Chapter 3

_Anto._ It must be they; a plague upon their Fewds; They can Revenge themselves upon my Wife: Go, call the Nurse, this she must needs conspire in; But keep all private from her. [Exit _Jasper_. Is she so bucksome? Has she more Kinsmen Stallions? I'le cleanse her Blood, or empty all her veins; Confessions calls she these! Betwixt Religion and her Leachery The Devil dances Barley-break--but hold--why May'nt the Rogue contrive this for Revenge? For if I reflect his pretending not to tell, did but Usher in the Story. I must be cautious of a too light belief.

_Enter _Cælia_._

_Cæl._ My Lord, by Accident I've lost a Paper, which troubles me.

_Anto._ A Paper, say you? I took up one i'th' Garden, and I Think this is it.

_Cæl._ It is, my Lord, and I rejoyce no other Person found it.

_Anto._ Why, what is it?

_Cæl._ 'Tis the Confession that I told you of.

_Anto._ I might have read it then, and ne're askt you, had I but known it.

_Cæl._ If your Lordship pleases you may read it.

_Anto._ No, no, I will not, but prethee keep it better.

_Cæl._ My Lord, there are some Tenants, who desire to express Their Loves by Rural Recreations--

_Anto._ Bid e'm stay, their sports are more in season after Dinner. So willing now to have it read, and yet before so backward! [Ex. _Cæl_. Why, this confirms me she is false, it was contriv'd On purpose for my sight. The Devil's not so cunning As a Woman. [Enter Nurse. Oh, Beldame, are you come? Tell me, you Bawd, Who Whores my Wife? For Whore I know she is, And you're her Bawd. Tell me, I say, the man, The place, the Circumstance, and very time, Or I will quarter thee, and throw thy flesh to'th' dogs.

_Nurse._ Alas, my Lord, I know nothing, but that when You're from Home, _Pedro_ goes to her Chamber, and Stays there all Night, but what they do, I know Not, for none but _Flora's_ with them.

_Anto._ _Pedro_! Oh monstrous, she would devour a Legion! Is't every Night, do you say?

_Nurse._ Yes, every Night; but I durst never tell you! Alas, she suckt these Breasts.

_Anto._ Shew me this Night _Pedro_, in Bed with her, Or I will cut thy Tongue out.

_Nurse._ 'Tis impossible when you are at home.

_Anto._ I will contrive a Journey out of Town, but will at Twelve return, then let me in; for if you fail I'le cut your Throat.

_Nurse._ I'le do my best. [Exit.

_Anto._ _Pedro_! What sordid Devil prompted her to that? Why, I am known to all the World a Cuckold; The very Boys i'th' street must point at me; But hold, this new Intelligence struck out the old, And made me quite forget about _Francisco_.

_Enter _Jasper_._

Oh, _Jasper_! I'm confirm'd my Wife's a Devil, And I will send her to the rest e're Morning; Go and contrive a Letter from _Don John_; Shall intimate he's sick, and wants my presence, Then I'le contrive the rest.

_Jasp._ Be not too rash, my Lord, might I advise You should be certain e're you Acted ought.

_Anto._ How can I be more certain then this Night, To be Eye-witness of her Lust my self, As Nurse has undertook I shall.

_Jasp._ Ay, Sir, but things may fail, and they not meet.

_Anto._ Name a more certain way then.

_Jasp._ My Lord, there lives a Woman in the Suburbs, Mighty in Science, who by Art can tell All that she pleases, I'de have you go to her.

_Anto._ Is she of your acquaintance?

_Jasp._ No, my Lord, she scorns such things as me, She's for the great ones; though for Charity, She sometimes helps poor people to their goods, I'me sure she'd serve your Lordship.

_Anto._ I fear she'l never trust us, lest we should betray Her to the Inquisition.

_Jasp._ No fear of that, she cannot be betray'd, She knows Mens bus'ness er'e they come unto her.

_Anto._ Well then, contrive my absence, I'le go thither, I'm sure to know whether she cheats or no, For if she names _Don Lewis_ 'mongst the rest, I shall believe her. Well, about the Letter. [Exit.

