Part 14

Her Mistress having reapt the utmost of her Harvest, advised her to keep in till she was well, and being so, make the best and quickest advantage she might of getting a Husband, for she told her, that she must stay with her no longer, she being so great a scandal to her Profession. My young Gentlewoman was over-ruled, courted, and a little after married, about two years before our _Souldier of Fortune_ came acquainted with her, he now re-inforces his suit, and tells her withal, if she will be ruled by him, they should both march off together, it was agreed on, that she should observe her opportunity, and take what Money and Goods of her Husbands she could, and come to him; which accordingly she did: and now being both glad, that the one should be freed from a cross grain’d impotent Husband: and the other from a jealous deformed, ill condition’d Wife, they both went to the West of _England_, not intending then to leave the Kingdom; but finding a Ship ready to Sail for _Barbadoes_; and judging themselves not secure, till they got thither, or to some other forreign Plantation, they resolved to go, carrying Money enough to pay their passage, and Goods to live ashore on.

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But let me not forget my promise, but give you an account of the rest in order; the next are,

_Two Button-makers_.

They are hardly worth taking notice of, and therefore I shall not much trouble my self about them. They were brought up in _London_, and therefore they were capable of driving a Trade in the Countrey: and indeed they were forced to make that their refuge or Sanctuary. For in the place aforesaid, they were known to be such notorious Night-walkers, and Pick Pockets (for which they had been so often in those two famous Universities, _Newgate_ and _Bridewell_,) that they resolved to go elsewhere: making choice of _Excester_, a place so remote from their former habitation and acquaintance, that they assured themselves of a new credit, amongst a People so altogether unknown to them.

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There they took a Chamber, (lying together) and went for two Sisters; the noise of two _London_ Button-makers coming down to inhabit in that City, quickly reacht the ears of the Shopkeepers therein, and that word, _London_ carried so great a sway, and esteem with it, that they were presently imployed, and had much work a days. A young Mercer, newly set up, fell in love with one of them, and prosecuted his Suit so closely, that though with much difficulty (she giving him many repulses to make him the more eager in the pursuit), yet he at length obtained his desires, and so fond he was of his enjoyments, that his business must needs lie at six and sevens, since, all the day after, he imployed his time in the Company. She like a Cunningham, at last fearing the Proverb will prove true, (_Hot love grows soon cold_,) she pretended herself with Child, which in two Months time grew so monstrously fast, that he must believe what his eyes saw so apparently. His Breech made Buttons too now, and not knowing how to save his Reputation, he consulted his best wits again, and again; at length found this the only expedient to preserve his endangered credit, that is, to give her a good sum of Mony, with which he might perswade her to remove into the Countrey. He propounded this to her, (and although she was ready to leap out of her skin to see her Design take so good effect,) yet she would give no hearing to it, but falling on her knees, beg’d that he would save hers, and his own Reputation, by making her an honest Woman, that is, marrying her: if he would not condescend to that, she would admit of no other terms, but what sudden death should make her the overture of.

Some days he spent in perswading her; getting her good will; he gave her a sum of Money to accommodate her lying Inn, in the Country; giving a good part to her Comrade, and ordering her to stay till her return, which should be speedy; she took leave of her Lover, as if she had been doing the like to her Soul going a Voyage to the other world. But she was no sooner out of sight, but she re-assumed her former jolly temper; coming to an Inn (where she was to lie that night) _she there miscarried of a Cushon_. To carry on her project with the least suspition, the next day she went for _Bristol_, where staying four or five days to recreate her self, and see the curiosities of that City, she removed to another, from thence to a third, fourth, and fifth, only to prolong time, that she might not be suspected on her return. Six weeks being expired, she shap’t her course homewards, where being arrived, she found her Comrade had not been idle, but had imployed those hands she sate on to a very good advantage.

