Part 15

I acted not my business so closely, but that my Master discovered the goodness of my nature to my fellow-travellers; however finding no considerable loss and decay of his Liquors, only threatned me for that time what wonderful punishment he would inflict upon me, if ever he catcht me in the like again: I thinking he had but jested, and trusting to my wit for the secret management of the project, and the excuse thereof when it was effected by the instigation of two lusty young fellows, I was induced to steal from my Master a Bottle of Sack, and getting into a close corner with my forementioned Doxy, whom I had singled out, and these two Fellows, we made a shift to drink it off; they prompted me to fetch another, but I would not yield, till I had first gone aloft, to see whether the Coast was clear; finding my Master asleep in the great Cabbin, I got out a Bottle of French-Wine, which we dispatcht as we had done the other; not satisfied with this, they perswaded me by all means to fetch another, and with that they would be contented; I would not condescend in any case, till the witch my Wench (that by this time was got above half drunk) intreated me with _prithee do, what will you deny me?_ and then I could hold out no longer; but being by the Liquor in a fit mood to do any Roguery, I promised them to return with some more with all expedition; now I began to consider that what we had drank already, was not so strong as Brandy, and therefore lookt on that Liquor most convenient for our drunken purpose; I opened a _Guard de-vines_, and taking out almost a Quart Bottle, I made what haste I could to my seasoned Drunkards, who were eagerly gazing for me; but finding them too petulantly familiar with my _Mistress_, I had once a mind to have staved the Bottle, but that I should lose my share of the Brandy, but dissembling well my passion, I drank on with them; but I by reason of the tenderness of my Age, and my Female friend being not accustomed to drinking, were not able to hold out with them: the fumes ascending into my head, I thought my self as good as any man, (judge you whether I was not a proper one at fourteen years of Age?) and would not take an affront from any, and so charging them with the abuse they had done me in being too sawcy with my concerns, I made no more ado, but fell foul with them both, my little _Virago_ seeing me engaged, was resolv’d not to be idle, but with the Glass Bottle lays one of them over the Cox-comb, which breaking, cutt his pate, the sight of his blood made him more afraid than hurt, and fearing lest he should bleed himself to death, acquits our Company, and ran with all speed to the Chirurgion, in the mean time we made our party good with the other, and so pounded him, that he was glad to shoot the Pit, and leave us sole Conquerors of the Field, having now no other enemy in sight to contend with us, I took my stout Amazon by the hand, and led her up aloft in triumph, the Sea-men were ready to die with laughter to see how we had mall’d those two Boobies; but their laughter increast to that excess, that it wakened my Master to see me and my Damsel strutt and reel to and fro the Decks, bidding defiance to them all, daring the best of them to touch her upon their perils; as I was thus Lording it, my Master made his appearance, who was so surprized he knew not what to say, neither was it to any purpose, for my Damsel was as merry as a Hawk, who nothing but sang whilst I _Don-Drunken Furioso_ was storming like a _Raging Turk_.

My Master perceiving that nothing would appease my wrath, nor silence the harmonious Tongue of my tippled Madam, commanded us both to be clapt in the _Bilboes_, and there to continue till we were a little more sober. We soon talkt ourselves asleep, and sleept as soundly as if we had lain on a Feather-bed, awakening, we wondred to see our selves in that condition, and could not imagine how we came there, but by some inchantment; but our admiration and amazement were soon converted into something of another nature, by my Masters sending for us; coming before him, there did I see my two Antagonists, the sight whereof immediately informed my memory with the precedent days proceedings; my face did presently discover my guilt.

_Heu quam difficile est crimen non prodere vultu?_ Alas how hard it is for any face To hide a crime, if it hath any Grace?

