Chapter 6

_An Apartment in LADY WAITFOR'T'S House._

_Enter WILLOUGHBY and SERVANT._

_Will._ [_To SERVANT._] Tell your mistress I shall be punctual to the appointment. [_Exit SERVANT._] So, thanks to fortune, Lady Waitfor't has at length consented to my entreaties, and this night makes Louisa mine for ever!--now to read the letter once more. [_Reads._

_Louisa accompanies me to-night to Lady Walton's, which you know is at the extremity of the town--on some pretence or other I'll tell her I have ordered the servant at the back gate which adjoins the paddock,--there I'll leave her--and if you have a chaise waiting near the spot, you may conduct her where you please.--You know my feelings on this occasion, but it is for her good only, I'll assure you--she don't deserve it, Mr Willoughby:--indeed she don't deserve it._

A. WAITFOR'T.

So--this is beyond my hopes!--ha! my Lord, and Louisa with him, come to receive Ennui, whom, to my astonishment, I met just now swearing and capering, and boasting of the vices of fashion--but no matter--I must to the rendezvous immediately--now, Louisa, tremble at my vengeance! [_Exit._

_Enter LORD SCRATCH and LOUISA._

_Lord._ Yes, yes:--Ennui will be here in an instant--but he's so reserved--and so mild--

_Louisa._ So I understand, sir--and so very silent, that he won't talk so much in a year, as I intend in an hour.

_Lord._ I know--that's the reason I bring him into parliament--he'll never speak--only say "Ay" or "No," and be up stairs to beef-steaks in an instant, [_Knock._] Here he is!--now encourage him--don't mind his diffidence--

_Louisa._ No, sir--I'll do all in my power to make him talk.

_Lord._ That's well--I'll leave you together--I won't interrupt you, [_Stamping without._] Odso!--I must get out of the way,--encourage him; Louisa--I beseech you encourage him! [_Exit._

_Ennui._ [_Without._] Stand by! no ceremony, damme!--

_Louisa._ Heaven!--is this diffidence?

_Enter ENNUI and SERVANT._

_Ennui._ Get down stairs, you dog--get down,--[_Exit SERVANT._] Here I am, ma'am:--ease is every thing--I'll seat myself--now for business!--yaw--aw!-- [_Yawns aside._

_Louisa._ Sir!

_Ennui._ In one word, I'll tell you my character,--I'm a lad of fashion!--I love gaming--I hate thinking--I like racing--I despise reading--I patronize boxing--I detest reasoning--I pay debts of honour,--not honourable debts--in short, I'll kick your servants--cheat your family, and fight your guardian--and so if you like me, take me--heh, damme!--I'm tired already!--yaw--aw. [_Yawns aside._

_Louisa._ Astonishing!--Mr Ennui--

_Ennui._ Ma'am? yaw--aw! [_Aside._

_Louisa._ Mr Ennui, can you be in your senses?

_Ennui._ In fact--I don't comprehend [_Forgetting himself._]--Oh--ay--senses! [_Recollecting himself._] a lad of fashion in his senses!--that's a very good joke!--if one of us had any sense, the rest would shut him up in a cabinet of curiosities, or show him as a wonderful animal:--they would, damme!--I can't support it!--yaw--aw! [_Yawns aside._

_Louisa._ So, you glory in your ignorance?

_Ennui._ Ma'am--yaw! aw! [_Aside._

_Louisa._ So, you glory in your ignorance--in your vices?

_Ennui._ I've an idea--I can't understand--[_Forgetting himself._]--vices! Oh:--ay, damme, to be sure; [_Recollecting himself._] you must be wicked, or you can't be visited--singularity is every thing,--every man must get a character, and I'll tell you how I first got mine:--I pretended to intrigue with my friend's wife,--paragraph'd myself in the newspapers,--got caricatured in the print-shops--made the story believed,--was abused by every body,--noticed for my gallantry by every body--and at length visited by every body--I was, damme!--I'm curst sleepy,--yaw--aw! [_Yawns aside._

_Louisa._ Incredible!--but if singularity is your system, perhaps being virtuous would make you as particular as any thing.

_Ennui._ Vastly well!--'gad, you're like me, a wit, and don't know it. [_Taking out his Watch._] How goes the enemy?--more than half the day over!--tol de rol lol! [_Humming a tune._] I'm as happy as if I was at a fire, or a general riot.--Come to my arms, thou angel--thou--[_As he goes to embrace her, LORD SCRATCH enters--he embraces him._] Ah,--Scratch!--my friend Scratch!--sit down, my old boy--sit down,--we've settled every thing. [_Forces him into a Chair, and sits by him._]

_Lord._ Why,--what is all this?

_Ennui._ She's to intrigue, and you and I are to go halves in the damages--some rich old Nabob--we'll draw him into _crim. con._--bring an action directly, and a ten thousand pound verdict at least--eh, damme!--

_Lord._ Why he's mad!--that dramatic maniac has bit him.

_Ennui._ Get a divorce--marry another, and go halves again, damme!

_Lord._ [_Rising._] Why, look ye, you impostor!--you--didn't you come here to pay your addresses to this lady? and wasn't I to bring you into parliament, for your quiet silent disposition?

_Ennui._ [_Pushing him out of his way._] Hold your tongue! out of the way, Scratch!--out of the way, or I'll do you a mischief--I will, damme!--Zounds!--a'nt I at the top of the beau monde? and don't I set the fashions?--if I was to cut off my head, wouldn't half the town do the same?--they would, damme!--I get sleepy again!--yaw--aw!-- [_Aside._

_Lord._ Here now!--here's a mandarin member;--why, he'd have bred a civil war!--made ten long speeches in a day!--cut your head off, indeed!--curse me but I wish you would--you must be silent then--you couldn't talk without a head, could you?

_Ennui._ Yes, in parliament--as well without a head as with one--do you think a man wants a head for a long speech, damme!--

_Enter SERVANT._

_Servant._ Her ladyship is waiting, ma'am.

_Louisa._ Oh, I attend her,--Mr Ennui, your most obedient.

_Ennui._ [_Taking her Hand._] With your leave, ma'am.--You see, Scratch--you see.

_Lord._ Why, Louisa!--

_Ennui._ Keep your distance, Scratch--contemplate your superiors,--look at me with the same awful respect a city beau looks at a prince,--this way, most angelic--Scratch, cut your head off--this way, most angelic. [_Exit with LOUISA._

_Lord._ Here's treatment!--was ever poor peer so tormented?--what am I to do?--I'll go to Lady Waitfor't, for from her alone I meet relief,--find a silent member, indeed!--by my privilege one might as soon find a pin in the ocean,--charity in a bench of bishops,--or wit in Westminster hall! [_Exit._

ACT THE FOURTH.