_Jasp._ Are you there with your Beares; _Don Lewis_ say you? Marry now I find 'twas Jealousie of his Wife; And not the matter of Money made him kill him, Whether he was guilty or no; I'le be sure he shan't Be forgot, for I'le before hand to my Aunt, and tell Her all; I hope, she is a Witch; the People say so, a Mighty Artist I am sure she is, for she has done Strange things, and all men fear her, besides I Know she loves me, and will strive all she can to Do me good, and hap what will my Lord will Think me honest; for Night will surely shew his Sister to him, drest in's Ladyes Gown, what though He kill her, the mistake will lye o'th' Night, and not On me, thus I make good the Villain that she call'd Me, in my Revenge on her; and if Nurse fails me Not, I'le have my Lady, and _Pedro_; finely firkt. When this is done, my Lord rewards my care, Let him the danger I'le the profit share. And since things Excellent commended be, 'Tshall be my Aym t'excell in Villany.

_The End of the first Act._

Act the Second.

_Enter _Jasper_ and the Witch._

_Jasp._ This kindness, Aunt, I beg, your Art must do; For I have no way else to save my place.

_Witch._ Why, 'tis impossible; I've no such Art As People think, to call up Spirits to me; Nor know I any thing, but what is told me.

_Jasp._ Now you dissemble, Aunt, for han't you often Rais'd Storms, have rent up Trees, and shook strong Towers? Seeming to threaten Nature with it's end; And at such times have sent strange shaped Spirits, who have restored to owners stolen Goods. These things so many know, it is impossible For you to keep it private; but I find, Rather then trust me with your mighty secrets, Or help me with your Art, you'l see my Ruine.

_Witch._ These things you speak of, people think I do, And so I'de have e'm; for tis the only way I have to Live: The Vulgar People love to be deluded; And things the most unlikely they most dote on; A strange Disease in Cattle, Hogs or Pigs, Or any Accident in Cheese or Butter; Though't be but Natural, or a Sluts fault, Must strait be Witchcraft! Oh, the Witch was here! The Ears or Tail is burn'd, the Churn is burn'd; And this to hurt the Witch, when all the while They're likest Witches that believe such Cures; Could I do all that People think I can, I'de ne're take pains to find out stolen Goods, Or hold intelligence with Thieves to bring e'm, Meerly to get my Bread; no, I would make The Universe pay Tribute to my power, And all the Bug-bear Lords Inquisitors More tremble at my Name then I do now At theirs: Ah, _Jasper_, would I raise Storms when I would, blast Corn, turn Rivers backward Change shapes, mov'd where I pleas'd i'th' Air, And that so fast, as thought it self would Hardly overtake me: What is't I could not do? if all were true The Foolish People think, the Pope himself would Quickly lose Respect, And none be thought infallible but I.

_Jasp._ I'm sure I tremble for your want of power, More then I should to see Hells dreadfull'st shape, For I must flye the Town.

_Witch._ _Jasper_, not so; though I can raise no Devils, Yet I Confederate with Rogues and Juglers, Things that can shape themselves like Elves, And Goblins-- And often do like Spirits haunt great Houses, Most times to steal, but many times for mirth; These I'le soon send for; arise, my _Pincula_.

_Enter a little Devil, and tumbles the Summerset._

_Jasp._ Heav'ns bless me! save me, good Aunt.

_Witch._ From what? You Fool, 'tis but a little Boy, Which I instruct to carry on my Cheats: Come, leave your Fooling, I have bus'ness for you; Uncase your self, and quickly go and find _Ranter_, and _Swash_, _Dive_, _Fob_, _Snap_, _Gilt_, and _Pick-lock_, Those are my Archest Devils; as you go Call upon _Dog'rell_ the Ballad-maker, and say I want him strait, bid them be sure To bring home half a dozen more with them, For I shall need their help, let e'm not fail, For money's to be got.

_Devil._ 'Tis that will make e'm come; I'le haste, forsooth. [Exit.

_Jasp._ I'm glad it's gone, for surely it was a Devil, What ever you pretend.

_Witch._ Thou'rt a Fool: It was a Boy, I tell thee, and no Devil; Nor am I a sorceress, though I could wish To do thee good I was: But 'tis no matter, Bring thou thy Lord, I'le practice well enough To make him think all true, that I shall shew him.

