Part 21

But to avoid the censure of sluggishness, we all resolved to rise, and unanimously strive & contend who should make the best proof of the greatest ingenuity in contriving what may give the largest satisfaction both to mind and body. As a _præludium_ to our intended purpose, and a restorative to our decayed strengths, we first resolved upon buttered Sack, with other things of like comforting natures: & now finding our selves by this first essay so much beyond expectation revived and fitted for mirth and pleasure, we straight gave order for a Dinner to be speedily prepared, whose composition should be of the choicest viands. And that the time might not seem tedious in the interim, it was put to the vote what pastime we should make choice of for divertisement. Some were for bodily exercise, but I was clearly against that, having so lately tired my self with it: besides my lameness, which was occasioned by the shot I received in my legg from my Valiant Rencountress. It was at length agreed on by all, that we should entertain our selves with Musick and Discourse. A match (said the eldest Sister) and to the intent you may see my freedom and forwardness to propagate your proposition, I shall give my assistance first to heighten your spirits by vocal and instrumental Musick: having thus broken the Ice, I question not but you will prove ready followers, and swim with me in the same streams of delight. Whereupon she took up a Lute, and having praised that instrument above all other for its sweet ravishing harmony, I will now try (said she) how my voice will agree with it, and thus sang:

_What need we to care? W’ have enough and to spare, What we gain we will drink and spend on’t; But when all is gone, We will get more anon; Then make it all fly, there’s an end on’t._

_We will rob, we will steal For our own Common-weal. Let the Miser be damn’d with his treasure: Our designs we will shape For the juyce of the grape, Thus spin out our lives in our pleasure._

_We think it more fit To live by our wit, And hazard our lives on adventure; We are Sons of the blade Never bred to a trade, We scorn’d to be bound by Indenture._

Not for flattery, but due merit, we could give her no less then applause: Which though that word may savour of something of a complement, yet I will assure you there was no such thing past between us; we knew how to improve our time to a far greater advantage, leaving such empty vain expressions to such, who have little else to do then to play with a Ladies Fan, or to consume their times in combing their Perriwigs, not only in the Streets and Play-houses, but even (irreverently) in the holy places of Divine Worship.

The pertinency of this Song to the practice of our lives, did as much please us all, as the sweet harmony of that voice did ravish our delighted ears. And lest our satisfaction should any wayes cool or abate, more Musical fewel was laid on, to warm our benumbed spirits, if any such unlikely thing should happen.

Whereupon her Sister (not making use of any instrument to assist her voice, being sensible it was good and natural) frankly, and with a becoming freedom, sang to this purpose.

_’Tis liberty which we adore, It is our wealth and only store; Having her we all are free, Who so merry then as we? ’Tis she that makes us now to sing, And only She can pleasure bring._

Chorus.

_Since we then such freedome have, Wee’ll purchase pleasure, or a grave; ’Tis better so, then live a slave._

_As I am free, so will be still, For no man shall abridge my will: I’ll pass my life in choicest pleasure, On various objects spend my treasure: That Woman sure no joy can find, Who to one man is only joyn’d._

Chorus.

_Since we then such freedom have, Wee’l purchase pleasure or a grave: ’Tis better so, then live a slave._

_What pleasure is in full cram’d bags? No more then is in Beggars rags: Vnless made use of, what is Cash? A fine new Nothing, glittering trash: Being well employ’d, it is a thing Which doth delight and honour bring._

Chorus.

_Since we then such freedom have, Wee’l purchase money, or a grave: ’Tis better so, then live a slave_.

About to have proceeded in this manner round, we were interrupted by Dinner coming up, which came as seasonable as our stomacks could require. Waving all Ceremonies, we instantly fell to it without the tediousness of long-winded Graces; neither were we long at it, our hands and appetites being alike nimble and quick to give the body its required satisfaction.

After Dinner we had various discourses about the vanity and imbecility of the female sex: winding up our Argument, one said, She would not be a meer Woman for the whole universe, and wondered that man, so noble and rational a Soul, should so unman himself in his voluntary inslaving himself to a Womans will: I wonder how they dare boast of Conquests, when they must acknowledge they are daily overcome by a weak and feeble Creature, Woman, a thing which for want of heat sunk into that Sex.

