Part 20

He being one evening going home, and passing by a River, saw two men a fishing; he not being in haste, stepp’d to a sandy-bank that was in the River, and stood there some time to see them and that so long, that the Tide being come in, he was incompassed with water, and did not perceive it; and there he was in great care and fear to come out; he must not adventure to wade; but seeing a labouring man come by, he cried out to him, for Heavens sake to come and help him out, and he would reward him very largly, and withal pulled out his purse of money, shewing him that he was furnished with that which would recompence him for his pains.

The poor man seeing that attractive Metal, and hoping that he might get as much for a small job as he had gained all the day, he therefore without any more ado wades through the water to the place where our Old Fellow was; and being come thither, took him in his arms, and carried him through the water, and so set him down; he being now out of danger, cryed, the Lord bless you, honest man, I will reward you; and thereupon drawing his Purse, fumbled in it, turning his money over and over, and finding three farthings, gave them to the poor man, telling him, if he could have found the fourth he should have had it; he all this while stood with his Cap in hand, with a God bless your worship; but being deceived in his expectation, he was resolved to be even with the old Dotard, and therefore clapping his Cap on his head, he caught hold on the old Fellow: and taking him in his Arms, stept into the water, and carried him to, and set him down in the place where he had took him up, and there left him; and being come again ashore, said to the old man, Sir, since you are so bountiful in your reward, I thought it fit to earn my money by carrying you twice as far as you intended; the Old man called out to him, desiring him for all loves to carry him out, but he was deaf to all perswasions, and therefore left him; so that the Old man doubting that he should be drowned, was enforced to wade through, as he saw the fellow had done; and so he went home dropping dry.

Thus was he sometimes catch’d, but what he lost, or what dammage soever he sustained, he made others to pay for it, especially his Debtors, for he still caused them to feast him; and he was not content with what he could eat or drink, but he must carry away, not only in his Hawking-bag, but he had another Utensil, a silver Sucking-bottle, and still this was filled at other folks charges either with Canary or strong-Waters; and this the Old fellow drank off as he travelled, or else emptyed out when he came home, keeping it for a reserve.

And as he pinched, and scraped together from others, so his wife did from him, and that she saved, she expended or preferred upon her young Son; who was no sooner come to be eight years of age, but he shewed forth the most vitious and debauched inclination of any youth in the place where he dwelt; and his Mother cockering him, and encouraging him in his follies, it was not hard to guess at his future deportment; so that all concluded that he would use the fork in dispersing and scattering abroad, as well as his Father had used the rake in gathering and scraping together; and that he would spend that under the Divels belly, which his Father had gained over the Divels back; and to manage him in his early debaucheries, his Mother supplyed him with Moneys, which was like putting a Sword into a Mad-mans hand; for he employed that, to do as much mischief: by that time he came to be ten years of age, his Sister died; and now he being the only Child, was much humoured by his Mother.

The Father prosecuted his ways of getting Money by Usury, and left the whole management of the Son to his wife; neither indeed would she permit him to be under his tuition, or be instructed by him, lest, as she said, he should be infected with Covetousness, and other his ill Qualities. He being Master of Moneys, was thereby Master of all the Boys that dwelt near him; and he spending Money on them still, had them at his dispose; and they not being supplied by their Parents with Moneys as he was, would sometimes steal from them to keep him company; he raised a whole Company of these Boys, and became their Captain; and if he had a mind to do any mischief to any other Boys, he could presently execute it by one of these.

He would not go to School to that Master that once whipped him, neither would his Mother permit that her son, how deservedly soever, should be corrected, but strait took him away from School; and he rather went not at all to be instructed, than would admit of any correction. He being for his untowardness lashed by one of his School-masters, went away, and would to be reveng’d of his Master, abuse and affront him, and those that took his part; the School-master hearing of it, caused a couple of the lustiest of his Scholars to catch him, and bring him into the School, where he caused him to be untrussed and horsed, lashed him soundly, giving him School-butter, and then sent him away. This affront our young man stomached exceedingly, and was resolved to revenge it; wherefore he assembled those of his companions who were led to assist him in any mischievous undertaking; and acquainting them with his purpose, they promised their ready assistance; and he not caring, so it were done, how it were done, took up a parcel of stones, and a Cudgel in his hand, and causing all the rest of his Company to do so too, they advanced to the School-Masters House, where they all at once discharged a whole volley of stones against the windows, and after that another; by this time the School-Master himself was alarm’d, and looking out of the School window, had like to have had his Teeth beaten out with a stone; which however shook and loosened two or three: The Scholars seeing this affront put on their Master, all ran down to revenge it; and catching up what sticks and stones they could first meet with, began a dangerous fight, which continued till the Constable came to part them; there were several on both sides wounded, and the School-Masters windows were much dammaged; wherefore he knowing who was the Ring-leader of this Rout, had him secured, and carried before the Justice, where the School-Master made his complaint with reason enough; but our young mans Father was so intimate with the Justice that the poor School-Master could have no Justice done him; but the young man being soundly checkt, was sent home to his Mother. His Father doubting that these exorbitant courses would be dangerous, was resolved to correct his Son, but his Mother would not let him come under his disciplination, but would undertake to correct him her self: He who had never yet been contradicted in any thing that was his will, was very unwilling now to take any correction; and although that which his Mother intended was but small, yet he would not endure it.

