Part 7

My endeavour was not only to please my Master, but my Mistress too, even in the meanest services; so officious to her, that I was ready to perform the office of a Chamber-maid. The maid-servants I obliged also, by doing their duty, as making the fires, washing the Kitching, nimbly and willingly doing any thing they would have me; by which I so ingratiated my self among them, that I always had their good estimation among themselves, and good word to my Master and Mistress when occasion served. Very careful I was, not to report what I heard, lest I by that means, involv’d my self in the affairs of others, without advantage to my self. For by meddling in others matters, I should breed animosity among them, and reap just hatred to my self, when discovered to be the too too busie intelligencer. This I looked on as an undeniable maxime, That nothing more recommends a man, then a silent tongue, (unless necessity required the contrary) a fair complacential carriage, and a faithful heart. My Master in a humour would sometimes find fault with me, but then it was my chiefest care not to reply, knowing, that what should be alleadged as to my just vindication, would but aggravate his spirits being passionate, alwayes punctually performing what was commanded me. To try my fidelity, he would lay a sixpence on the Counter, or in the Window, as if it had been left there forgotten. I was wiser then to be caught so, and therefore would instantly carry him the money. One time sending me out to buy something, instead of a shilling he gave me among other money a piece of Gold; I took no notice of it then, but being gone a little way, I came running back out of breath to restore him the piece; this and the like made my Master stand amazed at my seeming honesty. A strange alteration, you will say; but all this was only to get a good esteem, whereby I might gain fast footing. What though I underwent a great deal of pains, and had my patience tried to the height? Yet I gain’d much in the end, had God given me grace rightly to use it, and the baseness of my nature not perswaded me to abuse it. So much credit I had gotten with my Master, by my civil behaviour, that he raised me _gradatim_, step by step. Being ignorant of Arithmetick; he caused a Master to come to his house to instruct me, which I soon apprehended, and by that means was capacitated to keep his accompts, which was the thing I aim’d at, intending thereby the prosecution of mine own ends, notwithstanding my pretended fidelity, and his real kindness to me undeserv’d: which puts me in mind of the conclusion of an Epitaph I have read on a Tomb, which the Master erected for the perpetual commemoration of his servants cordial respect and honesty.

_View oft his Tomb-stone, since we seldome find, A servant faithful, and his Master kind._

Now to the intent I might compleat my conquest of his heart, I pretended my self an _Independent_, not omitting any opportunity of going to their meetings; and upon all occasions would rail against Steeple-houses (as we called them) and tear the Bishops holland sleaves to pieces, calling them the impure rags of the Babylonish Whores Smock, &c. I would pray mornings and evenings so loud, so late, and so early, that my neighbours could hardly sleep for me, much less those of our own Family. Notwithstanding all this piety, not a day past wherein I cheated not my Master. Thus did I delude his eyes with pretended sanctity, yet concluded with the Poet,

_Da mihi fallere, da justum Sanctumque videri, Noctem peccatis & fraudibus objice nubem._

_Let me seem just; to cheat the better shrow’d, Let my deceits be hidden in a Cloud._

How much did I silly fool deceive my self, thinking my self secure, because no mortal eye saw me. Be not thus cheated as I was, for assure your self there is no darkness so thick and obscure, which the All-over-seeing and Eternal piercing eye cannot penetrate——

_Cernit Deus omnia vindex._

A passage remarkable in _Erasmus_ I read to this purpose concerning a young Gentleman, whom a wanton Lady tempted, who used this expression as his last and best Refuge. _Art not thou ashamed to do that in the sight of thy Maker, and the Holy Angels, which thou art ashamed to do in the sight of men._ We are afraid of disgrace with men, not caring for the Grace of God.

CHAP. X.

