Part 18

And that I may further perswade all men from gaming, consider how few there are if any who have gotten an Estate by play, but how many thousand antient and worthy families have been ruined and destroyed thereby. It is confest there is no constant gamester but at one time or other hath a considerable run of winning; but such is the infatuation of play, that I could never hear of any that could give over when they were well. I have known those have gotten many hundreds of pounds, and have rested a while with an intention never to play more; but by over perswasion, having broke bulk, as they term it, were in again for all and lost it.

Besides if a man hath a good parcel of money ’tis extreme folly to play whether himself or another shall be possessor thereof; if his stock be small it is downright madness to hazard that the loss whereof shall reduce a man to beggery. Moreover if you were but sensible of the anguish that is upon that mans spirit the next morning, having slept upon the loss of his money now irrecoverable, it would deter any one from ever medling with the cursed cause of so much vexation and trouble; what I now say is the product of wofull experience.

————_Experto credo Roberto._

To conclude, having lost all my money, I began to grow miserably poor, to prevent the further increase of my wants I sought out my old Master whom I found upon the _Royal Exchange_, upon our going off for joy to see me, carryed me to a Tavern where I acquainted him with all my Land Travels since my leaving him, and assuring him I was weary of living longer ashore, he advised me to go with him, and he would make me his mate, I gladly contented and in that quality I sail’d with him for _Guinney_.

Our Captain had thus far proceeded in recounting the memorable passages of his life, as we were making ready to cast Anchor, we being at that time not above a league from _Naples_ overjoy’d at the succesfulness of this our petty Voyage, we made ourselves all ready to go ashore; landing, our greatest care was to get convenient Lodgings, with some difficulty we obtain’d them, and having settled our selves in them, immediately got our Bills of Exchange accepted, till they came due we fitted our selves with all things both necessary and pleasurable, yet for some important Reasons for a while we laid an imbargo on our accustomed profest Extravagancies, keeping a strict rein on our head-strong wills and desires, but having received our Money we no longer dallied with our delights, but gave them leave to court us in what pleasant shapes they judged most convenient for our satisfaction.

Every day produced its new divertisement, every hour each of us studied how we might appear Rivals to the most Epicurean critical pallated Poleanate of the Universe, for since we were sailing in the Ocean of _Senseless Security_ under a stiff gale of _Plenty_, we shaped our course for the _Port of Sensuality_. The time being expired we had our Money paid us to a Doit, with as much respect as if we had been the greatest Merchants in _Europe_, desiring our further acquaintance and correspondence, which we promised not so much to traffick with them as to play some tricks upon them.

As our Lodgings were large and sumptuous sparing no cost for their furniture, so were our habits very rich (_modo Neapolitano_) wearing about us as many precious stones dayly as would have been a good return for a young Merchant after a three years sweating expectation: the gloriousness of our outward appearances made us no less a wonder to the _Neapolitan_ Inhabitants than we were to our selves, for we now began to admire one another having totally forgotten what once we were. Mr. _Goose-quill_ the Scrivener strutted the Streets strangely whose garb and gait flourisht like the _Capital T_ of _This Indenture_, the state of his present _Condition_ made him receive many an _Obligation_, which he always generously _cancel’d_ and continually _obliged_ others on _valuable considerations_. The Drugster notwithstanding all his striving, to seem otherwise, yet still showed himself to be a Chip of the old Block, a rasp of Log-wood, and scented strongly of his old occupation. His habit prompted him to personate the _Spaniard_; which he did so scurvily that never did _thing_ appear more prepostorous, had you seen him walk you would have sworn all his Members were in an uprore or about to revolt from their Principal; for his Whiskers _tilted_ his eyes, and they again being inraged to be confined within such narrow limits by their staring seemed to strive to come out that they might check the insolency of that audacious beard; and as for his arms and legs there was not the least correspondency; for his hands were in a continual motion being every minute imploy’d in cocking his Beaver upon one side, but his legs moved so slowly and stately, that they seemed to be offended at their slavish Office, showing their loathness by their slowness to be Porters to a burden of so little worth. _Doll_ as she had been conversant amongst the Gentry, so in her deportment she behaved her self as well as any of the best education; but for _Jenny_ I could hardly forbear laughing, to see how the proud _Minks_ would jut it as she went, her Milking-Pail, and dragled tail, were clean out of her remembrance, so was her being a _Motly-Wast-coteer_, there being not the least track of her former condition discoverable, she resolved to make others esteem of her by the value she did put on her self, not rating her condition as she was the quondam off-spring of Curds and Cream, but prizing it as one of Fortunes darlings, whom neither Cloaths nor Money could make more splendid, and as for an haughty spirit now unmatchable; I took upon me (as well I thought I might) to check her for giving six hundred Crowns for a Locket, she smartly took me up, what said she though I was born in the Ebb of Fortune, will you now intrench and wound the liberty my better stars have conferred upon me? To be plain I will not have my desires and pleasures circumscribed and taught me since I have enough and will enjoy it. Sir if you once begin to be narrow minded, you will be a Thief both to the esteem and enjoyment you may have in the world, I will not be limited to please your fancy as for my delights I will pursue them in what shapes I fancy both at home and abroad, I will spare no cost that may engage wide mouth’d report to proclaim the boundlessness of my pleasures and gallantry; all the Wits of the City I will ingage with Sack and Money to write Panegyricks on my Gaudy and Witty superfluities, not a _Cavaleero_ in _Naples_, but shall vail his bonnet at my Balcony, and when I please the splendor of my habit shall fix my Gazers as Statues in the place they stand. I thought she was mad till she smilingly took me by the hand, saying you see _Latroon_ I have a Soul as if Nobility had waited on my Cradle, however, my will shall alwayes be in subordination to yours.