All she did to him was to lock him up in a Chamber for two or three days, till she could humble him; but he was too stiff now to stoop to her or any Body else; wherefore when he had been kept in one whole day, his Mother coming to visit him, she found him more stubborn than before; and he threatned, that if she kept him in, he would be even with her: she ventured him the second day, and came to him again at night, but found no amendment, but tokens of a high stomach she told him, she must and would break him, he said, she could not, nor should not; and if she kept him within any longer, she should have cause to repent it. She was resolved to try, but he was as good as his word; for getting a Knife, he had cut all her fine Chairs and Stools to pieces; she seeing this, was passionately angry, and turned him out of the Room, gave him over to be corrected by his Father; who understanding the Mischief he had done, was resolved to punish him severely, and to that end made preparations. The Servants in the house advised him to submit himself to his Father and Mother, and ask forgiveness, and that they would undertake all should be well again; but he would not yield, but was resolved to take another course; wherefore he provided himself with necessaries, and thus he did.

He went to a Pond, about a mile from his Fathers House, and putting off his Clothes, went into the water, and staid there some time, so that he was seen and observed by several Boys, who were there a washing: he out-staid them all, and then dressed himself, and having brought out with him two Hats and two pair of Shooes, and Stockings; he threw one Hat into the Pond, and left one pair of Shooes and Stockings, by the Pond side, and so went to a Neighbours house near home, and hid himself in a Barn.

The Father being resolved to fetch him up the next morning, expected his coming home that Night, but to no purpose, for he came not; and although diligent inquiry was made among the Neighbour-hood, yet there was no news to be heard of him. The Father was troubled, but the Mother much more, not knowing what was become of him; early the next morning all the Servants were sent out several ways to inquire after him; at length, some of his Companions were met withal, who, upon inquiry told them, that they had seen him the Evening before, in such a Pond; the Servants hearing this, went thither, and there they saw the killing sight of the hat, and shooes, and Stockings; they then concluded, as he intended they should, that he was drowned; those remains of his being, as they thought, but too sure Evidence of that fatal truth. They inquired no further at present, but went home and told their Master, and Mistress, the sad news of their Sons misfortune; he was much dejected at the telling of that dismal Relation, but she was now as one distracted, exclaiming against her Husband, whose severity towards her dear Son, she said, had been the cause of this his unhappy Fate: her Friends could not comfort her, neither could her Husbands perswasions work any thing upon her, but that she would go to the place where her Son had perished. Her Husband disswaded her against this, and promised that he would have the Pond searched, and thereupon gave order to employ a couple of Fellows to rake the Pond all over, but to no purpose; for although they were paid for their pains, yet they lost their labour.

And now the Father finding that the Body of his Son was not to be found dead, was in hopes that he might yet hear of him alive; and he endeavoured to perswade his Wife into this opinion.

In the mean time our young Gentleman lay perdue in the Neighbours Barn; and being provided with sufficient Provant, was as safe as a Thief in a Mill; and although he was at that distance from home, yet he could hear of the distraction his Father and Mother were in, for it was all the News of the place, that Mr. _R_’s Son was drowned, to the great grief of his Father and Mother: he was well pleased to hear that they were so ill pleased; and thought now he should be revenged on them that were resolved to be revenged on him; the consideration of his Mothers sorrow was great joy to him, and he hoped to reap this benefit that he might for the future rule, and reign in his Roguery; hoping that his Father and Mother would leave him to his own dispose; lest he should hereafter do that in earnest, that they would now find in jest; but thinking that they had not as yet suffered enough for what they had made him suffer, a two days imprisonment, whereas he had not been wanting above one day; he was therefore resolved to stay there a little longer, but he was soon after discovered: for being somewhat cleanly, and leaving his Lodging, to go into the yard to untruss, one of the Family came and saw him; he would have fled, but his Breeches being about his heels hindred him; so that at the exclamation of that party who saw him, all the rest of the Family where he was hid came out to him; and seeming joyed to see him, asked him a hundred questions at once, to which he gave them never a word of answer; but they minded not his humour much, but being joyful of his safety, now spake of acquainting his Father and Mother therewith; he knowing they would do so, and that quickly, told them that they might do so; but withal he desired them to enjoyn his Father and Mother both, not to ask him any questions, for if they did, he said he would not answer them; and besides, it was likely it would be the worse for them and him both. They hearing what he said, did not inquire into his reasons for what he had said, but went home to his Parents, and told them how it was. At this joyful news the Father was well pleased; but the Mother was so overjoyed, that she could not contain her self from running to the place where he was; and there she discovered the excess of her joy, by the excess of her passion, which hurried her on to Extravagancies, in embracing, and kissing her Graceless Son, who received her expressions of Love with much indifferency and coldness: She did not observe that, but took all at the best; and being joyed that she had him in her sight, lead him home.

