Part 28

We had places enough to send to for change of apparel, as rich as we pleased, or as beggerly again on the contrary, according as our design required. Having layen in _Lavender_ about a fortnight in this house, not only to sweeten us, but that the rumour of our escape, and search for us might be over, we got our selves change of habits: Then did we all consult with our Looking-glasses for the change of our faces, not suffering our own judgements to pass, without the approbation of the rest. In the first place I got me a coal-black Perriwig (my own hair being flaxen) and a small false beard suitable, with whiskers in the _Spanish_ fashion; It was no great trouble to black my eye-brows every morning; then clapping a patch on my left eye, stealing out of the room, while my Companions were busied about the same thing, not minding me, and coming in again presently, my appearance did put them all into a very strange confusion. I changed my voice, and asked them what they were doing; and speaking to them in a tone they were not acquainted with, their chops mov’d incessantly, but the Devil a word I could understand; they had got a palsie in their jaws by their sudden surprizal; To have observed the several Monkey-faces, and Baboon-postures, could not but extract laughter from the severest Cynick. Why don’t you answer me, and that quickly, ye sneaking dumb Rascals? Looking most piteously one upon the other, expecting who should speak first, at last said one, We mean no harm, we are only preparing some things for a Mask, which shortly will be presented to the Citizens, and we are persons therein concerned. I could not hold longer, but burst forth into an excessive laughter, by which they understood their mistake, not without shame enough, to think that the apprehension of danger so slightly grounded, should so terrifie them, being struck dumb, and almost dead with a pannick fear. To be brief, we very well liked the manner of our Metamorphosis; and having borrowed some money as the necessary tools of our intended Trade, we adventured abroad. The first mouth we pickt up was in the _Long-walk_ by _Christ-Church_, upon the account of a wager: there came towards us a young man, who by his garb seemed to be a Merchants man, (he afterwards proved so, and his Casheer) I stept to him and said, Sir, if it may not be too troublesome to you, I beseech you resolve me one question: This Gentleman hath laid an Angel with me, and referr’d the decision thereof to the next that came this way, whether this next adjacent Hospital be S. _Thomas_’s, or S. _Bartholomew_’s. Said the young man, I can assure you it is S. _Bartholomews_. Why then friend (said I) you have lost. Sir, will you be pleased (if it may not be any great hindrance to your present affairs) accompany us to the next Tavern, and participate of the losings? for I scorn to pocket it. He condescended, and so we went together; we discovered not any thing till the sixth pint, and then my friend, as by chance, found a pair of Cards in a corner of the window, which he himself had layed there before. Here is a pair of Cards (said he) come, to pass away the time, let us play for a pint or so; so I really took up my friend: _Putt_ was the game; I won of him two or three pints, and ever and anon I would drink to the stranger, so that now he began to be warm’d, and seemed to take delight in our play, looking over my hand, and sometimes prompting me to see him when he did _putt_ to me. At last my friend played the High Game, as the term of Art renders it; that is, he gave me two Trays and an Ace, and reserved for himself two Trays and a Duce. My Antagonist puts to me: I pretended I knew not what to do, shewed my game to the stranger that looked over my shoulder: he jogs me on the Elbow; I still delayed; come Sir (said my opponent) what will you do? I will hold you five pound on these very cards in my hand. I receiv’d the second jog; will you go my halfs Sir, said I? He answered me, that he would. But alas, we lost: it could be no otherwise. This so animated the stranger, that he perswaded me to play again, and that he would go the moyety of every stake. Sometimes ’twas so ordered that I won; but in fine I lost forty pound, my Cully being half. He would now give over, being much perplex’d that he should thus lose his Masters mony; but that he might forget the condition he was in, we drank round some half a dozen healths: So that now I thought it high time to provoke him again to let down his milk by some new trick or stratagem.

Now did we fall to the _Preaching of the Parson_, a trick on the Cards, which hath deceived the most curious eye, and the wariest of men; with which we gained from our young Merchant, the major part of his money.

Lastly, to the intent we might without any further delays give him an acquittance for the rest of his money, we drew out some other implements, _viz._ Dice fixt for our purpose, as _High-fullums_, which seldom run any other chance then four, five, and six; _Low-fullums_, which run one, two, and three, &c.

By these means we sent him home penniless and heartless, whilst we drank healths to the confusion of sorrow.

CHAP. LVII.

