Part 23

Our Extravagant bearing close enough sent to his Mother, but she was as deaf to him as he had been to her, and was resolved to let him bite on the bridle, wherefore he being weary of that Prison, and understanding that _Ludgate_ was far better, resolved to remove himself thither, but first he again tryed what his Mother would do, but she although the Debt was but four pounds would not pay it, but if he could get off for forty shillings, she gave him some hopes that she would disburse it, but the Broker was inexorable, would have all or none which he understanding, in a humour writ these Lines.

_Oh how with misery I my Mothers Darling To be thus chackled but for four pound_ Starling, _By a base Broker who I know’s a thief, And merits_ Newgate _and wants relief, And now I’m forc’d to go Guds Dud To the dwelling of that old King_ Lud. _If e’re I pay him I am soundly cheated, If I ne’re pay him then he is defeated, But if he will take half the debt for whole, My Mother then i’m sure will pay the Cole._

CHAP. XXIII.

_Our extravagants wild humours whilst he is in the Compter, from whence he being released falls into the Company of House-Breakers, and by their assistance robs a Milliners Shop where the Constable kept his Watch._

Thus did necessity cause our Extravagant to be witty, and he shewing these Verses to some friends they promised to assist him with his Mother, but she rather chose to maintain him in Prison then pay the debt, all the small moveables, as Cloak, Sword and Belt, Half-Shirts, Bands, Caravats, and all other things that he could spare, he parted from and converted them into Ale. Some friends one Fast day went to see him, and he being glad of Company caused them to stay most part of the day, but it being Fast-day, the Parson belonging to the Compter, according to custom gave the Prisoners a Sermon, during that time the Cellar door was shut up, no drink was delivered out, all were ingaged to assist and hear the Parson, our Extravagant was very much troubled at this obstruction in his drinking, and his friends could not perswade him to any patience, but he when the Parson was in the middle of his Sermon, looking out at a Window neer the Pulpit heard him say I have two or three points more and then I conclude, I would you would said our Extravagant that we might have some drink. The Parson stared at him, and so did the people who were near him and heard his words, but he seeing the Parson went on, turned away, saying come since we can have no drink, lets take Tobacco till we can, and so went away.

_The Parson after he had done preaching, came to our Extravagant to examine him privately, but his answers were so Extravagant that there was no good to be done with him, and now not having any employment he gave himself wholly to fudling, and when he had not Money, and his Mothers allowance was spent, he spunged with all Companies, and got acquainted with all the Prisoners that came into the house, and this his Imprisonment did make him worse, for he conversed with all the debauched persons that were there, and now he could not act, he gloryed in the Relation of his former lewd debaucheries, so that at length his Mother at the perswasion of friends agreed and paid his Debt and Charges, and took him home to her house._

_By reason of his confinement, he had contracted a disease, wherefore it was necessary for him to stay within doors for some time, and take Physick, but he being restored to his former health, was a suitor to his Mother for new Cloathes and Money in his Poket, she refused him both for the present, not thinking it fit as yet to trust him, wherefore he gave her very ill words._

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_Thus you may see what a hopeful amendment here was, and as he was debauched himself, so I believe it was his desire that his Son should be so; for as I told you he had been married in the Countrey to a person of Quality, but he had basely left her and rambled about the Town, and though he heard soon after his coming to_ London _that she was brought to bed of a boy, he took no heed nor care about it, but when he was asked by friends whether he had not a desire to see his young Son, he replyed, no, he cared not to see him till he was about thirteen or fourteen years of age, and then he only desired that he might see him to enter him at a Baudy-house._

