Part 19

Full fraught with the Documents which I receiv’d from my old experienced Master, I resolv’d upon some atchievement: between two and three in the afternoon, I my self with four more set out; we planted our selves in a convenient place, only I was sent out for a discoverer: not rightly understanding my trade, I wandered too far, but in my digression I met with a single person whom I bid stand, which he would have done, and as willingly have surrendred his purse, but that he was mounted on a stone-horse, I on a Mare. Assoon as I had given the word, his stone-horse wheel’d off and came in the rear of me: I thinking he intended to crupper me, endeavoured all wayes imaginable to prevent him, for there was something it seems under my Mares tail more powerful, which at that time I dreamt not of. I led him round and round several times circularly: the poor harmless Gentleman fearing he should provoke me too much by delays, the unruliness of his Horse hindring my seising the Booty, cry’d out, Worthy Sir, take what I have and spare my life: at that very instant his Horse reared his two fore-feet upon me and my Mare, in so much that I thought he said, I’le take both Life and Money too presently; fear had then rendred me so incapable of performing the office of a Thief. With that I put spurs to my Mare, and flew through the air for the procuration of my safety. Notwithstanding I made what speed I could, the other was close at my heels: striving and kicking with both my legs, one of my Pistols went off in my Pocket: the apprehension of the present danger had bereft me of the true use of my sense, for I imagined that my back-friend had discharged at me, which made me roar out for quarter. He on the contrary concluded I fought _Tartar_-like flying, and that I had fired it at him, which made him with much eagerness eccho out with repetition this expression, _As you are a man, shew your self merciful_. Sometimes he would say, For heavens sake hold, good Sir stop; which made me ride more furiously, thinking he called to the Country, Hold him, stop him; at last do what I could, his Stone-horse leapt up upon us, at that instant (by what means I know not) we all came headlong to the ground. I expected now that my imaginary adversary would be upon me, and cut my throat before I could recover my legs, wherefore I started up, and found my mortal foe up before me, and upon the run. I could have hang’d my self to think I should be reckoned among the number of men, and yet want that spirit and courage which compleats a man: but loosing no time, I pursu’d him, and easily made my self possessor of what he had; Sirrah, said I, if e’re I meet thee again, and find thee so obstinate, or durst resist, as now thou hast done, I will tye thee to a Tree in some obscure place, where none can hear thy doleful cryes, and there for six days thou shalt have no other food but what I shall bring thee. Once a day during that term I will visit thee, and each days Meat shall be either a piece of thine own Sword broken into small bits, or those Bullets (which thou intendest for the destruction of honest men) dissolv’d, and mingled with Gunpowder, which shall be convey’d to thy mouth through the muzzle of thine own Pistol. It pleased me exceedingly to see how pitifully and submissively he look’t: for verily I durst not have utter’d half so much if he had shown an austere countenance.

As I was framing a lye to delude my Comerades (when I should meet them) into a belief how valiant I was, and dextrous in prosecution of that design I had newly undertaken, I lookt about me & saw them all at my elbow. I now believ’d (which I easily perceiv’d by their flearing looks) that they were all eye-witnesses of my dangerous encounter. Oh brother, said one, how is’t? are you well? I askt him the reason of his impertinent question? Because, said he, we took notice of the great danger you were in even now, narrowly escaped of being shot by a Pocket-Inkhorn. Without doubt, brother, you are very hard hearted to fly (riding full speed) at the very naming of, _Good Sir be merciful_. The poor harmless soul making frequent repetition thereof, but you stopping your ears from all intreaties, his Stone horse seem’d to be his advocate, and to that intent ran after your Mare, endeavouring to court her into an intercession for his Master.

I should never have stopt their mouths had I not shew’d them what I had gotten, which was not inconsiderable.

