Part 22

About four dayes after I was discharged, there came into the same Inn where I lay a Gentleman, who hearing some of the house discoursing of the Robbery that was lately committed, he desired to be particularly informed, which they did, adding that the robb’d Gentleman lay wounded in the house; he inquired of them my name, which they told him, as I had told them, having a name for every month in the year. Very desirous he was, if it might be no disturbance to me, to give me a visit, unto which I condescended, a servant to that intent desiring to know my pleasure. As soon as he entred the Room, I verily thought I knew him, though I could not for the present call to mind where I had seen him. I was so muffled about the Chops, that it was impossible for him to have any knowledge of me. He sate down by me, & askt me various questions, to which I gave him _convenient_ satisfaction. At last I recalled my memory, and askt him if his name was not so —— he answered me affirmatively. Dear friend (said I) I am glad to see you: come, be not amazed; my right name is so —— with that he embraced me, and was overjoyed that he so casually found me out. Laying aside all formal niceties, I unbosomed my self to him, not mincing the truth in the least; for we know our selves _Birds of a Feather, Rogues together_. He condol’d my wounded condition, and comforted me, by telling me that he would not leave me till I was well, and that he would procure me such a _Plaister_ for the wounds I had received, that should prove very effectual. In short it was this; by following closely the footsteps of his crafty advice I got of the Country the one hundred and fifty pounds I pretended to be robb’d of. He stayed with me above a fortnight, enjoying what pleasures the Country was capable to afford us. Being by our selves (for so we designed the major part of every day;) we discoursed interchangeably of nothing but our adventures, _&c._ how we might lay new plots for our advantage: I gave him the epitome of what I had done, since I left him, who took more pleasure in the relation of my Rogueries, than the _Quaker_ did in Courting his Mistress _Mare_ near _Rochester_. But when he began to relate his Villanies, I was struck dumb with admiration; and what cannot a man do if indued with the strength of his natural parts, sharpness of wit, quickness of apprehension, depth and solidness of judgement, with a tenacious memory? Now because he ever had a smooth and insinuating tongue, with the command thereof, I shall give him leave to tell his own tale.

CHAP. XXXIX.

_The Life of a Law-abusing Cheat._

_Dear Friend_,

For what am I beholding, it is to Nature alone; for as I am ashamed of my birth, so I cannot condemn my Father for not bestowing Education on me, since his condition was so low, yet his spirit so high, that he would not beg himself though ready to starve, however would permit me, which was the sole support of his and my life. I was ten years old before I could meet with any preferment; one day Fortune favouring, she offer’d to my view a Commodity, which with confidence and dexterity I might carry off undiscovered. My hands presently successfully effected what my mind suggested; it was but of small value, the utmost I could get for it was a Link, with which that night I more than trebled what it cost. This course I followed by night, and ran in errands by day, so that I had furnished myself both with Cloaths and Money. In process of time I was admitted as a Servant into a Scriveners House; my Master taking a liking to me, put me to a Writing-school, where being capacitated for his business, he puts me into the Shop, and instructs me in his imployment. I had not been there long before I made my self very eminent, by studying the Law, the Rudiments whereof I understood so well, as I knew how to ingross an Indenture. This made my Master esteem of me, and that estimation made me proud; and being not yet bound his Apprentice, I thought I knew better things than to be his servant any longer, and so left him. Then was I with an Attorney a while, afterwards with a Counsellor, till thinking I had Law enough, I took an House, resolving to see what I could do with it my self. I sollicited several mens businesses, giving a general content, insomuch that my credit and reputation increased dayly. Now did I marry for Wealth, having not the least affection; for her face lookt much like a gammon of Bacon with the skin off. Sometimes I liv’d with her, too long for any delight I took in her; and being resolv’d to be rid of her, this stratagem I used. I shewed her more kindness than formerly, pretending I would do nothing but what I would consult with her about; which so wrought upon her love, that she would have been content to have sacrificed her Soul to my interest; and made her withal so opinionative, that she judged every silly and unsavory expression she utter’d was no less than an _Oracle_. Having brought my business thus far to perfection, I came home one evening very melancholy: very inquisitive she was to know the cause. My Dear, (said I) I will not conceal any thing from thee; such a Gentleman hath injured me, and I cannot rest till I be revenged. Thou knowest my Nature, if wrong’d I am implacable, it is a fault I cannot help. Come, come, said my wife, let us go to bed, and there we will consult. Being there she askt me how we should bring our revenge about? I seemed to study awhile,—I have it now (said I) thou art with Child: he is one tender of his reputation; tax him for being the Father of it, and that will do the work to my full content: very loth she was, because of the talk of the people; but I satisfied this poor silly harmless soul, by telling her that as long as I knew her chaste, it was no matter what others said of her: whereupon she condescended, and had the Person before a Justice, where she swore positively that she was got with Childe by that Gentleman. I presently took advantage of her Confession, turned her off, leaving them both to the disposal of the Spiritual Court. This was my first prank.

