Part 25

[_Beating him._]

OFFICER. Good sir, be patient.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS. Nay, ’tis for me to be patient. I am in adversity.

OFFICER. Good now, hold thy tongue.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS. Nay, rather persuade him to hold his hands.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. Thou whoreson, senseless villain.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS. I would I were senseless, sir, that I might not feel your blows.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. Thou art sensible in nothing but blows, and so is an ass.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS. I am an ass indeed; you may prove it by my long ears. I have served him from the hour of my nativity to this instant, and have nothing at his hands for my service but blows. When I am cold, he heats me with beating; when I am warm he cools me with beating. I am waked with it when I sleep, raised with it when I sit, driven out of doors with it when I go from home, welcomed home with it when I return. Nay, I bear it on my shoulders as a beggar wont her brat; and I think when he hath lamed me, I shall beg with it from door to door.

Enter Adriana, Luciana, Courtesan and a Schoolmaster called Pinch.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. Come, go along, my wife is coming yonder.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS. Mistress, _respice finem_, respect your end, or rather, the prophesy like the parrot, “Beware the rope’s end.”

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. Wilt thou still talk?

[_Beats him._]

COURTESAN. How say you now? Is not your husband mad?

ADRIANA. His incivility confirms no less. Good Doctor Pinch, you are a conjurer; Establish him in his true sense again, And I will please you what you will demand.

LUCIANA. Alas, how fiery and how sharp he looks!

COURTESAN. Mark how he trembles in his ecstasy.

PINCH. Give me your hand, and let me feel your pulse.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. There is my hand, and let it feel your ear.

PINCH. I charge thee, Satan, hous’d within this man, To yield possession to my holy prayers, And to thy state of darkness hie thee straight. I conjure thee by all the saints in heaven.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. Peace, doting wizard, peace; I am not mad.

ADRIANA. O, that thou wert not, poor distressed soul!

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. You minion, you, are these your customers? Did this companion with the saffron face Revel and feast it at my house today, Whilst upon me the guilty doors were shut, And I denied to enter in my house?

ADRIANA. O husband, God doth know you din’d at home, Where would you had remain’d until this time, Free from these slanders and this open shame.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. Din’d at home? Thou villain, what sayest thou?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS. Sir, sooth to say, you did not dine at home.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. Were not my doors lock’d up and I shut out?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS. Perdy, your doors were lock’d, and you shut out.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. And did not she herself revile me there?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS. Sans fable, she herself revil’d you there.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. Did not her kitchen-maid rail, taunt, and scorn me?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS. Certes, she did, the kitchen-vestal scorn’d you.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. And did not I in rage depart from thence?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS. In verity, you did; my bones bear witness, That since have felt the vigour of his rage.

ADRIANA. Is’t good to soothe him in these contraries?

PINCH. It is no shame; the fellow finds his vein, And yielding to him, humours well his frenzy.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. Thou hast suborn’d the goldsmith to arrest me.

ADRIANA. Alas! I sent you money to redeem you By Dromio here, who came in haste for it.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS. Money by me? Heart and goodwill you might, But surely, master, not a rag of money.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. Went’st not thou to her for a purse of ducats?

ADRIANA. He came to me, and I deliver’d it.

LUCIANA. And I am witness with her that she did.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS. God and the rope-maker bear me witness That I was sent for nothing but a rope.

PINCH. Mistress, both man and master is possess’d, I know it by their pale and deadly looks. They must be bound and laid in some dark room.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. Say, wherefore didst thou lock me forth today, And why dost thou deny the bag of gold?

ADRIANA. I did not, gentle husband, lock thee forth.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS. And gentle master, I receiv’d no gold; But I confess, sir, that we were lock’d out.

ADRIANA. Dissembling villain, thou speak’st false in both.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. Dissembling harlot, thou art false in all, And art confederate with a damned pack To make a loathsome abject scorn of me. But with these nails I’ll pluck out these false eyes That would behold in me this shameful sport.

[_Enter three or four, and offer to bind him. He strives. _]

ADRIANA. O, bind him, bind him; let him not come near me.

PINCH. More company; the fiend is strong within him.

LUCIANA. Ay me, poor man, how pale and wan he looks!

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. What, will you murder me? Thou jailer, thou, I am thy prisoner. Wilt thou suffer them To make a rescue?

OFFICER. Masters, let him go. He is my prisoner, and you shall not have him.

