CHAPTER XI

CONVALESCING AFTER CONFINEMENT

THE SECOND CRITICAL PERIOD IN THE YOUNG WIFE'S LIFE--THE DOMESTIC PROBLEM FOLLOWING THE FIRST CONFINEMENT.

The first three or four months following the first confinement is the second important period in the young wife's life. In one sense it is the most critical period. The first important period you will remember we stated to be the first few months after marriage. During these months the young wife passed through the period of adaptation. She found out that matrimony was not all sunshine and happiness. She learned that her husband was not the paragon she had idealized. She discovered his human side. She met daily trials and annoyances incident to domestic life. She found her level, and, in finding it, she discovered herself. She is not very safely anchored yet but she is trying to succeed and the future promises well. Some day she awakes to the knowledge that she is pregnant and a multitude of new speculations enter into the situation. She finds she must go on striving and hoping and praying that she may have the strength and courage to do her part. Time passes, and if she is an ordinary woman she scarcely does justice to herself. Her duties are exacting, and her physical condition is not given the study and care which she ought to give it. She does not understand the importance of the hygiene of pregnancy, and the day of the confinement finds her more or less exhausted, and worn out. She passes through the crisis of maternity, however, and spends the customary ten days in bed. At the end of that period the nurse and physician leave her to face the most important problem of life alone. She is a mother, and has in her exclusive charge a human life.

Let us exactly understand what the real situation is. It would not further the object of this book or help in the solution of the problem the author has in mind to depict a false situation. We must concede the following[132] facts to be true, if we understand the subject:

1. That the mothers of the human race are, in the vast majority, the poor.

2. That they are uneducated in the sense that they are not versed in the science of hygiene and sanitation, and consequently health preservation.

3. That even the fairly well educated are innocently ignorant of the science of heredity, environment, hygiene, sanitation and health preservation.

4. That to benefit the majority we must depict conditions as they exist among the poor, and reason from that standard.

Such books as have been written on this subject have based their facts upon too high a plane. Their remedies are beyond the means and the understanding of the average poor mother. Their analogies are based upon conditions that exist among the better class. The average poor housewife gets no practical assistance or help from their deductions, because her environment precludes any utilization of the data furnished; the data is not practical in her particular case.

Our young mother is in all probability a physically and mentally immature girl. She most likely entered the marriage relationship without a real understanding of its true meaning, or even a serious thought regarding its duties or its responsibilities. She was not taught the true meaning of motherhood before actual maternity was thrust upon her. She has probably innocently acquired habits which are detrimental to her health and her morals; and she has no conception of the fundamental duties of a homemaker. Yet into the keeping of this woman a human life has been given.

Her home surroundings are not such as to inspire confidence or from which to elicit encouragement. It has been a struggle to make ends meet; to keep the peace; to be hopeful and cheerful. If she has succeeded in keeping her home neat and clean and comfortable, it has been at the expense of her not too robust constitution. If she has made efforts to observe the amenities of life, to be true as wife, companion and confidant, it has taxed her[133] nerves, her courage and her vitality. She has frequently been at the breaking point but she has kept up because she felt it was her duty, and because there was nothing else to do.

As she rests from her weary labor during the first long days after getting out of bed, the loneliness of it all crushes her. She is weak, nervous, and discouraged, and her white, wan face, with its tired, appealing eyes, bespeaks her anemic and hopeless condition. She is only a child herself, yet fate has crowned her with the holy diadem of motherhood. There are thousands of such mothers and yet posterity need not despair. This is just the beginning, and from such beginnings have sprung the heroes of the race. If the reader has carefully read the chapter on Heredity she will understand that the temporary condition of this mother is not important so far as the destiny of the child is concerned. The really important question is, How will this mother develop? The environment of the child depends upon the conditions with which its mother surrounds it. If she is a failure, the child's environmental influences will be unfavorable; if she proves worthy of her trust, if she progresses and masters her difficulties; if she is a good mother and a good homemaker the child's surroundings and influences will be favorable to the full development of its hereditary endowment. But it must be remembered that even an unfavorable environment need not prevent the hereditary promise from dominating the life of the individual.

To return to our girl mother, upon whose slender shoulders the weight of a great responsibility rests,--we wish to concede that her burden is great. Her home duties are rendered more onerous because of her physical weakness and disability. The strain of nursing her fretful child is taxing her vitality and her nerves to the limit. Her disposition is imposed upon by the exactions of an uncomprehending husband. She is inclined to fretfulness and melancholia by the seeming uncharitableness of fate and fortune. Her moments of introspection are almost bitter. It is a critical period,--she has reached the breaking point. [Page 134]

Such moments are apt to be epochal. The turning of the wheel of fortune will decide the destiny of a human soul.

It may be a friend who will supply the needed inspiration that will revitalize hope, and courage, and the determination to succeed. Or it may be a prayer, breathed in the silence of despair that will inspire the courage to fight on, and change the complexion of life.

Once again we would advise such a young wife to calmly think matters over; to find out "what she is working for"; to assemble her ideals and to "know what she wants." There is nothing organically wrong. It is a condition, not a disease. She is discouraged, despondent, nervous and weak. The discouragement, despondency, and nervousness is a result of reduced physical vitality and lack of system. She is not efficient because she is not a trained worker. She is easily discouraged because anemia or bloodlessness fails to supply the oxygen necessary to a fight. There is no period in a woman's life when she is more apt to fall into a rut than at this time. Every element, spiritual and physical, which is necessary to stagnation and indifference is present, and it will take a bold and brave effort to resist the temptation to failure which has encompassed her.

