Part 13

Having satisfied my stomach, I walked along with much more courage than before; which had been to little purpose, had I not had a stick in my hand; For there was hardly a dog in the street (which I went through) that gave me not his _grinning Salutation_, and would when my back was turned (knowing else I would never have suffered their humility) have kist my very _heels_, had not my stick prevented their _Snearing Dog-ships_ mouths. I have wondred often why Doggs will bark so incessantly at the sight of a Tinker, Pedlar, Tom-a-Bedlam, nay, any suspitious fellow, till I found it my self by experience, that by natural instinct they know and hate the scent of a Rogue. My course of life appeared so idle (by my lazy stalking and gaping this way and that, sometimes standing still and seriously viewing what deserved not a minutes observance) that the Beadle took hold on me, telling me it was great pitty that such a lusty young Man should want imployment, and therefore would help me to some: but understanding from him that it must be in _Bridewel_, my leggs failed me, shewing thereby how unwilling they were to be accessary to the punishment which would be inflicted on my back: at length by pitiful looks, and many intreaties, I got clear of him, but fell immediately foul with an evil spirit, or a Seducer of Persons to the Indies. Well may he be called a Spirit, since his nature is like the Devils, to seduce any he meets withal, whom he can perswade with allurements and deluding falsities to his purpose.

After he had asked me many impertinent questions, he invited me to drink with him; I ingeniously told him I had not a penny, otherwise his motion would be acceptable to me. At which he cast up his eyes to Heaven, and laying his hands on his breast, Alas poor young Man, said he, what pitty it is such a fellow as thou art shouldst want money; which argues thou art both destitute of friends, and an imployment also. Well, I’le say no more for the present, but before we part I’le study some way or other for thy advantage, which I shall do meerly out of commiseration to the miserableness of thy condition, as also out of respect to thy Father, whom I am confident I have heretofore known; by the resemblance thou bearest him in thy Countenance. I could but smile to my self to hear how this Rascal dissembled; not discovering my thoughts, I willingly went with him to drink, resolving to see what the event would be; after he had paused a while, Well, said he, I have found it.

There is a _Merchant_ an intimate friend of mine that wants a Store-house-keeper; Now if you can cast accompts ever so indifferently, you shall find entertainment from him, and 40 _l._ _per annum_ for encouragement. I told him that I joyfully accepted his kind proffer, and that I should refer my self to be disposed of as he should think fit. With that he imbraced me, saying, within two days I should go aboard the Ship where the Merchant was, who would go along with me to _Virginia_ (where he pretended the Merchants Plantation lay) in the mean time, you shall go along with me to my house, where you shall be, and shall receive from me what your necessities require. I had heard before, how several had been served in this kind, so that being forewarned, I was fore-armed: _premonitus, premunitus_. He carried me away presently to _Wapping_, and housed me. To the intent he might oblige me to be his, he behaved himself extraordinary friendly; and that he might let me see that he made no distinction between me and his other friends, he brought me into a Room where half a score were all taking Tobacco: the place was so narrow wherein they were, that they had no more space left, than what was for the standing of a small table. Methought their mouths together resembled a stack of Chimneys, being in a manner totally obscured by the smoak that came from them; for there was little discernable but smoak, and the glowing coals of their pipes. Certainly the smell of this Room would have out-done _Assa Fœtida_, or burned Feathers in the Cure of Ladies troubled with the Fits of the Mother. As to the sight, the place resembled Hell, so did it likewise as to its scent, compounded of the perfume of stinking Tobacco and Tarpawlin. So that I concluded the resemblance most proper.

_In Hell damn’d souls, fire, smoak, and stink appear. Then this is Hell, for those four things were here._

I was seated between two, lest I should give them to slip.