The Father being acquainted with his Son’s Injunction, that he must not be asked any Questions, concluded from thence the true reason of it; however, he dissembled his knowledge, and, to humour his Wife and Son, said nothing to him, but commanded that he used no more of these tricks, and that then all that had passed already should be forgotten. The Son gave him the hearing, but was resolved to take his own swinge; and by this occasion knowing the extreme love his Mother had for him, made very ill use of it, venturing to do any thing though never so debauched. For if his Mother did not give him enough, he would steal it from her, and all her locking up from him was to as little purpose, as her Husbands locking up from her; for her Son would frequently come at her money; and she would as often come at the Old mans: who was so accustomed to be dispossessed of what money he had by his wife, that sometimes the Son met with it, and disappointed his Mother; but it was all as one, for that if she did get it, it was but to bestow on him.

The Old man seeing that his Locks and Keys would not keep his money secure, found out other inventions to hide it, which he did in ordinary unsuspected places, as among the Sea-coals, or in some hole of the House or Garden. But the Son one time met with a purse of ten pound; and that being too much to be spent in one day, he staid out a whole week; his Mother was now distracted as before, for his absence, but the father soon missing his money, and believing that his Son had met with it, was satisfied that he would stay abroad till it was spent, and so he did; for at the weeks end he came home as confidently, as if he had done no harm. Although his Mother, out of joy for the return of her Prodigal, was well enough satisfied with his theft, yet the Old man once more was resolved to correct him: and therefore getting him up into a Garret, locked him up till such time as he might prepare himself for the Correction he intended. This young Extravagant being thus incarcerated, set his wits at work how to get out; at length he found a Gutter-window, and saw that he might get out to the top of the House; this he resolved to do, but withal he intended once again to put his Mother to the fright; and thereupon searching the Garret, he found all sorts of materials and utensils fit for his design; he first took an old Doublet and Breeches, and stuffed them full of rags, straw, and such rubbish as he could find, and then he took shooes and stockings and stuffed the stockings full of bran; and making somewhat like a head, he put his hat on it; and putting the Coat he wore over all this, he put a rope about the neck of this Scare-crow, and so hanged it on one of the beams in the Garret; when he had put his matters in this order, he sat down, and being well pleased at his own invention, laughed as heartily now as he knew his Mother would cry when she came to see it; and having thus bestowed this Scar-crow, he got out to the top of the house, and sat there _perdue_, expecting the event.

His Father being provided with all things necessary for the correction he intended him, mounted up stairs, and with him a Neighbour whom he had called to his assistance; and being come to the Garret-door, and having opened it, he cried out, where are you, Sirrah, that I may correct you: there was no answer, nor Son to be seen, (as he expected) walking; but it was not long ere he saw him, as he supposed, hanging between Heaven and Earth.

* * * * *

Although the Old man came with a resolution to chastise his Son, yet he at this killing spectacle fell down, and appeared more dead than alive; and the man who accompanied him, seeing the Son, as he supposed, hanging quite dead, and the Father in little better condition, he ran down and allarm’d the house with this deadly news.

The Mother, although she was ready to fall down dead with grief, yet her distraction hurried her to the place of her Sons supposed execution, that she might dye there; by such time as she was come thither, the Father was come to himself, but was almost killed again with the bitter words she gave him, telling him, he was her Sons murderer, calling him wretched old Rogue, and using terms the most vile and outragious she could imagine; and then she fell into a violent fit of crying, and tearing her cloathes and hair, so that she seemed quite distracted: her Son heard all this, and laugh’d at the conceit that his project had so well taken; and the Mother, now in another fit, arising, went to catch hold of her Sons body, which she supposed was hanging; but when she came to it, thinking to grasp it, it being light, flew from her at the first touch, and the hat falling off, it was soon discovered what it was.