PINCH. Go, bind this man, for he is frantic too.

ADRIANA. What wilt thou do, thou peevish officer? Hast thou delight to see a wretched man Do outrage and displeasure to himself?

OFFICER. He is my prisoner. If I let him go, The debt he owes will be requir’d of me.

ADRIANA. I will discharge thee ere I go from thee; Bear me forthwith unto his creditor, And knowing how the debt grows, I will pay it. Good master doctor, see him safe convey’d Home to my house. O most unhappy day!

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. O most unhappy strumpet!

DROMIO OF EPHESUS. Master, I am here enter’d in bond for you.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. Out on thee, villain! wherefore dost thou mad me?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS. Will you be bound for nothing? Be mad, good master; cry, “the devil”.

LUCIANA. God help, poor souls, how idly do they talk!

ADRIANA. Go bear him hence. Sister, go you with me.

[_Exeunt Pinch and Assistants, with Antipholus of Ephesus and Dromio of Ephesus._]

Say now, whose suit is he arrested at?

OFFICER. One Angelo, a goldsmith; do you know him?

ADRIANA. I know the man. What is the sum he owes?

OFFICER. Two hundred ducats.

ADRIANA. Say, how grows it due?

OFFICER. Due for a chain your husband had of him.

ADRIANA. He did bespeak a chain for me, but had it not.

COURTESAN. When as your husband, all in rage, today Came to my house and took away my ring, The ring I saw upon his finger now, Straight after did I meet him with a chain.

ADRIANA. It may be so, but I did never see it. Come, jailer, bring me where the goldsmith is, I long to know the truth hereof at large.

Enter Antipholus of Syracuse with his rapier drawn, and Dromio of Syracuse.

LUCIANA. God, for thy mercy, they are loose again!

ADRIANA. And come with naked swords. Let’s call more help To have them bound again.

OFFICER. Away, they’ll kill us.

[_Exeunt, as fast as may be, frighted._]

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE. I see these witches are afraid of swords.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. She that would be your wife now ran from you.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE. Come to the Centaur, fetch our stuff from thence. I long that we were safe and sound aboard.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. Faith, stay here this night, they will surely do us no harm; you saw they speak us fair, give us gold. Methinks they are such a gentle nation that, but for the mountain of mad flesh that claims marriage of me, I could find in my heart to stay here still and turn witch.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE. I will not stay tonight for all the town; Therefore away, to get our stuff aboard.

[_Exeunt._]

ACT V

SCENE I. The same

Enter Merchant and Angelo.

ANGELO. I am sorry, sir, that I have hinder’d you, But I protest he had the chain of me, Though most dishonestly he doth deny it.

MERCHANT. How is the man esteem’d here in the city?

ANGELO. Of very reverend reputation, sir, Of credit infinite, highly belov’d, Second to none that lives here in the city. His word might bear my wealth at any time.

MERCHANT. Speak softly. Yonder, as I think, he walks.

Enter Antipholus of Syracuse and Dromio of Syracuse.

ANGELO. ’Tis so; and that self chain about his neck Which he forswore most monstrously to have. Good sir, draw near to me, I’ll speak to him. Signior Antipholus, I wonder much That you would put me to this shame and trouble, And not without some scandal to yourself, With circumstance and oaths so to deny This chain, which now you wear so openly. Beside the charge, the shame, imprisonment, You have done wrong to this my honest friend, Who, but for staying on our controversy, Had hoisted sail and put to sea today. This chain you had of me, can you deny it?

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE. I think I had: I never did deny it.

MERCHANT. Yes, that you did, sir, and forswore it too.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE. Who heard me to deny it or forswear it?

MERCHANT. These ears of mine, thou know’st, did hear thee. Fie on thee, wretch. ’Tis pity that thou liv’st To walk where any honest men resort.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE. Thou art a villain to impeach me thus; I’ll prove mine honour and mine honesty Against thee presently, if thou dar’st stand.

MERCHANT. I dare, and do defy thee for a villain.

[_They draw._]

Enter Adriana, Luciana, Courtesan and others.

ADRIANA. Hold, hurt him not, for God’s sake, he is mad. Some get within him, take his sword away. Bind Dromio too, and bear them to my house.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. Run, master, run, for God’s sake, take a house. This is some priory; in, or we are spoil’d.

[_Exeunt Antipholus of Syracuse and Dromio of Syracuse to the priory._]

Enter Lady Abbess.

