Part 18

Cæsar and Laridon, his brother, Both suckled by the same dear mother, Sprang from an ancient royal race; Right hardy in the toiling chase. Two masters shared the noble brood; And one the kitchen, one the wood Made his home. Yet still the same, They both kept their former name. Place and custom altered them In their nature, not in limb. The one dog purchased by the cook, Laridon for title took. His brother to renown soon soars, Slays by dozens stags and boars. Soon as Cæsar he was known, And as wonderful was shown. But for Laridon none cared, Or his children--how they fared. So the Turnspits spread through France-- Vulgar dogs, that toil or dance: Timid creatures, as one sees Cæsar's true antipodes.

Time, neglect, and luckless fate Make a race degenerate; Wise men's sons turn simpletons; Cæsars become Laridons.

FABLE CLXIX.

THE MADMAN WHO SOLD WISDOM.

Never get in a Madman's reach: Ye wise men, listen to my speech. It's my advice--or right or wrong-- To flee from such crazed folk headlong; In courts you often see them stalk, The prince smiles at them in his walk; To rogue and fool, and the buffoon, They serve for jokes from morn to noon.-- A Madman once, in market-place, Said he sold Wisdom. The dolts race To buy the treasure. What fun is his, Watching the silly people's phizzes, When for their money they obtain A blow that gives their red ears pain, And forty yards of common thread. Some were indignant; they, instead Of pity, only mockery got. The best way was to bear one's lot, And walk off laughing; or else go Home, and not talk about the blow. To ask the meaning of all this Was to secure a wise man's hiss; There is no reason in such folks. 'Tis chance begets such crazy jokes, And yet the thread it was mysterious. One of the dupes who took it serious Went to consult a sage he knew, Who replied thus at the first view:-- "These hieroglyphics I can see; People of sense infallibly Between themselves and madmen place At least some fathoms of this lace; Or else they will a buffet gain, And never much redress obtain. You are not gulled; a crazy fool Has sold you wisdom from his school."

FABLE CLXX.

THE CAT AND THE RAT.

Four animals, of natures various, Living lives the most precarious, Together dwelt, and yet apart, Close to, and e'en within the heart Of a most ancient pine. The one was Master Cat, who claws; Another, Master Rat, who gnaws; The Weasel third, with waist so fine, And of a very ancient line. The fourth was sapient Master Owl, Whose midnight hoot disturbs the ghoul. One night, a man about their tree A snare disposed with secresy; And Master Cat, at early dawn, From couch with hope of plunder drawn, Scarce half awake, fell plump within The cruelly-invented gin. Such caterwauling then arose, That Master Gnaw-cheese hurried round To see, in fetters safely bound, The deadliest of his special foes. Then Master Purrer softly cried, "Sir Rat, your true benevolence Is known in all the country wide; So pray, for pity, take me hence From this atrocious, strangling snare In which I've fallen, unaware; 'Tis strange, but true, that you alone, Of all the Rats I've ever known, Have won my heart, and, thank the skies! I've loved you more than both my eyes. [']Twas just as I was on my way, As all devout ones should, to pray, At early dawn, that I was pent Within this cursed instrument. My life is in your hands, my friend; Pray, with your tooth these, shackles rend." But curtly then replied the Rat, "Pray, say what I should gain by that?" "My friendship true, for evermore," The Cat replied. "These talons grim Shall be your guard; the Owl no more Should watch your nest; the Weasel slim Shall never make of you his meat." "Not such a fool," replied the Rat, "Am I as to release a Cat!" And forthwith sought his snug retreat; But near the narrow hole he sought The Weasel watched, perhaps meaning nought. Still further upward climbed the Rat, To where the great Owl grimly sat; At last, by dangers menaced round, Sir Gnaw-cheese once more seeks the ground, And, working hard with practised grinder, Relieves poor Puss from cords that bind her. The task is just completed, When the ruthless man appears, And, overwhelmed with equal fears, The new allies by different paths retreated. Soon after this adventure The Cat beheld, one sunny day, Snug in a place from cats secure, His friend the Rat, and said, "I pray, Come, let's embrace, we are friends again. It gives me, on my word, true pain To think that one to whom I owe My life should deem me still his foe!" "And do you think," replied the Rat, "That I am ignorant of a Cat? I know within your bosom lies The germ of all hypocrisies."