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Her Lover hearing of her return played least in sight; and although he heard that she had cast her Colt, yet would not come nigh her, for fear of paying as dearly for his pleasures, as he had done before; and so resolved to acquit her for ever. Yet his forsaking her did not hinder other Visitants. To conclude, they had cheated so many with the pretence of being with Child, that the younger-Fry were afraid to come near them, being lookt upon by the Town, no other than a Couple of subtle Trapans. Their Trade thus miserably decaying, they resolved to try what effects Night-walking would produce. So stroling about one evening, with their white Aprons spread as a Flagg of Truce, they walkt a long time before they could meet with any fit for the purpose; in short, when it was grown late, they met with a Gentleman coming out of a Tavern, more than half drunk, whom they pickt up, the bargain was quickly struck, and into an Entry they went, one of the Sisters standing at door as a Centinal; at length (quoth she within) _Good Sir, let me go, the Watch is coming_; which he hearing, stept nimbly into the street, because he would not be found with Females in so suspected a place; casting his head about, he perceiving his two Wenches make more than ordinary haste, he presently suspected that they had shew’d his Pockets foul Play; wherefore putting his Hands therein, found his Watch missing, he straightways ran after them, and just overtook them as he met with the Watch, by whom they were secured, and being searcht, the Watch was found; the next day they were carried before a justice, who upon Examination, finding them guilty, committed them to Gaol. At the Sizes, such a general complaint (besides this theft) came in against them by the sober Citizens, for debauching and ruinating their Servants, that they were both sentenced to be transported. The same Sizes was doom’d another after the same manner, and for the same practice, whom whosoever marries, hath got a wife with a treble Trade, a Whore, a Thief, and a Stockin-mender; but fearing lest if I handle her, I shall offend your Noses, I shall pass her by, and present your Nostrils with the perfume of

_An Orange-Wench_.

_Fair Oranges,——Fine Lemmons_, a cunning Slut, who by a fifteen years practice, had got her trade to her fingers end! She used that cry in the streets of _London_ at first, to get her a livelihood; but her Face had so cryed her up, that her Gallants would have decryed her Trade, as too mean a thing for her to follow; but she would not be perswaded to it, fearing she should be abridged of her Liberty. For whilst she had the liberty of roving every where, she had the priviledge and freedom to go boldly into a Tavern, where she not only sold her Ware, but had the convenience to truck for a Commodity of another sort. She was witty, and very well furnisht with a drolling Common-Place-Book, out of which she could suit any merry discourse whatsoever. By which means her company was so generally coveted, that she could not pass the streets, but that some or other out of a Tavern-Window would call her up, who would empty her Basket, fill her skin with Wine, only that they might make some sport with her. A wealthy old Widower, an Ale-house-keeper, knowing how generally she was belov’d, cared not much to be made a Cuckold, so that he could but increase his Trade, which he knew he should do, if he married her, which he did by a very expensive Courtship, she not caring if he had spent every groat.

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She lived with him some years, in which time they had got a world of Money, the house being seldom full before, but since her coming thither, always filled for her sake. The old fooll (having gotten enough) began now to dote on her, and grew so jealous, that he could not abide to see her in any company that was younger than himself, which she not enduring, made up a good Purse of Money, and went into _Yorkshire_, where attiring her self like Widow, every one believed that she was so, and behaved her self so generously in all her deportments, that she soon had Suiters of good quality swarming about her. She was so crafty, that she never countenanced those, who had ever made the least scruple by enquiring what she was, whence she came, what she had, _&c._ but scorning such enquiries, would sometimes frankly say, when many of them were together; _Gentlemen, I wonder you should busie your selves about me, I trouble you not, therefore trouble not me; I intend to borrow no Money of you, and leave an Estate mortgaged for the payment; I have enough, and will lend you some upon good Security, if that you come for_. An old stale Batchellor (a Semi-Usurer) hearing this, strikes in with her, tell her he had Money enough too, (which she had heard before) and that if she pleased to make a scrutiny into the truth thereof, she might; however he would not question her Estate, but be very well contented, if she had no more than what was on her back; she desired some time to consider on so weighty a matter as Marriage was; not considering before what it meant, however she was alotted a very good Husband, and should she now marry a worse, it would be her hearts-breaking. He promised her every thing so fair, that it cleared up all her doubts, and so they joyned together in a Matrimonial tye.

