Chapter 51

HELL.

1. Hell is a city much like London-- A populous and a smoky city; There are all sorts of people undone, And there is little or no fun done; _150 Small justice shown, and still less pity.

2. There is a Castles, and a Canning, A Cobbett, and a Castlereagh; All sorts of caitiff corpses planning All sorts of cozening for trepanning _155 Corpses less corrupt than they.

3. There is a ***, who has lost His wits, or sold them, none knows which; He walks about a double ghost, And though as thin as Fraud almost-- _160 Ever grows more grim and rich.

4. There is a Chancery Court; a King; A manufacturing mob; a set Of thieves who by themselves are sent Similar thieves to represent; _165 An army; and a public debt.

5. Which last is a scheme of paper money, And means--being interpreted-- 'Bees, keep your wax--give us the honey, And we will plant, while skies are sunny, _170 Flowers, which in winter serve instead.'

6. There is a great talk of revolution-- And a great chance of despotism-- German soldiers--camps--confusion-- Tumults--lotteries--rage--delusion-- _175 Gin--suicide--and methodism;

7. Taxes too, on wine and bread, And meat, and beer, and tea, and cheese, From which those patriots pure are fed, Who gorge before they reel to bed _180 The tenfold essence of all these.

8. There are mincing women, mewing, (Like cats, who amant misere,) Of their own virtue, and pursuing Their gentler sisters to that ruin, _185 Without which--what were chastity?(2)

9. Lawyers--judges--old hobnobbers Are there--bailiffs--chancellors-- Bishops--great and little robbers-- Rhymesters--pamphleteers--stock-jobbers-- _190 Men of glory in the wars,--

10. Things whose trade is, over ladies To lean, and flirt, and stare, and simper, Till all that is divine in woman Grows cruel, courteous, smooth, inhuman, _195 Crucified 'twixt a smile and whimper.

11. Thrusting, toiling, wailing, moiling, Frowning, preaching--such a riot! Each with never-ceasing labour, Whilst he thinks he cheats his neighbour, _200 Cheating his own heart of quiet.

12. And all these meet at levees;-- Dinners convivial and political;-- Suppers of epic poets;--teas, Where small talk dies in agonies;-- _205 Breakfasts professional and critical;

13. Lunches and snacks so aldermanic That one would furnish forth ten dinners, Where reigns a Cretan-tongued panic, Lest news Russ, Dutch, or Alemannic _210 Should make some losers, and some winners--

45. At conversazioni--balls-- Conventicles--and drawing-rooms-- Courts of law--committees--calls Of a morning--clubs--book-stalls-- _215 Churches--masquerades--and tombs.

15. And this is Hell--and in this smother All are damnable and damned; Each one damning, damns the other; They are damned by one another, _220 By none other are they damned.

16. 'Tis a lie to say, 'God damns'! (1) Where was Heaven's Attorney General When they first gave out such flams? Let there be an end of shams, _225 They are mines of poisonous mineral.

17. Statesmen damn themselves to be Cursed; and lawyers damn their souls To the auction of a fee; Churchmen damn themselves to see _230 God's sweet love in burning coals.

18. The rich are damned, beyond all cure, To taunt, and starve, and trample on The weak and wretched; and the poor Damn their broken hearts to endure _235 Stripe on stripe, with groan on groan.

19. Sometimes the poor are damned indeed To take,--not means for being blessed,-- But Cobbett's snuff, revenge; that weed From which the worms that it doth feed _240 Squeeze less than they before possessed.

20. And some few, like we know who, Damned--but God alone knows why-- To believe their minds are given To make this ugly Hell a Heaven; _245 In which faith they live and die.

21. Thus, as in a town, plague-stricken, Each man be he sound or no Must indifferently sicken; As when day begins to thicken, _250 None knows a pigeon from a crow,--

22. So good and bad, sane and mad, The oppressor and the oppressed; Those who weep to see what others Smile to inflict upon their brothers; _255 Lovers, haters, worst and best;

23. All are damned--they breathe an air, Thick, infected, joy-dispelling: Each pursues what seems most fair, Mining like moles, through mind, and there _260 Scoop palace-caverns vast, where Care In throned state is ever dwelling.