With suchlike prattle we entertained our selves for an hour or two: and now it was put to the vote what course we should steer, and what design we should next put in execution. Different were our opinions for a while, but at last we concluded unanimously about the evening to set out and rob joyntly: the manner which we laid down was thus: The youngest sister should ride behind the eldest Sister on a Pillion in her own proper apparel, and my _Virago_ behind me in the like female garb; and this we judged to be the safest project we could propound: for who could be so senseless to imagine us Robbers, riding in that manner double-horsed, and attended with the greatest symptomes of innocency?

Hereupon we presently fell to work, that is to say, endeavoured to get such necessaries as were most convenient for our enterprise, as Pillions, Safeguards and short Swords for my females: Pocket-Pistols they had already. Having gotten what womans attire we wanted, and all things ready, we mounted with Boots, which we dirted on purpose, to the intent those which saw us might not suspect but that we had rid many miles that day. It was about six of the Clock in the evening when we did set forth; we had not rid above two hours, but there overtook us four Horsemen, and demanded whither we were travelling? I answered them, To such a place. Now did our two subtil Queans which rid behind us play their parts to the life, pretending a great fear of being robbed, and carried their business so craftily, that they gave the Gentlemen to understand their pretended fear and jealousie: and the better to cloak our design, pray thee my Dear (said I) in a voice not over-loud, but just so that they might hear me, do not be afraid, I am confident they are no other then what they appear, that is, honest civil persons.

Hereupon, one of the Gentlemen over-hearing, rode up close to me, and comforted my supposed Wife behind, protesting they were no such persons as she imagined; that they were Gentlemen of good Estates all, and so far they were from offending any, that they would with the hazard of their lives defend the injured on the road: we seemed hereat to be much satisfied, returning them many thanks, and desiring their company, which they kindly granted, saying, Come follow, wee’l lead the way gently on; and stand between you and danger. I was glad to hear them say they would ride before, for now I judged our business to be facile, and easily done. I now whispered behind me, telling her, as soon as ever she saw me give a blow, she should immediately leap off the horse, and make use of what weapons she had: Her sister had the like instructions given her.

My Brother, as I called him, riding up close with me, received directions from me, that when we came to the bottom of the Hill, he should at the same time with me directly discharge his Truncheon on the head of his foregoer, with all the force he could sum up together.

When they least suspected us in the rear, we executed what we designed with such exact time, and so successfully, that a divided minute did not difference their fall. Our Women were as swift as lightning upon them, depriving them of all the advantages of rising, whilest we set spurs to our Horses, and overtook the other two afore, who insensible of what was done, were strangely surprized and amazed, to see our Swords and Pistols ready to dispatch our Hellish commands. Fear on a suddain had so chained up their tongues, as that they could not utter a word, till we forced them to it by threatning their unavoidable deaths if they did not instanly deliver. Being willing to ransome their lives by their moneys, they gave us what they had, as not to stand in competition with a matter of eternal concern. Having reaped our desires, we dismounted them, and cutting their Girts and Bridles, we took their pieces with the Saddles, and threw them into an obscure place. The Horses were whipt over into a field. Our Prisoners we led into a little wood, where we bound them, as the rest of our gang did, who were more expeditious then we in our work. Having finisht our business to our hearts content and security, we mounted, and so rid back again to our old quarters. Our Landlord wondered at our speedy dispatch, but had like to have exspired for joy, when he saw our booty was so considerable; for you are to understand he had a quarter-share with us. Here did we carouse and feast for a long time, not so much as thinking on any prize: and the truth on’t is, my leg grew so bad by my shot, that I could not ride but in great pain. Wherefore I resolved to lie still till its cure should be effected by my loving and skilful Landlady. My wound being healed, I resolved to follow my custom, and rob alone, not so much that my profit would be greater, but I began to be tyred with my three former dainties; nay more, they were so insatiate in those pleasures they injoyed, that my strength could not cope with such excesses. Wherefore pretending business of privacy a little way off, I gave them the slip, knowing how difficult it would be to part from them knowingly.

CHAP. XXXVII.

_Being now upon the _Pad_ alone, he baits at an Inn with which he was acquainted, and there by the Hostler is informed of a Booty, which he pursued, but was soundly banged for his pains, losing both his Horse, and what small matter he had left._

Very loath I was to part with these _Amazons_, neither should I, had not scarcity of Money called me away to look out for more. For no man could ever be better pleased with society, then I was in theirs, enjoying such persons whose courage and fidelity might vie with the most approved male-friend, and reaping at the same time the choicest favours _Venus_ can confer on her chiefest Favourites.