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As for the Captain he was a Man well read, and having seen the world, the novelty of a place never alter’d him, he had a good natural genius, and very facetious in discourse which appears sufficiently by the witty narrative of his Life, the relation whereof, did infinitely please us, but most especially my _Jenny_, who would often repeat to me some passages, but one day after dinner being altogether she took occasion to speak of the Captains gaming and other Extravagancies, and having drawn several good Observations from them, she desired the Company to give her audience, and she would give an account of a notable Extravagant, a young Man of her acquaintance, but as an introduction to her story, she begg’d leave to speak something of his Father first, and thus she began.

CHAP. XIX.

_A Brewers-Clerk cheating his Master, is taken in the manner: Afterwards, he having buried his Master, by a politick Project is married to his Mistress; he buries her, and is married to a Countrey-maid; who understanding her Husbands Riches, puts him to great expences in new furnishing the House, and extravagantly fitting her against, and in her lying in._

I Remember (said Mrs. _Jane_) when I lived in _London_, there was a jolly old Blade, who was then the Aldermans Deputy of the Ward, and who was reported to be worth the better part of 10000 _lib._ that had in his youth been a notable Gamester, and many tricks he had used before his _Mercury_ was fix’d, and became settled in the World. He had Travelled and Rambled many years by Sea and Land, and had tried and tasted all Fortunes and Conditions; and Fortune had alwayes been so much his friend, as to bring him off without a scratch’d face, no great, no sensible disaster; at length, being somewhat weary of the Ramble, he resolved to take up and follow some imployment. He was fitted for any imployment, and yet not rightly fitted for none. But being of a good Capacity, he was entertained by a Brewer to be his desperate Clerk, that is to say, to gather up the desperate Debts. This was an Imployment very fit for him, for it gave him large convenience to Ramble; for the Brewer, who had been a great dealer, had Money oweing him by several people, some whereof lived at one end of the Town, and some at the other; so that all parts of that great City, especially the out-parts, his business lay in. He discharged this imployment indifferently well, for his Masters profit, and very well for his own; for he had power if he could not get all, to compound with any of the debtors for a part. And although his allowance, being three shillings in the pound, was considerable, yet he much augmented it by the tricks he had; for although he received a Debt of five pound or more, he would tell his Master, that he could get but half; and sometimes, although he received all, yet he would keep all to himself; and by this means he raised to himself a pretty fortune: and these tricks were usual with him, especially if the people with whom he made this profitable Bargain lived remote, or at any considerable distance from his Masters habitation. Among others that he thus compounded with, there was an honest old Blade who lived near the Tower, and had run 10 _lib._ in his Master the Brewers debt; and through some misfortunes that had befallen him, he left that end of the Town, and went to dwell as far as St. _James’s_ near _Westminster_; some while he had dwelt there without being known or inquired after; and now our Clerk being imployed to look after him, among others, was upon the hunt to find him: upon a strict and diligent inquiry, he heard that he dwelt at St. _James’s_. Wherefore the next time his occasions call’d him that way, he there inquired for him; after much inquiring, he heard that the party had lived there, but was removed to _Clarkenwel_; he therefore went thither, and there, with as much trouble as before, he again heard that he had dwelt there, but he had some time since removed from thence to _Lyme-house_; he made the same inquiry, and still heard of another removal to _Lambeth_; and I think from thence to two or three places; but in fine, he found him, but it was in _Redriff_.

