Part 1

THE ELECTRIC MAN

THE ELECTRIC MAN

BEING THE ONE ACT VERSION OF THE SUCCESSFUL THREE ACT FARCICAL COMEDY OF THE SAME NAME

By

CHARLES HANNAN

_Author of_

“_A Cigarette Maker’s Romance_,” “_Master of the Situation_,” “_The Coachman with Yellow Lace_,” “_Iron Hand and Velvet Glove_,” “_The World’s Way_,” “_United States_,” “_Sweet Olivia_,” “_Richard Wye_,” “_The New Groom_,” “_The Setting of the Sun_,” “_The Gipsy_,” “_A Fragment_,” “_The Lily of the Field_,” _etc., etc., and in collaboration with Wilson Barrett_, “_Our Pleasant Sins_.”

COPYRIGHT, 1910, BY SAMUEL FRENCH, LTD

NEW YORK SAMUEL FRENCH PUBLISHER 28-30 WEST 38TH STREET

LONDON SAMUEL FRENCH LTD 26 SOUTHAMPTON STREET STRAND

Any costumes, wigs or properties used in the performance of “The Electric Man” may be hired or purchased reasonably from Messrs. C. H. Fox, Ltd., 27, Wellington Street, Strand, London.

THE ELECTRIC MAN.

The three act successful farcical comedy, “The Electric Man,” which may be obtained in manuscript from Messrs. Samuel French, Ltd., was first presented at the King’s Theatre, Hammersmith, with Mr. Harcourt Beatty in the leading rôle, and was subsequently put on for a West End run at the Royalty Theatre on November 10, 1906, with Mr. Harry Nicholls as the Electric Man, the piece being transferred to the Shaftesbury Theatre on Boxing Day of the same year.

* * * * *

The condensed one act form of the play which follows was produced by Mr. Harry Nicholls at the Chelsea Palace and Metropolitan Halls with the greatest success on July 29, 1907, cast thus:--

WALTER EVEREST and THE ELECTRIC MAN _Mr. Harry Nicholls_. DR. JACK STRANGE, a young physician, his friend _Mr. Loring Fernie_. STELLA, Jack’s sister, Walter’s fiancée _Miss Fitzgerald_. MRS. ANDERSON, his landlady _Miss Nellie Dade_. JOBBINS, a private detective and inquiry agent _Mr. Thorpe Tracey_.

_Period_: Present day. Morning.

_Time of representation_: Twenty-six minutes.

* * * * *

NOTES.

Walter and the automaton are never upon the stage together, so that throughout the play Walter takes the figure’s place by entering the cupboard “off.” A super is required, however, to play “dummy,” but when this happens the figure is seated in the cupboard with its back to audience.

COSTUME for Walter and for the automaton: Walter wears a brown coat or jacket and trousers of the same, with a white waistcoat. The automaton is dressed exactly the same as to trousers and waistcoat, etc., but wears a black frock coat, and as they both usually keep the coat buttoned, the waistcoat is seldom seen.

“_Funeral March of a Marionette_” to accompany the automaton’s scenes. The automaton walks very stiffly and jerkily, and moves his arms like a doll.

THE ELECTRIC MAN

SCENE.--_WALTER’S rooms in London. Moderately furnished sitting-room._

_On table R. a newspaper and two unopened letters._

_The table up in the alcove is set for luncheon._

_WALTER’S brown bowler is lying on chair or sofa L._

_The cupboard door has a spring so that it closes of itself when left open, a string being also tacked across the inside of the door so that WALTER can pull the door to after him at end of play. A large bamboo rocking-chair is used for the figure, and is easily moved and turned as directed._

(_Enter JACK and MRS. ANDERSON D. in F._)

MRS. ANDERSON. It’s as I thought, sir, the pore young gent isn’t up.

JACK (_looks at his watch_). Was he late last night?

MRS. ANDERSON. Oh, yes, sir, as I happens to know being woked up sudden, thinkering to hear a burgular, which was only Master Walter Everest, the gent I does for, a-creepering and a-crawlering upstairs.