And had not our countenances betrayed us, there were too many apparent evidences for our conviction. Now did I see my _quondam_ loving friend lay aside the pleasantness of his former looks, and assume the severe gravity of a Judges aspect, and having dismist my fighting Madam, sentenced me and my two combatants to be that instant conveyed to the Capston, which was done accordingly, and there were we seized, inclosed within a Hoop, and a Cat of nine tails delivered into each our hands; and this being done, said our Master, _Let me see how you will fight now? if you do not lash one another soundly, I will have those that shall_; so commanding the Capston Bar to be turned round, to work we went; I laid it on gently at first on him that was before me, but finding the smart of the blows increase, and the lashes multiply in strength as well as quantity, by him that was behind me, I spared my fore-man not a jot, but as fast and as smartly as I could, I jerkt him about; this caused him to redouble his blows on the other, he again on me, and so we went round in that unmerciful manner, that our Master out of meer pity was forc’d to release us.

* * * * *

The severity of this punishment (for none could have had the heart to have whipt us as we whipt our selves,) cured me of my Drunken fits for that whole Voyage, and so reduced me to order and civility, that I was once more received into his favour. And now I grew so cautious in the disposal of those Liquors of Life, that none participated with me in their enjoyments, but my Master and his friends, who was a severe check over me in what he had committed to my charge. Immediately after our arrival at _Barbadoes_, having complemented the Island with the usual ceremony of firing some Guns, a swarm of Boats from thence settled about our Ship, the Planters therein boarded us on every side, as if they intended to have made lawful Prize of us. Our Commodities between Decks were forthwith rubbig’d, (rummig’d I mean) and exposed to the view of the Buyer; they need not question the goodness of the Ware, since it hath been sufficiently tryed, and could not want a _probatum_ on the report of hundreds. Nothing troubled me more than to see my young Female Comrade truckt for Tobacco, the exchange of equal levity, and as the one is fit only to be burnt, so in time may the other, though so green one would imagine nor capable of entertaining a flame. They were all disposed off in a very short time, and those that despaired of ever having Husbands in _England_, had them here ready made to their hands, and they with others found in this remote place a conveniency for raising a new credit and reputation, which they had irrecoverably lost elsewhere.

* * * * *

All the time that we lay here at Anchor I was not permitted to go ashore, a thing that griev’d me to the heart, especially having not the benefit of others, who had the freedom of going ashore and refresh themselves with fresh Provisions. Our Sea-men that were on Ship-board would have the same conveniences as if they were where properly they might be had, but were so inhumane to me, that I must eat what the Ship afforded, or fast; this they did, that I might adventure another whipping by stealing my Masters Liquors, knowing how strongly I longed to taste of fresh meat: not a bit went down my throat but what I purchased with the hazard aforesaid; but my Masters carowsing at the _Indian Bridge_, made him forget what was exhausted out of his Cabbin, and so I came off undiscovered.