_Jasp._ You now Revive my Drooping Spirits, Aunt, and Make my hopes grow strong! Ah sweet Revenge, How my soul Dances but with thoughts of it; Assist me, Aunt, to get this mighty Blessing, and I Shall dye your slave.

_Witch._ O rare Boy! How I rejoyce to see this Spirit in thee, For 'tis the vertue of our Family To seek Revenge, not basely swallow wrongs: _Don Sancho De Mensalvo_, thy Grandsire Was for a while Vice-Admiral of Spain, But then disgrac'd turn'd Pyrate and Reveng'd With Fire and Sword on all Mankind, the wrongs He thought the Court had basely plac'd on him; At last he was betray'd and lost his head, Thy Father turn'd Bandetto, what he got I did dispose of for him; but his Fate Betray'd him too to Death by Execution: Since when I by these Arts do strive to live, And thou art forc'd to serve-- That very Lord, who does those Lands Possess should have been thine.

_Jasp._ But will e're long mount to some higher sphere, Or dye in the attempt; this Plot, perhaps, may do, And I thereby obtain some part of my Estate Again; for if the plotted mischiefs shall succeed, I'le tell him whom I am, and my resolves, either To share his Fortunes or Reveal all. Then I will Rise _Don Jasper De Monsalvo_ and Cheek by Jole, Ask how _Antonio_ does. Then don't forget the names.

_Witch._ Not one of them: I know them very well.

_Jasp._ Farewell, Dear Aunt, but don't you seem to know me.

_Witch._ Out you great Fool! What become my Instructer? Be careful of your self, and fear not me. Farewel, boy.

[Exeunt.

_Enter _Antonio_, _Gerardo_, _Cælia_, _Eugenia_, as to a Masque, and take their seats._

_Ger._ Have you heard, Madam, what they represent?

_Cælia_ My Lord, I'm told they mean to play the Gipsies, And tell our fortunes to us.

_Anto._ I would they could.

_Eugen._ If all Man's life determin'd is before, I would not know my Destiny me-thinks, For good is best, when least it is Expected; And bad fore-seen is doubl'd by our fear Things certain no fore-knowledge can prevent Such knowledge only can bring discontent.

_Ger._ In this with you I perfectly agree.

_Anto._ Yet for all that I wish I could foresee.

_Cælia._ My Lord, what profit by it wou'd you gain?

_Anto._ 'Twould cure doubt to me the deadliest pain.

_Ger._ Doubt is th'effect of fear or Jealousie, Two Passions which to Reason give the Lye For fear torments, but never does assist, And Jealousie is love lost in a Mist. Both Hood-wink truth, then go to blind-mans buff, Cry here, then there, seem to direct enough: But all the while shift place making the mind As it goes out of breath despair to find. And if at last something it stumbles on, Perhaps it calls it false and then 'tis gone. If true, what's gain'd only just time to see A breachless Play a Game at Liberty; That has no other end then this, that men Run to be tyr'd just to set down agen.

_Anto._ This is a truth, and so for ought I know, To the same purpose tends all things we do: Life's a Disease, and yet we seldom say, That Man is sick whom we see laugh and play; And 'tis as well to bid the Bed-rid ride, As to bid Men in doubt be satisfy'd: For 'tis the mind's Disease, and Physick should Be proper to't, or else the Patient's fool'd. And there's no Drug in Nature doubt to Cure But only one, and that is to be sure.

_Cæl._ Yes, Circumstance, my Lord, if well apply'd.

_Anto._ I've known that often fail, when it was try'd But they come--

[Flourish.

_Enter first Gipsie, and sings._

1. Gipsie. _Come, come, away; follow, follow your Prince, I am King of the swarthy Complexions; Follow me that can lead you through Chimneys and Chinks To steal Bacon and Pease; Nay, sometimes with ease To a Feast of the choycest Confections. Come, follow me then, come away, come away_.

_Enter second Gipsie, and sings._

2. Gip. _We know no Rebellion, but obey, but obey, To our King we are just, And true to our trust, Leaving discord to those, that their Princes oppose, When by the Spirit of Treason in Non-sence they pray._

_Enter all the rest, and sing._

Chor. _We know_ &c.