The Husband she left in _London_, was not only Horn-mad, but stark-mad for the loss of his Wife, and so diligent he was in the search of her, that like _Scoggin_, looking for a Hare in the Roof of a House leaded, so he sought her not only in places probable, but as unlikely to find her. His enquiry was so indefatigable, that at length he heard that she was in _Yorkshire_, and was informed of the place wherein she was. Over joy’d at the news, he immediately takes horse, and rides away towards her, resolving to forgive her whatever she had done, if she would return with him, not knowing she was married.

The old man came just to Town as it was her hap to look out at the window; she knew him streight, and was ready to drop down dead, to think what would be become of her; but a Womans wit, which is alwayes best at a push, prompted her to call hastily for her Husband, who running to her; _What is the matter_, said he? _O Husband_, said she, _Do you see yonder Man on Horse-back? Yes, yes_, he replyed; _then pray thee Sweet-heart run quickly and dog him where he Inns; and having so done, return with all the speed you can possibly_: never did Foot-boy dispatch a Ladies errand speedier than he; and being returned; _Now my dear_, said she, _I will tell thee how happily things fall out; as I was looking out of that window, I saw that man you dogg’d, I have not seen him these five years before, he was indebted to my husband in the sum of 300_l. _the Money hath been due long since, and not yet paid, it is thine now, go instantly and arrest him at thine own Suit, I will prove the Debt, his name is ———_ This obedient Coxcomb performed what his Wife desired him to do: This Brother Starling of his being not acquainted in the place, and not being able to produce Bail, was constrained to go to Prison, where we leave him, vowing and protesting he neither knew the Man, nor ever owed in all his life half the sum. In the mean time our _Orange-woman_ had perswaded her Husband to give her leave to go to _London_ with all speed and fetch the Bond she had left in a friends hand, and if need required, bring the Witness down; _there is no fear Husband,_ said she, _of the Money, for his Estate consists solely in that, imploying it in buying Cattle in_ Ireland, _and transporting them into_ England; _I have laid wait for him many and many a time, but never could meet with so happy an opportunity_.

* * * * *

Her Husband poor credulous Gentleman, believed every word she said, and consented to her motion, with much alacrity. The next day the Stage Coach was to set forth, so he went streight and bespake a place, whilst she had fixt every thing for her next dayes journey. That night, when her Husband was fast asleep, she took the Key of his Closet out of his Pocket, and opening it, she unlockt a Cabinet, and took thence a hundred pieces of old Gold, which had lain there many a year undisturbed. In the morning by time, after a great deal of seeming sorrow that she should be thus necessitated to be absent from her dearly beloved Husband, she entred the Coach, and was quickly out of sight. At the first Baiting-stage the Coach came at, she altered her resolution of going for _London_, telling the Coachman, she had extraordinary business some fifteen miles out of the way, and that if he would drive the Coach that way, she would reward him; he told her it was impossible to be done, (which she knew as well as himself), _But Madam,_ said he, _you have paid the Coach, and you may do as you please_.

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She hired a Horse presently, and a Man to ride before her, and having rid till it was almost dark, she caused her Man to make what haste he could to the next Inn, pretending she was mistaken in the length of the way. The next morning calling for a Quart of Mull’d Sack, she drank to her Man, making him very merry, and then told him, she was resolved to go for _Chester_, having business of greater moment to dispatch there first; so giving him a Crown for his own pains, & half a Crown a day, for so long as they should be out, the Fellow was very glad of, knowing his Master would be pleased with him for so doing. Coming there, she dismissed the Fellow, and hearing there were Ships ready to Sail, the next day she went to _Holy-head_, and there imbarqu’d for _Dublin_.