After I had been there awhile, the Cloud of their smoak was somewhat dissipated, so that I could discern two more in my own condemnation: but alas poor Sheep, they ne’re considered where they were going, it was enough for them to be freed from a seven years Apprenticeship, under the Tyranny of a rigid Master (as they judged it, coming but lately from sucking the breasts of a too indulgent Mother) and not weighing (as I know not how they should) the slavery they must undergo for five years, amongst Brutes in foreign parts, little inferior to that which they suffer who are _Gally-slaves_. There was little discourse amongst them, but the pleasantness of the soyl of that Continent we were designed for, (out of a design to make us swallow their gilded Pills of Ruine) & the temperature of the Air, the plenty of Fowl and Fish of all sorts; the little labour that is performed or expected having so little trouble in it, that it rather may be accounted a pastime than any thing of punishment; and then to sweeten us on the farther, they insisted on the pliant loving natures of the Women there; all which they used as baits to catch us silly Gudgeons. As for my own part, I said but little but what tended to the approbation of what they said.

* * * * *

For all my aim (as I related before) was to understand the drift of this Rogue, and then endeavour to get what I could from him. By this time supper was talkt of by our Masters; so choice they were in their dyet, that they could not agree what to have. At last one stands up, and proclaiming silence, said, that a Dish of Bruiss was the most _Princely Dish_ of any. And to tell you truly, by his looks, I thought he had been begot just as his Mother had put a Sop into her mouth, of that Stomach-murdering stuff, the grease running about her chops, which pleasing her fancy, struck so deep an impression in the imagination upon her conception, that the face of that thing she brought forth, lookt much like a _Toast_ soaking in a Cooks _Dripping-pan_.

That he might perswade the rest this way to indulge his appetite, he added farther, that it was a Dish would not be expensive, and soon ready. My Landlady to back him on, said, she had some skimmings of the pot, which she had been collecting these three moneths, some whereof she questioned not but to procure, and let her alone to order it so, that we should say we never had a better Dish aboard in our lives.

Another contradicting him, preferred a bowl of Pease-pottage before the cheifest meat whatever, that he could never look into the pot and see them boyl round, but that his heart leapt within him, and kept time with their motion. My master (that was their Senior) scorned to be controlled in his fancy; and therefore positively determined to have some _Poor John_, swearing that the _Great Mogul_ did eat nothing else thrice a week, and that _Atabalipa_ (that Indian King whom _Cortez_ conquered) caused a sacrifice every day to be made of them to his Idol, commanding them to be laid on an _Altar_ made of some coals of fire, then the fat of some beast rubbed thereon, (because they had no Butter) and so presented to the _Idol_, afterwards to the King, which he did eat with inexpressible satisfaction. Order was given that this delicate fare should be provided. Though they did _beat_ it most _unmercifully_, yet it would not _yield_, resolving rather to be _broken_ in _peices_, then to become unlike its _Masters_ heart, or shew any thing of a _tender nature_. There was one allotted me for my proportion, which I used as they had done, laying it on the coals a little while, and so committing it to my teeths disposal, I never found till now that my teeth could be thus shamefully baffled. They made several assaults upon it to little purpose. My teeth at length fearing a total conquest, desperately and inragedly seiz’d on the thinnest and weakest part, and holding it as fast as a Vice, at last in the conflict overpowered one small fleak, but not being able to stay the swift backward motion of my head, the hinder part thereof (the seat of Memory) flew so violently against the wall, that I not only instantly forgot what I was doing, where I was, but the pain then I sustained by the knock. Strong-water they poured down my Throat to revive me, but there was nothing did sooner fetch me than a small fleak of the _Poor John_, which sticking in my Throat had well nigh choaked me, which caused a strugling, and summoned the spirits together to oppose what might be destructive to Nature.

Now did I really imagine my self at Sea, where, for want of provision, I was forced to feed on _Cordage_, or the _Ship sides_. Had this poor creature been ground _small_, I might have made as hard a shift to have swallowed it, as those Sea-men did the _Saw-dust_ of deal boards coming from _Norway_, and destitute of other food. That night I slept but little, neither could I, had I swallowed _Opium_ for that purpose, for the innumerable quantity of _Buggs_ (as some call them) that had _invaded_ my body; being weary (as I suppose) of inhabiting any longer the _dry mansion_ of that old rotten Bedsted on which I lay. In the morning I found the _ruines_ of a Looking-glass in the window, which I took up to discover what _knots_ or nodes those were I felt orespreading my face. The sight whereof struck into me a Pannick fear, verily believing I had been infected with a spotted Feaver.