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_By this discourse you may judge of his inclination, and his Mother now refusing him money, he would purloyn a silver Spoon or some other piece of plate, and convert it into Pocket mettle, and being once furnished with money he would go seek out Company. Those that had any grace or honesty would refuse to accompany him, and therefore he got into the company of such Bulkers and Pick pockets as he had known whilst he was in the Counter, and now he employed his industry in contriving ways with them to get a purchase, and being one day at a Milliners or Haberdashers shop, who was related to him, he asked the Master to lend him half a piece, he refused him the money, but gave him very good counsel, if he had had the grace to receive it, and make use of it as he ought. But it was to as little purpose to speak to him at that rate, as it had been to endeavor to wash the Black-more white, both labour in vain, and our Extravagant was so angry at his friend for it; that he told him that he might have found somewhat else to do, and since he had not, he would ere long find him some other imployment, somewhat else to talk about, and so left him; and now being resolved what to do, he went and found out some of his forementioned acquaintance, Bulkers or House-breakers, and telling them he had a great desire to assist them in robbing of the Milliners shop, which he told them was very well furnished with good ready Mony, Commodities, Silk and Silk ribboning, Gloves and such like wares, they liked the design well enough, and now they asked him the place where, but here appeared a very great obstacle; for this Milliners shop was in such a place as was very difficult to be robb’d, it being the very next door to the Watch-house, where the Constable and watch generally sat. This they told him would be dangerous to attempt; but he affirming the more danger the more honour,and that he was resolved it should be done, and he knew how to do it handsomely if they would be ruled by him; they promised their assistance to the execution of this design. It was necessary there should be five or six persons, wherefore they making up that company, and he being one of that number, and all things provided according to his order and directions, about ten of the Clock at night they set forwards. They divided themselves into two parts or companies and our Extravagant and two others that went into an Ale-house at some small distance from the Watch house. There they called for drink, and soon began their work, which was to quarrel with one another, they were armed with swords, then they drew and began a scuffle, one of the three runs up to the Watch, and cries out_ Murther, Murther; _The Constable hearing the noise, and doubting there might be sufficient cause, took all his Watch-men to attend Him, but he found no great trouble to appease this quarrel, which being ended, he with his Watch returned to his Rendezvous: In this time the other three had not been idle, but so soon as ever the Constables back was turned, they broke open the Shop Door they intended to rob, and it was not very difficult so to do, for it was not so strongly barricado’d, as otherwise it might have been, because of the safety the owner thought he was in, by reason of the Constables sitting there._

_The Shop being opened they laid about them, and knowing where the best Commodities lay, they soon removed them, and not packing them up so handsomely as the Owner would have done for his Customer, they only threw them together into two Sacks they had brought, which being filled, away they marched; so that by such time as the Constable and Watch returned, they had dispatched their business and were gone._

_The Constable before morning discovered the Shop Door to be open, but did suppose it had been left so, by the negligence of them that shut it up, wherefore he left two Watchmen at the Door to guard it. The next Morning the Master came and wondred to see a Guard upon his Door, asked the reason. They told him what they supposed, but he found it much otherwise, and although there were his Drawers and Boxes, yet they were empty, there were the Nests but the Birds were flown, immediately a Hue and Cry went out against those parties they could describe, but to little purpose, for they escaped, and were far enough off from being discovered. The next day they shared their prize, and converting it into Mony, our extravagant’s share came to above 25l. and now that he was possessed of so considerable a Sum of Mony, he was desirous that all the world should know it, and therefore it being inconvenient to carry so much about him in Silver, he changed 20l. into Gold._

CHAP. XXIV.

_Our Extravagant puts a notable cheat upon a Merchant for_ 100l. _He and one of his Companions being at a Washerwomans see her handsomly revenged on a Bayliff._