ABBESS. Be quiet, people. Wherefore throng you hither?

ADRIANA. To fetch my poor distracted husband hence. Let us come in, that we may bind him fast And bear him home for his recovery.

ANGELO. I knew he was not in his perfect wits.

MERCHANT. I am sorry now that I did draw on him.

ABBESS. How long hath this possession held the man?

ADRIANA. This week he hath been heavy, sour, sad, And much different from the man he was. But till this afternoon his passion Ne’er brake into extremity of rage.

ABBESS. Hath he not lost much wealth by wreck of sea? Buried some dear friend? Hath not else his eye Stray’d his affection in unlawful love? A sin prevailing much in youthful men Who give their eyes the liberty of gazing? Which of these sorrows is he subject to?

ADRIANA. To none of these, except it be the last, Namely, some love that drew him oft from home.

ABBESS. You should for that have reprehended him.

ADRIANA. Why, so I did.

ABBESS. Ay, but not rough enough.

ADRIANA. As roughly as my modesty would let me.

ABBESS. Haply in private.

ADRIANA. And in assemblies too.

ABBESS. Ay, but not enough.

ADRIANA. It was the copy of our conference. In bed he slept not for my urging it; At board he fed not for my urging it; Alone, it was the subject of my theme; In company I often glanced it; Still did I tell him it was vile and bad.

ABBESS. And thereof came it that the man was mad. The venom clamours of a jealous woman Poisons more deadly than a mad dog’s tooth. It seems his sleeps were hindered by thy railing, And thereof comes it that his head is light. Thou say’st his meat was sauc’d with thy upbraidings. Unquiet meals make ill digestions; Thereof the raging fire of fever bred, And what’s a fever but a fit of madness? Thou say’st his sports were hinder’d by thy brawls. Sweet recreation barr’d, what doth ensue But moody and dull melancholy, Kinsman to grim and comfortless despair, And at her heels a huge infectious troop Of pale distemperatures and foes to life? In food, in sport, and life-preserving rest To be disturb’d would mad or man or beast. The consequence is, then, thy jealous fits Hath scar’d thy husband from the use of’s wits.

LUCIANA. She never reprehended him but mildly, When he demean’d himself rough, rude, and wildly. Why bear you these rebukes and answer not?

ADRIANA. She did betray me to my own reproof. Good people, enter and lay hold on him.

ABBESS. No, not a creature enters in my house.

ADRIANA. Then let your servants bring my husband forth.

ABBESS. Neither. He took this place for sanctuary, And it shall privilege him from your hands Till I have brought him to his wits again, Or lose my labour in assaying it.

ADRIANA. I will attend my husband, be his nurse, Diet his sickness, for it is my office, And will have no attorney but myself; And therefore let me have him home with me.

ABBESS. Be patient, for I will not let him stir Till I have used the approved means I have, With wholesome syrups, drugs, and holy prayers, To make of him a formal man again. It is a branch and parcel of mine oath, A charitable duty of my order; Therefore depart, and leave him here with me.

ADRIANA. I will not hence and leave my husband here; And ill it doth beseem your holiness To separate the husband and the wife.

ABBESS. Be quiet and depart. Thou shalt not have him.

[_Exit Abbess._]

LUCIANA. Complain unto the duke of this indignity.

ADRIANA. Come, go. I will fall prostrate at his feet, And never rise until my tears and prayers Have won his grace to come in person hither And take perforce my husband from the abbess.

MERCHANT. By this, I think, the dial points at five. Anon, I’m sure, the Duke himself in person Comes this way to the melancholy vale, The place of death and sorry execution Behind the ditches of the abbey here.

ANGELO. Upon what cause?

MERCHANT. To see a reverend Syracusian merchant, Who put unluckily into this bay Against the laws and statutes of this town, Beheaded publicly for his offence.

ANGELO. See where they come. We will behold his death.

LUCIANA. Kneel to the Duke before he pass the abbey.

Enter the Duke, attended; Egeon, bareheaded; with the Headsman and other Officers.

DUKE. Yet once again proclaim it publicly, If any friend will pay the sum for him, He shall not die; so much we tender him.

ADRIANA. Justice, most sacred duke, against the abbess!

DUKE. She is a virtuous and a reverend lady, It cannot be that she hath done thee wrong.

