CHAPTER IV.

In brief, he is a rogue of six reprieves, four pardons of course; thrice pilloried, twice sung _Lachrymæ_ to the virginals of a cat's tail; he has been five times in the galleys, and will never truly run himself out of breath till he comes to the gallows.

THE FAIR MAID OF THE INN.

"Now, holy and most Riverend Sir, that my eyes are blessed with seeing your benevolent visage once more," said Phelim O'Neale, "and that I behold you in these sad towers, the abode of crime and of guilt, which indeed never belonged to you, and that we are in private, with your riverend permission, I will make my confission unto you. Don't your reverence remember me?"

"Not I, in sooth."

"What! not remember Phelim O'Neale?"

"Not I, in sooth, honest Mr. Phelim O'Neale."

"Oh, baring (excepting) _honest_; that any how for the present we will pass by. But, holy Father, if you knew but all, you have far too many reasons not to forget me! Do you not remember that you stood by me during my last moments, and gave me the holy ritals of the church?"

"What do I hear! Stood by you in your last moments, and gave you the holy rituals of the church! and here you are!! The poor man is deranged--quite crazed. You are beside yourself, Mr. Phelim (without _honest_) O'Neale!"

"Nay, nay, Riverend Father, I am _beside you_, or rather forenent you. Do you not remember, your Riverence, that some tin years ago (small blame howsomdever to your Riverence any how, for grate razon you have, in troth, to remember Phelim O'Neale, if you knew but all!)--well, as I said, some tin years ago you attended me at the gaol of Tyrconnel in my last moments; you were present when I was hanged--ay, regularly hanged!!"

"Hanged! hanged!" ejaculated Doctor M'Kenzie; "and yet you are here!--You speak, you address me! How is this? It is madness all!"

"Not so neither, craving your excellent Riverence's pardon; I was tried for high-way robbery at the assizes of Tyrconnel;[18] I then most justly was found guilty, and condamnified by the circuit-going judge, Justice Jocum, to be hanged. And sure enough, by my sowl, hanged I fairly was--no doubt whatever of it! That is to say the hangman did his part, as the judge and jury had before done theirs; and my friends did the rest. Och, they did their part, sure enough--long life to them for the same! At that most memorable 'pocha of my life--or death! as it was by all supposed, thought, and credited, your worthy and excellent Riverence attended me in my last sad and awful moments. Thin you saw me mount the fatal ladder; the hangman gave me a hempen cravat, which, in troth, I but too well desarved! and the ladder having been suddenly taken away, I made a spring, and, as all thought, I jumpt into itirnity. But you remimber, or might remimber, that before I was launched from the fatal tree, I bouldly kicked off my brogues, and died true game. And och, may be I didn't kick them off in stylo! as much as to indiccate to my commeradoes, 'Yeez see, jewels, that I die true game; and moreover, none shall suffer in the dead man's shoes--not one of yeez! This plainly tould them all a true tale, that I had not confissed, or betrayed any of them by a cowardly disacknowledgment."

[18] Now, anno salutis 1822, called Donegal.

"Oh, shame, shame!" rejoined Doctor M'Kenzie, "kicking off your brogues upon the scaffold, on the confines of eternity, in the sad and solemn hour of death and suffering for crime! Oh, shame, shame! What blasphemy--what hardness of heart, and perversity of head! Detestable and abominable folly and wickedness. Why, I say, man, if you were upon the stage of a mountebank, performing pantomime tricks, to please and gull the stupid populace, such a proceeding would be indecent, indecorous, and irreligious; how much more so then, when parting from the stage of human life, branded with crime, and condemned by the voice of justice and the offended laws of your country! I cry shame upon such indecency, such horrible levity, upon so solemn and so awful an occasion as the departure of a guilty culprit (and guilty too by his own confession) from life to eternity, to answer in another world, before an offended God, for the crimes committed in this!"

"So may it plaze your Riverence, troth it was no livity at all, at all; but merely a sort of sharp signal or freemason's sign to my comrades that I had died intripid, and true to them, not having betrayed one of the gang, or club, as we called it. And now once more I am alive again, to repint anew of the same, which I most sartinly do."

"Ay, indeed!--Are you sure of that, Mr. Phelim O'Neale? Can I depend upon your living word, when your dying one was false? A proof, a proof; give me a proof, and then I shall give credence to you."