_From hence he goes, by the direction of his comrades, to a new fashion _Bawdy-house_; he describes it, and relates his own success._

Upon the division we found each mans share to amount to 40 _l._ a piece. Being overjoy’d at our first good success, we resolv’d to return thanks for our good fortunes in some private Meeting-house, where we might have a Sister to assist in the carrying on the work of the day. The Devil in all Societies never wants his Factor, or one to sollicit his business: For, I had no sooner intimated my desires, but presently one of my Rope-brokers gave me information of a place fit for that purpose, and that the like was not any where to be found. Being prickt on with the desire of novelty, and to understand the curiosities therein, I went according to my directions solely; for company in such designs commonly frustrates expectations. They advised me when I came to the door, to pretend I came to enquire out lodgings: At the first, I verily thought my self abused by these Rogues, or mistaken in the house, when I saw a Porter standing at the door with his tipt-staff: To undeceive my self, I confidently, yet civilly askt him, whether there were any Lodgings to be let there? Yes Sir, (said he) which you may view if you will give your self the trouble of walking in. I had no sooner entred the door, but I was met by a grave Matron, who readily understood (as I conceived) my approach, by her sentinels above in the windows. Madam (said I) I am informed, that here are lodgings to be let. There is so, Sir, (said she) and with that conducted me into her Parlor (which was gallantly furnished) there to take a stricter view of me, as to my person, but more especially my garb, by which she might partly judge how well lined my pockets were. After the resolution of some trivial questions, for discourse sake, she was so well satisfied in me, that she shewed me the way up one pair of stairs, into a very large and fair Dining-room hung with rich Tapistry, and adorned round with excellent Pictures, the Effigies of divers Ladies (as I took them to be) renowned and celebrated in all ages, for the fairest and most beautiful of that Sex. A servant brought us up immediately after our entry into that room, a bottle of Sack, without any order given, as I could perceive; out of which the old Gentlewoman drank to me, expressing my welcome. For want of other discourse (as I thought) because we were both silent a while, for I was contemplating her face, in which I could then see still the goodly ruines of a beautiful and handsome countenance; Sir, said she, as you are a Gentleman, you may have some knowledge in that noble Art of Limning, since for its excellency it is in these our days (and hath been in most ages) much studied by the Gentry of this Nation; wherefore, your judgement, Sir, which of all these Pictures is the best drawn, or according to the rules of Physiognomy, hath the best features? Madam, said I, I shall freely give you my judgement; which is, This, in my opinion (pointing at one) for she hath a full large front, her archt eye-brows are thick and black, without any stragling hairs; her eyes are of the same colour, and by their intuitive faculty seem to penetrate that which they look on; passing her cheeks, which carry in them an excellent air, and her nose, which is neither too long nor too short, view her lips, whose plumpness and redness resemble a double Cherry; and then for the dimples in her cheeks and chin, I could make them the subject of an whole days discourse: what might be said more of this representation, I shall wave, wishing my self no greater happiness, then to discourse the rest with the real substance; which is not impossible, Sir, if you can have but the faith to believe your own eyes; and so instantly thereupon withdrew her self, leaving me amazed at what I had already seen, my heart the mean time beating an alarm to my passions, to be all in readiness at the approach of this Celestial Creature. Hearing a ruffling of Silks, I drew my eyes off the Picture, and looking towards the door, there I saw enter an Angel; for I could not believe there could be so much perfection in any one mortal: with profound reverence I stood at a distance, admiring, or rather adoring her person, till she smilingly and familiarly desired me to sit down. Being come to my self, I could talk to her; and in half an hour, confidence had repossest her ancient seat in me. It will not only take up too much time, but also offend the ears of the modest Reader, here to insert what discourses we had; therefore I shall wave them, and come to the conclusion. Sir, said she, I question not but that you are acquainted with the customs of the House. I protested to her, I was altogether ignorant. Why, you know that you may call for what Wine you please, not exceeding four Bottles; and if you please to eat, you shall have some choice bit suitable to the season, &c., if you stay not all night, your expence shall be but forty shillings, and you shall have to boot, the enjoyment of a Mistress besides: but if you stay all night, then thus must you do (and with that drew forth ten pieces of Gold) whether you fancy me or any else, that matters not, you must deposit before you go to bed ten pound, laying it underneath your own head, and for every kiss, &c., take a piece back again, and if you draw in this manner all your own stake, you may next day be dismist with a great deal of applause, without expending a penny, but what you shall be pleased to distribute voluntarily among the servants. I was stark mad to be at it, and so impatient, that I presently told out ten pieces. Telling my money the next morning, I found I had eight pound of my ten, but I deserved to have had my money trebled: however, for the present, I thought forty shillings was never better spent, nor husbanded with so much recreation and delight. By her I understood what manner of cattel they were that frequented that house, though prostitutes and free-booters, yet such as scorned a piece of Country-dirt: some whereof, were persons of no mean quality, which came thither to satisfie (what was impossible to do) their insatiate lusts, and therefore enacted that Law or Custom of depositing ten pieces, meerly to incite such who were confident of themselves to make trial of their skill for the lucre of gain; and to the intent that it might not be discovered, either by their Husbands, or such relations or friends that had received causes of jealousie, they had their peeping-holes, where they might plainly and fully see such who came upon the like accounts. If the Gentleman was unknown to that Gentlewoman whose Picture he elected to bear him company that night, she with much freedom would appear, and tender her self as the subject of his pleasure; otherwise abscond her self. If so, and the Gentleman press hard for a sight of her the Picture represented, why then Madam Bawd finds some excuse or other, as that Picture she bought casually at second-hand as she past through _Long-lane_, or that it was the gift of some friend of hers; with many other fictions, meerly to make him desist from the pursuance of his desires. Being very much pleased in the satisfaction of my fancy, I took my leave, not without some acknowledgement thereof, in these consequent lines.