* * * * *

Having taken in our Loading proper for our Transportation, as to Tobacco, Indigo, Cotton, and Sugar, (which last sweetned all the bitter Pills of affliction which I had swallowed) we set Sail for _England_, and with a prosperous Gale, and good weather, we safely arrived in the _Downs_, where lying a small time, we came away to _Graves-End_, and there we staid two Tides. My Master going ashore, I begg’d him that he would let me go with him, having not set foot on Land in so long time; the consideration thereof perswaded him to grant my request; and taking an opportunity to slip from my Master, I chanc’d to happen into an House, where at that little time of my staying happen’d a remarkable passage. There was a Justice of the Peace that lived not far from this House, who had a Wood-yard adjoyning hereunto: the near adjacency of this Fewel tempted my Landlord to purloin from thence, that he might save some expence in firing; but he did it so often, that he caused the Justice to suspect he was grosly abused by some or other thereabout; and that he might find out the offender, he ordered his Servants to bore large holes in some of the Loggs, and fill them with Gun-powder, plugging up the same holes very close again; which was performed according to instruction, and the design took its desired effect; for our Landlord according to his wonted custom, came into the Yard, and happened to take those very Loggs, and carried them home to use them as he had done the rest; his Pot was over the Fire, and a Spit before it, in order to a Supper bespoke by some strangers. I was smoaking by the fire side, (that you may know I was not ill bred,) and had a Pot of Ale in my hand sitting very near the Fire, my Landlord eagerly bid me remove farther off that he might have room to supply his decaying Fire, (it was well for me;) having laid on those Loggs, in a little time after came an old Woman (whose ancient and deformed withered face had made her a long time suspected for a Witch,) who begged heartily for an Alms, but such was the cruel hard heartedness of our Landlord, that he not only denyed her, but rudely thrust her from the door, the poor helpless Woman durst not openly exclaim, but as she was muttering to her self her great discontent, the Fire got to the Powder inclosed in the Wood aforesaid, and being so straitly and throughly confin’d, burst the Logs like a _Granado_, tearing the Meat off the Spit, blowing the Pot off the Hooks, and brake some small matter of the Brickwork of the Chimney. My loss consisted in the dropping of my Pot of Ale with the suddain astonishment; but my Landlord lookt like a fellow distracted out of his wits; recollecting himself, and seeing what dammage was done him, concluded this begger-woman was the cause of all this mischief, believing her now to be what she had been a long time suspected for a Witch, and therefore leaves his House confusedly, (which gave me an opportunity to trip off and leave my reckoning unpaid,) and getting a Constable, seiz’d this ignorant piece of antiquity, carrying her before the Justice that had lost his Wood from time to time; My Landlord hereupon largely acquainted his Worship the sad hap that had befallen him and the grounds of his suspecting this Woman; which when the Justice had heard to the full, he then understood who was the Wood-stealer, and so acquitting the old Woman, but committed my Landlord, who must now pay for his Children sitting by other Peoples Fires.

* * * * *

I had not so much Money but that I was very glad to save my small reckoning; returning to my Master, he was very jolly, resolving to lie ashore that night in _Graves-end_, and commanded me to attend him; not a drop of Wine would go down with him I observed without his Land-lady, which was a very lovely Woman, had she not been a little too fat: her Husband was the absolute picture of a Cuckold; it is strange that a man should read that name so legibly in any ones face.

Night coming on, my Master seem’d to be more drunk than he was, that he might the better excuse his so soon going to bed, desiring to take his repose, after I had pulled off his Shooes and Stockins, and he had all undrest himself, being between the Sheets, I tuckt in the Bedcloathes about him, and in so doing took an occasion to meet with his Breeches, and diving into the Pockets I conveyed away two half Crowns, and so shutting the Chamber door, I left him.

Going into the Kitchin, I called for Wine, some upon my Masters account, the rest upon my own charge; It was my good fortune to be alone with the Maid, all the rest of the Family (being late) were gone to bed.

The Maid (like the rest of the worst of House-wives, who work in the night and play in the day,) was making at that time a Smock for her self, and as I guess sate up somewhat the later, because she would completely finish it; I had made my self familiar with her, and taking this advantage to raise some petulant discourse; _Is this your Smock?_ said I, _Yes,_ she replyed, _then sure,_ said I, _you are very lavish of your Cloth to make it so wide; I will lay you five shillings, and you shall hold stakes, that it will contain us both, and to spare: How,_ said she, _I will lay you that wager if I never engage in another_; but the difficulty lay in this, that she saw there was a necessity that she must uncase as well as my self, and therefore seemed very unwilling so to do; But that she must lose the Crown if she did not, so she consented: having the Smock on, I crept into it, and absolutely cased my Arms in the same sleeves; hers were in before, my head peeping out at the bosom; but endeavouring to dis-ingage by the same means we had intangled our selves, we found it impossible, our Arms being extended like the wings of a _Spread Eagle_, nor could we contract or draw them to our bodies, in this plight we were in a good while, not knowing what to resolve on. At length with one joint consent we raised our Arms to the Tenter-hooks of the Shelf, (for though I was young, I was tall, and so was she,) and hanging the Sleeve thereon, we pull’d, thinking to draw it off that way; but striving with what strength we had left, we pull’d the shelf down, and all the Pewter ratling about our ears: This noise awakened the man of the House, and thinking to jog his Wife, found no such thing beside him; this startled him more; however he was resolved to see what it was, and therefore struck a light; but recalling himself as he was descending the stairs, he returned, thinking it would be safer (if Theeves were below,) to take my Master with him, and therefore goes to his Chamber door, which he found open, and entring the room, found his wife in bed with him fast asleep; whilst he was about to waken them, we below were struggling to get loose, and stumbling upon the shelf fallen, we fell over it upon the Dishes, which made as great a noise as the former; this hastned him to wake them, reproving his Wife for her carelesness more than looseness, and telling them there were Thieves in the House; my Master got up and went down with his Landlord to see what the matter was in the Kitchen: They had no sooner entred the door but they were strangely amazed to see one Body with two Heads; approaching nearer, my Master knew one Head to be his mans, and the other to be his Landlords Maids: with much difficulty they they took this Flesh Pudding out of the Bagg; it being midnight we were not examined then, but deferred till the next morning: in the mean time they consulted together; and it was agreed upon between the Landlord and his Wife, that conditionally my Master would forgive me, they would their Maid, and never foolishly proclaim their shame to the world which now lay in their powers to conceal. This adventure staid us longer ashore than we intended, but at length getting aboard, we sailed up to _Eriff_, where we Anchored two or three days for some private business our Master had, _&c._ and from thence we went directly up the River, and came to an Anchor over against _Shadwell-Dock_.