To trust to friendships that rogues feign Is leaning on a straw, 'tis plain.

FABLE CLXXI.

DEMOCRITUS AND THE ABDERANIANS.

How I the base and vulgar hate: Profane, unjust, and obstinate! So ever prone, with lip and eye, To turn the truth to calumny!

The master of great Epicurus Suffered from this rabble once; Which shows e'en learning can't secure us From the malice of the dunce. By all the people of his town Was cried, "Democritus is mad!" But in his own land, well 'tis known, No prophet credit ever had. The truth within a nutshell lies: His friends were fools,--and he was wise. The error spread to such extent, That, at length, a deputation, With letters from Abdera's nation, To famed Hippocrates was sent, With humble, earnest hope that he For madness might find remedy. "Our fellow-townsman," weeping said The deputation, "lost his head Through too much reading. Would that he Had only read as much as we! To know how truly he insane is, He says, for instance, nought more plain is, Than that this earth is only one Of million others round the sun; And all these shining worlds are full Of people, wise as well as dull. And, not content with dreaming thus, With theories strange he puzzles us; Asserting that his brain consists Of some queer kind of airy mists. And, more than this, he says, that though He measures stars from earth below, What he himself is he don't know! Long since, in friendly conversation, He was the wit of all the nation; But now alone he'll talk and mumble: So, great physician, if you can, Pray come and cure this poor old man." Hippocrates, by all this jumble, Was not deceived, but still he went;-- And here we see how accident Can bring such meetings 'tween ourselves As scarce could managed be by elves. Hippocrates arrived, to find That he whom all men called a fool Was sage, and wise, and calm, and cool,-- Still searching for the innate mind In heart and brain of beast and man. Retired beneath a leafy grove, Through which a murmuring brooklet ran, The sage, with patient ardour, strove The labyrinths of a skull to scan. Beside him lay full many a scroll By ancients written; and his soul Was wrapt in learned thought so wholly, That scarce he saw his friend advance: Their greeting was but just a glance;-- For sages right well know the folly Of idle compliment and word. So, throwing off all forms absurd, They spoke, in language large and free, Of man, his soul and destiny; And then discussed the secret springs Which move all bad or holy things. But 'tis not meet that I rehearse Such weighty words in humble verse.

From this short story we may see How much at fault the mob may be; And this being so, pray tell me why Some venture to proclaim aloud That in the clamour of the crowd We hear the voice of Deity?

FABLE CLXXII.

THE OYSTER AND ITS CLAIMANTS.

Two travellers discovered on the beach An Oyster, carried thither by the sea. 'Twas eyed with equal greediness by each; Then came the question whose was it to be. One, stooping down to pounce upon the prize, Was thrust away before his hand could snatch it. "Not quite so quickly," his companion cries; "If you've a claim here, I've a claim to match it; The first that saw it has the better right To its possession; come, you can't deny it." "Well," said his friend, "my orbs are pretty bright, And I , upon my life, was first to spy it." "You? Not at all; or, if you did perceive it, I smelt it long before it was in view; But here's a lawyer coming--let us leave it To him to arbitrate between the two." The lawyer listens with a stolid face, Arrives at his decision in a minute; And, as the shortest way to end the case, Opens the shell and cats the fish within it. The rivals look upon him with dismay:-- "This Court," says he, "awards you each a shell; You've neither of you any costs to pay, And so be happy. Go in peace. Farewell!"

How often, when causes to trial are brought, Does the lawyer get pelf and the client get naught! The former will pocket his fees with a sneer, While the latter sneaks off with a flea in his ear.