JACK. Is he often like that? (_Takes up and looks at letters on table and puts them down again._)

MRS. ANDERSON. Lawk a floury! no, sir, only breaks out occasional when his work’s bad. Mr. Everest is a chemist and electerician.

JACK. Been working hard lately?

MRS. ANDERSON. I believes as he have something very musterious and secret inventering at this here identical period of time, some mustery as he keeps in that there cupboard which the door is always locked constant. Oh, very musterious--and queer smells a-penetratering and perfuncteroring the house. Oh, here he are, sir.

(_WALTER’S door L. opens. She exits D. in F._)

(_WALTER stumbles in L. He is not to look dissipated, but to act it._)

WALTER. Hullo, hullo! whose head is this? It isn’t mine, it can’t be mine. Stop! (_Sits top of R. table._) Stop! (_Picks up newspaper._) Morning paper, who wants morning paper? (_Throws it on floor behind him, and JACK, who is watching him, picks it up. WALTER opens letter._) Letters, who wants letters?--oh, one from my tailor, “We greatly regret delay in delivery of your new black coat. We will despatch it to reach your residence without fail to-day. May we remind you that your account----?” No, you may _not_ remind me.

(_JACK gives him a rousing smack on the back._)

Hullo, Jack, where did you spring from?

JACK. Came to town this morning. (_Clasp hands._)

WALTER. Jack, I’m very ill. I haven’t been out of doors till last night for weeks. Nothing but work at what my father left me. He gave _his_ lifetime to it and then left it to me. It ought to have been the invention of the age. I went on the spree last night, when the whole thing failed.

JACK. I have some news for you about your stepmother, Mrs. Everest. By the idiotic conditions of your late father’s will--if the old lady marries again before your birthday on Monday next the whole fortune he left becomes not yours but hers.

WALTER. He meant it the other way about.

JACK. Yes, but that is how the will reads--instead of writing “_He_ shall inherit,” your father wrote “_she_ shall inherit.” She is the “she.” About forty-five thou., isn’t it?

WALTER. Nearer fifty.

JACK. An adventurer named Potterfield has lately come to the village, found out about the will, made love to the old lady, got a special license, and is bringing her to town to marry her to-morrow.

WALTER. What?

JACK. Stella is coming here directly. This wedding must be stopped or postponed.

WALTER. Jack, something’s got to be done--suppose I were taken ill--very ill.

JACK. No good at all.

WALTER. Well, suppose that--no, that’s no use--suppose again that--no, that’s no good either. I have a dim kind of idea that in some way my invention is going to help us.

JACK. You said it had failed.

WALTER. It failed living; it might be of use dead. (_Swiss Jodel._) Hullo, tra la la! (_Momentary dissipated business._)

(_STELLA enters D. in F._)

WALTER. Hullo, Stella how are you? Jack has told me all about this adventurer, Potterfield. I’ve an idea to checkmate my stepmother. (_Gives her seat._) I’m going to postpone their marriage not by being ill--I’m going to die. What do you think of that?

JACK. I think it’s the weakest thing I ever heard of.

WALTER. In that cupboard there is a figure exactly like myself which was timed to spring into existence yesterday at 5 p.m.--only it didn’t. It’s the work my father never completed. Something went wrong. There the figure is and will remain, dead as a nut. I even dressed it in my best clothes, gave it a name, too, christened it Cyril Davidson.

STELLA. Cyril Davidson? (_Laughs._)

JACK. What was the little idea of making it like yourself?

WALTER. My father’s instructions were to make the man I was creating a handsome, good-looking fellow, according to the very best available model. All you’ve got to do is to produce the dead figure and say it’s me. I’ll go away to Brighton; they can’t in common decency marry before the funeral.

JACK. Then it seems you made an electric man. _My_ chief doubt is it won’t be like enough.

WALTER. Come and see!

(_Music. He takes key from pocket, unlocks door of cupboard, and a man in black frock-coat, with black bowler, is seen seated with back to audience._)

STELLA. Oh, how wonderful! (_Looking in._)

JACK. Wonderful! (_Looking in._)

STELLA. Walter, that _is_ you!

(_Bell rings off D. in F._)

WALTER. Bell!--that may be my stepmother! (_He quickly closes cupboard._) We might go into the other room. I call it my drawing-room, because there is a piano and three gold-fish in a bowl.

