Part 15
One young Man and Maid living in a house where so much roguery was acted, must needs be well enough experienc’d to act their Parts, but they were so warily looked after by their Mother, that it was almost impossible to exercise their Talent at home, and the young man by reason of the danger of the War, and least he should be taken Prisoner and served as his Father was, was enforced to keep home and ramble but little, but his Sister less, not being permitted to go any way out of the Town. And although many Guests who came to our house saw her, and liked her marvellously well, (for indeed she was handsom) and would have made love to her, yet her Mother knowing the danger by her own experience, watch’d her too narrowly to permit it, and was resolved to use her best endeavor to preserve the Jewel of her daughters maiden-head until she should be lawfully married. She being kept up so strictly had few Suiters, only one in the Town, who was a Farmers Son had a moneths mind to her, and having read the famous History of _Tom Thumb_, and from thence proceeding to _Fortunatus_, and then to the most admirable History of _Dorastus_ and _Fawnia_, was infected with Poetry and Love both at once, and absolutely believing that all he read was really true, did with himself to be as fortunate as _Fortunatus_ himself, and since he could not meet with that blind Lady _Fortune_ to present him with such a Purse, he did however resolve to be as absolute a lover as _Dorastus_; and now nothing to that accomplishment being wanting but a Mistriss who should be his _Fawnia_, he found out our Pretty Mistress _Peggy_ my Hostess’s Daughter (Hers I may boldly call her, but mine Host’s I dare not, the Case being doubtful, by what I have already related to you) a Mistress being found for our Swain, he made some addresses to her, and was permitted by the Mother to more freedom than any, because the youth was not only indifferent handsome, but rich, and mine Hostess was pretty free that they should strike up a match together; I was still desired to keep Company with these Lovers, but I had much ado to forbear laughing outright when I heard his Courtship, all his language was Stuff stoln out of the books he had read; and when he was answered by Mistress _Peggy_, or any question propounded by me to him in any ordinary or different Dialect, he was as deaf as a Bell-founder, and was not able to answer us; I being resolved to make sport with him, told him that I thought he would do mainly well if he would apply his fancy to writing of Poetry, and as an essay I advised him to write a Letter to Mistress _Peggy_ in Verse, he thanked me for my advice, and desir’d my friend-ship and said that he would go immediately home and exercise himself in Poetry, and so he said, and so he did, for behold the next morning Mistress _Peggy_ received a Letter from him, which we both read and laugh’d at, for it was so foolishly forced, conceited, and nonsensical that have I much ado to remember the words, but having often repeated them, I shall now relate them to you.
Madam,
_Ever till I saw thee my heart was still at rest, Little did I think one Female could have pierc’t Either Heart or Bowels, that on thee doth waste, So sad all faint and feeble grow within my brest; Alas, it is pity that sorrow to me should come, For to tell you the truth as yet I am but very young, And to express my self I want a better tongue; But I can truly and sadly say that only you Are she that hath brought me to grief and sorrow too Brave Vertues that are in this lovely Damsel found At the first sight gave my poor heart a desperate wound. You have my sences very much decay’d With love, that at one time they will be all dismai’d Long of the tender love that to you I do bear, Even now I will make and end my only Dear._
Your true Lover,
_L. M._
We all laughed heartily at this non-sensical stuff, and I told mistress _Dorothy_ that sure she was mistaken in the recital of these verses, and that they were to be said backwards, for that wayes that she repeated them I discovered the humour of our Poetical Lover, and Mistress _Peggy_ by my directions returned him this answer.