FABLE CLXXIII.

THE FRAUDULENT TRUSTEE.

Animals I've sung in verse, Memory's daughters aiding; Perhaps I should have done far worse, In other heroes trading. In my book the dogs sit down With wolves in conversation; And beasts dressed up in vest and gown, All sorts, of every nation, Reflect each kind of folly duly, My verse interprets them so truly. Fools there are, and wise there are, But my heroes I can't flatter; For 'tis certain that, by far, The former ones exceed the latter. Swindlers I have painted often-- Brutes whom kindness cannot soften; Tyrants, flatterers, and the crew Who take your gifts, then bite at you. In my pages you'll find many Examples of the utter zany; But chiefly have I had to do With those who say what is not true. The ancient wise man cried aloud, "All men are liars!" Had he stated This fact but of the wretched crowd, E'en then I should have hesitated; But that we mortals, great and small, Both good and bad, are liars all, I should deny at once, of course, Did I not know the maxim's source. But he who lies as Æsop lies, Or, to go a little higher, As old Homer, is no liar; For the charming dreams we prize, With which they have enriched the world, Are brightest truths in fiction furled. The works of such should live for ever; And he who lies like them lies never. But he who should attempt to lie As a Fraudulent Trustee did, A liar is, most certainly, And should suffer for't as he did. The story tells us That, proposing To journey into foreign lands, A merchant, in the Persian trade-- In friends all confidence reposing-- Agreement with a neighbour made, To leave some iron in his hands. "My metal?" said he, coming back. "Your metal! 'tis all gone, alack! A rat has eaten up the lot! I've scolded all my slaves, God wot! But, in spite of all control, A granary floor will have a hole." The merchant opened well his eyes, And never hinted aught of lies; But soon he stole his neighbour's child, And then he asked the rogue to dine. To which the other answered, wild With anguish, "Sir, I must decline-- I loved a child--I have but one-- I have! What say I? I have none, For he is stolen!" Then replies The Merchant, "With my own two eyes, On yester eve, at close of day, I saw your offspring borne away, With many a struggle, many a howl, To an old ruin, by an owl." "An owl," the father cried, "convey To such a height so big a prey! My son could kill a dozen such; For my belief this is too much!" "I do not that deny," replies His friend, "yet saw it with these eyes; And wherefore should you think it strange That in a land where rats can steal A ton of iron from a grange, An owl should seize a boy of ten, Fly with him to his lofty den. And of him make a hearty meal?" The Fraudulent Trustee perceived Which way the artful story tended, Gave back the goods, the man received His child, and so the matter ended.

Between two Travellers, on their road, Dispute arose, in a strange mode:-- The one a story-teller, such As oft are met with, who can't touch On any great or trivial topic, Without the use--that is, abuse-- Of lenses microscopic. With them all objects are gigantic, Small ponds grow huge as the Atlantic. The present instance said he "knew A cabbage once that grew so tall, It topped a lofty garden wall." "I'm sure," replied his friend, "'tis true, For I myself a pot have met, Within which no large church could get." The first one such a pot derided: "Softly, my friend," rejoined the second; "You quite without your host have reckoned; To boil your cabbage was my pot provided!"

The man of the monstrous pot was a wag, The man of the iron adroit; And if ever you meet with a man who'll brag, Never attempt to stint him a doit, But match his long bow with your strong bow.

FABLE CLXXIV.

JUPITER AND THE TRAVELLER.