Phelim slowly drawing forth a watch from his fob: "It is here, holy Father! this is my proof. This watch was yours, became mine by the chance of war, or rapine, and now I restore it--it is yours again! Your Riverence will examine it: the maker's name, your chain, your seals--you cannot forget them any how?"

"Yes, yes, I must confess that is, or was my watch; the identity of that I cannot possibly gainsay. And if you can make out that it was you who deprived me of it, and that now again restore it, why assuredly I shall then confess that you are _certes_ the honestest man in your calling that I have ever met with. But, Mr. Phelim O'Neale, I have a question to propose, and upon your answer to it will depend my credence of what now you say. Pray, _if_ (I say _if_) hanged, how were you restored to life. A watch may be found, and a watch can be wound--may be stolen, and may be restored, but the vital spring of life is not so easily renovated.--Come, to the point."

"Your Riverence must then know, that I was cut down by my friends, and through their means restored to life, after having, to all appearance, fallen a forfeit to the law."

"As how--as how? Mr. Phelim O'Neale! explain."

"By means of hemlock juice infused by well intentioned friends into my throat and lungs. Oh, but too well I remember that, and but too well they succeeded; for after the means they used for sussicitation I recovered; but the pains which I endured were beyond those upon the fatal tree, the punishment I had endured, and the shame I had borne, for my family were indeed respectable. Upon my restoration to life, my friends disguised me in female attire, and hurried me off in a merchant vessel then in the bay, ready to slip her cables, and bound for Virginia. So away I went in the same vessel. Och, may be it was not without a sad and sorrowing heart that I left my mountain shores; for, sweet Ireland, still, with all thy faults, art thou dear to me; and with all my own too, with filial love yet do I adore thee, _mavourneen_, my early loved, my dear natal isle!"

Phelim O'Neale continued: "Your Riverence knows the rest of my story. A cannon shot of Marshal Rantzau's squadron soon compelled the vessel in which I was bound for Virginia[19] immediately to strike her flag; and the result of the Marshal's attack upon Ostind you are in full possession of already. Here then my story ends, but not my gratitude to you, of which, before we part, I shall endeavour to convince you of with sincerity, marked by more than mere words."

[19] Virginia is noticed in "_The Noble Gentleman_" of Fletcher:--

"CLERIMONT.--Sir, I had rather send her to Virginia, to help to propagate the English nation."--_Weber's Edition of the Works of Beaumont and Fletcher_, v. VII. p. 442.

Mention is likewise made of it in Massinger's "_City Madam_":--

----------------------"How! Virginia! High heaven forbid! Remember, Sir, I beseech you, What creatures are shipp'd thither---- --------------Condemned wretches, Forfeited to the law."

_Gifford's Edit. of Massinger_, vol. IV. p. 103.

"Why, Mr. Phelim O'Neale, you have really become eloquent, and have astonished me quite by your display of words."

"No, no, Riverend Sir, they only burst forth from the heart with a full tide of over-flowing gratitude to you, and with deep contrition to myself, for all the past!"

"This my friend, my _honest_ friend, (for such I now must call you, Phelim, for the restitution which you have made by words as well as in deeds, and I needs now must prize thee,) yes, this promises good; and sooth to say, I am pleased withal right well. There, take my hand, and along with it my best benison on you, your wife, and children."

Phelim knelt down, kissed his hand, and prayed that heaven might shower down its choicest blessings upon his reverend head.

Three entire days subsequent to this confession soon passed over, and were occupied only at intervals, in order to obviate detection, in sawing _per diem_ a bar. Each bar was cut slanting, or diagonally, so as to be readily re-adjusted as if it had not been severed; and then the entire bar, when replaced, was covered over by means of paper, which was neatly pasted thereon, as if no undermining operations had been sapping the grated barriers of their prison-house.--Meanwhile the Reverend Chaplain was on the alert, scraping his old Cremona, and the colonel's servant thundering forth the bass tones of his clarionet, to serve as masqued batteries to drown the more subtle operations of the saw and file of the son of Mars.

Upon the evening of the third day Phelim O'Neale came into their cell just as the last bar to their enlargement was severed in twain. Suddenly then all filing and fiddling, and piping and papering, at once ceased.