How her two Husbands in her absence agreed I know not; but she no sooner thought her self secure in this strange Country, but she appear’d as splendid in Apparel, as the greatest Court-gallant of them all, and with a new Surname Coacht it with the best of them, and marryed again, (a thing too often practised there) and lived so long there, till she had spent what her Husband had gotten in many years labour; and now when all was gone in a manner, she falls into the acquaintance of a young huffing Blade, who not daring to stay longer in _Ireland_, (by reason of the many Debts he owed there) perswaded her to go for _Bristol_ with him, where she should have what her heart could desire. Having a greater love for his Person than she had a belief to what he promised, she yielded; and without trifling away time, put their purpose into present practice. Being at Sea, they had like to have split upon the Bishop and his twelve Clerks, (Rocks so called lying to the Southward of _Wales_) had she been there lost, any one that knew her life and conversation, might have lookt on it as a just Judgement, having abused and violated those sacred Laws the Church hath injoyned her to observe by her most detestable Polygamy. However, they were hindred from putting into the Port they were bound to, and instead thereof, arrived at _Barnstable_; where in a little time after their arrival, he growing weary of her, took every Penny she had, not leaving her wherewithal to discharge her Quarters. She was rightly served, and may all such meet with punishments suitable to their notorious practises. The fear of her Husband knowing where she was, and the fulness of her own temper together, (seeing she should be thus outwitted) made her thus resolve the tryal of retrieving her misfortune in a foreign adventure. Almost on the same Basis or Ground-work was founded the desperate resolution of our two Crack’t Maiden-Servants. For the one was tollerably handsome, and thought her self meat good enough for her Master, or his Son; The latter of which she liked best, but he fitted her not to her liking; for having gotten her Maiden-head, (by promising her Marriage) and with Child to boot, marryed another; She being foolish, and having no Friends to advise her how to compensate her loss by suing him, she only took pet, put finger in eye, and vow’d she would never see him; a shrewd threat for one that was glad to be rid of her. Her Companion with her knowing her resolution, having staid to the age of near forty, and not one so much as proffering to kiss her, (for indeed had you seen her when she had drest her self with all the advantages her utmost Art could use, you must have turned your head aside,) I say having lived thus long a Maid, (I dare swear for her) and never expecting to have to do with any Christian, she had some hopes that she might be a subject fit enough for some barbarous Black Diabolical Infidel, to get Cannibals upon.

And now having given you an account of what Cattle we had aboard, except only what I have purposely left to bring up the Reer, and they are four

_Common Prostitutes_.

Not to describe them particularly, but all of their Function in general; They are things of prodigious strength, which is sufficiently manifested in the ruin of the strongest Man, and back-sliding of the wisest Man. I hardly know, or have heard of any whom they have not stagger’d, excepting _Job_, who firmly stood maugre the Devil, and his Wife.

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In the faces of the common Traders by diligent search, you may find some Raggs of over-worn Beauty, like old Clothes in Brokers windows, to make you believe that there are better wares within; yet he that trades with them, is like to have a bad bargain, for she can sell him nothing but the Pox, or Repentance. As for their upper parts, they are the Shops of _Cupid_, and their lower parts are his Warehouse. Length of time makes them turn Bank-rupts, spoiling their Game by wrinckling their faces, which paint must rectify, but so hardly, that with all their black Spots and Patches they look but like a rusty Gamon of Bacon stuck with Cloves, scarce so beautiful, but not half so savoury; coming to this Age, she is like a rotten stick, only fit to kindle green ones. In short, they are a loathsome stinking Carreon, too unclean to enter into Heaven, too diseased to continue longer on Earth; the shame and stain of her Sex, the scorn of wise-men, and utter ruine of fools. These two Brase of Whores were taken up at _Excester_ upon the like account as the former Females were, for Whoring, Filching, and debauching, and so suffered the same doom with the rest. That famous City since it had a name, had never been so pester’d before with such a brood of Cockatrices. It is true, your _London_ Doxies will go down into the Countrey sometimes for their pastime, with their Cullyes, but when ere they come, it is but a touch and away, but these deluding and destroying _Syrens_, staid so long, till they were ready to spawn, and had not their own too publick Roguery detected them, they in a little time longer might have infected half the Countrey.

