SCENE I[4144

_Enter_ BASSANES _and_ PHULAS.

_Bass._ I’ll have that window next the street damm’d up; It gives too full a prospect to temptation, And courts a gazer’s glances. There ’s a lust Committed by the eye, that sweats and travails, Plots, wakes, contrives, till the deformed bear-whelp, 5 Adultery, be lick’d into the act, The very act. That light shall be damm’d up; D’ ye hear, sir?

_Phu._ I do hear, my lord; a mason Shall be provided suddenly.[4145]

_Bass._ Some rogue, Some rogue of your confederacy,—factor[4146] 10 For slaves and strumpets!—to convey close packets From this spruce springal[4147] and t’ other youngster, That gaudy earwig, or my lord your patron, Whose pensioner you are.—I ’ll tear thy throat out, Son of a cat, ill-looking hound’s-head, rip-up 15 Thy ulcerous maw, if I but scent a paper, A scroll, but half as big as what can cover A wart upon thy nose, a spot, a pimple, Directed to my lady; it may prove A mystical preparative to lewdness. 20

_Phu._ Care shall be had: I will turn every thread About me to an eye.—[_Aside._] Here ’s a sweet life!

_Bass._ The city housewives, cunning in the traffic Of chamber merchandise, set all at price By wholesale; yet they wipe their mouths and simper, 25 Cull,[4148] kiss, and cry “sweetheart,” and stroke the head Which they have branch’d;[4149] and all is well again! Dull clods of dirt, who dare not feel the rubs Stuck on the[ir] foreheads.

_Phu._ ’T is a villanous world; One cannot hold his own in ’t.

_Bass._ Dames at court, 30 Who flaunt in riots, run another bias;[4150] Their pleasure heaves the patient ass that suffers Up on the stilts of office, titles, incomes; Promotion justifies the shame, and sues for ’t. Poor honour, thou art stabb’d, and bleed’st to death 35 By such unlawful hire! The country mistress Is yet more wary, and in blushes hides Whatever trespass draws her troth to guilt. But all are false: on this truth I am bold, No woman but can fall, and doth, or would.— Now for the newest news about the city; 41 What blab the voices, sirrah?

_Phu._ O, my lord, The rarest, quaintest, strangest, tickling news That ever—

_Bass._ Hey-day! up and ride me, rascal! What is ’t?

_Phu._ Forsooth, they say the king has mew’d[4151] 45 All his gray beard, instead of which is budded Another of a pure carnation colour, Speckled with green and russet.

_Bass._ Ignorant block!

_Phu._ Yes, truly; and ’t is talkt about the streets That, since Lord Ithocles came home, the lions Never left roaring, at which noise the bears 51 Have danc’d their very hearts out.

_Bass._ Dance out thine too.

_Phu._ Besides, Lord Orgilus is fled to Athens Upon a fiery dragon, and ’t is thought ’A never can return.

_Bass._ Grant it, Apollo! 55

_Phu._ Moreover, please your lordship, ’t is reported For certain, that whoever is found jealous Without apparent proof that ’s wife is wanton Shall be divorc’d: but this is but she-news; I had it from a midwife. I have more yet. 60

_Bass._ Antic, no more! Idiots and stupid fools Grate my calamities. Why to be fair Should yield presumption of a faulty soul— Look to the doors.

_Phu._ [_Aside._] The horn of plenty crest him! _Exit._

_Bass._ Swarms of confusion huddle in my thoughts 65 In rare distemper.—Beauty! O, it is An unmatcht blessing or a horrid curse. _Enter_ PENTHEA _and_ GRAUSIS, _an old_ Lady. She comes, she comes! so shoots the morning forth, Spangled with pearls of transparent dew.— The way to poverty is to be rich, 70 As I in her am wealthy; but for her, In all contents a bankrupt.— Lov’d Penthea! How fares my heart’s best joy?

_Grau._ In sooth, not well, She is so over-sad.

_Bass._ Leave chattering, magpie.— Thy brother is return’d, sweet, safe, and honour’d 75 With a triumphant victory; thou shalt visit him: We will to court, where, if it be thy pleasure, Thou shalt appear in such a ravishing lustre Of jewels above value, that the dames Who brave it there, in rage to be outshin’d, 80 Shall hide them in their closets, and unseen Fret in their tears; whiles every wond’ring eye Shall crave none other brightness but thy presence. Choose thine own recreations; be a queen Of what delights thou fanciest best, what company, 85 What place, what times; do anything, do all things Youth can command, so thou wilt chase these clouds From the pure firmament of thy fair looks.

