The Complete Works of Artemus Ward (HTML edition)

any other current matter. There was hardly a club-meeting or a dinner at which they were not discussed. "There was something so grotesque in the idea," said a correspondent, "of...

I was carried to Montgomry in iuns and placed in durans vial. The jail was a ornery edifiss, but the table was librally surplied with Bakin an Cabbidge. This was a good variety,...

MR. PUNCH: My dear Sir,--You prob'ly didn't meet my uncle Wilyim when he was on these shores. I jedge so from the fack that his pursoots wasn't litrary. Commerce, which it has b...

In overhaulin one of my old trunks the tother day, I found the follerin jernal of a vyge on the starnch canawl bote, Polly Ann, which happened to the subscriber when I was a you...

A manly Mormon, one evening, as the sun was preparing to set among a select apartment of gold and crimson clouds in the western horizon--although for that matter the sun has a r...

The fame of Artemus Ward culminated in his last lectures at Egyptian Hall, Piccadilly, the final one breaking off abruptly on the evening of the 23d of January, 1867. That night...

The Cruise of the Polly Ann. Betsy-Jain Re-organized. A. Ward's Autobiography. The Serenade. O'Bourcy's "Arrah-na-Pogue." Artemus Ward among the Fenians. Artemus Ward in Washing...

"This is the last of Earth."--Page. "The hope of America lies in its well-conducted school-houses."--Bone. "I wish it to be distinctly understood that I want the Union to be Res...

He had bin to France and now he was home agin in Bostin, which gave birth to a Bunker Hill!! He had some trouble in gitting hisself acknowledged as Juke in France, as the Orlean...

It was evening, it was. The Star of the Evening, Beautiful Star, shone brilliantly, adorning the sky with those "Neutral" tints which have characterized all British skies ever s...

"Go forth, Clarence Stanley! Hence to the bleak world, dog! You have repaid my generosity with the blackest ingratitude. You have forged my name on a five thousand dollar check-...

Thrilling as the scenes depicted in the preceding chapter indubitably were, those of this are decidedly THRILLINGER. Again are we in the mighty presence of the King, and again i...

Reginald Gloverson was a young and thrifty Mormon, with an interesting family of twenty young and handsome wives. His unions had never been blessed with children. As often as on...

Reginald's heart-broken mother took the body home to her unfortunate son's widows. But before her arrival she indiscreetly sent a boy to Bust the news gently to the afflicted wi...

The tyrant Richard the III. (late Mr. Gloster) sat upon his throne in the Palace d' St. Cloud. He was dressed in his best clothes, and gorgeous trappings surrounded him everywhe...

Sixteen long and weary years has elapst since the seens narrated in the last chapter took place. A noble ship, the Sary Jane, is a sailin from France to Ameriky via the Wabash C...

My story opens in the classic presinks of Bostin. In the parler of a bloated aristocratic mansion on Bacon street sits a luvly young lady, whose hair is cuvered ore with the fro...

Philander Reed struggled with spool-thread and tape in a dry-goods store at Ogdensburg, on the St. Lawrence River, State of New York. He Rallied Round the Flag, Boys, and Hailed...

Moses was foreman of Engine Co. No. 40. Forty's fellers had just bin havin an annual reunion with Fifty's fellers, on the day I introjuce Moses to my readers, and Moses had his...

Mabel Tucker was an orphan. Her father, Dan Tucker, was run over one day by a train of cars though he needn't have been, for the kind-hearted engineer told him to Git out of the...

Our story opens in the early part of the year 17--. France was rocking wildly from centre to circumference. The arch despot and unscrupulous man, Richard the III., was trembling...

The funeral passed off in a very pleasant manner, nothing occuring to mar the harmony of the occasion. By a happy thought of Reginald's mother, the wives walked to the grave twe...

Philander Reed hadn't three hundred dollars, being a dead-broken Reed, so he must either become one of the noble Band who are Coming, Father Abraham, three hundred thousand more...

Mr. Ward's first Business Letter On "Forts" The Shakers High-handed Outrage at Utica Atlantic Cable Celebration at Baldinsville Among the Spirits On the Wing The Octoroon Oberli...

Moses the Sassy; or, The Disguised Duke. Marion: A Romance of the French School. William Barker, the Young Patriot A Romance--The Conscript. A Romance--Only a Mechanic. Roberto...

The Show is Confiscated. Thrilling Scenes in Dixie. Fourth of July Oration The War Fever in Baldinsville. A War Meeting. The Draft in Baldinsville. Surrender of Cornwallis. Thin...

On the Steamer. The Isthmus. Mexico. California. Washoe. Mr. Pepper. Horace Greeley's Ride to Placerville. To Reese River. Great Salt Lake City. The Mountain Fever. "I am Here."...

Arrival in London. Personal Recollections. The Green Lion and Oliver Cromwell. At the Tomb of Shakespeare. Introduction to the Club. The Tower of London. Science and Natural His...