One remarkable passage concerning this _Female Robber_, I had like to have forgot; which was this: She would frequently _Pad_ or rob on foot in Womans apparel, but so disguised, that she could not easily be known: Getting a Cushion, or some such thing, (by putting it under her Cloaths to make her seem big with Child) she would usually walk abroad, it may be three or four miles at length, near some beaten Road. Thus had she the benefit of viewing all that rid by. If she saw any single person by whose equipage she might imagine him to have his Pockets well furnished, before he came near her, she used to feign her self both exceeding sick and weary, groaning in a most pitiful manner. What mans heart could be so obdurate as to pass her by neglected, and without taking any notice of her? Who would not proffer a big-bellied Woman (tired and indisposed) the courtesie of riding behind him for a little way to refresh her? As she told me, she met with very few that did not take her up behind them, seeing her in that deplorable condition. Having rid a pretty way, seeing the Coast clear, and coming to a convenient place for to execute her design, she would pretend the Gentlemans hat that rid before her offended her eyes; most in point of civility would put it off, though they immediately put it on again: then would she with a Cord with a nooze, which she had ready for the purpose, clap it over his head, and so whipping off the Horse pull the Man after her; oftentimes half strangling him, serving him as the _Mutes_ do the _Bassa’s_ with their black box and Silk string therein, when they are designed for death by the _Grand Seniors_ appointment and command. Taking the advantage of their being half suffocated, she could easily first bind their leggs, making them so secure, that they were so far from resisting, that they were totally at her devotion.

But to return where I left off: before I took my leave of her, perceiving the temper of this brave noble Spirit, and that it was Poetically inclined, out of my true resentment of her due merit, I gave her these lines, which she thankfully received, though modestly denied to concern her in the least.

_Stand back ye _Muses_, _Mars_, come guide my Pen, To rank this Female Heroe ’mongst thy Men. So, so, ’tis well. Now let us to the matter, ’Tis such a subject that I cannot flatter. The Pantalooners strut, and Muffetoons; Taking great pains for to appear Buffoons. They do seem men, and like ’em wear their Swords: But dare not draw; such may be kill’d with words: These love a Lady, and affect perfumes: Who _lighter_ are, (then what they wear) their _Plumes_. Thou scornst such shadows, or _Chimæra’s_, which Are good for nothing, but a Womans itch. Thou lovest that man alone, that dares in spight Of fate, scorn _Death_ himself in fight. Thy actions speak thee _man_, who dares deny it? Believe this truth, or if you dare, then try it; ’Twill be a favour to her, for they’l find. That never man injoy’d so brave a mind._