I began to curse the bed and sheets, imagining the Contagion proceeded from them; to be satisfied herein, I drew aside at the beds feet the Curtain (that is to say, part of a Tilt) pinned there to keep the wind off, which otherwise would have fanned us to death, coming in so furiously through the Port-cullise of the window: (for glass there was little). At first sight I questioned whether I was not lately risen from the Dead, since there was visibly before my Eyes, the black Cloath that covered my Herse. Had not we gone to bed without a Candle over-night, I should sooner have chosen a bulk than this bed to lye on. It might have been a good _Quære_, whether those sheets had ever been washt since their weaving, and continually since imployed by Whores and Bawds, successively, to sweat out their Contagious humours, and matter proceeding from their ulcerated Bodies.

My pretended friend perceiving my amazement, bid me be of good courage, for those marks in my face, were only occasioned by a _stinging sort of Vermine_, who seldome meddle with such as are accustomed to them, only giving their welcome to such as were _New-comers_. I took these sufferings as patiently as I could; but thinking it was an ill coming for me to either of them; and it should not be long before I would take my _farewell_. We had scarce breakfasted, before a Messenger came into the room, and with much seeming respect pretended to deliver a Message to my friend. I ghessed it was to inform him how the Tyde served, and so it proved. My friend told me we must be gone instantly, for the Merchant attended my coming: Wherefore we presently went down to the staires to take Boat: by the way he told me, that he would go with me in the same Ship, and take as much care of me as he would of his own Son, whom I understood afterwards he had too sure, above a year since stoln away, and sold him as a slave. One while I thought to have ran for it, another time I thought to have cryed out, a _Spirit_, a _Spirit_, but that the thought of the Water-men being his Accomplices, deterred me. I was at my wits end, not knowing what to do. Coming into the Boat, being now destitute of all relief, I asked him according to his former pretence, whether he resolved to go to Sea with me? yes, replyed he, I question, Sir, (said I) whether you ever told a truth in your life, but I am resolved you shall now; and with that I flung my self with him over-board. Those which were in the Boat, immediately endeavoured at our rising to pull us up into the Boat: But I clapping my hands unfortunately on the side of the Boat on which they within leaned, overturned it upon me. The first thought this accident produced in me, was that a Whale had swallowed me, and that I was in the dark concave of his belly: or that Death had arrested me, and clapped me up a close prisoner for my sins, in Hell’s deep and black Dungeon. But by the industry and expedition of many Water-men, eye-witnesses of this passage, (which had like to have proved Tragical) the Boat was recovered, and I the first person taken up and set on shore.

_Multorum manibus grande levatur onus._

Many hands make light work. I ne’er staid to see what was become of my good Friend, (a Pox take him) but with what speed I could, attended with a great number of little _hooping Owlets_ (I mean the young fry of Scullars) I secured my self from this _Anthropopola_, or Man-seller: A charitable woman seeing me in this _pickle_, (for it was Salt water, which my _Sous’d guts_ may testifie if they please, in their grumbling manner of _speaking_) told me that she would entertain me till to morrow. This was the greatest _Cordial_ could be applied to this _cross_; and without many Complements, I thanked her for her great love. Now because she saw what condition I was in, she immediately put me to bed.

CHAP. XVI.

_How under the pretence of begging, he stole a Cloak, and with that went to a Gaming Ordinary; what a bold Adventure he made there, and the success thereof._

Parting from this good Woman, I began to think that the Art of stealing might be reckoned amongst the liberal Sciences; for though it may be called an _Handicraft_, yet it cannot be looked on as _Mechanick_. This is the _Art_, the right Practice whereof is the true _Philosopher’s stone_, the _Elixer_ of life; with which many turn _Poyson_ into _Medicine_, coarse cloath into cloath of Gold, hunger into fulness and satiety, convert rags into Sattins, and all this done by a quick wit, and slight of hand.