(_STELLA goes into room R._)

Jack, in case she comes I’d better be off. Can you lend me any cash?

JACK. How much do you want? (_Producing loose cash._)

WALTER. Two or three pounds. (_Looks in JACK’S hand._) I’ll take four. (_Does so._) Stop, I’ll give you a duplicate key of the cupboard. (_Gives key._) The figure has got my black coat on, and I want it for Brighton. When you come back, it will be wearing _this_ one. (_Pointing to coat he is wearing._)

JACK. Right.

WALTER. Explain that to Stella.

JACK. Right oh! (_JACK goes into drawing-room R._)

(_WALTER picks up and puts on his brown bowler, goes quickly up, unlocks cupboard, puts key back in pocket, then goes in after saying:_)

WALTER. Now, Mr. Davidson, my coat, if you please.

(_He opens door wide, showing figure seated as before, then goes in and the door closes._)

(_He is then heard calling loudly in cupboard:_)

I say! let me go! confound you--Jack--Jack--I say! the thing is moving!

(_Loud noise of struggle._)

Hold on, damn it! don’t hit me on the head! Do you want to STUN me? Jack!

(_A loud cry and two thumps, then the cupboard door slowly opens, AUTOMATON puts head out--the actor having had time to change into the black coat before entering as the automaton. It creeps out, not opening the door more than necessary--business, tries to re-open door by hitting it. It wears the black bowler set to one side of head. Comes down C., stiffly, and remarks, “Yow,” then goes up. MRS. ANDERSON enters D. in F. with dishes and sets table in recess with back to audience. He goes towards MRS. ANDERSON. She starts on seeing his strange manner. He turns and goes across and straight off D. in F., she goes after him._)

MRS. ANDERSON (_calling after him_). Mr. Everest, sir!

(_Exit AUTOMATON D. in F._)

(_Exit MRS. ANDERSON D. in F._)

(_JACK and STELLA enter from R._)

JACK. I left him changing his coat.

STELLA (_looking out of window_). There he is turning the corner; he _has_ changed his coat.

JACK. Let’s have a proper look at this wonderful thing before the old lady comes.

(_They fetch out chair with WALTER seated on it and bring it down stage, where they wheel the chair right round so that the stunned WALTER faces audience. He is hatless._)

STELLA. Hasn’t it slipped down in the chair since we saw it last?

JACK. I don’t think so.

STELLA. Look at its eyes--Jack, they’re opening--it’s moving!

JACK. Great Heavens! it’s being born!

WALTER (_half stunned and waking_). Where am I?

STELLA. It speaks!

JACK. It’s living!

WALTER. I want a drink!

JACK. Good lord! It drinks!

(_STELLA screams and falls on seat. Bell again rings loudly off R._)

Hullo! there’s Mrs. Everest! (_He takes WALTER, who has risen, by the arm._) Come with me, sir (_leads him to bedroom L._). In there with you, quick!

(_Kicks him in quickly, and locks door._)

(_STELLA meantime has hurried up with the chair and put it in cupboard and closes door._)

Phew! this is the most extraordinary thing! (_Hurries down, saying:_) Where are the telegraph forms?

(_As he snatches them from nail on wall, and sits to write R., MRS. ANDERSON enters D. in F. out of breath and with a telegram; she is in process of dressing, her hair being in disorder, and she wears a dressing jacket._)

MRS. ANDERSON. Telegrapheram, sir. (_Down and gives it._)

JACK (_looking at telegram_). From Mrs. Everest--“Have missed train, don’t wait lunch--coming by next.” Thank goodness! (_To MRS. ANDERSON._) I suppose you don’t know where I can find a detective?

MRS. ANDERSON. Yes, sir, I does. Being my own nephew as lives in the attic.

JACK (_writes several telegrams, as:_) I want him at once----

MRS. ANDERSON. Lawk a floury me!

(_Hurries out D. in F._)

STELLA. What are you writing? (_Takes up one of the telegrams._) “Walter Everest, _Ship Hotel_, Brighton. Cyril Davidson is living. Come home.”