All present were amazed at the contrivance: but the Mother still continued crying out, if this be not, where then is my Son? At this all sought about the room; and at length one looking out at a Garret-window, saw him sit on the House-top; his mother was soon acquainted with this pleasant news; to which she soon replyed, Oh, bring him in: but he hearing her, replyed, that if his Father did not go down and leave threatning of him, he would throw himself from the house-top, and kill himself in earnest: the Father thinking that the desperate humour might take him, was forced to be content; and so our young man descended the house, and came in at the window, to the great joy of his sorrowful Mother.

CHAP. XXI.

_Our young Extravagant Cheats his Father of more money by receiving Rent; which being spent, he returned home; and his Mother refusing to give him what money he desired, she being on Horseback behind him, he threatens to throw her into the water, and so he obtains it of her. The Old man dies, and he prosecutes his extravagancies upon Watermen, Coach-men and a poor Pudding; he also puts a trick upon a Barber; and plays a fine freack at a Coffee-house; and being Poetical, makes Verses on Canary._

By this Project our young man escaped the correction his Father intended him; and not only so, but his Mother now looking on him, as one twice risen from the dead, was so foolishly fond, as to hug and embrace him; all this he took in good part, as knowing this fond humour of his Mothers would turn to his advantage; for he having now put her twice to this fright, she was fearful that the third time would prove fatal in earnest; wherefore she now supplied him with Moneys to excess; and he spent it as Prodigally, as he came by it lightly. But the good old man keeping her short, her stock was not large enough to supply him in all his excesses, and then the Old man led a weary life with his wife, till she procured him to give her Son, who was now fifteen years of age, a certain allowance: he demanded fifty pound a year, besides his Diet; but this the old man said was unreasonable; and he alledged, it would be more to the profit of his Son, and himself both, to put him out to be an Apprentice to a good Trade; but neither the Mother nor Son would give any hearing to this Proposition; but in answer to it, the Mother said what, and have I but one Child, and must he be made a Servant? I scorn it; sure you intend to make somebody else your Heir, some Bastards that you have abroad, or else you would not offer to desire or think that your only Son and Heir should be an Apprentice and make clean Shooes, and sweep the Stret-doors; have I bred him up to this? Thus did the Woman answer her Husband, and so put him by from ever making any more such offers; and she alledging that her Son was now man enough to manage an Estate of five hundred pound _per annum_; and that therefore his Father might do well to intrust him with fifty pound _per annum_; but he still alledging it was too much, and it would spoil him; at last, after a long contest, forty pound _per annum_ was agreed on: The Old man now intending thus much for his Son, gave him two Acquittances to go to two of his Tenants to receive five pound a piece of them, it being their last Quarters Rent.

The young man supposing himself a Landlord, went among the Tenants, and intending to outwit his Father, managed his Affairs accordingly; wherefore when he came to the place where some of his Fathers Tenants dwelt, he went to a two Pot-house, and sent for three or four of them which he best knew, and telling them that his Father had ordered him to receive that Quarters Rent, withal produced the two Acquittances he had; these two paid him presently, and the rest did so likewise, he telling them that he had left their Acquittances under his Fathers own hand at home; but that he would give them Acquittances with his hand to his Fathers use, which would do as well. This excuse went as current, and the Tenents were well pleased to pay their money to him, and thereby hoped to ingratiate themselves with their young Landlord; and thus he received twenty pound, instead of the ten pound intended; and had received more of the other Tenants, if his Father, suspecting some such matter, had not gone, and by his presence prevented it.

There he soon found what his Son had done; which however turned somewhat to his advantage: for all the Tenants hearing their young Landlord had been there, and expecting him to come again suddenly had provided all the rent, hoping by that means to gain his good opinion, and a Treatment to boot, as the rest had done: so that now the Old man received all the rent at his first coming, whereas he was wont to come half a dozen times. And now having received his rents, he went home to his Wife, telling her, how their Son had served him; to which she replyed, that it was no matter, for to her knowledge he was bare, and quite out of moneys before, and that this would stock him. And now she having gained an allowance for her Son, she never left her Husband, till he increased her own, and gave her money to buy her some Clothes, as she pretended; and all this was to lay up for her unlucky-Bird, who, as his Father said, staid out till all was spent; and that was within so many days as he had pounds: and he being rid of his money returned home to pillage his Mother. He had made no spare of his Money so long as it lasted, in hopes to receive more of his Fathers Tenants; but he came thither too late, his Father having been there before him; so that being disappointed, he came home, and very quietly he demeaned himself for some time.