_How he came acquainted with lewd and vicious Apprentices. What Trade they drove together. What places and times of meeting._

I was as officious at home, as reserved from all company, never stirring forth unless called out by my Masters business, till my next Neighbours man intruded himself into my acquaintance. Who so farr insinuated himself into my affections, that I was in a manner wholly ruled by him. He and I met on a time abroad, and would not be deny’d but he must needs fasten a glass of Wine, conducting me to a Tavern where the Drawer (as he said) was his friend. After several Congratulations past, order was given for a pint of Canary: being gone to draw it, this young man began to tell me what an honest fellow this _Ralph_ the Drawer was; which words he had no sooner utter’d, but I heard him cry at the Bar, _A Pint of White-wine in the Rose score_; and immediately in he brings it, and in formality a glass, but we made no use of it, for he was fearful his Master would discover the cheat, and therefore desired us to be speedy in the dispatch, and so we made but two draughts thereof. Away he goes again, and brings in another, not after the same manner, but crying it _Right_, bringing withal a Quart-Bottle in his Codpiece: _Now, Gentleman_, (said he) _using your discretion, you may sit and talk freely, without either fear or suspition_, using your glass and when your pint is empty fill him again you shall not want for liquor Ladds. This something amazed me at first, till my Neighbour _Thomas_ told me that this was frequent, and that he and two or three friends at any time could be drunk for six pence a piece. _Come, come, you are but a Novice_, said he; _but if you will be ruled by me, I’ll shew you the way to soften the cord of bondage, to make the long time of a seven years Apprenticeship seem short, by living as merry, nay more jovially than our Masters. They may be destracted with cares how to procure necessaries, pay Rent, satisfie Creditors, whilst we have none of these pressures and disturbances on our spirits. What though we have an harsh word or a smart blow, it may be, a broken pate? We will make his Till spring a leak for it, or his Goods go to Pot, and break him at last too. It may be his Provision is neither dainty nor plentiful, nay, restrained, from our liberty too: ’tis only by day then, we will be Masters of our own at night, not wanting any thing that may conduce to mirth, or the delegation of our insatiate senses._

I asked him how could this be done? He answered, _If I would swear to be secret and faithful, and become a Brother of the society, he would not only tell me how all this_ (afore recited) _might be performed, but would likewise introduce me into the place where these jolly Blades used to congregate_. I soon consented, rejoycing exceedingly at this blessed opportunity, (as I thought it) wherein I might sail in the Ocean of delight, bound for no other Port but that of Pleasure or Profit, never considering the inevitable Quicksands which such meet withal, steering that course, having no other Compass to sail by then their own Fancy. Very eager I was to have him inform my judgment with what at present I understood not, but doubted not in a little time to be as forward as the foremost in any moral wickedness. First, he informed me, that I must insinuate myself into the Maids favour, so that, when the occasion should require, she may let you have the Key of the Street-door, or else sit up for your return, making her sensible that she doth not so break her sleep for nothing. That I must never fail coming home to gratifie her kindness. If she be modest and continent, only kiss her, and that my behaviour should not be either rude or lascivious, that all my expressions should savour of _Platonique_, or chast love, often repeating this to her; _O that I was out of my time, if it were for nothing else but to repay thee thy love! So great an acknowledgement I have of thy civilities, that I hope a time will come wherein I shall make full satisfaction for all, &c._ If she be bucksome, or wantonly given, she will never be content with hopes, promises, and protestations, vows, and such like windy stuff; wherefore you must kiss, hug, and embrace her, telling how dearly you love her; and then fall to somewhat else: She may put you off at first with a _Pish_, a _Fye_, or _Pray be civil_; yet be so far from denying, that if you proceed not on vigorously, she will prompt you herself, to try what mettle you are made of; if dull, she will make you the Subject of her private nay and publick laughter and scorn. But be very cautious of procreation, which you may prevent several ways. Now to tell you what manner of persons we are; that are confederates; there are few among us but what are of several Trades selected, as _Linnen Drapers_, _Mercers_, _Woollen Drapers_, _Silkmen_, _Hosiers_, _Haberdashers_, _Merchants_, _Grocers_, _Goldsmiths_, _Jewellers_, _Ribband-sellers_, _Exchange-men_, to which add a _Drawer_ and an _Oyl-man_, the one to furnish us with good Liquor, and the other to prepare our pallates for it. A great many Trades there are which signifie nothing in our Commonwealth as _Pewtrers_, _Braziers_, _Plummers_, _&c._, we are only for such as will profit the body, please the Pallate & fill the Pocket. Every one brings his several Commodities at the place of meeting, then do we exchange or barter one with another for what each respective person wants; either to supply his own occasion, or his Mistress: for it is to be supposed such a thing must be had; when procured, must be maintained, though to the definition of our Masters Estates, and mine of our bodily health. Further he added, that our Masters might not detect us in the purloining his goods, you must not (said he) take too much of one sort of Commodity.