(_WALTER knocks loudly at bedroom door._)

Jack! listen!

JACK (_still writing--knocking repeated_). Coming--coming.

(_Knocking ceases--he continues._)

This goes to every hotel in Brighton.

STELLA. He may not be at an hotel.

JACK. That’s why I’ve sent for a detective----

(_JOBBINS enters, hat in hand and umbrella under arm; he is a stout man, rather shabbily dressed in tweed, with tweed frock-coat, and has a square-topped bowler._)

JOBBINS. My name is Jobbins, sir. (_Gives large card._) Private inquiry and detective agent, utmost secrecy and despatch, parties watched, missing relatives traced, divorces ensured.

JACK. This is a very simple matter, Mr. Jobbins. The gentleman who resides here left home suddenly. I want him fetched back at once. (_Sits and writes note as:_)

JOBBINS. Yes, sir (_goes up, then returns_), where is he? (_With notebook open to take notes._)

JACK. Brighton.

JOBBINS (_notes_). Brighton--what hotel, sir?

JACK. Do you think if I knew what hotel I should require a detective?

JOBBINS. Then how am I to find him?

JACK. The best thing will be to take the first train to Brighton.

JOBBINS (_notes_). First train to Brighton.

JACK. He may be at a boarding-house.

JOBBINS (_notes_). Possibly a boarding-house.

JACK. When you find him give him this note (_closing it and giving it_), and send me a wire. (_Gives five-pound note._) There is some cash for your expenses.

STELLA. How is he to know Walter?

JACK. Isn’t there a photograph? (_Finds one on mantel R._) Here we are. (_Gives it._)

JOBBINS. I’ll walk about the Brighton streets with this--why, I seen this gent in the public gardens five minutes ago.

JACK. Then after him and bring him back.

JOBBINS (_at D. in F._). You’ll hear from me--BY WIRE.

(_Exit._)

JACK (_calls out after him_). Follow him to Victoria; if you miss him, go right on. (_Comes down._) I’ve forgotten these telegrams.

STELLA. I’ll take them.

JACK (_gives them_). Have you any cash?

STELLA. Yes. (_Hurries out D. in F._)

(_A very loud peremptory knocking at D.L. JACK listens a moment--it is repeated._)

JACK. Getting nasty! (_Loud knocking._)

WALTER (_off, calls_). I say--let me out!

JACK. Now if I had not known, I should have said that was Walter. The voice was a trifle thick at starting, but now its identical.

WALTER (_off_). Let me out. (_Loud knocking._)

JACK. I suppose I’ll have to.

(_He goes and unlocks door and returns to R. front--WALTER comes out._)

WALTER. What is the meaning of all this?

JACK. That’s exactly what I want to know.

WALTER. Locking a fellow in a bedroom.

JACK (_aside_). Calls itself a fellow and knows it’s a bedroom!

WALTER. I feel as stupid (_he is still half-stunned_) as an owl. Where is Stella?

JACK. Knows about Stella!

WALTER. What are you muttering?

JACK. Knows I’m muttering!

WALTER. Well?

JACK. Well.

WALTER. Why the devil don’t you speak?

JACK. Knows there’s a devil! I really don’t quite know what to do with you till your creator returns.

WALTER. What?--How?

JACK. What or how--same thing. This is a pretty pickle, Mr. Cyril Davidson.

WALTER. Mr. _What_?

JACK. Of course you don’ know your name yet; that is what you were christened, Cyril Davidson, so I call you Cyril Davidson.

WALTER. Oh, you do, do you? that’s very clever of you. My mind’s a blank, I can’t remember what happened before I woke up on that chair.

JACK. No one remembers what happened before they were born.

WALTER (_bangs a book down on table_). Oh, damned nonsense!

JACK. I wonder what you think of the world now you’ve come into it; what are your general impressions of mankind?

WALTER. Was this why you locked me in the bedroom?

JACK. Exactly.

WALTER. And are you going to keep this up?

JACK. Decidedly.

WALTER. I can’t see much sense in it myself; however, if it pleases you--I’m going to have some lunch. (_Goes up to table in recess._)

JACK (_calls up_). Mr. Davidson! (_No answer._) I’ve made it angry. (_Calls._) Mr. Davidson--I say, Davidson--Mr. Cyril Davidson--sir,--oh, it’s in a pet and declines to answer me.