1. Gip. _Come then, and follow, a prize, a prize, a prize._.

2. Gip. _Give the word then, and helloa._

All. _A prize, a prize, a prize._

1. Gip. _Here are Gallants and Ladies have fortunes to tell._

2. Gip. _We'l tell e'm good Fortune if they give us a spell._

1. Gip. _A hand crost with silver the Spirit infuses._

2. Gip. _There's no Prophet lately that mettle refuses._

1. Gip. _Men get Heaven now by Bargain and Sale._

Chor. _Masses, Trentals and Dirges Are not had for no Charges, And a Vicar for nothing won't tell you a Tale._

All. _Masses, &c._

1. Gip. _All things are bought and sold._

2. Gip. _Good Fortune goes with Gold._

1. Gip. _Fall on to your Trading then._

Men Gip. _W'are for the Ladies._

Wom. Gip. _And we for the Men._

_1. Gip._ To _Cæl._ Lady, you have lost a Lover, Cross my hand, I'le more discover.

_2. Gip._ To _Anto._ My Lord, I know you baseness scorn, And would be loath to wear a Horn.

_1. Gip._ To _Eug._ Lady, some do speak you fair, That hatred to your welfare bear.

_2. Gip._ To _Ger._ My Lord, you Love a handsom Lady, She Loves you as well it may be.

1. Gip. sings. _Thus we seldom miss the matter, Things past we can tell, by these Generals well, And ne're stay to prove the truth of the latter._

All. _Things past, &c._

1. To _Cæl._ You shall Live long and happily, Lady.

2. To _Anto._ My Lord, I can tell you, good Fortunes your Friend.

1. To _Eug._ You shall e're long play with your own Baby.

2. To _Ger._ Your Love my Lord, will have good end.

1. Gip. sings. _Thus we Live merrily, merrily, merrily, And thus to our Dancing we sing; Our Lands and our Livings Lye in others believings, When to all Men we tell the same thing: And thus to our Dancing we sing. Thus we_, &c.

[An Antique of Gipsies, and Exeunt.

_Anto._ By this we see that all the Worlds a Cheat, Where truths and falshoods lye so intermixt, And are so like each other, that 'tis hard To find the difference; who would not think these People A real pack of such as we call Gipsies.

_Ger._ Things perfectly alike are but the same; And these were Gipsies, if we did not know How to consider them the contrary; So in Terrestial things there is not one But takes its Form and Nature from our fancy; Not its own being, and is what we do think it.

_Anto._ But truth is still it self.

_Ger._ No, not at all, as truth appears to us; For oftentimes That is a truth to me that's false to you, So 'twould not be if it was truly true.

_Enter _Pedro_ and a Servant, with a Letter to _Antonio_._

_Serv._ My Lord, _Don John_ salutes you in that Letter.

_Cæl._ How does my Couzen, Friend?

_Serv._ Madam, I fear he's drawing near his end.

_Cæl._ 'Pray Heav'n divert it.

_Anto._ The Letter shews, that Death did guide his hand; It only says, Oh Friend, come now or never.

_Ger._ How did his Sickness take him?

_Serv._ Chacing the Buck too hard; he hot with Labour, Drunk of a cooling Spring too eagerly, And that has given him pains, the Doctors say, Will give him Death immediately.

_Cæl._ Heav'n grant him help.

_Anto._ Return, and tell thy Lord, I'm at thy heels. _Pedro_, bring my Boots, and bid two Horses be made Ready.

_Cæl._ Whom do you take, my Lord?

_Anto._ _Pedro_:--but hold, _Jasper_ is not discharg'd, I'le ee'n take him.

_Cæl._ _Jasper_, my Lord! Pray take not him.

_Anto._ Why not him, there are no Nurses there? [Enter _Ped._ with Boots. Where's _Jasper_ _Pedro_?

_Ped._ He said he wou'd not dine, and went Abroad, yet I suppose he may be now in's Chamber.

_Anto._ Reach my Bootes, who has worn 'em lately? I do believe you get into my Bootes.

_Ped._ I, my Lord.