All this I liked wonderfully well, and promised to meet that day seven night at the place appointed; and so we parted. Coming home, I immediately put these prescriptions into practice; first; taking notice of what Goods we had greatest quantity; and whatsoever Commodity my Master forgot he had: I always secured it as mine own: nay, sometimes I would try him; _There was such a person enquiring for such a thing to day when you were abroad, but I could not find it_: it may be he would say, _We had it not_; suiting my design according to desire. Having taken a thorrow view of the Shop and Ware house, I saw so many ways of advantage, if assisted by a cleanly conveyance, that I could snip as well as the most forward of them all.

The next thing I had to do, was to endear myself to the chief maid, who was one of those that lay covertly to see me wash myself in the Tub; and as she confest since, took an affection to me from that hour. It required no long time to court her into a compliance; her Complexion or Temperament, forcing her acceptance of anything amorously inclined. The colour of her hair inclined to Red, which colour (though I know not for what reason) I love above any: This may be partly the reason, because as that Complexion hath alwayes the concomitant of a very white skin, so it hath two inseperable Companions, Plumpness and Bucksomness: Her skin as the usual attendant of Red or Flaxenish hair, (as I said) was as white as whiteness it self: Her Cheeks naturally painted with _Vermilion_; plump were her Cheeks and Lips, with a mole thereon, and a dimple in her Chin, as the infallible marks of one that is willing to dedicate herself to the service of _Venus_.

Having a fit opportunity, after some amorous discourse, I desired her she would grant me leave that night to talk with her in private, having business of importance to impart to her: She condescended to my proposition. As soon as our Master and Mistress were gone to take their rest, her impatience to hear what I would say, made her soon send the rest to bed. The house being thus cleared, and all things silent as the Air, when Winds into their hollow grots repair, I acquainted her with the greatness of my affection, which I delivered with all the Rhetorick I could invent, still touching that String which produced Loves harmonious concord; So fervent I was in my expressions, and so ardent and hot in my desires, that I soon melted the conjealed iceness of her Chastity: But first there were mutual Articles reciprocally drawn and agreed unto, _viz._

_That if she proved with child, I should marry her._

_That _I_ should devote my self to her service, and nones else._

_That we should both endeavour to make use of all opportunities for the enjoyment of each other._

_That to prevent discovery, we should often fall out before people, that without suspition in private we might agree the better; throwing oftentimes bones at my head when sitting at Dinner, because suspition should not deprive her of the Grissel._ So great was our seeming feud sometimes, that our master was called in to part us.

After this I gave her plenary instructions as to my affairs, which she faithfully and punctually promised to observe. Then did I put my hand to the instrument, and sealed the Articles with two witnesses.

The night was come wherein I was to meet according to promise. I acquainted my _Amoretta_ with my intention of going out at twelve a clock; and that my Master might not in the least suspect me, I went to bed, but arose again at the hour promised. The first time I would not carry any Commodities with me, resolving to see first what they did. Being come to the house, I was introduced by my Neighbour _Thomas_ into a private back-room, among the associated Brethren. I was much amazed to see such variety of Wares lie upon a long Table, as Silks, Stuffs, Cloth, Linnen and Woollen, Stockings, Ribbands, Muffs, Hoods, Scarfs, and the like. Some of them came to me, and welcomed me as a Brother, drinking to me in a Beer-bowl of Sack and Sugar.