The gods our perils would make wealthy, If we our vows remembered, when once made. But, dangers passed, and we, all safe and healthy, Forget the promises on altars laid; We only think of what we owe to men. Jove, says the atheist, is a creditor Who never sends out bailiffs; if so, then What is the thunder meant as warning for? A Passenger, in tempest tossed and rolled, To Jupiter a hundred oxen offered. He hadn't one; had he been only bold, A hundred elephants he would have proffered: They'd cost him not a single farthing more. Suddenly mounted unto great Jove's nose The scent of beef bones burnt upon the shore. "Accept my promised vow," the rascal crows; "'Tis ox you smell: the smoke is all for thee: Now we are quits." Jove smiled a bitter smile; But, some days after, sent a dream, to be The recompense of that man's wicked guile. The dream informed him where a treasure lay: The man ran to it, like a moth to flame. Some robbers seized him. Having nought to pay, He promised them at once, if they but came Where he'd a hundred talents of good gold. The place, far off, pleased not the wary thieves; And one man said, "My comrade, I am told You mock us; and he dies, whoe'er deceives. Go and take Pluto, for an offering, Your hundred talents: they will please the king."

FABLE CLXXV.

THE APE AND THE LEOPARD.

An Ape and a Leopard one day repair-- Money to gain--to a country fair, And setting up separate booths they vie, Each with each, in the arts of cajolery. "Come, see me," cries Leopard, "come, gentlemen come, The price of admission's a very small sum; To the great in all places my fame is well known, And should death overtake me, the king on his throne Would be glad of a robe from my skin; For 'tis mottled and wattled, And stained and ingrained With spots and with lines, lines and spots thick and thin, That truly, though modest, I can but declare, 'Tis by far the most wonderful thing in the fair." This bounce attained its end, and so The gulls came hurrying to the show; But, the sight seen, and the cash spent, They went away in discontent. Meanwhile the Ape cries--"Come, and see The sum of versatility! Yon Leopard boasts, through thick and thin, A splendid show of outside skin; But many varied gifts I have (For which your kind applause I crave) All safely lodged my brain within. Your servant I, Monsieur Guffaw, The noble Bertrand's son-in-law, Chief monkey to his Holiness The Pope. I now have come express, In three huge ships, to have with you The honour of an interview: For speaking is my special forte, And I can dance, and hoops jump through, And other kinds of tumbling do, And magic feats perform of every sort; And for six blancos? no, I say, a sou; But if with the performance you Are discontented, at the door To each his money we'll restore." And right was the Ape: For the colour and shape Of fine clothes can but please for awhile, Whilst the charms of a brain That is witty, remain, And for ever can soothe and beguile. Ah! there's many a one, Lord and gentleman's son, Who holds high estate here below, Who to Leopards akin Has nought but fine skin As the sum of his merits to show.

FABLE CLXXVI.

THE ACORN AND THE GOURD.

All that Jove does is wise and good, I need not travel far abroad To make this maxim understood, But take example from a Gourd.

Observing once a pumpkin, Of bulk so huge on stem so small, "What meant he," cried a bumpkin, "Great Jove, I mean, who made us all, By such an act capricious? If my advice were asked by Heaven, To yonder oaks the gourds were given, And 'twould have been judicious; For sure it is good taste to suit To monstrous trees a monstrous fruit. And truly, Tony, had but he Whom the priests talk of asked of me Advice on here and there a point, Things would not be so out of joint. For why, to take this plain example, Should not the Acorn here be hung-- For it this tiny stem is ample-- Whilst on the oak the pumpkin swung? The more I view this sad abortion Of all the laws of true proportion, The more I'm sure the Lord of Thunder Has made a very serious blunder." Teased by this matter, Tony cries, "One soon grows weary when one's wise;" Then dozing 'neath an oak he lies. Now, as he slept, an Acorn fell Straight on his nose, and made it swell. At once awake, he seeks to trace With eager hand what hurt his face, And in his beard the Acorn caught, Discovers what the pain had wrought. And now, by injured nose induced, Our friend takes up a different tone-- "I bleed, I bleed!" he makes his moan, "And all is by this thing produced: But, oh! if from the tree, instead, A full-grown Gourd had struck my head! Ah! Jove, most wise, has made decree That Acorns only deck the tree, And now I quite the reason see."

Thus in a better frame of mind Homeward went our honest hind.

