SCENE I.

_The Street._

_Enter_ COLONEL STANDARD _and_ VIZARD.

_Colonel S._ I bring him word where she lodged? I the civilest rival in the world? 'Tis impossible.

_Vizard._ I shall urge it no farther, sir. I only thought, sir, that my character in the world might add authority to my words, without so many repetitions.

_Colonel S._ Pardon me, dear Vizard. Our belief struggles hard, before it can be brought to yield to the disadvantage of what we love. But what said Sir Harry?

_Vizard._ He pitied the poor credulous colonel, laughed heartily, flew away with all the raptures of a bridegroom, repeating these lines:

A mistress ne'er can pall her lover's joys, Whose wit can whet, whene'er her beauty cloys.

_Colonel S._ A mistress ne'er can pall! By all my wrongs he whores her, and I am made their property.----Vengeance----Vizard, you must carry a note for me to Sir Harry.

_Vizard._ What, a challenge? I hope you don't design to fight?

_Colonel S._ What, wear the livery of my king, and pocket an affront? 'Twere an abuse to his sacred Majesty: a soldier's sword, Vizard, should start of itself, to redress its master's wrong.

_Vizard._ However, sir, I think it not proper for me to carry any such message between friends.

_Colonel S._ I have ne'er a servant here; what shall I do?

_Vizard._ There's Tom Errand, the porter, that plies at the Blue Posts, one who knows Sir Harry and his haunts very well; you may send a note by him.

_Colonel S._ Here, you, friend.

_Vizard._ I have now some business, and must take my leave; I would advise you, nevertheless, against this affair.

_Colonel S._ No whispering now, nor telling of friends, to prevent us. He, that disappoints a man of an honourable revenge, may love him foolishly like a wife, but never value him as a friend.

_Vizard._ Nay, the devil take him, that parts you, say I. [_Exit._

_Enter_ TOM ERRAND.

_Tom._ Did your honour call porter?

_Colonel S._ Is your name Tom Errand?

_Tom._ People call me so, an't like your worship.

_Colonel S._ D'ye know Sir Harry Wildair?

_Tom._ Ay, very well, sir; he's one of my best masters; many a round half crown have I had of his worship; he's newly come home from France, sir.

_Colonel S._ Go to the next coffee-house, and wait for me.----Oh, woman, woman, how blessed is man, when favoured by your smiles, and how accursed when all those smiles are found but wanton baits to sooth us to destruction. [_Exeunt._

_Enter_ SIR H. WILDAIR, _and_ CLINCHER SENIOR, _following_.

_Clinch. sen._ Sir, sir, sir, having some business of importance to communicate to you, I would beg your attention to a trifling affair, that I would impart to your understanding.

_Sir H._ What is your trifling business of importance, pray, sweet sir?

_Clinch. sen._ Pray, sir, are the roads deep between this and Paris?

_Sir H._ Why that question, sir?

_Clinch. sen._ Because I design to go to the jubilee, sir. I understand that you are a traveller, sir; there is an air of travel in the tie of your cravat, sir: there is indeed, sir----I suppose, sir, you bought this lace in Flanders.

_Sir H._ No, sir, this lace was made in Norway.

_Clinch. sen._ Norway, sir?

_Sir H._ Yes, sir, of the shavings of deal boards.

_Clinch. sen._ That's very strange now, 'faith--Lace made of the shavings of deal boards! 'Egad, sir, you travellers see very strange things abroad, very incredible things abroad, indeed. Well, I'll have a cravat of the very same lace before I come home.

_Sir H._ But, sir, what preparations have you made for your journey?

_Clinch. sen._ A case of pocket-pistols for the bravos, and a swimming-girdle.

_Sir H._ Why these, sir?

_Clinch. sen._ Oh, lord, sir, I'll tell you----Suppose us in Rome now; away goes I to some ball--for I'll be a mighty beau. Then, as I said, I go to some ball, or some bear-baiting--'tis all one, you know--then comes a fine Italian _bona roba_, and plucks me by the sleeve: Signior Angle, Signior Angle--She's a very fine lady, observe that--Signior Angle, says she--Signiora, says I, and trips after her to the corner of a street, suppose it Russel Street, here, or any other street: then, you know, I must invite her to the tavern; I can do no less----There up comes her bravo; the Italian grows saucy, and I give him an English dowse on the face: I can box, sir, box tightly; I was a 'prentice, sir----But then, sir, he whips out his stiletto, and I whips out my bull-dog--slaps him through, trips down stairs, turns the corner of Russel Street again, and whips me into the ambassador's train, and there I'm safe as a beau behind the scenes.

_Sir H._ Is your pistol charged, sir?

_Clinch. sen._ Only a brace of bullets, that's all, sir.

_Sir H._ 'Tis a very fine pistol, truly; pray let me see it.

_Clinch. sen._ With all my heart, sir.

_Sir H._ Harkye, Mr. Jubilee, can you digest a brace of bullets?

_Clinch. sen._ Oh, by no means in the world, sir.

_Sir H._ I'll try the strength of your stomach, however. Sir, you're a dead man. [_Presenting the Pistol to his Breast._

_Clinch. sen._ Consider, dear sir, I am going to the Jubilee: when I come home again, I am a dead man at your service.

_Sir H._ Oh, very well, sir; but take heed you are not so choleric for the future.

_Clinch. sen._ Choleric, sir! Oons, I design to shoot seven Italians in a week, sir.

_Sir H._ Sir, you won't have provocation.

_Clinch. sen._ Provocation, sir! Zouns, sir, I'll kill any man for treading upon my corns: and there will be a devilish throng of people there: they say that all the princes of Italy will be there.

_Sir H._ And all the fops and fiddlers in Europe----But the use of your swimming girdle, pray sir?

_Clinch. sen._ Oh lord, sir, that's easy. Suppose the ship cast away; now, whilst, other foolish people are busy at their prayers, I whip on my swimming girdle, clap a month's provision in my pocket, and sails me away, like an egg in a duck's belly. Well, sir, you must pardon me now, I'm going to see my mistress. [_Exit._

_Sir H._ This fellow's an accomplished ass before he goes abroad. Well, this Angelica has got into my heart, and I cannot get her out of my head. I must pay her t'other visit. [_Exit._