Having found out his Game, he strongely charged him with the Debt aforesaid, and was resolved that as he had taken so much pains, that the poor man should pay for it; poor man you must judge him to be, for it was impossible he should be rich, that had in seven years made so many removes. The money being demanded, poverty was pleaded; but he was deaf on that ear, and was resolved not to lose his labour. In conclusion, the man being honest, was content to pay, and that all too, provided he might have time to do it; to this our Clerk was pretty wiling, and an agreement was made up, to pay the money by half a Crown a week. The man, although he sometimes missed, yet when the Clerk came and received not the money, he was to spend 4_d._ and when he did pay, the Clerk agreed to spend 2_d._ so that the Clerk seldom or never missed to come and visit his Debter once every week; and the poor man seeing that if he did not pay him two shillings six pence, it was to his dammage 4_d._ seldom miss’d him; and thus in time, the Debt was paid, and the Clerk, in his Matters behalf, gave a discharge.

But all this while his Master the Brewer knew nothing of this matter, neither did his man intend he should; for as he had taken extraordinary pains in finding him out, so he was resolved to have extraordinary gains, and indeed, all for himself; and thought and judged that as he had oftentimes kept all for himself, so he might well do so now; for he believed although his Master should go to some Cunning-man, or the Devil himself, to find this man who had so often removed his habitation, yet he must loose his labour; and it being usual with him when People were not to be found, to write in the _Margin_ of the Book where their Debts were entred, _Non est inventus_; and when they were dead, and there was no possibility of getting anything of them, to write _Mortuus est_, so that now he concluded that this fellow was so far from being found, that he might write _Mortuus est_, and so he did in the Book aforesaid. His Master had oftentimes looked over the Book, and seeing those fatal words in the _Margin_, had passed that Debt over, as he had done several others with the same mark. But as the Proverb saith, that the _Pitcher goes not so often to the water, but that it comes home broken at last_; so, although this our desperate Clerk had played many of these pranks, and that without discovery, yet now his time was come, and this business shewed him in his colours.

This poor man, who I told you, lately lived at _Rederiff_, had now made another remove, and from thence was come again to St. _Katharines_ (which was near the Brewers habitation) and he having been so honest as to pay the old Debt, was resolved to try if his Credit would serve for a new: wherefore having taken a new House, fitting for the Ale-draping-Trade, he went one Morning to the Brew-house; and having no acquaintance there with any body but our desperate Clerk; he inquired for him, but although he was there early, he was never the nerer, for the Clerk was gone out; and the old fellow sauntring about the yard, at length the Brewer himself came out, and seeing one waiting there, and as he supposed about business too, he asked him if he would speak with any body; the Fellow replyed yes, with his Clerk; which of them, said the Brewer? Mr. _R._ said the Fellow; the Brewer telling him that he was not within, and asking him if he could not do his business; yes, if you please Sir, replied the Fellow: Well then, what is it, said the Brewer: May it please you, Sir, I am an old Customer, saith the Fellow, and have long time dealt with you: and although I have been absent a great while, yet I have been honest, and will be so still; and being come to live near you, I desire you to let me have some more drink: Well Friend, what is your name, said the Brewer: _J. B._ said the Fellow. How long since did you deal with me, said the Brewer: Ten years, replyed the Fellow: Whereupon the Brewer calling for his Book, looked over, and at length found it, but found it marked with a _Mortuus est_: how now, said he then, is your name _J. B._ and are you alive. Yes, Sir, said the Fellow, your Clark knows me; for I have paid him truly and honestly, and not long since he received the last.

The Brewer hearing him say so, and now discovering the whole story, and his Clerks knavery, told the man that he would send him in some Drink, but withal ordered him to come the next morning about 9 a Clock. But before that time, about 8, he took his Clerk to task, and pretending to look over his Book in general, made several stops and asked questions, but more particularly when he came to this Debt; and he asking if he never received any money of him; No, Sir, said the Clerk, I could never find him; and at length I did hear of him, but _Mortuus est_, Sir, He’s dead long since. Are you sure of it, replyed the Brewer: Yes, Sir, said the Clerk, I am certainly sure of it; what I have writ there is infallible: But I doubt it will not prove so, said the Master; and thereupon, seeing the Customer come in, he said, look, sure this is he, or his Ghost. Our Clerk too well knowing the matter, and that it was so apparent, knew not what to say or do, but knowing that he was in a fault, and caught too, and being guilty of many more such tricks, and doubting they would all come out, cryed _Peccavi_, and desired Pardon: but his Master believing him to be more Knave than he yet knew, told him his thoughts, and (withal) that he would lay him Jayl. The Clerk hearing that lamentable word, told his Master he would prevent him by drowning himself; and thereupon the house being by the water-side, he ran thither, in order to his resolution. The Brewer hearing the Clerks resolution of drowning himself, and doubting that he might be so desperate as to do so, sent after him to stop and hinder him; for he considered that he should not only be somewhat guilty of his death, but also loose by it, for he had all his Books and Tallies about him; and if he should miscarry, he was not able to prove many debts that were owing to him, wherefore he not only saved his life, but told him, he forgave him that misdemeanor, and would not ask him any satisfaction, whereupon he rested contented: But this miscarriage of his was such a blot in his Scutchion, that he was called _Mortuus est_, to his dying day.

