Chapter 21
MR. HARPIN, MR. THIBAUDIER, MR. BOBINET, CRIQUET.
HAR. By George! This is fine, and I rejoice to see what I see.
COUN. How! Mr. Receiver, what do you mean by this behaviour? Is it right to come and interrupt a comedy in that fashion?
HAR. By Jove, Madam, I am delighted at this adventure, and it shows me what I ought to think of you, and what I ought to believe of the assurances you gave me of the gift of your heart, and likewise of all your oaths of fidelity.
COUN. But, really, one should not come thus in the middle of a play and disturb an actor who is speaking.
HAR. Hah! zounds, the real comedy here is the one you are playing, and I care little if I disturb you.
COUN. Really, you do not know what you are saying.
HAR. Yes, d---- it, I know perfectly well; and ...
MR. BOBINET, _frightened, takes up the_ COUNT, _and runs away_; CRIQUET _follows him_.
COUN. Fie, Sir! How wrong it is to swear in that fashion!
HAR. Ah! 'sdeath! If there is anything bad here, it is not my swearing, but your actions; and it would be much better for you to swear by heaven and hell than to do what you do with the viscount.
VISC. I don't know, Sir, of what you have to complain; and if ...
HAR. (_to the_ VISCOUNT). I have nothing to say to you, Sir; you do right to push your fortune; that is quite natural; I see nothing strange in it, and I beg your pardon for interrupting your play. But neither can you find it strange that I complain of her proceedings; and we both have a right to do what we are doing.
VISC. I have nothing to say to that, and I do not know what cause of complaint you can have against her ladyship the Countess of Escarbagnas.
COUN. When one suffers from jealousy, one does not give way to such outbursts, but one comes peaceably to complain to the person beloved.
HAR. I complain peaceably!
COUN. Yes; one does not come and shout on the stage what should be said in private.
HAR. I came purposely to complain on the stage. 'Sdeath! it is the place that suits me best, and I should be glad if this were a real theatre so that I might expose you more publicly.
COUN. Is there need for such an uproar because the viscount gives a play in my honour? Just look at Mr. Thibaudier, who loves me; he acts more respectfully than you do.
HAR. Mr. Thibaudier does as he pleases; I don't know how far Mr. Thibaudier has got with you, but Mr. Thibaudier is no example for me. I don't like to pay the piper for other people to dance.
COUN. But, Mr. Receiver, you don't consider what you are saying. Women of rank are not treated thus, and those who hear you might believe that something strange had taken place between us.
HAR. Confound it all, Madam; let us cast aside all this foolery.
COUN. What do you mean by foolery?
HAR. I mean that I do not think it strange that you should yield to the viscount's merit; you are not the first woman in the world who plays such a part, and who has a receiver of taxes of whom the love and purse are betrayed for the first new comer who takes her fancy. But do not think it extraordinary that I do not care to be the dupe of an infidelity so common to coquettes of the period, and that I come before good company to say that I break with you, and that I, the receiver of taxes, will no more be taxed on your account.
COUN. It is really wonderful how angry lovers have become the fashion! We see nothing else anywhere. Come, come, Mr. Receiver, cast aside your anger, and come and take a seat to see the play.
HAR. I sit down? 'sdeath! not I! (_Showing_ MR. THIBAUDIER.) Look for a fool at your feet, my lady Countess; I give you up to my lord the viscount, and it is to him that I will send the letters I have received from you. My scene is ended, my part is played. Good night to all!
THI. We shall meet somewhere else, and I will show you that I am a man of the sword as well as of the pen.
HAR. Right, my good Mr. Thibaudier. (_Exit_.)
COUN. Such insolence confounds me!
VISC. The jealous, Madam, are like those who lose their cause; they have leave to say anything. Let us listen to the play now.