_What is a _Bawdy-house_? I fain would know: It is a thing appears so by the show. Is that a _Brothel_, or an house of State, Where Tip-staff Porters do attend the gate? Then there are many noble ones I see, And Palaces may Courts of Bawa’ry be: This was a stately house, and yet was such; In stately houses Ladies take a touch. It must be so, th’ have little else to do, Then study how to answer those that woo. Such pamper’d flesh must yield, and few gain-says Their own lusts motions, but with formal nays; Rather then want that satisfaction, most Stick not to purchase it, though at the cost Of health and wealth; delighting thus in sence, They never think too much the recompence. Why should they then fond souls rail at an Whore, Since they themselves are on that very score? And damn all _Brothels_ too to Hell; but stay What house is not a _Brothel-house_ I pray? Many I’ve seen, with this none can compare; A new Exchange where Ladies sell their Ware To none; they scorn thereon to set a price, But leave it solely to the Chapman’s choice: No Sale-shop, but a Game at _In_ and _In_; Throw _In_ and _In_ but ten times, and you win. Here by a female Council ’twas judg’d fit, He that reaps pleasure here, must pay for it; Not with his purse, so much as brawny back, Solely affecting such who hold them tack: And to provoke men on, no want of wine; Nay, all delights do here in one combine To raise mens fancy, that he may do o’re That thing he did but even then before. Her rosie dimpled cheeks, vermilion lips, Did blush to see her ivory thighs and hips: Her round soft belly swelled with pride below Like a small Hill ’twas overspread with snow: Let a warm hand but touch it, and it will Its moisture into pearly drops distill; We kist and parted, I sigh’d, she did sob; She for her lusty _Lad_, I for my _Mob_._

CHAP. LVIII.

_He finds out his two Comerades (the _Gamesters_) and after some consultation had, they resolved to re-assume their _quondam_ trade of _Padding_; are taken, and committed to _Newgate_._