It was twy-light as we met with another Prize, which was of a different temper from the former. For though he and his fellow-traveller were (comparatively to any of us) but Pigmies, yet of so undaunted resolution and unresistable courage, that neither threats of death, or torture (I am confident) could dull the edges of their couragious spirits, which might be in part understood by their deportment to us: for had we not slasht, carbonadoed, and forceably bound them, rather then they would have yielded willingly, they would have stoopt to death. Our power having subdued them, we withdrew them into a secret place, leaving them not any thing valuable. Then did I learn to search with so strict care, that sooner might the Grand _Turk_ turn _Roman_ Catholick then conceal a penny from me; here was I taught to be deaf when the poor Traveller cries he is undone; and to be more flinty then Adamant, not to be mov’d with sighs or tears. Having ingag’d them by Oath not to follow us by Hue and Cry, or by means of a general rising of the Towns adjacent; these two fellows robbed, rifled and amazed, we left wrapt up in woes, and hasted away to secure ourselves.

I shall conclude this Chapter with a Relation how I was quit with my Comrades upon the account of fear or timorousness. Neither could they justly tax me with it, since they are things entail’d upon the profession. For every Crow that flies extracts a fear, and every thing that doth but stir, or make the bushes rush, seem’d to our fearful fancy a Constable to apprehend us for our Theft. I cannot forget how strong a confusion arose amongst us by a trifle; the means were so small, and the occasion so ridiculous, that when after I thought thereon (though by my self) I could not forbear laughing excessively, and condemn the temerity of such minds so meanly spirited. ’Twas thus in short: An Owle who to gain shelter from the troubles of a Sunshine day, when all the airy tribe (wandring) flock to him, screen’d himself in the obscure retired residence of an hollow tree; no sooner had he cloister’d up himself, but between discontent and something of a pleasing satisfaction he first utter’d his amazing screeks, being in a slumber, and dreaming of the assaults were made at him by his feather’d enemies of all sorts, and then again awaking, whoopt for joy that he was delivered from them; thus did he whoop and hollow incessantly, which infus’d such a terrour into our distrustful minds, that Whips, Switches and Spurs were all too few to expedite our hast. For we absolutely thought those Hollows were the out-cryes of the Country following us for what we had committed. We at length took Sanctuary in an Inn, where we had some interest and confidence in our security.

Understanding that our days work had been prosperous, our Host calls lustily for Sack, which the drawer doubles in the Bar; the Hostler must be one of our company too, and hail fellow with us, who knowing what courses we take, presume we dare not cavil, lest they betray our practises. _Sic nos non nobis._ So we rob for them, and not for our selves; for by that time we have profusely frolickt (a bill whereof shall be brought in of twice as much as we called for) and have bestowed our largesses to the Servants, and offer’d up our (expected) sacrifices to our Landlady, or her Daughter, for some private favour received, we find our selves to have the least share, and so betake our selves to our trade till apprehension take from us that liberty, and the Law sentenceth us to pay our lives as a just debt we owe to Justice.

CHAP. XXXII.

_Scouring the Road, he lights on a Farmers house which he intended to rob, but desists from that resolution, falling in Love with his Daughter, who was exceeding beautiful; gets her with Child, under the pretence of Marriage, but afterwards refusing it, She and her Parents tax him with the undoing of the young Woman; whereupon he leaveth them, giving them no other satisfaction then what they could gather out of a Copy of Verses he sent them._

