Chapter 88

_After which, enter CHREMES._

CHREM. (_to himself_). 'Fore Heav'n, I pity Menedemus. His case is lamentable: to maintain That jade and all her harlot family! Although I know for some few days to come He will not feel it; so exceedingly He long'd to have his son: but when he sees Such monstrous household riot and expense Continue daily, without end or measure, He'll wish his son away from him again. But yonder's Syrus in good time. (_Seeing SYRUS._)

SYRUS. I'll to him. (_Aside._)

CHREM. Syrus!

SYRUS. Who's there? (_Turning about._)

CHREM. What now?

SYRUS. The very man! I have been wishing for you this long time.

CHREM. You seem to've been at work with the old man.

SYRUS. What! at our plot? No sooner said than done.

CHREM. Indeed!

SYRUS. Indeed.

CHREM. I can't forbear to stroke Your head for it. Good lad! come nearer, Syrus! I'll do thee some good turn for this. I will, I promise you. (_Patting his head._)

SYRUS. Ah, if you did but know How luckily it came into my head!

CHREM. Pshaw, are you vain of your good luck?

SYRUS. Not I. I speak the plain truth.

CHREM. Let me know it then.

SYRUS. Clinia has told his father that the wench Is mistress to your Clitipho; and that He brought her with him hither, to prevent Your smoking it.

CHREM. Incomparable!

SYRUS. Really?

CHREM. O, admirable!

SYRUS. Aye, if you knew all. But only hear the rest of our advice. He'll tell his father he has seen your daughter, Whose beauty has so charm'd him at first sight, He longs to marry her.

CHREM. Antiphila?

SYRUS. The same: and he'll request him to demand her Of you in marriage.

CHREM. To what purpose, Syrus? I don't conceive the drift on't.

SYRUS. No! you're slow.

CHREM. Perhaps so.

SYRUS. Menedemus instantly Will furnish him with money for the wedding, To buy----d'ye take me?

CHREM. Clothes and jewels.

SYRUS. Aye.

CHREM. But I will neither marry, nor betroth My daughter to him.

SYRUS. No? Why?

CHREM. Why!--is that A question? to a wretch!----

SYRUS. Well, as you please. I never meant that he should marry her, But only to pretend----

CHREM. I hate pretense. Plot as you please, but do not render me An engine in your rogueries. Shall I Contract my daughter, where I never can Consent to marry her?

SYRUS. I fancied so.

CHREM. Not I.

SYRUS. It might be done most dextrously: And, in obedience to your strict commands, I undertook this business.

CHREM. I believe it.

SYRUS. However, Sir, I meant it well.

CHREM. Nay, nay, Do't by all means, and spare no trouble in't; But bring your scheme to bear some other way.

SYRUS. It shall be done: I'll think upon some other. --But then the money which I mention'd to you, Owing to Bacchis by Antiphila, Must be repaid her: and you will not now Attempt to shift the matter off; or say, "--What is't to me? was I the borrower? Did I command it? Could she pledge my daughter Against my will?"----You can say none of this; For 'tis a common saying, and a true, That strictest law is oft the highest wrong.

CHREM. I mean not to evade it.

SYRUS. No, I'll warrant. Nay you, though others did, could never think on't; For all the world imagines you've acquir'd A fair and handsome fortune.

CHREM. I will carry The money to her instantly myself.

SYRUS. No; rather send it by your son.

CHREM. Why so!

SYRUS. Because he acts the part of her gallant.

CHREM. What then?

SYRUS. Why then 'twill seem more probable, If he presents it: I too shall effect My scheme more easily.--And here he is.---- In, Sir, and fetch the money out.

CHREM. I will. (_Exit CHREMES._

[Changes:

_Harper_ _After which, enter CHREMES._ _Colman 1768_ _Enter CHREMES._

_Harper_ CHREM. You seem to've been at work with the old man. _Colman 1768_ CHREM. You seem to've been at work with Menedemus.

_Harper_ He brought her with him hither, to prevent Your smoking it. CHREM. Incomparable! SYRUS. Really? CHREM. O, admirable! SYRUS. Aye, if you knew all. But only hear the rest of our advice. _Colman 1768_ He brought her over with him to their house, To hinder your detecting it. CHREM. Good! good! SYRUS. D'ye think so? CHREM. Charming! SYRUS. Aye, if you knew all. But only hear the rest of our device.

_Harper_ Against my will?"----You can say none of this; _Colman 1768_ Against my will?"----These pleas you cannot urge;]