(_STELLA enters D. in F._)

STELLA. Jack, a boy brought this. (_Gives note._)

JACK (_tears it open_). Jobbins is something like a detective. “Just seen Mr. Everest, he is running. Jobbins.”

STELLA. Running?

JACK. The electric individual is in there.

STELLA. You let it out? What is it doing?

JACK. Lunching.

WALTER (_at table in alcove, mixing salad_). Nothing here but salad! (_With beer bottle._) Beer, who wants beer?

JACK. Knows all about everything!

STELLA. It’s been listening in the cupboard before it lived. (_Pause and then asks._) Should we speak to it?

JACK. It’s very bad-tempered, but I daresay it won’t hurt you. (_They go up._) I say, Davidson!

WALTER. Bah! (_They start back._)

STELLA. Poor thing! tell it it’s amongst friends.

(_They again approach._)

JACK. This young lady is very anxious to make your acquaintance, Mr. Davidson!

(_WALTER smashes crockery with a beer bottle; they start and come down in fright, then approach again._)

STELLA. Please, Mr. Davidson!

WALTER (_turns_). Oh, _you’ve_ come back; has Jack told you what he’s playing at?

(_He comes down a little--they retreat from him._)

JACK. Isn’t it wonderful! Calls me Jack!

WALTER (_as they are staring at him_). When you’ve done staring, perhaps you’ll drop this.

STELLA. Jack, I can’t believe it! (_WALTER walks about in rage._)

JACK. At first I couldn’t, but there is a difference, I begin to see it, a very subtle difference; watch how it moves; aren’t its joints a little stiff and so on?

WALTER (_quick step to him_). You thick-headed-addle-pated numskull!

(_JACK in fright falls headlong backwards over sofa L., STELLA runs and crouches R., then they rise on knees and wave to pacify him._)

JACK. Gently, gently!

STELLA. Oh, please, Mr. Davidson, please don’t be so angry; we are both awfully interested in you and really sorry for you. It must be terrible to be born full grown.

WALTER. Am I mad, or are you?

JACK. _You_ are.

WALTER. That’s settled.

STELLA. Of course, you think you’re real, but we _know_. You’re only a made thing, like a cheese or a pudding.

WALTER (_hand to head_). You honestly say and believe that I am my own invention? (_They nod solemnly._)

WALTER. Am I myself, or am I the thing I made?

JACK. You are the thing you made.

WALTER. Then where is myself--the other fellow?

JACK. Your esteemed creator left home before you began to exist, changed coats and went.

WALTER. Changed coats? I never changed coats at all!

JACK. } } What? STELLA. }

WALTER. The moment I tried to, the figure rose up and stunned me.

STELLA (_up to him, throws arms round him_). It’s Walter!

(_Enter MRS. ANDERSON with telegram D. in F., and gives it. JACK opens it._)

MRS. ANDERSON (_seeing WALTER_). Ow! Ow! Lawk a floury me!

(_Exit._)

JACK. Jobbins is somewhere near Euston. (_Gives telegram to STELLA._)

WALTER. Who’s Jobbins?

JACK. The detective who’s gone after you to bring you back.

WALTER. Then it really went out?

STELLA (_reading telegram_). “Have taken a cab, he’s still running.” What will happen if Mr. Jobbins catches it?

WALTER. I expect he _will_ catch it.

JACK. Another telegram! (_Going up to D. in F._)

(_MRS. ANDERSON hands in a telegram and retires._)

(_Coming down, reading:_) “He has smashed some more windows, and is still running.”

STELLA (_taking the telegram_). More windows!

JACK. “The crowd are still after him.”

WALTER. Crowd?

JACK. “He has just climbed a tall chimney stack marked Bovril, and is now sitting on the top.”

WALTER. Good Lord!

JACK. “Marked Bovril,” is this to be your fate, alas, my poor brother!

WALTER (_snatches the wire and reads_). “They are fetching a fire escape. He keeps yowling.”

STELLA (_taking telegram_). Yowling?