One of my Clients another time, having bought a good handsome Tenement, had so much confidence as to put me in Possession; my Client having purchased an Estate in the Country, was forced to be there to look after the management of his Rural affairs, for some certain time; I took this opportunity to forge a Lease to my self, at an easie Rent, from him that constituted me his Trustee. I soon found a Chapman for it, and sold this Lease, receiving a good round Fine, which had been a penny-worth indeed, had the Title been good; unto this man I delivered possession, who dwelt in it till the return of the right owner, who coming to his said house, wonder’d to find every thing so contrary to his expectation, and demanding of the Tenant by what power he inhabited in that dwelling, the poor man shewed him his forged Lease, declaring that he had paid his fine to such a man, nominating me, who at that time was not to be found. The Landlord could do no less than eject him his house, but finding him so grosly abused, required nothing for the time he was in it, but left him to the Law to require satisfaction of me. The abused being very much troubled he should be thus deceived, made so strickt inquiry after me, and so unwearied in his search, that at last he found me out, who said, nothing should serve his turn, but he would for this cheat have the rigor of the Law executed upon me; knowing of what a dangerous consequence it was, I got my adversary arrested in an action of a thousand pounds, who wanting Bayl was committed to _Newgate_, where grief released me by his death from ensuing prejudice. I afterwards forged a deed of Sale of an House hard by the former, which would have made more for my advantage, had not this man discovered my design, which made me the more inveterate against him and his. For this was alwayes my temper, though nothing could provoke me to express my anger in company (as having a perfect command over my passions in that nature) yet if any durst prosecute his own or friends right in opposition to me, I seldome left him, till I had either absolutely undone him, or so impoverisht him, that he should be in no condition to hurt me, or help himself, making him at last confess that he had been better to have sate down with his first loss. And this I effected the easier, having a conscience that scrupled nothing, and instruments that would swear anything. These contrivances of mine made me generally reputed a _subtil_ and _knowing man_, which brought me in multiplicity of business, with considerable in-comes. Neither did I alone sollicite for such as were concern’d in the Law, but I had my concernment with _Lifters_, who did put so great a confidence in me, that what they got was left solely to my disposal, either by sale or pawn, for which I had my brokage, and something else beside. Now was I grown so famous (my Garb adding much to my fame, which was very splendid) that if any intricate controversie, reference, or Law-suit arose among my Neighbours, they knew no person fitter to make their appeal to, than my self for arbitration. If any again wanted either money, goods, nay a _cooler_ of concupiscence, I was adjudged the best _Procurer_. By these means I tumbled in money; and to let the world know it, I wore a several Suit every day, having besides Habits suitable to any design. Now did those that knew me not, even adore me; those that were acquainted with me, out of fear were forced to show me more than ordinary respects. I confesse had I now walkt in a _medium_, this had been the time (as they say there is a time allotted to every man) to have made my self for ever. But Knaverie was so implanted in my Nature, that I could not forbear cheating the dearest friend I had, if he intrusted me, circumvent every man that had more honesty than my self; and though I was sure to damn Soul and Body, yet I must attempt the destruction of my adversary, and to speak the