ADRIANA. May it please your grace, Antipholus, my husband, Who I made lord of me and all I had At your important letters, this ill day A most outrageous fit of madness took him; That desp’rately he hurried through the street, With him his bondman all as mad as he, Doing displeasure to the citizens By rushing in their houses, bearing thence Rings, jewels, anything his rage did like. Once did I get him bound and sent him home, Whilst to take order for the wrongs I went, That here and there his fury had committed. Anon, I wot not by what strong escape, He broke from those that had the guard of him, And with his mad attendant and himself, Each one with ireful passion, with drawn swords, Met us again, and, madly bent on us, Chased us away; till raising of more aid, We came again to bind them. Then they fled Into this abbey, whither we pursued them. And here the abbess shuts the gates on us, And will not suffer us to fetch him out, Nor send him forth that we may bear him hence. Therefore, most gracious duke, with thy command Let him be brought forth and borne hence for help.

DUKE. Long since thy husband serv’d me in my wars, And I to thee engag’d a prince’s word, When thou didst make him master of thy bed, To do him all the grace and good I could. Go, some of you, knock at the abbey gate, And bid the lady abbess come to me. I will determine this before I stir.

Enter a Messenger.

MESSENGER. O mistress, mistress, shift and save yourself. My master and his man are both broke loose, Beaten the maids a-row, and bound the doctor, Whose beard they have singed off with brands of fire, And ever as it blazed they threw on him Great pails of puddled mire to quench the hair. My master preaches patience to him, and the while His man with scissors nicks him like a fool; And sure (unless you send some present help) Between them they will kill the conjurer.

ADRIANA. Peace, fool, thy master and his man are here, And that is false thou dost report to us.

MESSENGER. Mistress, upon my life, I tell you true. I have not breath’d almost since I did see it. He cries for you, and vows, if he can take you, To scorch your face and to disfigure you.

[_Cry within._]

Hark, hark, I hear him, mistress. Fly, be gone!

DUKE. Come, stand by me, fear nothing. Guard with halberds.

ADRIANA. Ay me, it is my husband. Witness you That he is borne about invisible. Even now we hous’d him in the abbey here, And now he’s there, past thought of human reason.

Enter Antipholus and Dromio of Ephesus.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. Justice, most gracious duke; O, grant me justice! Even for the service that long since I did thee When I bestrid thee in the wars, and took Deep scars to save thy life; even for the blood That then I lost for thee, now grant me justice.

EGEON. Unless the fear of death doth make me dote, I see my son Antipholus and Dromio.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. Justice, sweet prince, against that woman there. She whom thou gav’st to me to be my wife; That hath abused and dishonour’d me Even in the strength and height of injury. Beyond imagination is the wrong That she this day hath shameless thrown on me.

DUKE. Discover how, and thou shalt find me just.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. This day, great duke, she shut the doors upon me While she with harlots feasted in my house.

DUKE. A grievous fault. Say, woman, didst thou so?

ADRIANA. No, my good lord. Myself, he, and my sister Today did dine together. So befall my soul As this is false he burdens me withal.

LUCIANA. Ne’er may I look on day nor sleep on night But she tells to your highness simple truth.

ANGELO. O perjur’d woman! They are both forsworn. In this the madman justly chargeth them.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. My liege, I am advised what I say, Neither disturb’d with the effect of wine, Nor heady-rash, provok’d with raging ire, Albeit my wrongs might make one wiser mad. This woman lock’d me out this day from dinner. That goldsmith there, were he not pack’d with her, Could witness it, for he was with me then, Who parted with me to go fetch a chain, Promising to bring it to the Porpentine, Where Balthasar and I did dine together. Our dinner done, and he not coming thither, I went to seek him. In the street I met him, And in his company that gentleman. There did this perjur’d goldsmith swear me down That I this day of him receiv’d the chain, Which, God he knows, I saw not. For the which He did arrest me with an officer. I did obey, and sent my peasant home For certain ducats. He with none return’d. Then fairly I bespoke the officer To go in person with me to my house. By th’ way we met My wife, her sister, and a rabble more Of vile confederates. Along with them They brought one Pinch, a hungry lean-faced villain, A mere anatomy, a mountebank, A threadbare juggler, and a fortune-teller; A needy, hollow-ey’d, sharp-looking wretch; A living dead man. This pernicious slave, Forsooth, took on him as a conjurer, And gazing in mine eyes, feeling my pulse, And with no face (as ’twere) outfacing me, Cries out, I was possess’d. Then altogether They fell upon me, bound me, bore me thence, And in a dark and dankish vault at home There left me and my man, both bound together, Till gnawing with my teeth my bonds in sunder, I gain’d my freedom and immediately Ran hither to your Grace, whom I beseech To give me ample satisfaction For these deep shames and great indignities.