Our Extravagant being Master of this Money, and knowing the difficulty of getting more, was resolved to look out betimes. He was drinking with some Friends at a Tavern neer the Exchange, _London_, and it being the busie time of the day, Exchange time, several Companies were put into one Room though at several Tables: He was not so busie in attending the discourse of his own Company, but that he gave great attention to what was said by that Company who sat at the next table. He soon understood that their discourse was about Money; and that one of the Company expected _Two Hundred Pounds_ to be paid him by and by. He hearing that there was business of that consequence began to contrive within himself, how he might be Master of some of it; many contrivances he had, and many fancies ran in his brain, but none would do, none would take at present, however he and his Company still drank on, and that so long that the promised 200_l._ was brought thither and paid to the Person, who was there ready to receive it. The Money being paid, he who was now Master of it, delivers it to a servant that attended him, and ordered him to carry it home, and deliver it to his Mistres, he further observed that this Money was intended to be suddainly paid away again, for part of a Ship, which he then agreed with one of the Company to buy of him; and also he observed that the next day all the Company were to meet there again to participate of a Collation that the Person who had received the Money was to bestow on the rest. All these passages, and several others, as their Names, and the qualities of most of the Persons there present, he gained from the discourse he had heard. He being thus instructed was resolved to try his wits to the utmost, and if possible be Master of some of this Money, and that without the help, advice, or assistance of any other. He beats his brains about it all that night, and the next day making himself as spruce and fine as he could, and being laden with the rich Cargoe of _Twenty pieces_ of _Gold_, and sufficient spending Money besides, he sailed on to the _Exchange_, and there knowing several of the Yesterdays Company both by sight and name, he soon found out the Person who was to sell part of the Ship, and understanding that he was a Sea-Captain, who wanted Owners, he bore up to him, and tels him that he was willing to hold a part with him, whereupon the Captain invites him to their intended Dinner, and he accepting the invitation, and being come thither upon a farther discourse, he seemed pretty well content with the bargain, and told the Captain that at the next days Exchange he would resolve him about it. Their discourse being ended, Dinner was called for but it not being yet ready, he who was the Invitor seemed to be very angry for the delay, for said he, I commanded it to be ready between _One_ and _Two_, and now by my _Watch_ it is between _Two_ and _Three_, our Merchant seeing a _Watch_ drawn, said, I pray _Sir_ let me see it, and having it in his hand, highly commended it for its richness and good workmanship, for it had two Gold Cases, and desired to know the Price what it did cost, the Owner replyed _Twenty Pound_, I like it so well, replyed our Merchant, that I wish I had such another for the Price, (and continued he to the Owner) I shall be much obliged to you, if you will lend it me for _One_ Hour or _Two_, to shew it to my Watchmaker, who is now in hand with one for me; and _Sir_, that you may assure your self of the return of it to you, here is _Twenty Pieces_ of good old Gold, I will leave in your hands: When would you have it, replyed the Owner, even just now, said our Merchant, for I must needs step home instantly, and I can call on my Watch-maker, by the way, and when I return to you hither, which I promise you shall be within _two_ Hours, I will bring it and return it you. I, but _Sir_, said the Captain, I hope you will not leave us, but stay and Dine here, indeed I cannot, said our Merchant you must pardon me at present, an urgent affair calls me, but in _Two_ Hours I shall have dispatched it, and then I will return and drink a Glass of Wine with you. The Owner of the Watch seeing that he made these excuses, and not distrusting his Watch, as he had little reason to do, because he had more than the worth in his hands, delivered the Watch to our Counterfeit, who takes his leave, and calling a Coach, caused the Coach-man to drive directly to the house of the owner of the _Watch_; when he came there, he asked for the good Woman, and without any circumstantial discourse, tells her that he left her Husband in such a Tavern, with such Company, and that he had gone through with his bargain about the _Sixteenth_ part of such a Ship; that the Sum agreed upon was 100_l._ that the Captain who was to receive it had ordered it to him, who was now come for it; and Mistress (said he) I should give you such sufficient tokens for the delivery of it, as I hope you will do it without any distrust. Therefore in the first place, said he, the 100_l._ I must have, is part of 200_l._ your Husband did receive yesterday, and sent home to you by your Servant, and to convince you of the truth of all, as an infallible token, I have here brought your Husband’s _Watch_, and thereupon he drew it out, and shew’d it to her. She knowing that all he had said was true, and viewing the _watch_, & knowing that to be the same, and finding that he told his tale without any hesitation, stopping, or stamering, did not at all distrust him, but went up stairs & fetcht down the Money. He ordered the Coach-man to drive him to his Quarters, and there he secured the Money, and thanked his Stars for thus favourably assisting him in this affair, where he had come off without so much as a Rub, and that better than he expected, for he did suppose that to purchase this 100_l._ it would have cost him the Twenty Pieces of Gold,for he expected that the good Woman would have desired him to leave the _Watch_ behind with her, as her warrant for the delivery of the Money, which if she had, he could not have refused it, and now he had Money and _Watch_ too, wherefore having had so good success he was resolved to try his good fortune a little further, and therefore away he went to the Tavern, where he had left the Captain and Owner of the _Watch_.