truth, I did not stick to betray my friend, if any advantage would accrue to me thereby. For one trick I serv’d an ancient Widow, I now and then find some internal gripings, I cannot tell whether they proceed from conscience, because I never knew what conscience was; and this it is. A Gentlewoman of my acquaintance, whose sole dependance was upon Lodgers, and having taken up a great many Goods to a considerable value to furnish her House, befitting the reception of any person of quality, for which she was indebted, and having too often put off her Creditor, came to me, desiring the favour of me to procure her fifty pound, telling me, that such a Knight, and such a Squire would stand bound with her; that will not do (said I) for the Gentry have so many tricks to keep Citizens out of their money. That they will have better security. Perceiving her present necessities were very urgent, I knew I could do any thing with her; wherefore I perswaded her to confess a Judgement: she agreed to it. I told her such a day it should be done, but I would speak with the Party first: according to the day prefixt I came, bringing with me a Warrant of Attorny, with a friend or two to attest it; she confided so much in me, as to seal before she receiv’d the moneys. That being done; now come along with me (said I) to such a place, where the Money lyeth ready. As we were going, there was a stop in a Lane by Carts & Coaches, and by the help thereof I dodg’d her, she seeing me no more till it was too late; for I came with an Execution a while after, and carried away every pennyworth of Goods she had; yet so civil I was, that I would not let her see it done, knowing it could not but be a great trouble to her, to that intent about half an hour before I sent for her in my name, far enough distant from her own Habitation. In this nature with some variations as to the manner, I served several. Knowing I had a plentiful invention, which seldom failed me, I scorned to be so idle as to make use of one trick only, to bring about my ends; & as I had several, I never made use of one trick twice, for fear of being _smoakt_. I seldom went abroad, but I had some of my Complices at my heels, rarely going together, unless necessity required it. I went into a _Coffee-house_ one day, and sat me down at a common Table, (as the Room is to all Comers) a little after came in one of my _Imps_, and sits himself down too. I had then a very curious Ring upon my finger, which a Gentleman opposite to me perceiving, pray Sir (said he) do me the favour as lend me a sight of that Ring on your finger; I presently delivered him; having viewed it and commended it, my Rogue must needs desire a sight of it too from this Gentleman, who thinking no harm, gave it into his hands; after he had lookt on it a while, he fairly marched off with it: I saw him, but would not in the least take notice thereof, knowing where to find him. The Gentleman imagined nothing to the contrary, but that the right Owner had received it again. A little while after, I demanded very courteously my Ring, excusing his detention thereof upon the account of forgetfulness. The Gentleman starting, replied, Sir, I thought you had had it long since. I told him I had it not; and as I delivered it unto him, I should require it from no other person. He pisht at it, and in the conclusion bad me take my course; and so I did, having first taken witness of the standers by, I sued him, and recovered the value of my Ring twice over; producing two in Court that swore point blank, that the one of them sold it me for so much—. One thing I confess I frequently made use of, which was this; If any person dy’d, and none durst administer, but leave the Deceased’s Goods to the Creditors, then would I be sure to make my self a principal Creditor by a forged Bond, and thereupon sue out letters of administration, and sweeping all away, I wiped the nose of other Creditors.