From this house of pleasure, (where I must ingenuously confess I never received more for so little expence) I went in search of my two Gamesters, whom casually I met: The next Tavern was our Council-chamber, where Wine was the dictator. We there unanimously concluded, it was a thing beneath us to pick up here and there Crowns or Angels but resolved on Have at all, knowing that a five hours adventure might make us possessors of 500 _l._ With this resolution we went and bought us horses, with all things requisite for our intended expedition: being all ready and well prepared, we took our leaves of _London_ for a while; we had not rid above fifteen miles, but we baited: the Hostler knowing me, and what designs I had formerly been upon, and imagining I was steering the same course, whispered me in the ear, that he had a desire to speak with me instantly: taking my opportunity, under the pretence of looking to my horse, he informed me, that there were three within drinking, that on the next morning would travel such a Road, and that they had a great charge with them. I thankt him, bidding him come to my chamber at night, where I would discourse farther with him. Then he gave me a summary account of all; and after a smart drinking bout, with promises to him of reward if we prospered, we betook our selves to our rest: in the morning very early we called for our horses, and rid in that very Road through which those three Travellers were to pass, where we planted our selves very conveniently: about three hours after, we could discern them at a distance: by that time we had made our selves ready, they were at hand: just at the bottom of a small hill we bid them stand; they askt us to what intent: We told them, that we were younger Brothers, and wanted mony, and therefore must borrow some of them. With that, they all in an instant drew their swords; being not unprovided with Pocket-pistols, we fired at them, and they again at us: we were all at level-coyl, and very equally matcht; the second shot killed my horse, and a fourth bereaved my Consort of life; the third Rogue ran away: being in a labyrinth of perplexity, I thought it the best way to sell my life at as dear a rate as I could (knowing very well that if I were taken I should be hanged.) I fought with my sword as long as I could stand upon my legs, wounding both them and their horses; but at last one unhappily ran me through the sword-hand, and thereupon I was disarmed. I was carried by them before the next Justice of Peace, whom they enquired out, and by a _Mittimus_ was committed. I could not now expect any thing but death: but the next news I heard was, that I must be removed to _Newgate_, there being other things to be alleadged to my charge. I was mounted again, in order to my removal, but very ill hors’d, being bound thereunto and pinnion’d, my greatest grief (when I came into _London_-streets) was to hear the various discants of the good women on me; some saying, What a pity it is such an handsome young man should come to the gallows so soon? Others judged I had deserved it, otherwise I should not have rid to Town in that posture pinnion’d, and so attended with a guard. As soon as the keeper saw me, leaping for joy, O Sir, are you come again? we will take care that you shall not be any more annoyed with smells proceeding from the Vault; and so without more ado, laid as much iron on me, as there is in some Smiths shops, and confined me close Prisoner to the Dungeon.

_Which made me curse those acts the Fates have done, To cause a setting ere a rising Sun: But since my doom is now decreed by Fate, I must indur’t, repentance is too late._

CHAP. LIX.

_He much condemns the follies of his past actions, and in token of his unfeigned repentance, gives some general instructions to his Country-men, first how to know Padders on the _Road_, by infallible signs; with other remarques worthy the observation of any Traveller, laid down in some consequent Chapters._

Being in this terrestrial Hell, (where darkness, horror and despair surrounded me) my conscience started out of her dead sleep, and presently demanded of me a severe account of what I had done. My guilt was such, I had not a word to speak for my self, but wished my production (as my actions were) inhumane. What did not then the apprehension of an approaching and unavoidable death, suggest to my thoughts! to have only dyed (though with the most exquisite, terrifying, and soul-excruciating tortures) was not a thing the spirit of man should shrink at; but the consideration of an eternal punishment hereafter, justly inflicted on such who have offended an infinite God, absolutely distracted me: So that methought I already heard the howls and hollow grones of damned Souls, which add to the weight of their everlasting misery. Having somewhat appeased my enraged conscience, by a faithful promise and constant resolution to lead a new life, if I should escape the danger of the Law, I determined with my self, to shew the first Fruits of my reformation, by publishing something to the world, that might serve as a guide for Travellers, how they might passe in safety on their way. To that purpose I acquainted my Keeper with my good intentions; but that being no particular profit to him, he valued not the publick, and therefore rejected my good motion, till I greas’d his fist, and then I had the accommodation of a Candle, Pen, Ink and Paper, _&c._ The uncertainty of their attire, various disguises, non-constancy of residence, and changeable names, makes me incapable to do what I would: Therefore I will do what I can (according to my small experience, occasioned by my no long continuance among them.) Riding on the Road (if you have company) it may be two or three shall overtake you, and seem to be much afraid of you: they will pretend to be even now set upon by half a dozen stout fellows, but that they did beat the Rogues, forcing them to fly for safety: and this fiction they use to seal with basket-hilt-oaths: thus by your answers they will find whether you dare fight; if not, they will wait an opportunity to act their roguery on you; which having done, as a reward for what unwillingly you have left them, they will pretend to give you a word shall protect you better than your sword, from any injury shall be done you upon the like account: but this is nothing else than a meer cheat, and no securing charm; for we valued not words, when our wants were in pursuit of Monies. Not but that we used some formal words among our selves, when ready to seize a prize; and observing other company, either before or behind, to desist a while, by which we knew what we had to do, and the ignorant Travellers suspected no wrong.

CHAP. LX.

_What is to be taken heed unto, before the Traveller begin his Journey._