"All is right," exclaimed he, "and all is well. Before two days more shall dawn you must away from this. I shall manage matters thus: I have got disguises for yeez three; you, Riverend Sir, are (in the time of travel) to be a midwife, going on a job to the town of Nieuport, three leagues from this, where I have a friend, to whom I will address a letter in behalf of all. In the furtherance of this my deep design, you shall have a silk gown, cap, rich gilt ear-rings, necklace, with a large cross--all, moreover, right tawdry enough; and a Flemish hood thrown over all, to protect Madam Needful from being sun-burnt. And, sir soldier, there shall be a lackey's dress for you; and, to boot, I have likewise got a horse, which your worship is to bestride, and which is to be mounted withal with saddle and pillion, upon which latter my lady-in-need is to ride.--And as for you, sir lackey, you shall be caparisoned in a blue check frock of true Flanders make and hue; for thou art to be a Flemish peasant riding withal in such brave company. But mind, my youth, I warn thee, that with all meet, becoming respect, thou shalt demean thyself, and ride in the rere of these gallant personages. Three horses and a guide, when we shall fix the day and hour, shall be found waiting at the _porte de Nièuport_."

Many hearty thanks were returned for the ingenious stratagem of Mr. Phelim O'Neale, which met with the cordial concurrence and approbation of the prisoners.

Here Mr. Phelim O'Neale resumed his speech: "It must appear that yeez all have broken prison at the time that yeez depart, so down with all the bars when yeez go, that it may fully and fidentively appear that it was any how without my will, knowledge, aid, abettance, or assistance, whatsomdever, any thing at all to the contrairy notwithstanding, that yeez fled from prison, in order that I may not suffer pains, punishments, and penalties, from these Bellawagians, who, after all, to do them justice, are fond of the English nation; and I verily and fidentially believe that the craturs would sooner again fight with Spinola Rantzau, or the d--l, nor with John Bull!"

"Yes," rejoined Doctor M'Kenzie, "that I believe to be an undoubted fact, inasmuch that the united states of Flanders ever have wished, if possible, to preserve peace and amity with England, and ever sorely have they rued the day whenever they have been forced into a war against England."

"That is most true," added Colonel Davidson, "for, Reverend Sir, you recollect the favourite saying, or apothegm, of the Emperor Charles V.:--

'_Con todo el mundo guerra, Y puz con Ingalat jerra!_'

'With all the world have war, But with England do not jar!'

And while speaking of Charles, who had the magnanimity to relinquish a throne and to retire into the monastery of Saint Jüst, it must not be forgotten the memorable declaration which he then made. While in the monastery he employed his leisure time in works of mechanism, such as clock-work, &c.; he then exclaimed, "_Oh, what a fool I have been!--during my whole reign I have endeavoured to make all my subjects think alike in religious matters_, AND YET I CANNOT CAUSE TWO WATCHES TO KEEP TIME TOGETHER!"

"Yes, noble colonel, there is my hand for that remark, and with it is accompanied my heart! You are a Protestant and I am a Catholic, yet do I regard you and revere you, although we differ in tenets."

"And there is my hand and heart in return," said the valiant colonel; and would to God that this could be a lesson to all the bigots of the wide world, who, however, appear, I must needs confess, alas! more zealous to frame sectarian systems, or incontinently to wage doctrinal disputes and controversies, than meekly to disseminate _peace and good will upon earth_! and inculcate the mild, forbearing doctrines of Christianity, the two principal virtues of which are _charity_ and _humility_."

The evening of the day which succeeded that of the developement of the projected plan of escaping from prison had arrived, when, as soon as it had become dark, Mr. Phelim O'Neale commenced his operations by bringing in the different dresses in which his captives were to be disguised to facilitate their elopement; this he did gradually and cautiously, bringing sundry articles of attire at different times, so as to escape suspicion. Mr. Phelim recommended that when all were duly clad in their costume of disguise, that their own clothes and changes of linen, &c. should be carefully packed up in two valises, one of which was to be carried by the colonel's servant, and the other to be borne by the guide. "And then," he added, yeez can throw off your disguises at my friend Malone's house, in the suburbs of Nieuport, and to whom yeez bear a letter from me."

This arrangement was assented to and resolved to be acted upon _nemine con_.

The trio felt exceedingly grateful to Mr. Phelim O'Neale for all the kindness which they had received, and especially for this last very strong proof of his great generosity. Dr. M'Kenzie especially felt obliged to him, as he was fully sensible that it was on his account expressly that freedom was likewise given to his fellow-sufferers.

"Many, very many thanks, kind-hearted Mr. Phelim, for all the favours which you have bestowed upon us, and most particularly for this last evincing proof. But, in sooth, we must remunerate thee for all the expense which thou hast put thyself to upon our account."

