The Comic Almanack, Volume 1 An Ephemeris in Jest and Earnest, Containing Merry Tales, Humerous Poetry, Quips, and Oddities

A SECOND SERIES of "_THE COMIC ALMANACK_," embracing the years 1844—53, a ten years' gathering of the BEST HUMOUR, the WITTIEST SAYINGS, the Drollest Quips, and the Best Things...

┌─────────────┬───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ │1835.] │ FEBRUARY. │ ├─────────────┼───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┤ │ │Birds, t...

┌─────────────┬───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ │1835.] │ APRIL. │ ├─────────────┼───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┤ │ │ Opera open...

┌─────────────┬───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ │1835.] │ JUNE. │ ├─────────────┼───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┤ │ │Of all the f...

┌─────────────┬───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ │1835.] │ AUGUST. │ ├─────────────┼───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┤ │ │ In AUGUST...

┌─────────────┬───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ │1835.] │ SEPTEMBER. │ ├─────────────┼───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┤ │ │Boiling...

┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┬────────────┐ │ NOVEMBER. │ [1835.│ ├─────────────┬──────────────────────────────────────────┴────────────┤ │ │Now razo...

MISS ARABELLA WILHELMINA WIGGINs is the pattern of gentility: She never utters vulgar words, but talks just like nobility. I met her at Vauxhall, last year, and she gave me a sa...

"No lamps shall blaze in this spacious hall, But farthing rushlights, lank and small, Some cook-shop's dining-room shall grace, Where _Mister_ Mayor, with sword and mace, And al...

┌─────────────┬───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ │1836.] │ JUNE. │ ├─────────────┼───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┤ │ │The Midsumme...

┌─────────────┬───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ │ 1836.] │ AUGUST. │ ├─────────────┴───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┤ │Perhaps the...

┌─────────────┬───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ │1836.] │ OCTOBER. │ ├─────────────┼───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┤ │ │The sum o...

┌─────────────┬───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ │1836.] │ NOVEMBER. │ ├─────────────┼───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┤ │ │When goo...

┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┬────────────┐ │ JANUARY. │ [1837.│ ├──┬─────────────────────────────────────────────────────┴────────────┤ │ │ Now folk...

┌─────────────────────────────────────────────────────┬───────────────┐ │ MARCH. │[Illustration] │ ├─────────────────────────────────────────────────────┼───────────────┤ │Come,...

We shall never have anything to eat all day if you don't stir yourself, and not go on at that horrid slow rate.——Oh, Lord! the bottom's out, and every bit of meat and drink, and...

┌────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┬────────────┐ │ JUNE. │ [1837.│ ├──┬─────────────────────────────────────────────────────┴────────────┤ │ │Pattern of p...

┌──┬──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ │ │[Illustration] AUGUST. │ ├──┴──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┤ │ The...

┌─────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐ │ [Illustration] OCTOBER. │ ├──┬──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────┤ │ │ H...

┌───────────────────────────────────────────────────┬─────────────────┐ │ DECEMBER. │ [1837.│ ├──┬────────────────────────────────────────────────┴─────────────────┤ │ │"Last sc...

The Queen of Hearts, VIRGO, a bright constellation, (That she'll turn up a trump is the hope of the nation), By a whole pack of outlandish knaves who are suing, Is sorely beset,...

Sir Andrew Agnew, oh! thou scourge of sinners, Thou legislator against vice And nice Hot Sunday dinners! What shall we do Now thou art gone—thou and Sir Oswald[3] too— To make m...

"And there! there's a spectacle! that lovely _rainbow_!" I felt as if I could have committed homicide upon the provoking creature, and clenched my walking-stick umbrella with th...

I rite to inform you our caws is quite the top of the tree in these parts, nerely all the publicks is ruined and shut up quite private, the checkers is xchecker'd—the baileaves...

Mysterious Murphy, whose transcendent skill Makes hail, rain, vapour, Come forth obsequious to your will,— At least on paper,— Tell us what famous college Bestow'd your wondrous...

But cut I will, and that full soon, For some fair land where freedom lingers, Where I can feed me with a spoon, Or, like a Frenchman, use my fingers.