Bidding this my _Minerva_ and her associates adieu, I rid on in the next road, without meeting any I thought requisite to fasten on. At length I came to an Inn, where I was very well acquainted, and intended there to have refresht my self; but the Hostler prevented it, not suffering me to alight, telling me hastily, that there was a Gentleman not an hour since baited there, who had in his Portmantue a considerable purchase; that he was a poor spirited fellow, whom he knew, and that he ever had an absolute antipathy to a naked Sword, and that he was gone such a road, _&c._ I stay’d not so long as to drink, but with all possible expedition made after him; ascending a small Hill, I discovered him, who rid an ordinary pace, wherefore I slacked mine to cool my Horse; however I soon overtook him, and rode by him, not without viewing him well; riding down the Hill I did alight, purposely that he might overtake me, which he did; being past I mounted, and at the very bottom I bid him stand and deliver instantly, or he was a dead man. Sis, sis, sir, (said he lisping very much) I-I-I-I am going home. I bid him not make these proposed delays, lest he smarted, and therefore wisht him to dispatch and give me his money, for I was informed (I told him) that he had a sum behind him. T-t-t ’tis true (he reply’d) b-b-but it is my Fathers m-m-money. Hang your Father and his fluttering Coxcomb too, (said I) I must have what you have. W-wh-why then you shall, (said he) and with that drew out a pocket-pistol and fired it at me; which made my horse start, and very much surprizing me, expecting not the least resistance from such a seemingly ignorant and cowardly fellow; by that means he had time and liberty to draw his sword (which was almost as broad as a Chopping-knife) and came upon me so furiously, that I am sure I had not time to defend my self: he so laid about him, that I soon lay at his mercy. I was forced to beg very hard for my life, which I obtained with very much ado: then he fell to my pockets, not leaving any suspected place for money unsearcht: by which I guest him to have belonged to our profession, and was not mistaken, as you shall understand by and by. He went to my horse, and viewing him, he seemed to like him very well. Wherefore coming to me (for he had cut me off my horse) ha-ha-hark you (said he) you are but a raw Thief, a me-me-meer Child, & it is but fit that you should be sent to a ma-ma-Master to be ta-ta-taught knowledge, and be whipt for your foo-foo-lishness. You said you must have my Fa-Fa-Fathers money, but I tell you I must have your hau-hau-Horse, and so farewell. He was so kind as to leave me his, which was a pitiful Jade, however necessity compelled me to mount him, and anger spurr’d me on to be revenged of the Hostler, but I better considered with my self, that probably that horse was known there, and so I should be detected; wherefore I rid a contrary way, and took up my lodging in a place I never had been in before. As soon as I alighted, abundance of people flockt about me, seeing me all bloody, to know the cause thereof. Whereupon I related in a very doleful manner how this sad accident befell me. That travelling to such a place with about 150 pieces of Gold, I was set upon by five or six lusty Rogues, who rob’d me, and because I made what resistance I could, to save what I had, it being my whole Estate, they had thus barbarously mangled me, hacking and hewing me till I grew weary, and at last with much difficulty escapt with my life. There was a general sorrow for me, pitying me so much that the Inhabitants strove one with another, who should shew me most kindness. A Chyrurgeon was presently sent for, who (as he was a Barber too) _Barbarian_ like, drest my wounds; some were employed in procuring me Cordials, and getting me things necessary; others were sent out to make inquisition after the Thieves.

This Gentleman that serv’d me this trick, was (as I understood afterwards) an High-way-man himself, who being well born and bred, but his Father being either at that time unable or unwilling to supply him with what monies his lavish expences required: Nature having bestowed on him a stout resolute heart, and strength answering his courage, betook himself to the _Pad_. In which profession he behaved himself so gallantly, that he was styled the Father or Governour of his Tribe. But his attempts prov’d not always successful, so that there was hardly a County in _England_, wherein he had not been in Prison; being frequently arraigned for his life, but having eminent and potent friends, he still came off; this did his Father and Kindred so frequent, that they grew weary, and he narrowly escaping with his life one time, and finding that his kindred matter’d not much if he were hanged, he submitted himself to his Father, making a solemn protestation that he would never follow the like courses again: whereupon his Father setled an Annual Estate upon him, on which he now liveth very orderly. Thus much briefly of my overcomer.

I had not laid above a night in this place for the cure of my wounds, before I was question’d about my Horse by some persons that knew him well, and taken on suspition for murdering the Gentleman the right owner; which seem’d more than probable by various circumstances. First, this Gentleman was not to be found, which well might be his late success, having conveyed him on the wings of speed to an obscure place, there to revel and congratulate his good Fortune by the speedy spending his late purchase. Next, my many and dangerous wounds sufficiently declared the great hazard of the two Combitants lives; but that which chiefly committed me, was the Gentlemans horse, which I like an impudent insipid Coxcomb must ride on, which reason must needs say was the ready way to ride Post to the Gallows. Notwithstanding the miserable condition of my Carbonadoed body, I was inclosed between a pair of walls, and had undoubtedly been hang’d for being robb’d, had not the Gentleman appear’d again amongst his friends; then did my accusers slip their necks out of the collar, and none prosecuting me, I was discharged. Staying a little while in the Town for refreshment, an old acquaintance there found me, of whom I cannot but give you a character, since the passages of his life hath been so remarkable and notorious, and from the short relation of which I question not but the Reader will reap much benefit and satisfaction. For indeed examples have so great an influence and power upon the actions of mans life, as that we find men are more wrought upon by president than precept. To this intent preceeding Generations have made it their grand care and labour, not only to communicate to their Posterity the lives of good and honest men, that thereby man might fall in love with the smooth and beautiful face of virtue, but have also taken the same pains to recount the actions of criminal and wicked persons, that by the dreadful aspects of _Vice_, they may be deterred from imbracing her.

CHAP. XXXVIII.

_He here reneweth his acquaintance with a cunning fellow, that formerly studyed the Law, and since made it his sole business to practise the abuse thereof._