Here Phelim O'Neale whispered the Reverend chaplain: "Holy Father, I tell thee nay; for always remember that once upon a time I robbed your Riverence upon the high-way of tin times the value of which I now poorly endeavour to repay you, so that I must beg to hear no more at least upon this score. I am your debtor still! Silence, firmness, and obedience to my commands, (who am, by the powers placed in me, commandant and generalissimo of these dark towers,) are all the conditions that I now require or impose at your hands, and those of your fellow-sufferers."

"Well, well, Phelim, I suppose it all must be so as you have advised, and I do not gainsay it. But, I must indeed acknowledge that you are, beyond all doubt, hesitation, or even comparison, the most honest man whom I have ever yet met in your calling."

The prisoners now anxiously lay down to take some repose upon their beds, the sheets of which had been purposely broken up, and formed into ropes, to facilitate their descent from the gaol window, and permit their _exeunt_ to liberty.

On the following morning the prisoners were called up at a very early hour by this kind-hearted gaoler, when they found themselves duly invigorated and refreshed by a night's sound repose. And now they hastened to put on the disguises in which they were to pursue their journey, in the adjustment of which no great time was lost. They then proceeded to dismantle the bars of the prison window, while the door and outer door, upon the retirement of the gaoler, were to remain doubly locked.

"Come, pray come, my gentle masters;" said Phelim O'Neale, "is all ready?"

Being answered in the affirmative, he said: "Well then, any how, small blame to me, I must give precedence to the church, then shall the sword support the cross, and the servant attend on his master. Come, Riverend Sir, we must now despatch--so we now proceed to business; thus before you can patter two _Credos_ or an _Ave_ I will have you dangling at the rope's end. Och, then, may be, any how, that wont be turning the tables upon your Riverence!--ha, ha, ha! But sure, any how, nothing can be more true nor one good turn desarves another."

Mr. Phelim O'Neale now proceeded to lower the Reverend Chaplain by means of the rope. Having duly adjusted all, he observed, "I say, your Riverence, I am now paying you off in kind."

"Marry, Phelim, a truce now to your joke-cracking, for which, by my halidam, I have neither will nor leisure at present to mind. So I say, prithee, a truce to the explosion of thy witticisms, which are, methinks, immeasurably ill-timed and chosen; so I pray reserve them for some meeter occasion of merriment."

"Your Riverence, in troth, only speaks in razon; but you know, your Riverence, that Pat can no more forego his joke at all, at all, let bide what may, than can Justice Jokum his pun, which he cracks while the rope is fairly cracking the neck of the victim to the laws."

"Well, well, Mr. Phelim, having cracked your joke, pray spare my neck from the same, and likewise my ribs from carte and tierce, for at this present moment I see before me, with terror in my mind's eye, the retrospect of the Nieuport-gate of Ostend, and all that you have told me thereof. So have pity upon our nerves and necks while pending in air, and _depending_ upon _you_!"

The Reverend Doctor was now safely landed upon _terra firma_, and he in a subdued tone gave his hearty thanks and farewell to Mr. Phelim O'Neale, who prayed that the blessings of the poor and distressed might ever be showered upon, and protect the Reverend Chaplain.

Colonel Davidson's turn now came of being manumitted from the prison window, and while adjusting the linen cord to the lower fragment of the window bar--"Oh, Sir Soldier! how much you remind me of a print which I have seen at Tyrconnel Castle of the famous Hungry Kat, [Henri Quatrè,] the famous king of France; and, och, long life to you, may you have, like him, an angel Gabriel [meaning Gabriella d'Estrees] for a wife; och, and your worthy honour, may she be as kind, and good, and true, as my own humble Justinè; and moreover, besides, may you have a whole house full of childer!"

Colonel Davidson, laughing, good humouredly protested against this part of the benison, as he smilingly observed, that if a soldier could manage his military baggage, he had enough to do, without being encumbered with live stock.