They had hardly Dined, so that he had part of a good Dinner, was welcomed by all the Company, who in his absence had enquired of one another, who this unknown Merchant was, and seeing him so full of Gold, they doubted not his ability, but they were resolved to treat him handsomely, which they did, and the Dinner being ended, he redelivered the _Watch_, and received back his Gold, with a Complement from the Owner, that he begg’d his pardon for taking any thing as an engagement, and desiring his further acquaintance; but Dinner being ended, and a good quantity of Wine brush’d off, they promising to meet the next day at the _Exchange_, departed, I suppose they all did meet, especially the owner of the _Watch_, to enquire of the Captain, for his Merchant, and also the Captain, to conclude his begun bargain with our Counterfeit Merchant, but he, although he had made them a fair promise to meet, yet he came not there, he had other Eggs on the Spit, his affairs lay now at the other end of the Town, and although he had made as profitable a bargain the last Exchange-time, as most Merchants that came thither, yet he had no mind to return thither in hast. But with all the hast he could, he removed his Money and Quarters to the other end of the Town, and that he might pass the more securely undiscovered; he left off his Merchant-like habit, wherein he had performed his exploit, and put on Cloaths more modish and gallant, with a Sword and Belt, and large Perriwig, in this disguise he passed without any discovery, by those who sought out for him, but one of his Extravagant acquaintance meeting him, although thus accoutred, soon knew him, and believing that some Extraordinary adventure had fallen out, was very desirous to be acquainted with it, wherefore that they might compare notes together, they put in to the next Tavern, our Extravagant’s Companion saw by this disguisement, that there was somewhat in the wind, somewhat extraordinary had befallen him, and withall that he was shy in declaring it, wherefore to the end that he might induce him, to tell him how squares went with him, he told him that he had had a very luck since they parted last; for, said he, I met with a brave Prize within these two days which I carried off with very little hazard or danger, and this it was, I was sauntring about the streets, to see and observe where I might get a purchase, and at length I observed a Coach was called for, it was neer _Aldgate_, and it was just about the dusk of the Evening, I having nothing else to do, resolved to see what Company was to go in the Coach, and therefore waited not long, but saw it was only a Woman and a Child, and withall there was two bundles of Linnen. I seeing there was no more Company, was resolv’d to be Master of one of those bundles, neither did I question to do it with ease enough, I observed which way the Coach drove, and went along with it. There was so many Passengers with Lanthorns, Links and Torches walking backwards and forwards, that I was forced to Laquey this Woman till the Coach had brought her to the Stocks in the _Poultrey_, there observing it to be a narrow dark place, and no lights neer me, and having my purchase in my eye, I soon had it in my hand and slapt it under my Coat.