Most of the Company being met, they truckt with each other according to their convenience, furnishing themselves with what they either stood in need of themselves or their friends. Several things were offered me; I told them I had brought nothing to retalliate in lieu: They told me my Credit was good, which is the Soul of Commerce; telling me they should have occasion to make use of me in the like nature another time. I took with me only such things as might be proper to bestow at home, on whom I had lately engaged my affections; which I presented her with, accompanied with many expressions and protestations of a never-dying affection. She accepted of my kindness with much gratitude, but thought she could not fully remunerate me without a re-admission into her private and then particular savours, I could easily discern her inclinations by griping of my hand, kissing as if she would devour me, the palpitation of her heart, and her inflamed eyes. I ran parallel with her in the same desires, so that with much facility we two clapt up a bargain. After which; I would have betaken my self to my rest in my own bed, but that was displeasing to her, I perceived nothing would content her, but that we should be bed-fellows. I soon assented to it, though to the hazard of both our credits and fortunes. I desired her to go up first, telling her I would follow instantly after. By that time I thought she was in bed, up marcht I the stairs, which creackt as if they had conspired a discovery; Coming up to the highest stair, I raised my foot (being fearful of making any noise) thinking there had been another, it descended with such precipitation, that I made the house eccho. The Chamber wherein my Master and Mistress lay, (the maid lying in a Trundle bed underneath them) was right against this Stair-head. My Master had taken a dose more then ordinary of Sack, so that this noise awaked him not: my mistress at the first hearing thereof, imagined Thieves had broken into the house; she endeavoured to wake her Husband, by stirring him, but could not, therefore thought it the best way to lie still, expecting the event. In the mean time I lay _per due_, stirring not till I imagined my Mistress asleep again. The maid, concluding I durst not adventure further by reason of this unfortunate accident, fell immediately into a profound sleep. Finding (after a considerable time) all things still and quiet, I entred the Chamber, dark as Hell, and in a low voice, groaping the contrary way, I cried, _Where art?_ _Here, here_, said my Mistress, in a whispering tone: minding from whence the sound came as near as I could, I directed my foot-steps to that place: The same words being repeated, conveyed me exactly to that side of the bed whereon my Mistress lay. Taking her about the neck, I kist her a thousand times: using then all the alluring and loving expressions I could invent: not perceiving my mistake, I made all the haste I could (and all too little) to undress my self; which was done in an instant: Opening the Cloths to come to bed, _Hold_, said my Mistress, _I have a Bed fellow already; what I have suffered you to do, was only as a tryal to understand what you intended. Get you gone to your own bed for this night, and I shall talk with you farther to morrow._ I durst not reply, not daring to stay longer, but betook my self to my own Chamber, possest with fear and shame, I nothing but tost and tumbled all that night, taking not the least rest.

In the morning early I was up, shewing my self more than ordinary diligent. But, Lord, what a confusion I was in, when I saw my Mistress come into the Shop? I made an hundred pretences to stoop behind the Counter, and rectifie disordered Wares: So busie I was with my back towards her, that she could not have so much as a sight of me. At length she comes up close to me, and turning me about, said, _Indeed you take too much pains, you are too laborious; fair and softly; there is a great while to night yet: desist a little, I must have a word with you_. Hearing this, I presumed to look in her face, and was overjoyed; for from thence I received a most alluring smile, instead of a killing frown. This re-armed me with confidence, compelling from me these expressions:

_Most respectful Mistress, I do with shame confess my self in a great error: but if you will consider that the cause thereof was irresistable; I hope you will in some measure mitigate my crime. My very youthfulness speaks my Apology. You cannot be ignorant of the fervent heat of young blood, which sometimes boyls beyond its bounds. Besides the temperature of my body, (being of a Sanguine complexion) did add much fuel to that fire._

She admired to hear me speak in such a Dialect; but laying aside her wonder, she bid me tell her the whole truth, and what Contract we had concluded. I equivocated in my relation, intending to excuse the maids forwardness, and that I only designed to surprize her unawares. This Sophistry of mine did not in the least prevent my Mistresses prying wit, and quick understanding, from searching out the truth, tracing every meander, finding it out at last, though involved in a labyrinth of obscurities. She told me plainly she knew all, though I endeavoured to conceal it, and _desired_ me, in stead of commands, to withdraw my affectionate thoughts from her, since her resolution was to divorce our persons. Adding moreover, that if I was so amorously inclined, as not content without a Female Object to exercise my passion on, I should elect such a one, whose merit grounded on Beauty, Birth, Wealth, and Power, should command my love, and finally eternize my terrestrial happiness, and so vanisht from me, leaving my cogitations to their operations.

Forty five years had not totally destroyed her beauty, but there was still remaining the ruines of a good face: Her Birth, though from a high extraction, had little influence over me, had not her Wealth (which she had at her own disposal) whispered in my ear more than a common felicity. Her last words left a deep impression on my imagination, which were not so enigmatically delivered, but that I could easily interpret them advantageously enough to my purpose. I resolved within my self to acquiesce, leaving this affair to time to bring it to perfection.

CHAP. XI.

_What devices he found out to Cheat his Master; and what ways he had to spend it lavishly, at unseasonable hours, on Wine, Wenches, _&c.__