How can we suggest a remedy? She must first regain her health. She has simply a condition to combat, not a disease, and a definite system, a well laid out plan strictly adhered to will effect the result. She must regain her health, because, without health, she cannot hope to be efficient in work or agreeable in disposition, and she owes both to herself, to her husband and to her child. She must get out of doors. She must walk in the open air. There is absolutely nothing in life that will effect so miraculous a transformation in a discouraged, tired, weary and sick woman, as systematic daily walks in the open air. She must walk briskly, however, and she must desire to get well. We cannot get well if we do not wish to get well. One who walks with a purpose will walk erect, firmly and briskly; she will hold her chest up, and will breathe deeply, and she will drink in hope, and health, and happiness. It takes time to regain strength [135] after the strain of pregnancy and labor. Many women complain that they feel weak and do not regain strength quickly, but they make no effort. They must make a beginning. Sitting around waiting for it to come will not bring it. If they cannot walk a mile, they must walk half that distance to begin with; the five mile walk will follow in time. Many young mothers get into the habit of taking baby out in his carriage for an airing, and regard this as exercise for themselves. They join the baby brigade and parade up and down the block, or select a sunny spot where there are others on a like quest, and sit around exchanging confidences. These outings usually degenerate into gossiping parties and are a dangerous and questionable practice. They are no doubt good for the baby, but they are morally and physically bad for the young mother. This daily habit is called exercise, but it is in no sense physical exercise. The young mother should select a certain time each day, immediately after a nursing when baby is likely to sleep, and devote this period to walking. One hour each day will accomplish much in regaining and establishing health and strength, and appetite for the mother. No indoor work can take the place of a walk out of doors. It is a duty on the part of the nursing mother to do this. It will enable her to supply better milk; it will banish her tendency to nervousness; it will ensure a good appetite, good spirits, and sound sleep. It will make her a better mother and a better wife. Many young wives sow the first seeds of discontent, and ultimate failure during the natural depression that follows maternity.

She must adopt system in the performance of her household duties. A good plan is to set aside a certain definite time for meals, when to begin cooking and when to end washing the dishes. Then arrange regarding the general household duties. Make a schedule for a week devoting each day to a certain task so that at the end of the week all the essential work will have been completed. By systematizing work in this way a great deal of ground can be covered and as time passes it will become easier, as many helpful ways will suggest themselves whereby time will be economized. [136]

Adopt a system with the baby. Many mothers are worn-out, nervous wrecks for no other reason than a lack of system in the management of the daily life of their offspring. If system is not adopted in feeding and caring for an infant it becomes irritable. To a sick, tired, weary mother an irritable child is an unspeakable torture. Begin right. Give it adequate, but no unnecessary attention. Nurse it every two hours, and at no other time. Wake it to nurse at its regular time. It will in a few days acquire the habit of feeding regularly and will sleep between feedings. Do not overfeed it. Remember babies never die from starvation, but many do by overkindness, and overfeeding is the most prolific cause of infant mortality known. Read the article on "How long should a baby nurse?" Keep the baby clean, comfortable and happy and you will not have a fretful child, but one that will be a constant inspiration and incentive to you.

Find time to rest, take a mid-day nap. Get off occasionally to the country or the sea shore for a day or two. Keep up your interest in your personal appearance, be neat and clean, and invite the attention of your husband during the evening hour. Don't let him grow away from you. Be cheerful, encourage him to tell of his hopes and plans, and show an interest in his health and in his work. Do not forget the dominating influence on your efficiency, and on your happiness which the study habit possesses. Interest yourself in some art, cultivate your mind, and soon, sooner than you think, you will have forgotten your troubles and you will have regained your health.

There is no other way to do it. There is no royal way in which it can be done which is not open to the poorest mother.

An ocean voyage, a trip to Europe, a society Doctor, a professional masseur, beauty experts and miracle workers cannot accomplish more than you can in your poor apartment, if you "go about it in the right way and in the right spirit." Keep in mind always, that: "failure exists only in acknowledging it." Every task that is worth while is won by self-sacrifice, by self-abnegation, by patient, persistent, enthusiastic effort, and in no other way. The joy of consummation is reward enough for all human sacrifice.

* * * * *

Corrections made to printed original.

Index: Constipation, in breast-fed infants: 'in-infants' (line-break) in original

Ibid.: Gleet; Mucous patches; Pox; Vol II: Vol I. in original

Ibid.: Sanitary napkins; I, 66: I, 63 in original

Ibid.: Sexual intercourse; I, 76: I, 78 in original

Page 23: whether there is such a thing: 'think' (hand-corrected) in original

Page 40: recruiting ground for the gangster: 'ganster' in original

Page 65: incident to a confinement: 'confiement' in original

Ibid.: The advantage of the Kelly pad: 'paid' in original

Page 89: the patient should pass: 'pateint' in original

Page 93: Advantages of Putting Baby to Breast: 'Adantages' in original

Page 127: anguish and annoyance: 'anoyance' in original