The Woman saw me seize it, and therefore cryed out immediately, but the Coachman not presently hearing of her, and he driving on towards _Cheapside_, I thought it would be necessary for me to march off another way, and so I did, returning back again, but not the very same way we had come, that is, down _Cornhil_, but now returning back by _Lombardstreet_, I did hear the Woman cry out, Hold Coachman, I am rob’d! but I suppose he driving one way, and I running another, I was got to _Gracious-street_, and he to _Cheapside_ before he stopt, and so then it was to no purpose to look after me, for I soon crossed _London_ Bridge, and went to my old Quarters in _Southwark_; when I came there I undid my fardle, but it was filled with such a parcel, as I understood very little, I think there was 100 several pieces of fowl Linnen, which upon examination, I found to be Childbed Linnen, and withall there was Blankets and Mantles, but above all there was the _Unum necessarium_, a parcel of good ready Money, _Ten Pieces_ of good old Gold, and _Five Pounds_ in Silver, the sight of this pleased my eyes, and I thanked my stars for my good fortune. Although (continued he) I knew not so well what to do with the Linnen, as I did with the money, yet I knew it was too good to be thrown away, and that it would fetch good ready money, but in the pickle it was in, I thought it not convenient to offer it to sell, wherefore I resolved to have it washed, and in order thereto, said he, I am now going to an old acquaintance, a Woman who gets the best part of her living by washing and starching, and I intend to intrust her not only to wash and starch, but also to sell this Commodity for me. And (this concluded he) is my business at present, and now I have told you mine, I pray acquaint me with yours.

Our Extravagant understanding from his acquaintance, that he had lately gained a Prize, and by that concluding that he was not in want of money, so that he was not obliged to impart any of his Prize to him, which is a customary thing between Persons of that quality, he therefore without much perswasions acquainted him with his late good fortune in the adventure of the 100_l._

This discourse us’d, the business of drinking being over, our Extravagant’s Companion desired him to go with him a little way to the old Laundress, he spake of, that he might deliver his Pack of smal things to her ordering and dispose, he was not hard to be entreated, wherefore away they went together. But when they came there, they found the old Woman all in tears, for she being in debt a Sum of Money, that she was not able to pay, and an Attachment having been brought against her Goods, she not having Money or skill to defend the Suit, her adversary had obtained Judgement against her, and thereupon the execution was deliver’d into the Bayliffs hands, who at this very minute that our Extravagants came, was come also to seize the Goods, and this was the occasion of the old Womans Lamentation.

She gave the Bayliff all the good words she could, and they not prevailing, she fell to railing and scolding, but it was all one to him, he minded her not, but proceeded in executing his Office, and delivered out to his Man all the poor Womans goods, one piece after another, and there was nothing now remaining, but a kittle which stood on a Trevet over the Fire, and the Utensils of the Chimney. He told her he must have the Kettle, but she might take out the Cloathes, she saying they were none of hers, but she refusing to empty the Kettle, he took it off from the Fire, and threw the water and Cloathes that was in it about the house. The old Woman seeing this, and being resolved to be revenged on him, took the Tongs in her hands, and with them took up the Trevet, which was red hot, and lifting it up, clapt it about the Bayliffs neck, saying, _Since you will have all, then you shall have all_. He was quickly so sensible of the fire, that he roared and cryed out like a Mad-man, and believing that it would burn him to death, for it had already made his flesh fry, to save his Neck and Shoulders, was forced to take it hot as it was, into his hands, to throw it off: This adventure was like to have proved Tragical to the hard-hearted Bayliff, who with much difficulty disingaged himself. But our two Extravagants were extreamly well-pleased with the Washer-womans Revenge, as we hope the _Reader_ will be; and now we shall put an end to this _Fourth Part_: And, if (as we hope) you are pleased with what is already written, we shall in short time give you greater pleasure and satisfaction in the Continuation of our Extravagants adventures, which shall be fully finished in a _Fifth_ and _Last_ Part.

_FINIS._

Transcriber’s Note.

While acknowledging the author’s sentiment in the Preface regarding errors, spelling in that era was extremely variable, and any corrections made here were limited to the most obvious lapses. As the table below will show, ‘e/c’, and ‘u/n’ errors, as well as doubled words, were most common.