_Grau._ Now ’t is well said, my lord.—What, lady! laugh, Be merry; time is precious.

_Bass._ [_Aside._] Furies whip thee! 90

_Pen._ Alas, my lord, this language to your hand-maid Sounds as would music to the deaf; I need No braveries nor cost of art to draw The whiteness of my name into offence: Let such, if any such there are, who covet 95 A curiosity of admiration, By laying-out their plenty to full view, Appear in gaudy outsides; my attires Shall suit the inward fashion of my mind; From which, if your opinion, nobly plac’d, 100 Change not the livery your words bestow, My fortunes with my hopes are at the highest.

_Bass._ This house, methinks, stands somewhat too much inward, It is too melancholy; we ’ll remove 104 Nearer the court: or what thinks my Penthea Of the delightful island we command? Rule me as thou canst wish.

_Pen._ I am no mistress. Whither you please, I must attend; all ways Are alike pleasant to me.

_Grau._ Island; prison! A prison is as gaysome: we ’ll no islands; 110 Marry, out upon ’em! Whom shall we see there? Sea-gulls, and porpoises, and water-rats, And crabs, and mews, and dog-fish; goodly gear For a young lady’s dealing,—or an old one’s! On no terms islands; I ’ll be stew’d first.

_Bass._ [_Aside to_ GRAUSIS.] Grausis, 115 You are a juggling bawd.—This sadness, sweetest, Becomes not youthful blood.—[_Aside to_ GRAUSIS.] I ’ll have you pounded.— For my sake put on a more cheerful mirth; Thou ’lt mar thy cheeks, and make me old in griefs.— [_Aside to_ GRAUSIS.] Damnable bitch-fox! _Grau._ I am thick of hearing, 120 Still, when the wind blows southerly.—What think ye, If your fresh lady breed young bones, my lord? Would not a chopping boy d’ ye good at heart? But, as you said—

_Bass._ [_Aside to_ Grausis.] I ’ll spit thee on a stake, Or chop thee into collops!

_Grau._ Pray, speak louder, 125 Sure, sure the wind blows south still.

_Pen._ Thou prat’st madly.

_Bass._ ’T is very hot; I sweat extremely. _Re-enter_ PHULAS. Now?

_Phu._ A herd of lords, sir.

_Bass._ Ha!

_Phu._ A flock of ladies.

_Bass._ Where?

_Phu._ Shoals of horses.

_Bass._ Peasant, how?

_Phu._ Caroches[4152] In drifts; th’ one enter, th’ other stand without, sir: 130 And now I vanish. _Exit._

_Enter_ PROPHILUS, HEMOPHIL, GRONEAS, CHRISTALLA, _and_ PHILEMA.

_Pro._ Noble Bassanes!

_Bass._ Most welcome, Prophilus; ladies, gentlemen, To all my heart is open; you all honour me,— [_Aside._] A tympany[4153] swells in my head already,— Honour me bountifully.—[_Aside._]How they flutter, 135 Wagtails and jays together!

_Pro._ From your brother By virtue of your love to him, I require Your instant presence, fairest.

_Pen._ He is well, sir?

_Pro._ The gods preserve him ever! Yet, dear beauty, I find some alteration in him lately, 140 Since his return to Sparta.—My good lord, I pray, use no delay.

_Bass._ We had not needed An invitation, if his sister’s health Had not fallen into question.—Haste, Penthea, Slack not a minute.—Lead the way, good Prophilus; 145 I ’ll follow step by step.

_Pro._ Your arm, fair madam.

_Exeunt all but_ BASSANES _and_ GRAUSIS.

_Bass._ One word with your old bawdship: th’ hadst been better Rail’d at the sins[4154] thou worshipp’st than have thwarted My will: I ’ll use thee cursedly.

_Grau._ You dote, You are beside yourself. A politician 150 In jealousy? No, y’ are too gross, too vulgar. Pish, teach not me my trade; I know my cue. My crossing you sinks me into her trust, By which I shall know all; my trade ’s a sure one.

_Bass._ Forgive me, Grausis, ’t was consideration 155 I relish’d not;[4155] but have a care now.

_Grau._ Fear not, I am no new-come-to ’t.

_Bass._ Thy life ’s upon it, And so is mine. My agonies are infinite. _Exeunt._