Amorous Friend,
_Tis much you should receive two infections at once, the one Love, the other Poetry, but it is not very strange since they commonly accompany one another, but i’le assure you ’tis dangerous, for you know the old_ Proverb, _that sad are the effects of_ Love and Pease Porridge; _and besides Poetry is commonly attended with Poverty, but after a strict perusal of your poetick Fancies, I find there is no great danger in your poetick infection, for unless you improve your self mightily it will be a long time e’re you be a compleat Poet, and since your Poetry and Love came together, it will be as long e’re you be a compleat Lover; now if you have still a mind to prosecute these two Designs, of Love and Poetry, I advise you to make use of some other more fit and sublime object that may raise your fancy to a higher pitch of eloquence, or at least wise sense, as you have been in verse. I return this answer to you in prose, and as you like this you may prosecute your Designs of Love and Poetry, with some other Object, but I pray give no more trouble to_
Your Frind,
_M. S._
This to the best of my remembrance was the answer to our Lovers poetical Letter, and although what we writ might have been enough to have dashed the designs of any other, yet our Lover came very confidently that evening, and thanked his Mistress for receiving his Letter, and answering it; telling her that he did acknowledge he had not as yet any great Skill in Poetry, but he had written his best, and intended and hoped in the next to mend it, and so he proceeded in his troublesome Love-Suit. Our Cook-maid coming into the room where we were, and having seen the Love Letter, it being made no secret, told us that she had a Love Letter sent her not long since, which in her opinion was better than that; and we believing that there must be somewhat in it worth the seeing, commanded her to fetch it, and giving it into my hands, I read these words.
_Madam_,
_I Hope the Brains of your Beauty being boyl’d in the Kettle of Kindness with the Beef of Bounty, may at length prove a dish for my dyet, so that the Marrowbone of your Maidenhead being crack’d with the Chopping-knife of my Courage, may upon the Trencher of Truth declare how I love you; let not the minc’d meat of Modesty baked in the Oven of Hatred in the Crust of Coyness cause my Denial, lest the Dagger of Death being drenched in the Barrel of my Blood may with the Spiggot draw forth the Liquor of my Life._
Yours more than his own,
_T. J._
This Letter pleas’d me more than the former, and I told her that her Sweet-heart was ingenious and witty, for he had courted her in her own language, and made use of such words she understood, and that in my opinion it was far better to do so than to be altogether so poetical as to make mocks of their Mistresses by comparing their fore-heads to Alablaster, their eyes to Diamonds, their lips to Coral, and such kind of fantastical similies, our Lover was of my opinion, and was so taken with the Cook-maids Letter that he desired to copy it, and so he did; and while he was thus employed, I remembred that I had a paper of verses that would employ all his senses to understand, and it may be puzzle him; and therefore fetch’d it, and he having copyed the other lines, I shewed him these.
_I saw a Peacock with a fiery Tail I saw a Blazing star that dropt down Hail I saw a Cloud begirt with Ivy round I saw a Sturdy Oak creep on the ground I saw a Pismire swallow up a Whale I saw a brackish Sea brim full of Ale I saw a Venice glass sixteen yards deep I saw a Well full of mens tears that weep I saw mens Eyes all on a flaming fire I saw a House big as the Moon and higher I saw the Sun all red even at midnight I saw the man that saw this dreadful sight._
And most dreadful it was indeed, said our Lover, if it were true, but however (continued he) the Verses are very good, and I pray let me have a copy of them; which I permitted him to take; and he read them over, and over again without understanding the Mystery, but the more he read, the more he seemed to wonder at the strangeness of the several sights, and said, sure this is impossible, not at all, said I, and if you will lay ten shillings to be spent, I will make it out to you before you go, that all that is there written is very true, and that I have seen it all myself. I cannot believe it, replyed he, and I am content to lay the wager, provided Mistress _Peggy_ may be the Judge. Content, said I, and so the money was laid in her hands, and then I took up the paper and began to read thus: _I saw a Peacock_, and there I made a stop, and said, do you believe that? If you do not, I can shew you one in the yard: Ay, but said he, the Verse is, _I saw a Peacock with a fiery Tail_, and that is the wager: no, said I, you must stop when you have red _I saw a Peacock_, and then go on, _with a fiery Tail I saw a blazing Star_; and I am sure that I have seen that too, for blazing Stars have all fiery Tails: that is true, replyed he, but I did not mean to read it so: tis no matter how you meant, said I, but what I read is true, and by vertue of that I suppose I shall win the wager, but however I proceeded, and read; _That dropt down Hail I saw a Cloud; Begirt with Ivy round I saw a a sturdy Oak; Creep on the ground I saw a Pismire, Swallow up a Whale I saw a Brackish Sea; Brim full of Ale I saw a Venice Glass_: And so I read on to the end of the Verses, still making a full stop in the middle of the verse, where the sense required it; thus making sense of the impossible nonsense: by this time our Lover saw he was likely to lose his Wager, but however he cavelled at my thus reading it, and said, I ought to stop only where the rhime ended; but all that he said signified nothing, for his Mistress did me the justice to award me the Wager, and accordingly gave me my money, and kept the other twenty shillings to be spent; neither was the Poetical Lover much displeased, for he had a very high esteem of the Lines he had, protesting he would not part with them for forty shillings, and he questioned not but he should win much money by Wagers he would lay about them, and being thus satisfied he left us, promising the next night to return, and then expecting a Colation for the ten shillings he had lost; and so we were rid of our poetical Lover till the time appointed; which being come, he likewise came and brought with him a young man, a Soldier that belong’d to the Garrison in our Town; I knew the man by sight, for he was very remarkable, it being the general report that he was a Cunning-man and could tell fortunes, and our Lover brought him to give his oppinion, whether he should have mistress _Peggy_ or not. We gave him the ordinary welcome, he coming in company with our Lover we were the more free with him, who demeaned himself so well that I had a more than ordinary respect for him, and told him he should be welcome at any other time; and so our Colation being ended, we for that time parted; but in short time after he came again, and being as he said, much taken with my company, desired to take all opportunities of waiting on me: I seeing no harm in him, and finding that he was none of the pitifull sort of fellows, but that he was handsom, witty, and above all things that he wore money in his Pocket, permitted him frequently to visit me, and it was not long e’re I grew into such familiarity with him, that I obliged him to shew me so much of his Skill as to tell me my Fortune; he was surprized at this proposition and made many Excuses, but I grew to that height in my importunitie that I wearied him; at length he told me that although all the Town had been mistaken in him yet I should not, and that if I pleased he would undeceive me, and in short he told me that it was a mistake to think that he was skillfull either in Astrology or Magick, and although he had gained some moneys by pretending to be knowing in that mystery, yet it was no such matter: I supposing that he only said this to excuse himself, still importuned him in such manner, that I brought him to this: that provided I would promise him secrecy, he would discover his whole secrets to me, and thereby make it absolutely appear that the Town was mistaken: I being desirous of hearing Novelties, engaged to perform all he desired, and thereupon he thus began.
* * * * *
Madam, in the discourse I shall make you, I shall be forced to discover not only my own secrets, but also those of another, the most eminent of this Town, and were it not to you, and onely to you, I should not do it for any consideration whatsoever, for it is the secrets of a woman of the best quality, and therefore you may be justly angry with me for so doing, but my respects, & indeed my love to you is so great, that I shall not stop at any obstacles to perform anything you require; & withal I pray do not think, that since I am so easie to discover one womans secrets, and that of such eminency and one to whom I am so much obliged, that I should, or may at one time or another, serve you in the like manner. No Madam (said he) assure your self of the contrary, for although the woman I am to speak of be so eminent, indifferently handsom, and one to whom I am so much obliged, yet my acquaintance with her began after a strange manner, and it was a kind of necessity that first induced her to permit me the freedom I enjoy with her; whereas on the contrary, the respects I have for you are of another nature, for my inclination and affection induce me to pay you all manner of service, which I am confident will be very lasting. He having made this plausible speech, thus proceeded.