CHAP. XL.

_What a notable revengeful trick he serv’d the Turn-key of _Ludgate_._

I went on a time to see a Prisoner in _Ludgate_, but thinking to come out again as easily as I went in, I found my self just as the Picture I have often seen upon the _Exchange_, wherein is represented a man plunging himself with much ease into the great end of the Horn, but with the greatest difficulty can hardly squeeze his Head through the other end. Hell Gates stand ever open to let all souls in, but none are suffer’d to go out. Here I waited two hours for the return of the Turn-key, fretting my self even to death for being detained from my urgent occasions. At length he came: I told him what an injury he did me: instead of excusing himself, he returned me very scurvy language, which provoked my passion so much, that though I said little, yet my invention was presently at work to be reveng’d. Not long after I got a poor fellow to be arrested for an inconsiderable debt, advising him to turn himself instantly over to _Ludgate_. In a short time the poorness of this mans condition was generally known, and he himself pretending he was almost starved, got liberty to put in what slender security he could procure for his true imprisonment, and so had leave to go abroad. In the mean time I had got a Bond of the Prisoner of fourscore pound for the payment of forty, and so went privately and enter’d an action of Debt. I told the Prisoner the next time he went out he should run away, which he did, neither was there any security to be found; then did I bring my action against the Keeper, with my _Knights_ of the _Post_, and so recovered the money.

CHAP. XLI.

_What a freak he play’d upon a Jeweller._

I was intimately acquainted with a Jeweller in _Foster-Lane_, whom I often helped to the sale of Rings and Jewels, so that my credit was very good with him. Being one time above in his work-room, I chanced to spy a very rich Jewel, whereupon I told him I could help him to the sale thereof; my Lady such a one having lately spoke to me about such a thing. He gladly delivered it to me at such a price to shew it her. But I only carried it to another to have one exactly made like it with counterfeit stones. Before I went, I askt him if the Lady dislike it, whether I might leave it with his Wife or Servant? I, I, (said he) to either will be sufficient. I was forced to watch one whole day to see when he went out; and being gone, presently went to the Shop, and enquired of his Wife for her Husband; she answered me, he was but just gone. Well, Madam (said I) you can do my business as well as he, ’tis only to deliver these stones into your custody; and so went off undiscovered. Not long after I met him in the street, carrying displeasure in his looks; Sir (said he) I thought a friend would not have serv’d me so; but I deny’d it stifly. Whereupon he was very angry, and told me he would sue me: I valu’d not his threats, and so left him; I had not gone many paces before I met with a friend, that complain’d to me he had lost a very valuable Locket of his Wives, it being stolen from her. Glad I was that this should fall out so pat to my purpose; I askt him to give me a description of it, which he did punctually. Now, said I, what will you give me, if I tell you where it is? Any thing in reason. Then go to such a Shop in _Foster-Lane_ (_the same Shop where I cheated the man of his Ring_) and there ask peremptorily for it; I was there at such a time and saw it; and he would have had me help him to a Customer for it? I’ll stay at the Star-Tavern for you. Away he went and demanded his Locket: The Jeweller deny’d he had any such thing, (as well he might.) Upon this he returned to me, and (by this I had another with me) and told me what he said. Whereupon I advised him to have a Warrant for him to fetch him before a Justice of Peace, and that I and my friend (which saw as much as I) would swear it. The Goldsmith was instantly seiz’d on by a Constable, and assoon as he saw who they were that would swear against him, desired the Gentleman to drink a glass of wine, and then tender’d him satisfaction: But I had order’d the business that it would not be taken unless he would give us all three general releases. He knowing the danger that might ensue to life and estate if we persisted, consented to the proposal.

CHAP. XLII.