CHAP. XIII.

_He buyes a Horse in_ Smithfield, _he is basely cheated in the goodness by the Horse-Courser, the manner how; he discants on his own ill Horsemanship as he is a Sea-man. He rides to_ Maiden-head, _his Landlady loseth a Diamond Ring, he invents an incomparable exploit to restore it her again._

My Master being an eminent Sea-man, and faithful to his trust, had no sooner cleared his Ship, but had immediately another Voyage offered him to _Virginia_, returning home in safety, the next he made was to the _Streights_; I was there with him several times at _Legorn_, twice in the _West Indies_, and twice at the _Canaries_; by this time my Apprentiship was expired, which I went through with so much satisfaction to my Master, notwithstanding a thousand Rogueries I committed in that time, that in our next Voyage which was to _Guinny_, I was advanced to the dignity of a _Cockswain_. Whereupon the long boat was committed to my Charge, and when any occasion served, I had my Crew always ready for the skiff; I understood my place quickly, and behaved my self in it, that our _Boat Swain_ dying, I was constituted in his place; now was my care increased, for I had charge of all the Rigging, Masts, and Sails, with many other matters of consequence. I have heard my Master say twenty times, that he had rather hear me when we were weighing Anchor (our Men being at the Capston) cry _heave clearly my boys_, than a noise of Musick, for I had a strong yet pleasant voice, and I tun’d it to some purpose when the Anchor was almost a peek. In this imployment I made two Voyages to _Guinny_, the last thereof was so succesful that I was resolved upon my return to take the pleasures of the Land, and no places would serve my turn, but those wherein I had received so much disgrace and punishment.

In _Smithfield, London_, I bought an Horse, he did so caper with the Fellow that rid him, that I feared this pamper’d beast would be to skittish, for a Sailer, that never bestrid any living Creature; the Horse cost me six Pound and a Crown, I could not get the punctuality of his Rogueship to bate me the odd Mony, though in three days time forty shillings proved the utmost value of this great bargain. It was a very fair day when I set forward in my journey towards _Bristol_, and because the Streets were then dry, and no symptoms in the Heaven of any approaching Rain, I vainly thought there would be no occasion for Boots those intollerable cloggs of a nimble footed Sea-man. I mounted not without some dread and fear that this prancing Palfry would run away with his Master, but contrary to all expectation, I found the creature calm enough, being ready to lie down as I was getting up; much ado I had to get him to go till I had almost buryed my Heel-spur in his belly, and then he made a shift to trot; but Founder-foot on a suddain running a head, I was like to have been overset. The talness of my Horse did shew what an Ass I was to be so cheated; I might have known that within less than an hour after I had bought him, for in stead of Excrements, he evacuated an Eel at his posteriors, which I believe was conveyed into him alive by the subtle Horse courser, to make him for the present more lively and sprightful. With much difficulty I got him to _Maiden-head_ that day; the next proving raining, my business did not require such haste, but that I might stay a day or two for fair weather.