Riding along the Road, I met with a young Girl with a Milk-Pail on her head, but I was amaz’d to see such perfection in one mortal face. I rid up to her very near, purposely to entertain some discourse with her, introductory to a future acquaintance: considering the ground, you may imagine the questions I propounded to this pretty Rural Innocent were frivolous enough; as, which was the readiest way to such a place, _&c._ which with much respect and modest confidence she resolv’d. She opening a gate to milk her Cows, I followed, and tying my horse to an hedge, I beg’d her an excuse for being so rude, and beseecht her charitable opinion of my present actions, assuring her I would not offer the least injury nor prejudice to her chastity. Being over-perswaded with my protestations and vows to that purpose, she admitted me to sit down and discourse with her whilest she performed the office of a Milk-maid. I could hardly contain my self within bounds when I viewed her pretty little hand _stroking the Duggs_, which indeed had so heightned my amorous passion, that I soon forgot my Oaths and Promises, but after some dalliance, what by intreaties and love-perswasions, and what by corporal strength, I obtained my desires. We then grew somewhat more familiar, but the burden of the Song was, _I had undone her_; let him that reads judge the truth thereof. We conclude at length that she should go home to her Fathers house, and that near night I would come thither likewise, according to the time appointed, as if I had never seen her before, and that I casually rid that way for information in the steering of my course regularly in the prosecution of my journey.

She subtilly goes in, and acquaints her Father and Mother that there was a Gentleman (without) whom by his countenance, garb and gesture, shew’d himself no less; that fearing to travel farther, being night, knowing not the way, desir’d to rest himself there till morning. With much respects from her Parents to her own great satisfaction (which I discern’d in her eyes) I was kindly entertain’d, and nobly treated. That night we intended to be better acquainted by the renovation of our late enjoyments; but our unlucky Starrs were impropitious to our amorous designs. Next morning I seem’d to be very ill, that I might have some pretence for my staying, which I acquainted the Daughter withal, the old people were very loving and courteous, so that as soon as they heard thereof, with much pitty they visited me, and with as much care they provided what was necessary for me. I offer’d them money, shewing good store of Gold, that they might have the better esteem of me. Thus I lay for at least a fortnight; several Doctors had been with me, but none knew my distemper. All this while I nightly had the society of my fresh Country Mistres, who deviated from the common customes of her Sex, did not coyishly refuse that which was the _center_ of her hopes, wishes and desires. Fearing least I might be suspected, I left off counterfeiting, and shew’d them some recovery of my strength. When at any time the good old people would come into my Chamber to sit with me, the main subject of my discourse would be the resentments of their favours, and that if I liv’d I would gratefully repay them. Being restor’d to my former healthful condition, I one day told them I could never recompence their love and care of me but by marrying their Daughter, whom I told them I loved most affectionately. Her Parents made many excuses. As that she was but a poor Country Girle, and the like, but glad I perceived they were to hear such an over-prized motion. Enquiries I made in a Neighbouring Town what this farmer was, whom I understood by all to be very wealthy, and that time was not more careful to furnish him with silver Hairs, then he industrious to maintain them by the procuration of a plentiful Estate: My wanton was his only Darling, for whom he furrowed the surface of the Earth, and for whom he chose rather to sell then to eat his better sort of Provision, that he might add to her Portion. It was now he thought he had well bestowed his labour, since he had met with such a blessed opportunity wherein he should add Gentility to his daughters riches. O the slaughter of Piggs, Geese, Capons, which as to some Idol were Sacrifices diurnally offered to procure my favour! And as he was liberal in his Food, so was not I sparing in the sending for Wine, six Dozen of Bottles at a time: So that the Old man was brought to this pass, that he cared not whether he spent his Estate on me, or gave it; and that young Girl so well pleased with her imaginary Paradise here, that I am confident she would never have been induced to have exchanged this for any other on equal terms. Inexpressable was our satisfaction on all hands, but nothing gave them greater content then to see us together, by which we had as many opportunities as we listed. My main aim was still to know of my young Mistress what store of Coyn her Father had, and where it lay, but to my great grief and vexation she told me he had not five pound within doors, having lately bought a purchase. I now thought it was to little purpose to stay longer, since I could not glean from her Fathers harvest, though I had reapt the _crop_ of her Mothers labour, and so resolved to be going, but not without one nights solemn leave taking of her. The night being come, she purposely stayed up till all the rest were gone to bed. But we being too imprudently hasty in the Kitchin, stumbled against two Barrels piled one on the other and fell; and we both were so intangled, that we could not disingage our selves so soon, but that her Father came out crying, _In the name of Goodness what is the matter?_ And groping about caught me by the naked breech. Seeing there was no remedy, I desired him to be silent; and not spread his Daughters disgrace; if so, I would make her shortly a recompence. The old man was very much perplext, and could not forbear telling his Wife of what had past. They both cryed out that their Daughter was undone: The Daughter was in the same tone, unless I would speedily marry her.

