Chapter 69
_Enter PHÆDRIA._
PHÆD. O heavenly powers! What wondrous things has Parmeno just told me! But where's my brother?
CHÆR. Here he is.
PHÆD. I'm happy.
CHÆR. I dare believe you are; and trust me, brother, Naught can be worthier of your love than Thais: Our family are all much bounden to her.
PHÆD. So! you'd need sing her praise to me!
THRASO. Confusion! As my hope dies, my love increases. Gnatho Your help! my expectation's all in you.
GNAT. What would you have me do?
THRASO. Accomplish this; By pray'r, by purchase, that I still may have Some little share in Thais.
GNAT. A hard task!
THRASO. Do but incline to do't, you can, I know. Effect it, and demand whatever gift, Whate'er reward you please, it shall be yours.
GNAT. Indeed?
THRASO. Indeed!
GNAT. If I accomplish this, I claim, that you agree to throw your doors, Present or absent, always open to me; A welcome, uninvited guest forever.
THRASO. I pawn my honor as the pledge.
GNAT. I'll try.
PHÆD. What voice is that? Oh, Thraso!
THRASO. Gentlemen, Good-day!
PHÆD. Perhaps you're not acquainted yet With what has happen'd here?
THRASO. I am.
PHÆD. Why then Do I behold you in these territories?
THRASO. Depending on----
PHÆD. Depend on naught but this! Captain, I give you warning, if, henceforth, I ever find you in this street, although You tell me, "_I was looking for another, I was but passing through_," expect no quarter.
GNAT. Oh fie! that is not handsome.
PHÆD. I have said it.
GNAT. You can not be so rude.
PHÆD. It shall be so.
GNAT. First grant me a short hearing: if you like What I propose, agree to't.
PHÆD. Let us hear!
GNAT. Do you retire a moment, Thraso! (_THRASO retires._) First, I must beseech you both, most firmly think, That I, whate'er I do in this affair, For my own sake I do it: but if that Likewise advantage you, not to agree In you were folly.
PHÆD. What is't you propose?
GNAT. I think you should admit the Captain, as Your rival.
PHÆD. How? admit him?
GNAT. Nay consider! Phædria, you live at a high rate with her, Revel, and feast, and stick at no expense. Yet what you give's but little, and you know 'Tis needful Thais should receive much more Now to supply your love without your cost, A fitter person, one more form'd, can't be Than Thraso is: first, he has wherewithal To give, and gives most largely: a fool too, A dolt, a block, that snores out night and day; Nor can you fear she'll e'er grow fond of him; And you may drive him hence whene'er you please.
PHÆD. What shall we do? (_To CHÆREA._)
GNAT. Moreover this; the which I hold no trifle, no man entertains More nobly or more freely.
PHÆD. I begin To think we've need of such a fool.
CHÆR. And I.
GNAT. Well judg'd! and let me beg one favor more; Admit me of your family!--I have Roll'd this stone long enough.
PHÆD. We do admit you.
CHÆR. With all our hearts.
GNAT. And you, Sirs, in return, Shall pledge me in the Captain; eat him; drink him: And laugh at him.
CHÆR. A bargain!
PHÆD. 'Tis his due.
GNAT. Thraso, whene'er you please, approach!
THRASO. Pray now, How stands the case?
GNAT. Alas! they knew you not! But when I drew your character, and prais'd Your worth, according to your deeds and virtues, I gain'd my point.
THRASO. 'Tis well: I'm much oblig'd; I ne'er was any where, in all my life, But all folks lov'd me dearly.
GNAT. Did not I Say he had all the Attic elegance?
PHÆD. He is the very character you drew.
GNAT. Retire then. --Ye, (_to the audience_,) farewell, and clap your hands!
[Changes:
_Harper_ PHÆD. O heavenly powers! What wondrous things has Parmeno just told me! But where's my brother? CHÆR. Here he is. PHÆD. I'm happy. _Colman 1768_ PHÆD. Good heavens! What wondrous things has Parmeno just told me! But where's my brother? CHÆR. Here. PHÆD. I'm quite transported.