FABLE CLXXVII.

THE SCHOOL-BOY, THE PEDANT, AND THE NURSERY GARDENER.

A certain Boy, half-spoiled at school-- Your Pedants spoil lads, as a rule; Ten times a fool, ten times a rogue They'd made this mischievous young dog.-- A neighbour's flowers and fruits he stole: A man who struggled, heart and soul, To raise Pomona's choicest treasure: In what was bad he had no pleasure. Each season did its tribute bring, And Flora's gifts were his in spring. One day he saw upon a tree The boy climb up, and recklessly Spoil half the buds, the promise dear Of future plenty for the year;-- He even broke the boughs. At last The Gardener to the school ran fast. The Master came, with all his train Of lads. "Of what does he complain?" The orchard's full of dreadful boys, Worse than the first, in tricks and noise. The Pedant, though he meant not to, Made the first evil double grow. The Pedant was so eloquent About the sin and ill intent; It was a lesson not forgot By the whole school, an ill-taught lot; He often cites the Mantuan bard; At rhetoric toils hot and hard. So long his speech, the wicked race Had time enough to spoil the place.

I hate your misplaced eloquence, Endless, ill-timed, and without sense; And no fool I detest so bad As an ill-taught and thievish lad, Except his Master; yet the best Of these is a bad neighbour, 'tis confessed.

FABLE CLXXVIII.

THE CAT AND THE FOX.

The Fox and Cat, two saints indeed, To make a pilgrimage agreed: Two artful hypocrites they were,-- Soft-footed, sly, and smooth, and fair. Full many a fowl, and many a cheese, Made up for loss of time and ease. The road was long, and weary too: To shorten it, to talk they flew. For argument drives sleep away, And helps a journey on, they say. The Fox to the Cat says, "My friend,

To be so clever you pretend; Say what am I? I've in this sack A hundred tricks." "Well, on my back," The other, very timid, said, "I've only one, I'm quite afraid; But that, I hold, is worth a dozen, My enemies to cheat and cozen." Then the dispute began anew, With "So say I!" and "I tell you!" Till, suddenly, some hounds in sight Silenced them soon, as it well might. The Cat cries, "Search your bag, my friend, Or you are lost, you may depend: Choose out your choicest stratagem!" Puss climbed a tree, and baffled them. The Fox a hundred burrows sought: Turned, dodged, and doubled, as he thought, To put the terriers at fault, And shun their rough and rude assault. In every place he tried for shelter, But begged it vainly; helter skelter, The hounds were on the treacherous scent, That still betrayed, where'er he went. At last, as from a hole he started, Two swift dogs on poor Reynard darted; Then came up all the yelping crew, And at his throat at once they flew.

Too many schemes spoil everything, We lose our time in settling. Have only one, as wise man should: But let that one be sound and good.

FABLE CLXXIX.

THE SCULPTOR AND THE STATUE OF JUPITER.

A Block of marble shone so white, A Sculptor bought it, and, that night, Said, "Now, my chisel, let's decree: God, tank, or table, shall it be?

"We 'll have a god--the dream I clasp; His hand a thunderbolt shall grasp. Tremble, ye monarchs, ere it's hurled! Behold the master of the world!"

So well the patient workman wrought In stone the vision of his thought, The people cried at last, "Beseech The gods to grant it power of speech!"

Some even dared the crowd to tell That, when the chisel's last blow fell, The Sculptor was the first with dread To turn away his trembling head.

The ancient poet's not to blame, For weak man's terror, fear, and shame The gods invented in each age, Abhorring human hate and rage.

The sculptor was a child; confess, His mind, like children's in distress, Tormented by this ceaseless sorrow, His doll might angry be to-morrow.

The heart obeys its guide, the mind: And from this source there flows, we find, This Pagan error, which we see Widen to all infinity.

We all embrace some favourite dream, And follow it down flood and stream. Pygmalion was in love, 'tis said, With Venus that himself had made.