ANGELO. My lord, in truth, thus far I witness with him, That he din’d not at home, but was lock’d out.

DUKE. But had he such a chain of thee, or no?

ANGELO. He had, my lord, and when he ran in here These people saw the chain about his neck.

MERCHANT. Besides, I will be sworn these ears of mine Heard you confess you had the chain of him, After you first forswore it on the mart, And thereupon I drew my sword on you; And then you fled into this abbey here, From whence I think you are come by miracle.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. I never came within these abbey walls, Nor ever didst thou draw thy sword on me. I never saw the chain, so help me heaven; And this is false you burden me withal.

DUKE. Why, what an intricate impeach is this! I think you all have drunk of Circe’s cup. If here you hous’d him, here he would have been. If he were mad, he would not plead so coldly. You say he din’d at home, the goldsmith here Denies that saying. Sirrah, what say you?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS. Sir, he dined with her there, at the Porpentine.

COURTESAN. He did, and from my finger snatch’d that ring.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. ’Tis true, my liege, this ring I had of her.

DUKE. Saw’st thou him enter at the abbey here?

COURTESAN. As sure, my liege, as I do see your grace.

DUKE. Why, this is strange. Go call the abbess hither. I think you are all mated, or stark mad.

[_Exit one to the Abbess._]

EGEON. Most mighty Duke, vouchsafe me speak a word; Haply I see a friend will save my life And pay the sum that may deliver me.

DUKE. Speak freely, Syracusian, what thou wilt.

EGEON. Is not your name, sir, call’d Antipholus? And is not that your bondman Dromio?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS. Within this hour I was his bondman, sir, But he, I thank him, gnaw’d in two my cords. Now am I Dromio, and his man, unbound.

EGEON. I am sure you both of you remember me.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS. Ourselves we do remember, sir, by you. For lately we were bound as you are now. You are not Pinch’s patient, are you, sir?

EGEON. Why look you strange on me? you know me well.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. I never saw you in my life till now.

EGEON. O! grief hath chang’d me since you saw me last, And careful hours with time’s deformed hand, Have written strange defeatures in my face. But tell me yet, dost thou not know my voice?

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. Neither.

EGEON. Dromio, nor thou?

DROMIO OF EPHESUS. No, trust me, sir, nor I.

EGEON. I am sure thou dost.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS. Ay, sir, but I am sure I do not, and whatsoever a man denies, you are now bound to believe him.

EGEON. Not know my voice! O time’s extremity, Hast thou so crack’d and splitted my poor tongue In seven short years that here my only son Knows not my feeble key of untun’d cares? Though now this grained face of mine be hid In sap-consuming winter’s drizzled snow, And all the conduits of my blood froze up, Yet hath my night of life some memory, My wasting lamps some fading glimmer left, My dull deaf ears a little use to hear. All these old witnesses, I cannot err, Tell me thou art my son Antipholus.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. I never saw my father in my life.

EGEON. But seven years since, in Syracusa, boy, Thou know’st we parted; but perhaps, my son, Thou sham’st to acknowledge me in misery.

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. The duke and all that know me in the city, Can witness with me that it is not so. I ne’er saw Syracusa in my life.

DUKE. I tell thee, Syracusian, twenty years Have I been patron to Antipholus, During which time he ne’er saw Syracusa. I see thy age and dangers make thee dote.

Enter the Abbess with Antipholus of Syracuse and Dromio of Syracuse.

ABBESS. Most mighty duke, behold a man much wrong’d.

[_All gather to see them._]

ADRIANA. I see two husbands, or mine eyes deceive me.

DUKE. One of these men is _genius_ to the other; And so of these, which is the natural man, And which the spirit? Who deciphers them?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. I, sir, am Dromio, command him away.

DROMIO OF EPHESUS. I, sir, am Dromio, pray let me stay.

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE. Egeon, art thou not? or else his ghost?

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. O, my old master, who hath bound him here?

ABBESS. Whoever bound him, I will loose his bonds, And gain a husband by his liberty. Speak, old Egeon, if thou be’st the man That hadst a wife once called Emilia, That bore thee at a burden two fair sons. O, if thou be’st the same Egeon, speak, And speak unto the same Emilia!