SCENE X.[1327

[_Enter_] KNOWELL.

_Know._ Oh, here it is; I am glad I have found it now; Ho! who is within here?

_Tib._ [_within._] I am within, sir? What’s your pleasure?

_Know._ To know who is within besides yourself.

_Tib._ Why, sir, you are no constable, I hope?

_Know._ O, fear you the constable? Then I doubt not 6 You have some guests within deserve that fear. I’ll fetch him straight.

[_Enter_ TIB.] O’ God’s name, sir!

_Know._ Go to; come tell me, is not young Knowell here?

_Tib._ Young Knowell! I know none such, sir, o’ mine honesty. 10

_Know._ Your honesty, dame! It flies too lightly from you. There is no way but fetch the constable.

_Tib._ The constable! the man is mad, I think.

[_Exit, and claps to the door._]

[_Enter_ DAME KITELY _and_ CASH.]

_Cash._ Ho! who keeps house here?

_Know._ O, this is the female copesmate[1328] of my son: 15 Now shall I meet him straight.

_Dame K._ Knock, Thomas, hard.

_Cash._ Ho, goodwife!

[_Re-enter_ TIB.]

_Tib._ Why, what’s the matter with you?

_Dame K._ Why, woman, grieves it you to ope your door? Belike you get something to keep it shut.

_Tib._ What mean these questions, pray ye? 20

_Dame K._ So strange you make it! Is not my husband here?

_Know._ Her husband!

_Dame K._ My tried husband, master Kitely?

_Tib._ I hope he needs not to be tried here.

_Dame K._ No, dame, he does it not for need, but pleasure. 24

_Tib._ Neither for need nor pleasure is he here.

_Know._ This is but a device to balk me withal: [_Enter_ KITELY, _muffled in his cloak_.] Soft, who is this? ’Tis not my son disguis’d?

_Dame K._ (_spies her husband come, and runs to him._) O, sir, have I forestall’d your honest market? Found your close[1329] walks? You stand amaz’d now, do you? 29 I’ faith, I am glad I have smokt[1330] you yet at last. What is your jewel, trow? In, come, let’s see her; Fetch forth your huswife, dame; if she be fairer, In any honest judgment, than myself, I’ll be content with it: but she is change, She feeds you fat, she soothes your appetite, 35 And you are well! Your wife, an honest woman, Is meat twice sod[1331] to you, sir! O, you treachour![1332]

_Know._ She cannot counterfeit thus palpably.

_Kit._ Out on thy more than strumpet’s impudence! Steal’st thou thus to thy haunts? and have I taken 40 Thy bawd and thee, and thy companion, (_pointing to old_ KNOWELL) This hoary-headed letcher, this old goat, Close at your villainy, and would’st thou ’scuse it With this stale harlot’s jest, accusing me? O, old incontinent (_to_ KNOWELL), dost thou not shame, 45 When all thy powers in chastity is spent, To have a mind so hot, and to entice, And feed th’ enticements of a lustful woman?

_Dame K._ Out, I defy thee, I, dissembling wretch!

_Kit._ Defy me, strumpet! Ask thy pander[1333] here, 50 Can he deny it; or that wicked elder?

_Know._ Why, hear you, sir.

_Kit._ Tut, tut, tut; never speak: Thy guilty conscience will discover thee.

_Know._ What lunacy is this, that haunts this man?

_Kit._ Well, good wife BA’D,[1334] Cob’s wife, and you, 55 That make your husband such a hoddy-doddy;[1335] And you, young apple-squire, and old cuckold-maker; I’ll ha’ you every one before a justice: Nay, you shall answer it, I charge you go.

_Know._ Marry, with all my heart, sir, I go willingly; 60 Though I do taste this as a trick put on me, To punish my impertinent search, and justly, And half forgive my son for the device.

_Kit._ Come, will you go?

_Dame K._ Go! to thy shame believe it.

[_Enter_ COB.]

_Cob._ Why, what’s the matter here, what’s here to do? 65

_Kit._ O, Cob, art thou come? I have been abus’d, And i’ thy house; was never man so wrong’d!

_Cob._ ’Slid, in my house, my master Kitely! Who wrongs you in my house?

_Kit._ Marry, young lust in old, and old in young here: 70 Thy wife’s their bawd, here have I taken ’em.

_Cob._ How, bawd! is my house come to that? Am I preferr’d thither? Did I not charge you to keep your doors shut, Isbel? and do you let ’em lie open for all comers? 75 _He falls upon his wife and beats her._

_Know._ Friend, know some cause, before thou beat’st thy wife. This ’s madness in thee.

_Cob._ Why, is there no cause?

_Kit._ Yes, I’ll shew cause before the justice, Cob: Come, let her go with me.

_Cob._ Nay, she shall go.

_Tib._ Nay, I will go. I’ll see an you may (80) be allow’d to make a bundle o’ hemp[1336] o’ your right and lawful wife thus, at every cuckoldy knave’s pleasure. Why do you not go?

_Kit._ A bitter quean! Come, we will ha’ you tam’d. [_Exeunt._]