_Anto._ I, you, my Rogue! Go, see for _Jasper_. [Strikes _Pedro_ with a Boot'top.

[Exit _Pedro_.

_Cæl._ My Lord! Why do you thus disturb your self?

_Anto._ You see the blow don't maim him, you need Not be concern'd.

_Cælia._ What means my Lord?

_Anto._ As you hate _Jasper_, I hate whom I please.

_Enter _Jasper_._

_Cæl._ His sight strikes terror to me!

_Anto._ _Jasper_, make ready, you must go with me.

[Exit _Jasp_.

_Cæl._ Here on my knees I beg you would not take him: But if you be resolv'd, let me go too.

_Anto._ That cannot be: Don _John's_ a Batchellor, And is not fitted to have Women guests.

_Cæl._ I will dispence with any thing, my Lord, Then let me go, or do not take _Jasper_.

_Anto._ Come, I must break this Childish way of yours, _Jasper_ shall go, and you shall stay at home, And so Farewell; make merry with our Friends.

_Ger._ Do not resolve, my Lord; see how she takes it.

_Anto._ This passion soon will over; farewell, Friend, I shall return to give _Eugenia_ to you.

[Exit _Anto_.

_Ger._ I ne're perceiv'd his will to reign before, Some sudden fancy makes him Obstinate.

_Eug._ So, give her Air, she comes to her self.

_Cæl._ Where is my Lord! What gone! am I deluded? I Saw an Angel lead him back again.

_Ger._ Her fancy is disturb'd, make no answer:

_Cæl._ Why Sister, where's my Lord?

_Eug._ Do not disturb your self, my Brother's well.

_Cæl._ Get me a horse, for I will follow him.

_Enter _Antonio_ Bleeding_.

_Anto._ Fetch me some water there.

_Cæl._ My Dream was true, my Dearest Lord's return'd! What makes you Bleed?

_Anto._ As I was lifting up my Foot to the Stirrop, my Nose Gusht out a Bleeding.

_Eugen._ My Sister dreamt, an Angel led you back, And I believe it now.

_Ger._ Pray take some other with you, I, if you please Will keep you Company.

_Ant._ No, I'm resolv'd to stay, and send him word, I am Took ill my self; my Nose leaves Bleeding.

_Cæl._ I am satisfy'd, my Lord, you do not go, and therefore Will Retire.

[Ex. all but _Anto._ and _Gerar._

_Anto._ Do so, my Dear. Now I must tell my Friend, I dare not stay, Twould look but ill to say a Bleeding Nose Made _Don Antonio_ slight his dying Friend.

_Ger._ If that was all, it would; but yet reflect There are more Prodigies forbid this Journey Then _Cæsar_ had t'avoyd the Senate-House.

_Anto._ Had _Cæsar_ not been slain, those Accidents We now call Prodigies, had been forgot; And so will these when I am safe return'd.

_Ger._ Consider but your Ladies high concern, Her suddain sounding, and recovery, On which she cry'd an Angel brings him back, Your Bleeding and Return speaks the dream't true, The stopping of it too was not the least, All these together force me to believe That you from heav'n these warnings did receive.

_Anto._ Surely, _Gerardo_, we must heav'n offend To think that it these Accidents should send. It is detraction to the Pow'rs above, To think they suffer what they don't approve, For if they did this to divert my ill, They go about, for they might change my will. But mine's more firm; nay, more, should I not go, The threaten'd ill I meet, for ought I know; For if their boads be certain, then I may Meet th' effects whether I go or stay.

_Ger._ Vainly we speak of heav'n, when vainly we By human Wit set Rules to heav'ns decree, The pow'r that made us gave us scope of will, Freely to take the good, or choose the ill: And though it can, it does not change that course, Only perswades to Act what it could force.

_Anto._ This you believe, but you must pardon me, If in this point I don't with you agree; For if to Man such a free-will be given, That damns all Præscience and so baffles heav'n: But I delay whilst Reason bids me go, And Reason 'tis, since it to me is so, Then pray divert my Wife, so farewell, Friend. [Exit.

_Ger._ Farewell: May all my fears to nothing tend; Yet still I fear what should the Reason be, That I shou'd fear, yet nothing fearful see, I am resolv'd to send some Servants out Shall wait him at a distance; In doing all I can, I do the best, I can no more, let heav'n do the rest. [Exit.