"And what care I for family, my love," said I, tenderly kissing the knuckles of the hand which I held; "she must have been an angel who gave birth to you."

"Nothing of that sort, Clopper—no, no—'pon honour—little Bob Stubbs is no _libertine_; and the story is very simple. You see that my father has a small place, merely a few hundr...

Well, I came the next day, and left a card for Dobble, with a note: he neither returned my visit, nor answered my note. The day after, however, I met him with the widow, as befo...

"Vat! you begin to gry and blobber like a shild? you vood marry, vood you, and noting vood do for you but a vife vid monny—ha, ha—but you vere de pigeon, and she vas de grow. Sh...

Through streets of _canvas_ caravanseras, all _soliciting_ their custom, our _tria juncta_ reach _the ropes_ as the word runs along _the lines_, "The Queen is coming!" "Let me s...

We were speedily installed in our fine house: but what's a house without friends? Jemmy made me _cut_ all my old acquaintances in the market, and I was a solitary being, when, l...

Our ball had failed so completely, that Jemmy, who was bent still upon fashion, caught eagerly at Tagrag's suggestion, and went down to Tuggeridgeville. If we had a difficulty t...

After the aperture, as they call it, comes the opera, which, as I am given to understand, is the Italian for singing. Why they should sing in Italian, I can't conceive; or why t...

Her Highness the Princess of Schloppenzollernschwigmaringen, the Duke of Sacks Tubbingen, His Excellency Baron Strumpff, His Excellency Lootf-Allee-Koolee-Bismillah-Mohamed-Rush...

As soon as this young cab chap put himself into a fighting attitude, Master Tuggeridge Coxe—who had been standing by, laughing very rudely, I thought—Master Tuggeridge Coxe, I s...

Poor Orlando Crump came to see us every day; and we, who had never taken the slightest notice of him, in Portland Place, and treated him so cruelly that day, at Beulah Spa, were...

That biggest cake, so prime and nice, What's its price? Guineas two!—well, there I'm done! What's the other?—guinea one! Humph! that little 'un—you can buy For half-a-guinea:—O...

Pray, who is the fellow of infinite fun, Of whom men declare that his _wit_, like the _sun_, Shines and sparkles along—that its bright sallies glide Like a fresh summer river at...

A lady with a ruby nose, and skin all blotched about, Who suddenly perceived that gin put her complexion out, Soon took a "water vow," right well determined none should warp it,...

"Yestoday i vissitted the ile of Dogs and spent the hevening at the indyan Bow Wow, wich, deer wilyam, a indyan Bow Wow is the same thing ass a inglish Row de Dow. But to conclu...

"The rosy morn, with blushes spread, Now rose from out Tithonus' bed," Which means, the world had set (For these are unromantic days) About its work, and gone its ways, Forthwit...

It is at all times a pleasing task to chronicle heroic deeds, and we hasten to immortalize the proceedings of this gallant body of veterans during the past year. Amongst their m...

And the young opera _danseuse_, who goes to learn how to walk on her toes, or study each elegant _pose_, to an audience of empty pit rows, in her toilet of everyday clothes, wit...

Mr. Green is, with all deference to the gentleman of another colour who generally assumes that title, the real Prince of the Air. He rides upon the whirlwind where he lists: the...

"Most epic poets plunge _in medias res_," So, as the better plan with scenes like these (At least, the quicker), I treat the past as a "foregone conclusion," Whereby the reader'...

This was a case of ejectment. Gabble (Q.C.) for plaintiff.—"This is a clear case of ouster (_Shower_, 2); but if the tenant in possession disputes the title of tenant in tail, h...

Great vocalist! that tak'st, with wondrous ease, A rapid passage on the highest C's; Thy compass beats the mariner's quite hollow, For where it leads none but thyself can follow...

Perhaps the best method of ascertaining the fact of its being warm or cold is to go out into the air; but if you are unable to do this, and a person coming in from out of doors...

Already has the worthy Mr. Wilderspin introduced, in many places, the agreeable system of making fun of school; and if he would only consent to put his infant pupils into the fa...