But thus as he had over-reached, out-witted, or, I may truly say, Cheated his Master the Brewer, so he did, after him deal with his Mistress, but after a different manner: for his Master soon after dying, and leaving a plentiful Estate, and only a Widow to enjoy it; she knowing her Clerks abilities were sufficient, and now not doubting his honesty, gave him a very large allowance, and made him chief Clerk, and Overseer of all, he being in this high employment, was somewhat covetous, but more ambitious, and these two passions raised another, which he termed Love; and who should he be in Love with but his Mistress: and as he was her Overseer, so he intended to be her Husband. Before he had the confidence to court her, he pretended to the Servants and others, that he did so, and this was out of Pollicie to hinder the Courtships of all others. So that by that time his Mistress understood and knew his pretensions, all others did talk of the time of his Marriage: One, in his fancie, appointing at such a time, and another at such a time: so that he letting his Mistress know his passion, as he termed it, she heard that all her Servants, nay, and some of her Friends talked so freely of it, as if they seemed to allow of it.

* * * * *

She was much troubled at the boldness of her Servant, and forbid his prosecution of his Suit, telling him that he shall lose his labour; but he, now he was in, was resolved to go through with his bold undertaking, persevered in it, and used all the Courtships that were usual on that account. It was his place to receive and pay all Moneys, so that all the Servants both men and women, came to him for their wages; and he giving them a cast in his Office, and using them courteously, they dealt with and for him accordingly; besides this, he had bestowed some moneys and presents on the Chamber-maid, who had promised to be at his direction, and to stand his friend in every thing; and indeed she used all her little Rhetorick in his behalf.

He being still refused by his Mistress, was resolved to hazzard all at once, and therefore he caused the Chamber-maid to tell it as a secret that two dayes after that, he was to be married to her Mistress: All the Servants told it to one another whisperingly, and together they provided a noise of Musick to welcome him up on the next Morning: He having thus laid his Plot, and the time being come, about five of the Clock of the next morning after his pretended Wedding-day, by the Chamber-maids connivance he got into his Mistresses Bed-Chamber; and he had not staid there long, but the Musick coming under the Chamber window, tuned their instruments, and struck up a lusty measure: his Mistress being awaked at the noise, cried out, and asked, what is the matter? He being in his Night-Cap, and without a Doublet in his shirt, drawing the Curtains, told her, that the matter she should presently hear: She seeing him in the chamber, and in that posture, wondring at the occasion, called out for the Maid; who although she was near enough, yet would not hear her; she believing that she was betrai’d, thought to cry out, and began to do so, but could not be heard for the noise of the Musick. By this time the Musicians had finished their first tune, and then, as usual, they cryed out, _Good Morrow, Mr. Bride-groom_; _Good Morrow Mrs. Bride, Heavens give you joy_. What Bride, and Bridegroom, do they mean, said the Woman. Why, said he, they mean us two; for it having been strongly reported that we were married yesterday, the Musick are come this Morning to play us up, and truly, continued he, I was just now informed of it, and hoping it is by your appointment; and that at length you intend it shall be so, I am come to try your disposition: and thereupon he forced a Kiss from her; and said, Madam, will you be pleased to own this Wedding? No, said she, nor you neither: Then I will, said he; and thereupon the Musick having now plaid another Lesson, he in that posture threw them out of the window four half-Crown-pieces; and standing in that posture for some time, shewed himself, and spake to the Servants and others that were there assembled. And now the Musick having plaid their last Lesson, saluting him with a _Thank you Mr. Bridegroom_, they departed. He now coming to the bed-side, sat down by his Mistress, and told her, All her people had shewed themselves joyful in his supposed happiness, and that therefore he hoped she would really make him so, by doing that in earnest, that all the World thought was so; and, said he, do you say what you will, it will be thought that it is so, and that I have lain all this Night in your Chamber.