_Enter _Don Francisco_ and Nurse._

_Fran._ Well, 'tis so sweet a sin to Wench in danger, That I am like to lose the best part of my Recreation; But prethee Nurse, tell me, what causes this change?

_Nurse._ Now if I would be hang'd, I cannot forbear telling. Faith, my Lord, _Gerardo_'s like to be the Man now, Though I am for your Lordship still, you're my best Friend.

_Fran._ By heav'n I'le be his Death, and hers to boot; Can she slight me for him, he Whore our Kindred! When did he first enjoy her?

_Nurse._ Not so, my Lord, he's to Marry her.

_Fran._ Nay, if't be so; then I'm Reveng'd already, For's joyning with _Antonio_ 'gainst our house, He's Antidated Cuckold, and by me! O rare Revenge! There's for thy News, Nurse. [Gives money to her. Were all my Enemies but serv'd the same; At a more full Revenge I'de never aim.

_Nurse._ Me-thinks you should not be so merry for losing my Lady; 'faith, had I known it, you should not have come Into the place you wot'on, by my means.

_Fran._ Nay, be not angry, Nurse, I find her drift. She loves our family, and studies to Revenge it. To make him Cuckold; how it pleases me! Poyson, nor Poniards is not half so well, Go, tell her; Nurse I'm glad she takes this way: I glory in her love! by Heaven I do, I'le find Sebastian out, and laugh with him, Till I e'en split my sides.

_Nurse._ Sir, you'le tell no body I hope.

_Fran._ No, none but him: To say as he goes by, there goes my Cuckold; And then to laugh, go Nurse, and tell her I'le be sure to meet-- [Exit.

_Nurse._ Another double Pistoll for my _Jasper_! I'le have him one whole night for this. For to speak truth, I find the Rogue does not love me: Heavens! What a bad world is this, An Old Woman, though never so willing, Can scarce get a friend for ready money: When such as _Eugenia_ can make the Gold fly about; But time will come she must be fain to turn tail, And pay for one as I do, or go without. But it pleases me, my Lady says, he shall be my husband, Then I shall need give money no longer: for faith if he Be negligent, I'le ring him a Peal to quicken him to his duty. Thus marry'd once, I'le doe like other wives That make their husbands drudge for quiet lives.

_The End of the Second Act._

Act the Third.

_Enter _Don Gerardo_ with a Book in his Hand._

Song.

1.

_Some Happy Soul come down and tell What Joys are those with you do dwell? If it be Happiness like ours below, Which from our want of ills does only flow, Then 'tis plain that mighty theam Of Immortality is but a Dream_.

2.

_'Tis Love, 'tis Love, for nothing can Give real Happiness to Man, But Joys like those that Lovers Souls enjoy, which here on Earth there's nothing can destroy; Ay, ay, 'tis Love only can be The Happy Souls endless felicity._

_Ger._ What a dull, heavy load hangs on my soul! Weighing me down to Earth, as if 'twould say 'Twas weary of its Burthen, and resolv'd To shake it off, and mix with its first matter; What is the thing, call'd Death, we mortals shun? Is't some real, or is't a fancy only? Like that imaginary point in Mathematicks; Not to be found only in definition: It is no more: Death, like your Childrens Bug-bears, Is fear'd by all, yet has no other Being Then what weak fancy gives it; 'tis a Line, But yet imaginary, drawn betwixt Time and that dreadful thing Eternity; I, that's the thing, 'tis fear'd; for now I find it: Eternity which puzzles all the World, To name the inhabitants that People it: Eternity, whose undiscover'd Countrey We Fools divide, before we come to see it; Making one part contain all happiness, The other misery, then unseen fight for't. Losing our certains for uncertainties; All Sects pretending to a Right of choyce; Yet none go willingly to take their part, For they all doubt what they pretend to know, And fear to mount, lest they should fall below: Be't as it will; my Actions shall be just, And for my future State I Heav'n will trust. _Enter a Servant._ Return'd already; what can be the cause?

_Serv._ Sir, _Don Antonio_ likewise is return'd.