I stayed afterwards about some three dayes to colour the matter, and at last marcht off _incognito_, sending her twenty pieces of Gold, and a Coppy of Verses, which, although I knew they understood not, yet I could not but express my self by writing, if for nothing else but mine own satisfaction.

_Is it not strange thou and thy friends should say, Thou art undone by me? Lets see which way. Have I not done to my great toyl and pain, What all thy friends cannot undo again. Call but to mind the pleasures thou hast tasted, The hours and minutes which with thee I wasted To bring thee to perfection; and to teach Thee learning, far above the Sexes reach. Have I not taught thee oft’ Astronomy, Within thy Mothers Garden, shew’d thee all The Starry course, and Sphears Celestial. Did I not teach thee Poetry that night And how in Tripped Dactyls thou shouldst write. I taught thee then _Geometry_, the notion Of _length_ and _bredth_, _egality_, _proportion_ Of _Quadrant Triangles_; the way to enter _Circles_, or _Semi-circles_; how the _Center_ Stands ever _fixt_, how that every _line_ _Direct_, or _oblique_, _circular_, or trine Hath still its _ending_; how to take the _height_ Of any _blazing bearded Star_ by night. I taught thee _Musicks harmony_ to know, To keep _true time_, where thou shouldst _rest_, and how: Learn’d thee likewise thy notes, _large_, _long_, & brief, Prickt Minom, with a Crotchet, and the chief Of the lov’d Art, good discant for to make Upon a plain Song, _Discords_ also take With a sweet close, and meltingly to fall Into a Treble, ravishing withal. I shew’d thee why Artists hold six _Cliffs_ best, And why ’tis prized far above the rest, Because it keeps the middst; the very _heart_ And Soul of Musick is the inner part. Yet art undone thou saidst? Is to impart The hidden secrets of mysterious art Undoing to thee. Hadst thou ever spent Thy means upon me, or thy money lent, And had not paid the Int’rest back to thee, Thou and thy friends might then have rail’d at me. What wert thou before I knew thee, but an Ass, A rude neglected home-spun Country lass, Knowing not how to speak, to go or look, But hide thy self when seen in every nook. And blush, nay tremble if thou wert found out; Strive to be gone again, scratch, cry, and pout If one but touch thy Apron, and wouldst spit In’s mouth should come to kiss thee: for thy wit It did extend but unto no, and I, Confess this truth, or else in faith you lye. This was thy eloquence; why did I love thee? Young, plump and fair thou wert, and that did move me. I took thee and refin’d thee, made thee new, Alter’d thy nature, chang’d thy former hew: Taught thee to kiss, embrace, and entertain A lover with that Sp’rit and catching vein, The Goddess of delight in her own sport May strive to equal thee, but must come short. Where hadst thou all thy _breeding_ but from me? Who _bound_ thee first, and now have made thee free? Thy petulant discourse, and apish toying, A change of humours, now a sullen coying, All which I taught thee, which do make thee rare, Now are thy Attributes as well as fair: And what content is in a simpering fool, A squeamish thing, she doth mans spirits cool; Beats back the flowing current of his blood, And ebbs it in the very spring or floud, ’Tis harsh to hear a School boy in one tone Repeat his lesson like a Bagpipes drone, But it doth ravish with delight the ear Well worded and sweet languag’d lines to hear, Pronounc’d by one hath skill and art to know When he should raise his voyce, when bring it low. For though a Poet write good Lines, it is The speaker that doth make them hit or miss. So though a Wench be nere so fair, so neat, Or well proportion’d, if she wont the feat Of acting well upon loves Theater, It will not make mans loving passion stir. She’s like one handsome in a splendid suit, Onely to fit a Stage and play the Mute And shall not go clapt off with frequent kisses, The Lovers _plaudit_, but distastful _hisses_. And such wert thou, when first I met with thee. Now have I brought thee to thy _excellence_ With my excessive toyl, and dear _expence_ Of my best blood; and, added to thee more Then was in all thy _Ancestors_ before _Gentility_. I have enricht thy mind With the chief Ornament of Woman kind Behaviour: Taught thee to live and spend Of thy own gettings, without help of friend. And have I this ungrateful _Girle_ for all That I have done to thee. Why dost thou call Me thy _Undoer_. How e’re I will forgive, For I’m in charity, and do believe The onely cause why I am taxt so sore With thy undoing, ’cause I do no more._