The Antiquity and Dignity of this Profession, I shall relate elsewhere, and shall proceed on in my Adventures.

The Evening or Twilight being come, I chanced to look in at a door, and perceiving none at hand, I went in boldly, resolving if I met any to beg an Almes of them, having before premeditated what I had to say, _viz._, that I was a poor distressed young Gentleman, my Father, Mother, nay, all my Relations I knew, being dead, and that not knowing what to do, was forced (under the Covert of the night) to beseech the assistance of charitable minded persons. But in my way found none that should occasion my using this form.

I found in the Parlor a good Camlet-cloak, which I made bold to put on, and so very gravely walked out of the house; but coming to the door, you must think there was _Wild-fire_ in my breech, that hastned me out of the street. Being gotten a Bow-shot off I thought my self indifferent secure, so that I slackned my pace, but could not (if my Life lay on it) forbear looking this way, that way, sometimes over one shoulder, sometimes over the other: thinking of what dangerous consequence this might prove. I resolved to walk more confidently, and not let my eyes discover any thing of fear, by reason of guilt. This loose garment had so of a sudden Metamorphosed those thoughts I had of my self but a little before, my eye being continually on my Cloak, I could not conceit my self less then the best of the young Templers, that walk the Streets to show themselves: coming into _Bell-yard_, I observed several Gallants go into an House, and others to come out, which put me to the curiosity of enquiring, what, or whose House it was: Who told me it was a Gaming Ordinary. Nay, then (thought I) it is as free for me to enter as others; and so went in. I looked on a while, but my fingers itched to be at it. Why, thought I, have I not adventured a _Gaol_, a _Whipping_, or an _Hanging_, and shall I now fear a _Kicking_, a _Pumping_, or a _Bog-house_? These considerations made me resolutely take up the Box, and I threw a Main, which was 7: a great deal of money was presently set me, I knew it was but to little purpose to baulk them, so that confidently I threw at all, which I nicked with eleven, and so continued holding seven hands together. Perceiving I had got a considerable quantity of money, and fearing I might loose that which I had so boldly adventured for, I thanked my propitious Stars and the Gentlemen, who had rather lose their money than suspect any that hath the Garb of one well Extracted; and so bade them good night. A priviledge too many _Skarking Ubiquitarians_ use without interruption, being most commonly in use with the _Waiters_ and _Box-keepers_, who will be sure to speak in the behalf of such confident Cheats; if they lose, pretending great knowledge of them, that they are men of repute, civil and responsible; which frequently so prevails upon a _Mouth_, that he hath not a _word_ to say more. Questionless Ordinaries were first impartially founded, interdicting all play but which was upon the _Square_; but since, by the connivance of the _Box-keepers_, when the Table grows thin, and few at it, let the stranger beware: for the _Box-keeper_ shall walk off, pretending some speedy dispatch of a business concerning the _House of Office_, _&c._ whilst your Antagonist shall put the change upon you, or make use of his own _Jack-in-a-box_, and then had you 500 _l._ (would you set like a _Gamester_) he will have it to a penny in a short while: with whom the _Waiter_ goes snips. If at any time such they know want an _High flyer_, _&c._ they know how and when to supply him.

Full fraught with this good fortune, and so laden I was ready to sink, I resolved to moor my Vessel in the next Harbour. The Landlord whence I came, was very loath to entertain me, his lodger having served him a scurvy trick the night before, conveying out of the window, the Furniture of a room that cost him 40 _l._ besides a great silver Tankerd, which the Gentleman would have filled with stale Beer and Sugar, to stand by his bed-side all night, pretending it was his custome. But I desiring him to lay up a parcel of money for me till the next morning, quite put out the eye of his Jealousie. I shewed my self that night very exceeding noble, concealing my success at play, that he might conclude the greatness of my expence proceeded from the nobleness of my nature, having a good estate to back it. I was conducted to bed with many Ceremonies, and abundance of respect. Sleep I could not, for thinking how to dispose of my self.