Our adventurers having all most kindly bade adieu to Mr. Phelim O'Neale, proceeded onwards, attended by their guide; and in about a quarter of an hour, or so, they came up with the attendant, who was in due waiting with the horses. Colonel Davidson most respectfully lifted up the Reverend Chaplain, now appropriately dressed in the assumed disguise, and who looked withal most right, grave, and matron-like, duly seated upon the pillion destined for the journey; and fully equipped as a livery servant the colonel mounted the saddle, and was followed by his attending servant disguised as a Flemish peasant, who most respectfully kept his distance in the rere, while the guide led on the van. And at a gentle and sober trot they proceeded for the Nieuport gate, where having arrived, and being challenged by the sentinel, and the guide giving the countersign, they were allowed to proceed; the draw-bridge was let down, and onward they wended their peaceful way. Mr. Phelim O'Neale, with his usual dexterity, had caused their horses to be shod with the shoes turned the contrary way, with the intent thereby to prevent pursuit; by thus puzzling the pursuers, if such should follow, that thus deceived by the shoe-track, they should be like hounds at fault, and thus in despair give over the pursuit.

Nieuport had been formerly only a hamlet, called Sandeshove, but upon the destruction of the neighbouring port of Lombarsyde, being choked up by the sands, a new port was constructed at Sandeshove, which caused the town to assume the name of Nieuport, (in Latin, _Novus-portus_, or _Neoportum_.) Lombarsyde, in consequence, was changed from a town into a village, and Nieuport from a village into a town. It is regularly fortified, distant about two leagues from _Furnes_,[20] three from Ostend, four from Dunkirk, and seven from Bruges and Ypres. The air of this town is so unhealthy that the garrison do not long remain without being relieved. It is remarkable that Nieuport is the only place throughout Flanders that has never been taken or retaken.--"_Urbs intacta manet._"

[20] This city is called in the Flemish tongue _Veuren_.

The weather proved somewhat unpropitious to our travellers, as several very heavy showers of rain fell during their route from Ostend to Nieuport, the weather in Flanders being generally moist. Doctor M'Kenzie fortunately recollected, during their progress on the road, that there was a convent of English Carthusians established at Nieuport. This body had been instituted in 1415, at Sheen, in England, by King Henry V.; but in consequence of the persecutions of Queen Elizabeth, they were compelled to depart their country; and having remained some time at Malines and at Bruges, they finally established themselves, _anno salutis 1626_, at Nieuport. The monastery was situated at the western extremity of the main street of the town, called _Rue de Porte l'Orient_. Dr. M'Kenzie had heard much praise bestowed upon the present learned and worthy abbot, Father Philip de Comines, he resolved therefore to make his way to the abbey, and consult with him upon the best mode of returning to his native land. Pursuant to this determination the wearied travellers now approached Nieuport, severely drenched by the showers which fell during their journey. The Reverend Gentleman threw off his female attire, and resumed his own, which was done at a house where they halted, and situated in the suburbs of the town, belonging to Malone, the friend of Mr. Phelim O'Neale, (to whom it may be recollected that the latter had addressed a few lines;) at the same time the colonel and his servant having also resumed their proper costume, forthwith attended Doctor M'Kenzie, who proceeded to the abbey,

--------------------"where the Reverend Abbot With all his convent honourably received him."

And not only the Reverend Clerk, but Colonel Davidson and his servant likewise were hospitably received, and kindly entertained by the good-natured monks.

The next day Doctor M'Kenzie was so severely indisposed from the wetting which he received during his journey, that it was found necessary to call in medical aid. A slight fever seized him, which confined him for two weeks to his bed; and when he arose he found himself so weak and debilitated, that the physician strenuously recommended him to try the waters of Pyrmont so soon as he should be sufficiently recovered to undertake the journey. Finding his fellow-voyager and sufferer now somewhat recovered, Colonel Davidson prepared to take his departure, and having affectionately embraced the Rev. Gentleman, and cordially shaken hands with the good abbot and his hospitable brethren, the colonel, accompanied by his servant, proceeded to Dunkirk, where he safely arrived after a few hours travel, and from thence it was his intention to proceed for Holland by way of Rotterdam.

After a few weeks' sojourn at the Carthusian convent, where the Reverend Chaplain received every hospitality, kindness, and attention, that it was in the power of the reverend brotherhood to bestow, with many a kind _valete et benedicite_ he departed, finding himself sufficiently strong to endure the fatigues of a land journey. The doctor set out for Westphalia to benefit his health by using the mineral waters of Pyrmont, and after several days, having travelled by slow stages, he safely reached his destination.

But it is now full time, indeed, that we should return to the Duchess of Tyrconnel, and accompany that amiable lady and her highly gifted daughter, the lovely Adelaide, in their voyage and journey; from whom the occurrences of important political events and the fatal scenes of war, have too long detained us, but of whom an account may be found in the succeeding chapter.