CHAP. XXXIII.

_From this Farmers house he rides he cared not whither, On the Road he is strangely surprized by a Woman-robber in Mans apparrel; He discovers it by unbuttoning her Breeches to search for private Pockets within. They two conclude a perpetual Friendship._

Abruptly taking my leave of the Farmer and his loving Daughter, I rid a long time, but met with none worthy of my taking Cognizance: being wearied, I struck into an Inn, and by that time I had throughly refresht my self, the evening began to approach. Whereupon I mounted, and so put on, Passing by a small Coppice in a bottom between two Hills, a Gentleman (as I then supposed) well armed, and handsomely accoutred, started out upon me, and bid me deliver instantly. Hearing him say so, I told him if he would have but the patience I would; and with that drew out a Pocket-Pistol and fired it at him, without doing any execution. If you are for a little sport (said the Gentleman) I shall show you some instantly; whereupon drawing a Pistol he shot me into the leg: having so done, with his Sword (which hung ready at his wrist) neatly at a blow he cut the reins of my bridle, so that I was not able to guide my horse. But he being good at command, and used to the charge, with the winding of my body I gave him to understand what he was to do. Come Sir, said my adversary, have you enough yet? In faith Sir, said I, I’le exchange but one Pistol more, and if that prove insuccessful I shall submit to your mercy. Whereupon I shot, but missed my mark, however I killed his Horse, which instantly fell: my Gentleman was so nimble, that before I could think what to do, he had sheathed his sword in my Horses belly, which made me come tumbling down too with a _Horse-pox_. Once more, said my Antagonist, we are upon equal terms, and since the obscurity of the place gives us freedom, let us try our courages, one must fall. And thereupon with his Sword (which was for cut and thrust) he made a full pass at my bodie; but putting it by I closed in with him, and upon the Hug threw him with much facility; I wondered much at it; which I need not have done, since his nature (as afterwards I understood) was so prone to it. Having him down, Now, Sir, said I, I shall teach you to be careful on whom you set: you have as imprudently undertaken this enterprize as a _Pickeroon_ did once, who seeing a Man of War high built, and but few men aboard her discoverable, her Port-holes being likewise fast, clapt her aboard immediately, thinking she had been a Merchantman; but they found the contrary, the deck being instantly filled with men that were below, and running out her Guns there could be no wisdom in resistance. Wherefore now Sir yield, or I shall compel you. With much reluctancy he did. With cords I had ready for that purpose, I tyed both his hands and feet, and so fell to rifling him. Unbuttoning his Doublet to find whether there was no Gold quilted therein, I wondered to see a pair of Breasts so unexpectedly greater and whiter then any mans; but being intent about my business, that amazement vanisht from my thoughts. Then did I come to his breeches (which I laid open) my curious search omitted not any place wherein I might suspect the concealment of moneys: at last proffering to remove his shirt from between his legs, he suddenly cryed out (and strove to lay his hand there, but could not) I beseech you Sir be civil, said he: I imagining that some notable _Treasure_ lay there obscured, I pulled up his shirt (_alias_ Smock) and found my self not much mistaken.