Our Master having intelligence of this brave booty, rode to _Exeter_, where agreeing for this parcel of Cattle, he took them all down with him to _Barnstable_, shipping them immediatly upon his arrival; not long after my Rogueship (being nipt in the Bud of my Roguish designs, my forwards prancks shewing what a dangerous fellow I might prove if I were let alone to grow up in them,) was committed to the custody of the Master of the Ship, to carry me with the rest to some remote place far enough distant from _England_, that it might not be disturbed with the noise of our lewd and vitious Practises. I had not been many hours among them, before I began to take special notice of my new Comrades, and not many dayes e’re I drew such remarkable observations from them all, as to give you this account of them, the major part whereof is the extract of their own confessions; and now I shall proceed as to our Voyage.

CHAP. XII.

_He is made a Cabbin-Boy, and shews what is the duty thereof; A pleasant drunken encounter between Himself, little Miss, and two other supposed Rivals; his Crime, and Punishment. He returns for_ England, _and coming to_ Graves end, _he discovers a notable trick of a Justice in discovering one that usually stole his Wood; Also, an incomparable Adventure of a young Woman, and himself in one Hammock together._

Never had _villanous Exiles_ such a fair Passage as we had, and to speak the truth, though nothing could have daunted me, yet the calmness of the Sea, and the clearness of the weather, did very much encourage me to be a Sea-man. My Master was a very facetious merry man, and one of no mean understanding, who seeing the freeness of my jocular humour, did not hinder the care of his business, he acknowledged to have a benefit in me, which few others received from their Servants, not only injoying my labour and pains taking, but receiving a divertisement in the execution thereof. I waited on my Master diligently, swabb’d his Cabbin daily, made his Bed, cleansed the House of Office often, and who so ready as I to fetch the Victuals abaft, and above all things minded my Masters ringing the Bell, as it was my duty, so it was my discretion and prudence; for had I at any time been playing the Rogue out of hearing the Bell, if it rang in that interval, I was assuredly drubb’d; for faults of a higher nature, I was laid over a Gun and lasht, or tyed by the Thumbs, and whipt with a Cat of Nine Tails.

My lodging was in the Steerage near the Bulkhead, that I might be ready and within hearing: And though I was so very a Rogue ashore, yet I was a man of credit aboard, for my Master trusted me with all the choice comforts which concerned his Life, committing to my charge his Wines, both _Spanish_ and _French_, with Brandy, and several cordial Waters, Sugar, all sorts of Spices; Tobacco, and what not, expedient for long Voyage. Such regard he had of me, that he taught me to Write, and Cypher, which for so short a time I understood so well, as I became the wonder of every one in the Ship; seeing me so forward, he did put me on the copying of his Journals, taught me how to take off the Log, to take the height of the Sun at twelve a Clock, by which we know what Latitude we are in; the knowledge of these things I gained not under three or four Voyages, but in this first expedition I could run up to the Maintop, and furl a Sail, though in a stress of Weather.

I minded so much my business, that I seldom visited any of the Passengers I formerly described, and had almost forgot my little _Miss_, but perceiving my Masters former kindness to them, was converted into harsh and rough usage, tumbling them like Dogs into the Hold, when sometimes they offered to come upon the Decks to Air themselves, I could not but pity them; and to Buoy up their Spirits, I would frequently give them a Dram, to be sure my _Miss_ had a treble portion, and would often steal her fresh meat, than which I know not what is more valuable in a long run at Sea.