_Harper_ As my hope dies, my love increases. Gnatho Your help! my expectation's all in you. _Colman 1768_ As my hope dies, my passion gathers strength. Gnatho, your help! my only hope's in you.
_Harper_ PHÆD. What is't you propose? GNAT. I think you should admit the Captain, as Your rival. PHÆD. How? admit him? GNAT. Nay consider! Phædria, you live at a high rate with her _Colman 1768_ PHÆD. What are your proposals? GNAT. I think, 'twere not imprudent to admit The Captain, as your rival. PHÆD. How! Admit him, say you? GNAT. Nay reflect a little. Phædria, you live at a high rate with Thais
_Harper_ Admit me of your family!--I have Roll'd this stone long enough. _Colman 1768_ Admit me into your fraternity! I've roll'd this stone too long.
_Harper_ GNAT. Thraso, whene'er you please, approach! THRASO. Pray now, _Colman 1768_ GNAT. Thraso, whene'er you please, come forward! THRASO. Well!
_Harper_ But all folks lov'd me dearly. GNAT. Did not I Say he had all the Attic elegance? _Colman 1768_ But all folks lov'd me most exceedingly. GNAT. There, did I not assure you, gentlemen, That he had all the Attick Elegance?]
* * * * * * * * *
THE SELF-TORMENTOR.
PERSONS REPRESENTED.
PROLOGUE. MENEDEMUS. CHREMES. CLINIA. CLITIPHO. SYRUS. DROMO.
SOSTRATA. ANTIPHILA. BACCHIS. NURSE. PHRYGIA, _and other servants of BACCHIS._
SCENE, _a Village near ATHENS._
PROLOGUE.
Lest any of you wonder, why the Bard To an old actor hath assign'd the part Sustain'd of old by young performers; that I'll first explain: then say what brings To-day, a whole play, wholly from the Greek, We mean to represent:--The Self-Tormentor: Wrought from a single to a double plot. Now therefore that our comedy is new, And what it is, I've shown: who wrote it too, And whose in Greek it is, were I not sure Most of you knew already, would I tell. But, wherefore I have ta'en this part upon me, In brief I will deliver: for the Bard Has sent me here as pleader, not as Prologue; You he declares his judges, me his counsel: And yet as counsel nothing can I speak More than the Author teaches me to say, Who wrote th' oration which I now recite. As to reports, which envious men have spread, That he has ransack'd many Grecian plays, While he composes some few Latin ones, That he denies not, he has done; nor does Repent he did it; means to do it still; Safe in the warrant and authority Of greater bards, who did long since the same. Then for the charge, that his arch-enemy Maliciously reproaches him withal, That he but lately hath applied himself To music, with the genius of his friends, Rather than natural talents, fraught; how true, Your judgment, your opinion, must decide. I would entreat you, therefore, not to lean To tales of slander, rather than of candor. Be favorable; nurse with growing hopes The bards, who give you pleasing novelties; _Pleasing_ I say, not such as _His_ I mean, Who lately introduc'd a breathless slave, Making the crowd give way--But wherefore trace A dunce's faults? which shall be shown at large, When more he writes, unless he cease to rail. Attend impartially! and let me once Without annoyance act an easy part; Lest your old servant be o'er-labor'd still With toilsome characters, the running slave, The eating parasite, enrag'd old man, The bold-fac'd sharper, covetous procurer; Parts, that ask pow'rs of voice, and iron sides. Deign then, for my sake, to accept this plea, And grant me some remission from my labor. For they, who now produce new comedies, Spare not my age! If there is aught laborious, They run to me; but if of little weight, Away to others. In our piece to-day The style is pure: now try my talents then In either character. If I for gain, Never o'er-rated my abilities; If I have held it still my chief reward To be subservient to your pleasure; fix In me a fair example, that our youth May seek to please you, rather than themselves.
ACT THE FIRST.