I had Money enough, the sight whereof did strangely quicken the attendance of the Servants of the House, and my liberal expence commanded both my Land-lord and Land-ladies company; and that I might continue their society, I was incessant in the calling for Wine. My Land-lady was pre-ingaged in the company of several Gallants, so that I was like to have little of it, had it not been for an accident that befell her, which brought her into my Room where my Land-lord was. It seems one of the Gentlemen espyed a Ring on her Finger with a very fair Rose of Diamonds in it, and desiring her to let him see it for the excellency thereof; she condescended, continuing her conceited discourse, which she raised on purpose, to shew what an esteem she had for her imaginary wit, and fancy; this Gentleman delivered the Ring to another, he to a third, that man conveyed it to a fourth that were troubled with the same curiosity; but at the last it came into the hands of one that was very loath it should go any further, since it had almost past round; She being this while so busie in her tittle tattle, that she neither minded how it was canvast about, or in the least mist it off her Finger: She left the room several times, and returned; but in fine she found the loss of her Ring, not knowing whether it was restored to her by that person she lent a sight thereof, and had dropt it, or if not restored, she was ignorant of the Man, and therefore durst not tax any one particularly. I have known many a thing, as a Silver Tobacco box, _&c._ left carelesly upon a Table which hath been taken up in jest, but kept in earnest.

* * * * *

She was so puzzled she knew not what to do; and not knowing how to remedy her self, she was resolved to play the perfect Woman, _sit down and cry_; which she did in that pitiful manner, that I admired how any mans heart could be so hard, not to exchange a few inconsiderable Diamonds for so many inestimable Pearls that dropt from her eyes. Every one stiffly denyed the unworthiness of the detention, and seemed somewhat displeased that their glowing gallantry should be suspected of an act so ungentile and unhandsom. Seeing there was no help, and she could not conceal the loss from her Husband, she came where we were, that we might in her sad relation commiserate and condole her great affliction.

I gave much heed to every circumstance of her doleful story, and minded it so well, that I fancy’d I had a project in my head which would give her assistance. _Come Madam,_ said I, _there is a Plot which I have just now contrived, which if it take effect, you shall give me a Bottle of Canary, if not, it will be no harm for you to make a tryal._

She was very glad to hear of any proposition that might carry in it the hopes of getting her Ring again, and therefore freely promised me any thing. _Why then_ said I, _Go into your former company, but first dry your eyes, and express all seeming joy imaginable, and tell those that are inquisitive as to the cause of this suddain alteration, that you have found your Ring again, and then mark diligently that man who cunningly conveys his hand into his own Pocket my life for you that man hath the Ring._ Following my advice, she re-entred her former Room, and counterfeiting an excessive joy; _O Gentlemen your pardon,_ said she, _I have found my Ring!_ Observing the company heedfully, she perceiv’d one stole down his hand into his Pocket, to feel whether the Ring was there, imagining, upon the hearing what she said, his Pocket had been pickt. _Where is the Ring I pray Madam_, said one, and where did you find it? _Here Sirs,_ said she, _have I found it, for this Gentleman hath now the Ring in his hand_, which she forceably drew out of his Pocket, and so the Ring appear’d to his great shame and discredit. Her gratitude for my succesful council did that night so Sack the Garrison of my understanding, that all my Senses _pro tempore_ suffer’d in their general devastation.

CHAP. XIV.

_He is like to to be robb’d in_ Maiden-head Thicket. _He tells a notable story of a Tapster and another at Play in_ Redding. _At_ Newberry, _a Horse which he rode upon Tryal in the Streets, ran away with him unpaid for; at_ Bristol _he ran away with a pair of Boots then wanting them; he rides for_ Excester, _where he won a considerable sum of his Host at Play._