reign in the land; the arts and sciences will outdistance the fame of cannon and bullet. And the soaring eagle of Prussia will now truly fulfil his device, _Nec Soli Cedis_--or, to put it in German, "Even the sun's glance shall not dazzle thee! Even the sun shall stand aside from out thy path!" [_He recollects himself, and after a pause returns to the table, again pretending drunkenness_.] Hotham, give me something to drink.

KING (_after a pause_).

What hour is it?

EVERSMANN.

Eleven past, Your Majesty. (_Aside_.) If we should meet the Prince of Wales now, woe unto him.

KING (_taking a tankard from the table_).

Prince, when you have come to your senses tomorrow, let them tell you that the King touched glasses with you.

PRINCE.

At Your Majesty's service.

KING.

He doesn't understand, Hotham. Translate it into sober language for him. Good night, gentlemen. [_He turns again and looks at the_ PRINCE _thoughtfully, repeating the words_.] "Does my choice make you happy, child?" [_Looking at the_ PRINCE.] Pity he's only a bookish man.

[EVERSMANN _takes up a candlestick with officious haste, brushes angrily past the triumphant_ HOTHAM _and throws a glance of suppressed rage at the_ PRINCE.]

EVERSMANN.

May I light Your Majesty--on your visit to--

KING (_interrupts him with the_ PRINCE'S _words_).

"These minions tremble--" [_After a pause, during which he glances over them all_] I would be alone. [_He goes out_.]