I had experimented the various exigences and extremities an unsetled condition is accompanied withall; and knowing how securely I could purloin from my Master, if I would moderate my theft, I concluded to supplicate my Master by a Letter for my reception into his service, not forgetting my Mistresses _quondam_ kindnesses. If my Master should refuse to re-entertain me, I had by me what might supply my necessities, till I had re-considered how to improve my stock, or bestow my self. Not to delay time, the next day I wrote him this Letter.

_SIR_,

_Having seriously considered the greatness of my folly in running from so good a Master, (whom I may more rightly intitle Father) with tears I beg mercy from Heaven, and forgiveness from you. Mitigate my offence by revolving in your mind the fewness of my years, which makes me (as it doth most others) prone to rambling fancies: look then favourably on my long absence from you, as a meer exiliency, a youthful elapse, which maturity of age may rectifie. If you can forgive my follies, I will study to forget them, and daily endeavour the propagation of my fidelity in the remainder of my time. By the Bearer hereof you may signifie your pleasure._

_Sir, I am_

Your cordially penitent Servant, _&c._

With much joy my Master read this Letter, and hastened the Bearer away to bring me to him. Having converted my silver into Gold, sowing it in my Collar and Wastband, and putting my self into a Garb convenient for his sight, I went to him.

CHAP. XVII.

_His Master sheweth him more kindness than formerly; the ill requital he made him, by Cuckolding him: an accident that fell out thereupon, which produced two remarkable stories, deduced from the strength of Imagination._

My Master upon my reception, told me he had freely forgiven me, and if that I would henceforward endeavour the prosecution of a more regular course of life, he would forget too my past follies. I promised him more then the strictest Zelot ever yet did, and begged him pardon aforehand, if he found a defect in performance.

As my expressions gave my Master much content, so my return (I perceived by my Mistresses eyes) gave her the greatest satisfaction. My Master began to doat on me again, seeing I daily trebled my diligence, and so active I was in every thing that concerned his affairs, that it was hard for any to anticipate me in my intention.

This gained so much upon his facile good Nature, that I had liberty to wear my Hat, and sit at Table with him, neither would he command me any thing servile. I had (as formerly) the same sollicitations from my _Brother Snippers_; but fearing least one time or another I might be snapt by the timerous nature of some, who, if once taxt, will confess, not only as to themselves, but likewise detect the whole knot of a _Brother-hood_; I resolved to have no more to do with them, but would snip securely by my self, knowing, that in any secret design, if many are concerned, their business cannot be long kept private. Wherein by the way, I cannot but commend the craft and policy (though I absolutely disclaim the actions) of modern Padders, whose providence instructed them to rob singly, by which means their booty came to them intire without distribution, or if apprehended (as it was very rare) they knew how to make a better plea for themselves in a Court of Judicature. I now kept close to my business, not harbouring the least temptation to any extravagancy, and had sequestred my self from what might render me publickly notorious, and only studied by what means I might raise my Fortune, intending to build my future estate upon the ruines of other men: having nothing of mine own but my late purchase at play, my only way was (as I thought by some’s success therein) to make the world believe I was really reformed, and so create to my self a credit, whereas I was only a _Devil_ converted to an _Angel_ of _light_, or a _Woolf_ in _Sheeps-cloaths_. Now did I begin to _cant_ religiously, and not omit one Sabbath wherein I did not take Sermon-Notes, judging this religious cloak to be the best expedient, to screw my self farther into my Mistresses favour, who doted on _Morning Exercises_, and monethly _Fasts_. If my Master had forgot to do the _duty_ of the day, I would with much respect put him in mind of the neglect, desiring that I might repeat what had been delivered. As they looked upon my conversion more miraculous then that of _St. Paul_, so they gave me the greatest incouragement, least like _weak Women_, I might prove a back-slider. There were few private meetings my Mistress heard of, but, by the leave of my Master, I must conduct her to them, which were as many portents of our private meetings afterwards, where _Venus_ should appoint.