WALTER. Suppose the police get him and think it’s me, I’ll be blamed for all this damned thing. We must catch him. We’ll buy a gag and handcuffs as we go along.

STELLA. Gag? Why?

WALTER. Because he’s yowling! Stop! Stella must stay in case Mrs. Everest comes. (_Calls._) Mrs. Anderson! I want a cab!

(_He and JACK rush out D. in F._)

STELLA. I’m so excited I think I’ll play the piano in the other room.

(_Exit R. to drawing-room and immediately plays and sings “Caressante.”_)

(_AUTOMATON enters D. in F., in black frock-coat, but now hatless, goes to cupboard, paws at the door, goes and knocks over chair, then to table up L. and takes up a tumbler, brings it down mechanically to front C., half raises it, then lets it fall on the floor and sits by table R., facing audience and says:_)

AUTOMATON. Tick-tick-Yow.

(_MRS. ANDERSON enters D. in F. with a black frock-coat in tailor’s parcel, places it on table R. top end, then sees AUTOMATON and comes out C., to speak._)

MRS. ANDERSON. Oh, he’s there, are he? (_Using handkerchief as she speaks._)

AUTOMATON. Yow.

MRS. ANDERSON. There’s a parcel from the tailoring folks with a message hopering as it were in time.

AUTOMATON. Yow-Yow. (_She starts a little._)

MRS. ANDERSON. The pore young lady is a-sittering in there.

AUTOMATON. Tick-tick. Yow-yow! (_Same business._)

MRS. ANDERSON. Ain’t you in good ’ealth, Mr. Everest, sir?

AUTOMATON. Yow-chuck, Yow-yow.

(_Rises and makes mechanical exit to bedroom L._)

MRS. ANDERSON (_watching him_). Pore-young-man!

(_Enter STELLA R._)

Mr. Everest have come back, mum; gone in his bedroom, mum; been to the pub.-house again, or I’m much mistook. Pore-young-man!

(_Exit D. in F._)

STELLA (_calls across_). Walter, here’s a parcel--Walter!

(_AUTOMATON enters door L., but does not come out, she sees him._)

Walter, why have you left Jack? Is anything wrong?

AUTOMATON. Yow! (_Turns and goes in again D.L._)

STELLA (_crossing to the door_). Walter! (_Door shuts._) How very polite of you! Are you changing? (_Voice off says, “Yow.”_) Oh, very well, if you won’t answer me. I’m in the drawing-room all alone!

(_Has crossed back to R., and goes in._)

AUTOMATON (_enters L._). Tick-chuck-yow. (_Goes up, hits door of cupboard twice._) Chuck-yow-yow.

(_Goes to recess, knocks over a chair, hits clock, etc., and goes into china cupboard in recess L. A loud noise of smashing of crockery off. STELLA through this is playing and singing same air as before._)

(_WALTER comes in D. in F., as soon as ever he can, walking quite quietly as contrast to the very quick exit of AUTOMATON. Brown jacket._)

WALTER (_comes to table R., calling_). Stella! I want you. Stella!

STELLA (_stops singing a moment to call_). I’m not coming! (_Resumes song off._)

WALTER (_takes up parcel_). My new coat at last. The moment I get Davidson under lock and key I’m going to change into this and get away to Brighton. (_Puts parcel down._)

(_STELLA enters R._)

Why wouldn’t you come a minute ago?

STELLA. Why did you shut that door in my face?

WALTER. When?

STELLA. After you went out.

WALTER. After I went out--before I came home? Did I speak?

STELLA. No.

WALTER. It’s as plain as a pikestaff, it’s come home!

STELLA (_slowly and firmly_). I believe you’re right. Now I’ve seen you both I’ll never mistake again.

WALTER. It must be somewhere on the premises now.

(_They hurriedly look about under furniture, and meet and collide up C., and say, “Oh!” Noise in china cupboard._)

WALTER. It’s in the bedroom. Run down to Mrs. Anderson and borrow the very largest blanket.

STELLA. Why?

WALTER. I want something to throw over it.

(_STELLA exit D. in F._)

WALTER (_listens to fresh sounds_). No! It’s in the china cupboard!