_He puts a notable Cheat upon a Gentleman concerning his House._

Walking one time in the Fields with an Attendant or two, who would be constantly bare before me, if in company with any persons of quality, but otherwise, _hail fellow well met_; I was got as far as _Hackney_, ere I thought where I was; for my thoughts were busied about designs, and my wit was shaping them into a form; casting my eye on the one side of me, I saw the prettiest built and well scituated House that ever my eyes beheld. I presently had a covetous desire to be Master thereof: I was then, as Fortune would have it, in a very gentile Garb; I walkt but a little way further, and I soon found out a Plot to accomplish my desires. And thus it was: I returned and knockt at the Gate, and demanded of the Servant whether his Master was within? I understood he was, and thereupon desired to speak with him. The Gentleman came out to me himself, desiring me to walk in. After I had made a general Apology, I told him my businesse, which was only to request the favour of him, that I might have the priviledge to bring a Workman to Supervise his House, and to take the Dimensions thereof, because I was so well pleased with the Building, that I eagerly desired to have another built exactly after that pattern. The Gentleman could do no lesse than to grant me so small a civility. Coming home, I went to a Carpenter, telling him I was about buying an House in _Hackney_, and that I would have him accompany me to give me (in private) the estimate. Accordingly we went, and found the Gentleman at home, who entertained me kindly as a stranger. In the mean time the Carpenter took an exact account of the Butts and Bounds of the House on Paper; which was as much as I desired for that time.

Paying the Carpenter well, I dismist him, and by that Paper had a Lease drawn with a very great fine (mentioned to have been paid) at a small Rent; Witnesses thereunto I could not want. Shortly after I demanded Possession. The Gentleman thinking me out of my wits, only laught at me: I commenced my suit against him; and brought my own Creatures to swear the sealing and delivering of the Lease, the Carpenters evidence, with many other probable Circumstances to strengthen my cause; whereupon I had a Verdict: The Gentleman understanding what I was, thought it safer to compound with me, and lose something, rather than lose all.

CHAP. XLIII.

_How he cheated a Scrivener under the pretence of bringing him good Security for an Hundred pound which he would borrow._

Attiring my self in one of the richest Garbs I had, I went to a Scrivener in _Bow-lane_, and acquainted him I had an occasion for an Hundred pound. He demanded the Names of my Security. I told him where they lived, two persons of eminent worth (whom I knew were gone into the Country) and desired him to make enquiry, but in it to be private and modest. The Scrivener according to my desires went and found them by report to be what they were, real, able, and sufficient men: two or three days after I called upon him to know whether I might have the money upon the Security propounded. He told me I might, bringing the persons; and appointed me a day. According to the time I came with two of my Complices attired like wealthy grave Citizens, who personated such persons so to the life, that the Scrivener could not entertain the least suspition. The money being ready, I told it over, and putting it up in a bag, I and my insignificant Bondsmen sealed, leaving the Scrivener to another enquiry after us, whom, if he did not meet, I was confident he could never find out by reason of our feigned Names.

It chanced that my forged and fictitious name shook hands with that of a Gentleman in _Surrey_, who was a great purchaser, which I came to know by being accidentally in his company the next night after I had cheated this credulous Scribe, understanding likewise from him the exact place of his abode; and as the Devil would have it, his Christian name was the same, as well as his Sir-name, with that of mine I had borrowed. Whereupon I went to the Scrivener again, and told him that now I had a fair opportunity to benefit my self very much by a purchase, provided he would assist me with 200 pound more. But Sir, said I, take notice (in a careless and generous frankness) that it is out of a particular respect to you, that you might profit by me that I come, again, neither will I now give you any other Security than my own Bond, though I did otherwise before. But if you will desire to be satisfied as to my Estate, pray let your servant go to such a place in _Surry_, there is a piece of Gold to bear his charges, and I will satisfie you further for the losse of your Servants time. He being greedy of gain, very officiously promised me to do what I required, and would speedily give me an answer. Imagining what time his Servant would return, I repaired to him again, and understood from him by the sequel that he received as much satisfaction as in reason any man could require. Hereupon I had on my own Bond the money paid me. I cannot but laugh to think how strangely the _Surry_ Gentleman was surprized when the money becoming due was demanded of him, and how like the figure of man in Hangings the Scrivener lookt when he found himself cheated.

CHAP. XLIV.

_How he was revenged on a Broker for arresting him for some Goods he had past his word for upon his friends account._